Prologue - Shade of Fear (Rewrite)

[oblakom]

So, I am bored and I decided to try and rewrite the prologue in my style... Just because.

Shade of Fear (Rewrite)

The wind howled through the night, mussing the hair of the Urgal body the Spirit of the Shade was inhabiting. The Shade could taste the blood on its tongue. He could feel the fear of the creature as it tried to breath, but all it could do was drown in the blood of its own slashed throat. The Shade barely payed attention to its pitiful condition: witnessing its death brought him no emotion but a vague sense of annoyance. And he had more important things to focus on.
He tried to sniff the air, but all he obtained was to flood the lungs of the beast in more blood. Irritation bit at his mind. He could perceive faint voices, but he could not distinguish what they were saying. The body of the beast was dying. Its conscience had started to slip away and its perceptions were failing him. The worthless creature was not going to last any longer, there was no reason to waste more time in flesh that was already dead just because it was still breathing. It had outlived its utility, after all.
He waited until he managed to distinguish the sound of horses starting to gallop through the weakened ears of the Urgal, then the Spirit of the Shade let go of the dying mind of the beast.
The Spirit moved silently through the shadows, blind and deaf and untouchable, guided by a sense deeper than any of those that flesh could hope to possess, slipping toward that part of the forest where the other parts of him were waiting.

So, they were coming. Straight towards him.
The Shade roamed his eyes over the trees from the large piece of granite that jutted above the forest.
Through the foliage his eyes could not see where his Kull were hidden, but it was irrelevant. He could perceive them. Silently, his loose Spirit took possession of the minds of the twelve Kull, subduing them with his own conscience, observing and perceiving the forest through their senses. Untouched by their fear of having his Spirit in them, he rearranged their positions, forcing the massive beasts in a better position for the ambush. It was a tedious task, to move them one by one with a delicacy that those bodies did not naturally possess, but it needed to be done. Kull and Urgals were excellent weapons of flesh, with brutish arms made for crushing and large horns, but being weapons was also all they were good for. Their obtuse minds were more a nuisance than could ever be an help in such delicate situations, and the Shade had no intention of failing because of them.
Even with his guidance they made way too much noise for his taste. Above the forest, the Shade hissed in irritation, even if the clumsiness of the Kull was only a part of his bad mood. 
He tried to ignore the thought of the now-dead female Urgal. He didn’t feel pity for it: if anything, he felt indignation for what he knew he needed to expect for himself. Even a small rebuke was too much of a payment for such a worthless life. By the orders he had received, he was supposed not to touch anything that was not his. Not to leave any of his Spirits wander free. Especially not in that part of that forest.
…But he had still preferred to have a pair of more discreet eyes on the track. The Urgal had been a female; it had had milk in its chest. That was the main reason why the Shade had chosen this particular specimen as a temporary vessel for one of his Spirits. His own were all large Kull, the best breed of Urgals, all male, all bred for war. Kull of the Empire did not wander alone in the shadows spying travelers. Nowhere, especially not there. But a wild nursing Urgal would, to ensure that the intruders were not a danger to her offspring… and finding the she-Urgal and sliding into its body had been amusingly easy.
He had thought that the so clearly not-imperial nursing female would just be ignored for him to let it later escape back home: a small deviation from the orders he could avoid mentioning. But a dead Urgal…? The Ancient Language he would report in was binding. How to lie about the number of the deaths? He tapped the hilt of his sword with a gloved finger, irritated.
For a moment he wondered whether his prey could have perceived his Spirit inside of the Urgal, but it was impossible. The truth was that he had been naïve: he had let old tales mud his knowledge of reality and guide him to that misstep.
…And there was nothing he hated more than being wrong.
Despite the boiling annoyance in his chest, the Shade smirked. So much for the so much-lauded elven respect for life.

The next hours passed cold and silent. The Shade let his loose Spirit whirl around and occasionally inside the Kull to feel what their senses felt, down among the trees and closer to the trail, but it was unnecessary. When the wind carried to them the scent of his prey, he was the first one to notice.
His thin lips parted in a slow, unpleasant smile, and, as his Spirit pushed in the minds of the Kull what he had perceived and his orders of blood and death, the Shade’s second Spirit silently slipped out of his body.

Δ

 

The white horses galloped swiftly on the trail. Even in the deep shadows of the forest the animals moved with grace, their hooves light and delicate, almost soundless on the ground.
On the horses rode three elves, tall and slender. Two of them were male and light of hair. The one in the front carried a carried a long spear, ready to strike; the one in the back was armed with a bow in his hand and a sword at his hip. Between them rode a dark-haired elf. She too carried a sword and a bow, but unlike her companions, instead of holding the weapons, she firmly clasped one of her hands on a pouch in her lap, protectively pressing it against her body.
Suddenly, the lead horse snorted and tossed its head, and a less than a second later the horse in the back jerked nervously. It lasted a brief instant, then the creatures calmed down immediately on their own and kept moving as if nothing was amiss, but still the elves stiffened, carefully observing their surroundings.
Nothing could be perceived in the shadows around them.
The one who was leading turned back toward the dark-haired lady, looking at her in a silent question, and she lifted her chin, gesturing him to keep moving forward. The elf nodded and, gently touching the neck of his horse, whispered: «Hlaupa».
The horses bolted forward.

It was only when the wind changed that the horse in the middle snorted and neighed, trying to change direction. The eyes of the elves fleshed from side to side. The one in the back sniffed the air, and immediately reached for an arrow, holding on his mount with only his legs. «Urgals!».
The female elf nodded, tightening her hold on the pouch and reaching for her sword. «Ganga aptr!».
Immediately, her horse slowed the run to turn back. The other two didn’t. They kept running as if no command was given, as if there was no smell of Urgals in the wind, leaving her behind. Shock and confusion painted of the face of the elf as she found herself separated from the group. She hesitated, then encouraged her horse after her companions to not lose them.

«Ganga aptr» repeated the elf with the spear.
The horse ignored him.
There were noises coming from the shadows between the trees around them.
Bending on the neck of the animal, with a sparkle of nervousness, the elf called again: «Evarína, blothr!».
But nothing happened.
An instant later, from somewhere in the shadows, came a hiss of arrows.

A high-pitched squeal of pain cut the air as, hit by many arrows, the mount of the dark-haired elf toppled and fell on the ground. She leapt off the animal and landed lightly on her feet. Safe, but distant from her guards. A distance that was increased by any second.
Heavy steps of large running bodies and grunts were coming the trees around her.
Eyes darting on the surroundings, she pressed the pouch to her body and unsheltered the sword.
The elf with the bow turned toward her and cursed, and tried to leap from his horse to reach her, but the animal suddenly stopped and reared and bucked him off his back. Caught completely by surprise the elf lost his balance and hit the ground. Massive figures were running towards him.
«Fäolin!» she cried, bolting towards him.
But the first Urgal – a Kull – jumped out of the trees roaring, cutting her run. She ducked under the savage stroke of his sword and slashed his guts open. The Kull had not touched the ground when she perceived something large approaching. Another one was coming – behind her!
«Jierda!» she commanded even before having turned around enough to see the attacker. A loud crack sounded way too close to her, and the massive body of a Kull collapsed on the ground at her feet, the neck bended at an unnatural angle.
She spared a mere second looking at the corpse, before turning around to see that Fäolin was struggling. He was wielding his sword in the left hand, the right one useless by his side. A Kull was on the ground, three were attacking him.
Two other Kull busted from the trees, attacking her, stopping her from rushing at the help of Fäolin and–
A Kull roared and leaped toward her.
She jumped back to give herself space and dared a glance to where she knew was her other companion, but all she could catch where massive Kull figures surrounding someone and the figure of the white horse on the ground before she felt the Kull too close. She slashed the neck of the first one, and quickly moved to dodge the charge of the second and stabbed him in the back as he rushed past her.
Her eyes darted left and right, looking for other enemies. She was temporary alone. It was her chance to escape. She took a hesitant step toward the trees, tightening her hold on the pouch – her mission. Her priority.
She needed to go – now. Save her – at cost of herself and her companion and countless other things.
The scream of a voice that definitively could not be Urgal.
She shot another look at the pouch.
She rushed toward her companions.
One more Kull had fallen under Fäolin’s sword. As the dark-haired elf rushed to his aid one of the remaining Kull lifted his blade to hit and Fäolin jumped to the side, but fell on the ground. There was an arrow sticking from his tight. He screamed a word, and the Kull fell. A moment later he saw her and tried to get up, but his leg gave up from under him.
He tried to reach for her again, his attention divided between her and the remaining Kull.
…And he failed to see the horse rearing behind him.
Heart skipping a beat, she perceived what was about to happen. «Fäolin!» she screamed, trying to alert him. Too late.
The hooves of his own horse crushed his skull.
The elf cried in horror and anguish, then she turned to her other companion. There was no fight over there. Two Kull were still standing. The horse was on the ground, and was not getting up, but the head of the animal was lifted to sniff the broken body of its rider.
«Glenwing…».
It was too late. She stopped running and for a moment remained still, holding the pouch tightly, conscious that she was supposed to run, but she couldn’t rip her eyes from the corpses of her companions.
Then, Glenwing’s horse lifted its head and looked at her, right at her, and for a moment, in the darkness of the night, the eyes of the animal appeared red. The horse turned to Fäolin’s horse, slowly, deliberately, to guide her eyes. Something seemed to slip away from the animal, barely noticeable, like dark fog, passing inside the other horse and, without a sound, Glenwing’s horse’s head fell on the ground and the animal died.
Staring right at her, Fäolin’s horse took a step forward, its eyes glistening with a malice the animal was not supposed to possess.
The elf took a step back. Then she turned and, clenching at the pouch, darted in the thick darkness between the trees, Kull and the horse rushing after her.

 

Δ

 

The thin lips of the Shade curled in an expression of contempt as he started losing the sight of the she-elf. Such an easy task, and yet the beasts were unable to fulfill it. The hooves of the horse he was using struggled in the tall grass and overhanging roots, but there were no excuses for the Kull to fall behind.
But the elf was a fool if she thought this meant safety to her.
From the large piece of granite above the forest, the Shade raised his hand and moved it in a slow, circular movement over the trees underneath him. «Böteq istalri» he commanded.
Instantly, a section of the forest burst into flames, a tall, roaring circle around the point where he knew the elf was. At a gesture of his hand, the ring of fire thickened toward the inside, constricting the area in which the Kull and his prey could move.
Roars exploded from inside the blazing circle, followed the yell of the elf. He caught a glimpse of her figure darting among the trees, followed by his three remaining Kull and the horse.
Through the eyes of the horse, his Spirits briefly caught the sight of the back of the elf. His Spirits poured strength in the muscles of the beast, forcing the exhausted animal beyond the limits of its body.
It was time to put an end to that story.
Without hesitation, the Shade leaped from the tall rock, aided by his own magic, and landed right in front of the she-elf, his long, pale sword swinging in his hand.
A cry of surprise escaped her lips and the elf skidded around to avoid crashing into him.
The sword missed her by inches.
The horse didn’t.
That hesitation in her step had been all his Spirits needed to make the animal catch up with her. It struck her from behind, running over her body, mauling her with its hooves and dragging her on the ground for many feet. The sword escaped from her hand, falling not too distant from where she stopped rolling.
She was curled around the pouch, shielding it with her own body. She had not protected herself to save her. She had let herself be destroyed to shield something that could not be destroyed. The Shade almost laughed at that fool, useless sentimentalism.
As he approached, the elf weakly moved to reach for her sword. He stepped on it, and she raised her eyes him. Then her head fell, chin to her chest, her black hair covering her face.
Without bothering to hide his contempt, the Shade reached for the pouch.
He was about to touch it, when heard something, half a second too late – a spell, hissed through the clenched teeth of the elf, almost inaudible in the roaring of the fire around them.
«No, elf! NO!» barked the Shade, cold fear suddenly biting his chest.
His mind assaulted that of the elf, one of his loose Spirits abandoning the horse to return to him and reinforce his attack.
He broke into her mind too late to stop the spell, barely managing to catch a glimpse of intention.
A flesh of green light exploded at her chest, from the pouch, blinding the Shade. It lasted barely an instant, and when it was gone the pouch was empty.
The elf collapsed on the ground.
It happened so fast that for a moment the Shade remained still, cold shivers running down his spine and the two Spirits that inhabited his body swirling and twisting like the roaring inferno around him. His hands twitched, and he launched forwards, grabbing the half-unconscious elf by the throat, his mind assaulting hers painfully, furiously, searching for what he needed to know.
But, to his horror, her mind started to slip away from his, burying itself in itself, hiding where he could not reach her. The elf went limp in his hand.
Howling in rage, the Shade let go of her throat and kicked her in the face, sending her to fall on her on her back. He strode across the portion of forest surrounded by the fire, until his eyes caught the remaining Kull who were at the margins of the clean space of the forest, eying him with fear. Breathing heavily, he forced his own rage under control. Then he turned toward the Kull and, almost dismissively, said: «Thrysta».
The three beasts dropped dead, and a moment later the fire started consuming their bodies.
The Shade turned towards the elf, and carelessly bended down to grab a handful of her hair. It looked like she was going to live another day, after all. Holding her like that, half of the body still on the ground, he looked around as if he was trying to decide whether he still had anything to do in that place, his mind suddenly empty. He still couldn’t believe how quickly everything went downhill.

The Shade had barely left the center of the fire when a large shadow passed over his head. The white horse stopped walking. A moment later, with a loud sound of snapped branches, the massive creature descended from sky and landed right in front of him, looking down on the Shade.
The creature emitted a loud, sudden hiss. The nature of the sound, combined with the aspect and size of the creature, would have made the most tremble, but the Shade could understand the primordial language of that being, and knew that he was being asked: «Where is she?».
Grimacing, the Shade let his mind slide towards that of the creature, the Lethrblaka, as they were called in the Ancient Language of magic, offering the memories of the ambush – and of his failure.
The Lethrblaka accepted his memories silently, only emitting a clicking sound of satisfaction when he perceived that glimpse of information the Shade had stolen from the mind of the elf, an instant before his mission failed.
«West, then?» hissed the being, turning the massive head towards that direction, momentarily lost in his thoughts. Then he brought his attention back on the Shade, and on their prisoner. He ripped the ropes that were tying the elf to the saddle of the white horse with his sharp beak, and took her broken and unconscious body, rolling it with disdain in his right, hand-shaped talons. «See that… she…?».
The Shade nodded.
«…See that she survives the flight. It would be unpleasant to return empty-handed».
«She will, I already made sure of that».
The Lethrblaka emitted a low hissing sound in his throat, and moved one folded wing towards the Shade, without ceasing his study of the elf.
The Shade jumped on the articulation, keeping perfect balance even when the Lethrblaka lifted the wing towards his own shoulder. He passed onto the massive but almost skeletal back, taking place on the leathery skin at the base of the neck. As soon as he was seated, his last Spirit abandoned the body of the horse, and the animal dropped dead on the ground.
Right before taking flight, the Lethrblaka looked at the Shade with a black, lidless eye. «And get in contact with that human of Shruikan’s. See that my daughter and her nest-brother are the ones sent after her».



Oblakom’s notes:

So, this is my version of the Prologue, or “How I would have written certain characters and events”. Which is probably a bit different from a simple rewrite, because I also changed a bit of things in the lore, as you can see.

- I gave Durza the ability to possess other creatures with his Spirits – basically, Shades can possess as many bodies as the number of Spirits that compose them, minus one, that has to remain in the “main” body of the Shade. This means that Durza, who is composed of three Spirits, can send two to take control of other creatures. If this was my story, I would have explained the ability later on, but since it is not, I drop this information here. No reason to have Durza monologue about it for the sake of the reader, it would only make it sound as if he was bragging and break the rhythm of the chapter.
This is ability is to make Durza creepier and more menacing, to distinguish Shades from redheaded elves, and also to add a new level of wrongness to these creatures, explaining why Shades are generally seen as evil and immoral. What can be more scary, more violating and more horrible than a being that by nature toys with other creatures’ bodies, stealing their free will to use them as puppets?

- I tried to make the ambush a bit more elaborated and violent to give the idea that Durza was actually trying. In the original version he is a bit cartoonish.

- Durza knows what’s in Arya’s pouch. He probably also knows that the dragon is female, and every single reader who took the book in their hands already knows that the story is going to be about “a boy and his dragon”, so it’s kind of pointless to keep the mystery at all costs, especially since it’s his POV. Hence why the characters refer to the egg as “she”.

- Arya – if this was my story, I would have explained it later as well – here puts herself in the coma at the end of the Prologue, to escape Durza’s mental assault. I took this direction for two reasons:
1) This is a really weird ability, that never comes out again. We don’t know if it is something all elves can do or if it is exclusive to Arya or… Nothing, basically. In my version of the story it would be a very rare and difficult ability that was taught her by Oromis himself when she became the courier of the egg. It is one of the very few things that can prevent a Shade from taking complete possession of your body, as your mind, in this state, slips too “deep” to allow even him to reach it, and so to steal informations from it. Also, while in this state, as your mind cannot be completely reached, and it prevents people from mind-raping you. The only problem is that you have a time limit you can stay in this form before your body rans out of energy, and Arya doesn’t have the ability to wake up on her own, (because this is a Rider technique/spell, and Riders were generally woken up by their dragons) but needs an external help: either she takes the potion to wake up or dies. It is mostly a last-stand spell to buy time hoping that you will be rescued. 
2) It is the best way I found to have Arya being kept prisoner by Durza for months without revealing him a single thing and still being a fresh flower when saved by Eragon. The Canon version greatly undermined both Durza’s abilities and the level of menace he posed. Until in this state, Arya cannot be mind-raped and is unresponsive, so torturing is pointless. Durza can only hope she wakes up while trying to create the potion she needs, but he has not idea of what it may be. And when she is saved, she is on her time-limit to receive the “potion” that would wake her up, so they still have to rush to the Varden. There, fixed it!

- Yes, yes, I slapped a Lethrblaka in the Prologue, sue me – but first hear me out: this ambush was in the fucking Du Weldenvarden. The elven forest. Close to an elven city. And Durza set it on fire. Dude needed a quick way out, with or without the egg, and what is better than a dragon sized, flying, undetectable Lethrblaka? Honestly, given that I am trying to take the idiot ball out of the hands of the Empire, it is only logic for the Lethrblaka to be used. In the IC characters move only when the plot requires it, but in real life it doesn’t work like this. In real life, if you are organizing an incredibly risky and important ambush to steal the most important thing in the whole world and your faction has a flying, giant, undetectable creature you do ask that creature to be your quick and safe way out.

- Also, it sticks well with my headcanon/fan-canon that Durza and the male Lethrblaka were plotting to sabotage and overthrow Galbatorix.

Comments

[cmdrnemo]

This is not bad. I like that knocking herself out is Arya's go to plan. Such a drama queen. Go go power nappers! This is the ancient magical Elven technique of brick to your own head! It makes you immune to mind control. In fact, if you do it well, or often, enough the effect becomes permanent.

Me being me, I have a couple of notes.
The female Urgal bit goes on for way too long. Half way through the did not feel pity part I was already going "dude protests too much." By the end it starts to feel like his moral compass is a roulette wheel. Are you lying to yourself about how much you care about your pet meat puppets Mr. Shade?

Why do the elves stay on the horses? They're just sitting there going "oh deer Gord, my horse is entranced by the power of Kenny Loggins. Oh well, I guess I just have to ride it out." Instead of the much more natural "elven skedaddle powers activate! Time to use my own legs." Once you know it's an ambush there's hardly any reason to go in deeper. They aren't trapped in a leaking submarine.

Also, sometimes it's a little unclear for someone who has YouTube open in another window and a few chat programs active which 'She' you are talking about between the dragon egg and the elf.

Not saying this isn't a vast improvement. It absolutely is. Curses that sounds like damning with faint praise doesn't it? Okay, rephrasing that. This is actually good.

[oblakom]

The female Urgal bit goes on for way too long.

Urgh. I cannot say I wasn't expecting that. Unfortunately I am pretty sucky in the whole "word economy" thing - can you believe that the original part, before Anya told me to cut, was *even longer*? Good grief, I really need to work to work on that >:(


By the end it starts to feel like his moral compass is a roulette wheel. Are you lying to yourself about how much you care about your pet meat puppets Mr. Shade?

Actually, what I was aiming for was Durza being a perfectionist who simply *cannot let go* of his mistakes/shortcomings. They simply stick in his brain like an annoying tinnitus and they keep irking him and he keeps thinking about them. I probably failed in giving the right impression xP
[I had a classmate like that in High School. Good grief, she would keep talking about that one mistake she did in the math test for WEEKS, even if she still got the hightest grade. Even at the next test she was like "I hope there is that excercise so I can show that I can properly do it"].


Why do the elves stay on the horses?

I honestly thought it was an acceptable reaction, because in my mind between the moment they realize that there is a smell of Urgals in the air and the moment the are actually surrounded there are, more or less, 10 seconds? Smell -> Arya orders to turn back -> she breaks from the group while Glenwing asks the horse to stop twice -> Faolin tries to jump down from his horse/Ambush.
I don't know, maybe I am fucking dumb, but if I was riding an uber-intelligent-Mary-Sue-horse I don't think I would have jumped down in less than 10 seconds in their situation. I mean, they didn't know that there was a *Shade* with the Urgals/Kull, and likely they were not expecting to find Durza in the Du Weldenvarden and close to an elven city, so I don't think they could have understood *that* quickly that their horses were, actually, possessed and them wasting a few seconds to try and stop them seemed reasonable?
I don't know, that was my reasoning for this choice xD


which 'She' you are talking about between the dragon egg and the elf

Yeah, I tried to avoid this problem by putting it in italics in Durza's thoughts, but probably it was still a bit unclear. Had no reason to give that much emphasis on the pronoun in the Lethrblaka's speach, so I had to leave it normal :/


Thank you for letting me know your opinion :D
I am glad you saw at least a bit of improvement from the original prologue

[ttt]

I love the fact that Shades can possess other beasts. It just makes him more sinister and threatening.

"basically, Shades can possess as many bodies as the number of Spirits that compose them, minus one, that has to remain in the “main” body of the Shade" - But each spirit can possess more than one beast at a time. So this limitation is not that limiting imo. It makes the Shade too powerful.

I love the Lethrblaka in the scene and also the explanation of Arya's unconsciousness.

[oblakom]

But each spirit can possess more than one beast at a time.

Uhm... If you are referring to his loose Spirit took possession of the minds of the twelve Kull that was probably a poor choice of words on my part. What Durza does is, yes, taking control of all the twelve Kull, but he move[s] them one by one, because one Spirit can only possess one body at a time. He can touch more than one mind at a time - like Eragon does in canon, for example - but possession is different, and he can possess a maximum of three body at a time ("Durza" + 2). Probably I picked my words wrong, in Italian it made more sense. I'll see to correct it.


It makes the Shade too powerful.

I *was* trying to make Durza OP to be honest. Shades are supposed to be impossibly powerful, scary, and difficult to kill, to the point that killing one grants you a fucking *title*. And in the whole story of Alagaesia only two non-MarySue characters managed to do so.
Shades were introduced as over-powered monsters (something that is also necessary, given how over-powered the main cast is) just be nerfed by having two Shades be killed like idiots and *by* idiots in the span of a few months, just go grant Crapgon and Protoarwen fancy names and to make them look good. So I thought to give this race a boost to explain their reputation :)

[ttt]

I agree that Durza should be powerful. What I meant was that it became harder to 'predict' what he was capable of doing in a scene. I may not be saying that correctly. I mean the same thing when the limits of the protagonist are not defined? Not exactly but.. you get it I hope. Anyway, you took care of it so yay!

Now imagine that there are different classes of Shades based on the number of spirits trapped inside them. The more spirits trapped, the more powerful the Shade. But there are dangers associated with Shades having more spirits. Maybe they become harder to control, or they become unstable (like atoms with too many neutrons) or they are harder to make and may result in Vroengard-level disasters? Just throwing out ideas.

[oblakom]

…For large part, what I decided about Shades for now is:

- The more Spirits are in a Shade, the more powerful the Shade is. This is kind of canon: Durza, with his three Spirits, was way weaker than Varaug, who is described as having dozens of them.

- The “Number of Spirits = Power” works also for the Possession. This means that, when Durza is using 2 Spirits to possess two people and has only 1 Spirit in his main body, his strength is divided by three, so the three bodies all have 1/3 of Durza’s strength. If he has 2 Spirits in one body and 1 in another the strength is 2/3 and 1/3. For this reason, Durza uses 2 Spirits to attack Arya with the horse, and then recalls one when he needs to attack Arya’s mind, boosting his main body to break faster into her mind.
It also means that, the more Spirits a Shade is composed of, the stronger he will be even when split. 1 + 1 + 1 is weaker than, say, 3 + 3 + 3.

- Given the instability between the possessed body and the Spirits, the Spirits can easily push the host body beyond its limits, killing its occupant. This mean that, while the ratio IS 1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3, the body “Durza” will always be more powerful, in a way.

- A Shade can generally be killed ONLY if stabbed in the heart and ONLY if all his Spirits are inside of his body. If you stab Durza in the heart, but one of his Spirits is somewhere else, Durza will simply disembody, as it will count as a normal mortal wound like that he received in Gil’ead.

- Disembodiment can happen in two way: Unintentional (when the Shade is mortally wounded) and Intentional (if, for any reason, the Shade needs to break free from his body – for example, to escape a prison or a situation in which he is chained. Even if intentional, this process remains very painful, and the Shade’s instincts push against it like human instincts push against self-harm).

- Recomposing the body after being Disembodied is EXTREMELY painful, and for a while the Shade will be weak and in pain after the process, with his powers diminished. While his body stabilizes again, the Shade also cannot let his Spirits go loose, because his body would risk breaking – and the Shade disembodying – again.

- Right after having recomposed his body the Shade is at the weakest. It is also the perfect time for the enemies of the Shade to hunt the Shade down and kill him once and for all. Being unable to let his Spirits go lose, a stab in the heath will now result 100% fatal to the Shade. So, a way to kill a sneaky Shade is to make him disembody and find him and kill him right after that.

- [This, in “Shame on me”, my fic, is also how/why Durza dies at the Farthen Dur. He has not recovered from his disembodiment in Gil’ead. He is at his weakest strength-wise, in pain and cannot even let his Spirits loose not to die in case of heart-stab].

- Even if “more Spirits = more power”, power without control is always dangerous, even for a Shade. It can very well be of those cases in which the fewest is better. If you summon too many Spirits to create a Shade, you risk them starting to fight each other for the domain instead of working together and merging into one identity, and this will make the Shade mentally and magically unstable.
An example from “Shame on me”: Varaug – I needed to make Varaug into something decent.
Varaug will be created by Iyamneein (male Lethrblaka) and the Priests of the Helgrind. To create him Iyamneein will have summoned the 3 Spirits that composed Durza + 23 other strong Spirits to power the Shade up. The plan is not only to bring Durza back to life, but also to make him the most powerful Shade ever with 26 Spirits inside of him (this is not a casual number by the way, because Iyamneein secretly hopes to dethrone Galbatorix and Shruikan, and they had 26 servants, 13 Riders + 13 dragons, when they conquered the throne). Iyamneein trusts that the 3 Spirits of Durza will be able to submit the others, as they are the most powerful, and to absorb them into Durza’s identity, having the new Shade being basically Durza, ridiculously way more powerful.
This way-too-much-power plan backfires, because 3 vs 23 is not a good ratio. The Shade refuses the name “Durza”, calling “themselves” Varaug. Also, even their loyalty to Iyamneein and their very sanity becomes conflicting: there is “Durza” inside them that wants to take his old place and feels loyalty to his old Master, but the rest of the Spirits are savage things that want nothing but to wreck destruction everywhere, and did not have centuries of coexistence with the Lethrblaka to actively want to keep working with him.
The Shade often goes berserk in battle, to the point of injuring Iyamneein himself, refusing Galbatorix's commands...
He is also unable to Possess creatures/people like Durza did (being unable to control his own power and having the Spirits refusing to cooperate, he kills all his temporary hosts almost instantly – because even if they both cut flesh open, when you operate you need to use a scalpel and not a fucking chainsaw if you want the patient to survive), and ironically being this way more vulnerable to a heart-stab than Durza ever was, as Vraug cannot split.
The only moments in which “Varaug” is somewhat able to understand how fucked up they are are the moments in which the 3 Spirits that composed Durza are in charge (that are the only stable identity in the whole being of Varaug, that for the rest is nothing but a mess of Spirits fighting eachother... A proof of how much Shades need their Spirits to be controlled), but it never lasts long. In one these moments “Durza” begs Iyamneein for help, showing that the Shade himself is in constant and horrible pain from the internal war of the Spirits.

...Yeah, I overblabbed, but this is basically what I have until now.

[ttt]

So Shades have horcrux powers 😏

I love your interpretation of Shades. It is very well thought out.

[oblakom]

Thank you! <3

[(Anonymous)]

I have a few questions.
How does the male Lethrblaka help the Priests of Helgrind? I thought they couldn't do magic.
How did they awaken the Ra'zac? Can the Ra'zac stay in their eggs indefinitely?
Does Iyamneenin kill Varaug?
Does the female lethrblaka ever suspect that the male Lethrblaka wants to betray Galbatorix, and since the Ra'zac were raised by the male Lethrblaka, are they loyal to Galbatorix, or not?

-UltimateCheetah

[oblakom]

How does the male Lethrblaka help the Priests of Helgrind? I thought they couldn't do magic.

No, they cannot. But Iyamneein can contribute in two ways:
1) He provides the insane amount of evergy that is needed to summon 26 Spirits (not his energy, because of course not, he kind of stole it - another Chekhov's gun I hamstered from the books);
2) As the mind of Lethrblaka/Ra'zac cannot be detected and so possessed, Iyamneein's mind is used to "filter" the Spirits and find/identify the 3 that composed Durza - Iyamneein is already familiar with them as Durza was his servant. Generally, for such specific summonings (like, of a vey specific spirit), it is the necromancer who does the work, but letting dozens and dozens of Spirits inside your mind is very risky and the necromancer risks being possessed by a rough Spirit before even finding the right Spirit and completing the ritual. Iyamneein's partecipation drastically reduces the risk.


How did they awaken the Ra'zac? Can the Ra'zac stay in their eggs indefinitely?

Yes, in my headcanon the Lethrblaka are the dragons' "dark twins", in a way. So just like dragons Ra'zac can stay in their eggs indefinitely. Generally, the eggs will awaken only when an adult Lethrblaka tells them that it is safe to wake up and be born, even if there are ways in which a human or a dragon can communicate with them as well. The Priests are among those humans. A ritual is not necessary, but the Priests love to go big.
The two Ra'zac were awakened by the two Lethrblaka. Technically they have a lot of eggs hidden away - even if none together. When Galbatorix suggested that it is time to start and wake the eggs up, the male Lethrblaka awakened the egg that contained his daughter (and only living offspring), while the female Lethrblaka, who had no eggs to call her own, picked a male one that she thought looked promising.


Does Iyamneenin kill Varaug?

Pff... no. Let's just say that will never risk his life if there are others that can go first - like Galbatorix, Shruikan, Kyantassera (the female Lethrblaka), the Forsworn...


Does the female lethrblaka ever suspect that the male Lethrblaka wants to betray Galbatorix

Literally every single one of the big guns of the Empire knows how Iyamneein is. Especially Kyantassera, who keeps a close eye on him (Iyamneein did a lot of nasty things even back in their homeland) - and Iyamneein fears her. The main problem Iyamneein has with Galbatorix is that he is a human, and Iyamneein believes that dragons and Lethrblaka should dominate the world. For now, however, Iyameein and Galbatorix coexist, because Galbatorix doesn't want to kill one of the last Lethrblaka and Iyamneein is smart enough to know that attacking Galbatorix would be a suicide and, once again, everyone knows that.
"Iyamneein... Iyamneein... The thing about Iyamneein, old elf, is that Kyantassera bested your pretty Order with him, and a few centuries later we repaid you those nasty tricks of yours with him. We know him as much as he knows us. Don't worry too much about Iyamneein" [Morzan to Oromis]


since the Ra'zac were raised by the male Lethrblaka, are they loyal to Galbatorix, or not?

At the beginning not that much, then they start to reason a bit more with their heads - after they are sent to work with the humans for a bit.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks! I have a few more questions. (I am a Lethrblaka fan, and your lore is very interesting.)
1. What kind of rituals do the Priests have?
2. Are Iyamneenin and Kyantassera mates, or do they just live together?
3. Is the female Ra'zac more aggressive since she's related to Iyamneenin and he doesn't like humans?
4. Did Iyamneenin create Durza?
5. Are there anymore Lethrblaka across the sea?
6. Why does one of the Ra'zac have a human servant?

-UltimateCheetah

[oblakom]

1. What kind of rituals do the Priests have?

Some of the rituals are:
- Funeral rites
- Sacrifices/death sentences (in which criminals of Dras-Leona are given to the Ra'zac/Lethrblaka instead of being executed inside of the city; Sometimes the execution doesn't happen immediately during the rite, though. For example, Iyamneein can take the human to the Helgrind not to eat them but to experiment on them - which is still a confirmed death sentence, only much more gruesome);
- Payments (in which a minor criminal undeserving of a death sentence can makes a flesh/blood sacrifice to please the gods and be forgiven - it can be chosen instead of prison time);
- Sacrifices (in which one of the Priests makes a blood/flesh sacrifice to the gods, not to repent a sin but to just appease them)
- "Conversations" (basically lessons in which the Lethrblaka explain to the humans how life was before their races came to Alagaesia - Kyantassera's version is more reliable. The Priests, along with Galbatorix and the Forsworn, are the only creatures in Alagaesia to possess this sort of knowledge)
- The most important "rite" is, however, the one in which the *Lethrblaka* donates blood to a human, to change them into a Contractor. It is the highest honor a human can receive, and it happened only once inside the Cult.


2. Are Iyamneenin and Kyantassera mates, or do they just live together?

They call themselves "mates" but they don't behave like mates. They have enough eggs not to feel the need to produce their own.


3. Is the female Ra'zac more aggressive since she's related to Iyamneenin and he doesn't like humans?

It is partially due to her upbringing (growing up enabled and entitled as fuck is not exactly healthy) but her own personality plays a huge role in it as well. Iyamneein's teaching only added fuel to the fire, but she didn't really need his help. She is on an very different level of aggressivity, though. Iyamneein, for example, if offended would either tell Durza to kill that person either wait the right occasion to destroy their life and their family, while Skeoktiya (his daughter) would just very inelegantly rip their throat and their intestines out at the moment.


4. Did Iyamneenin create Durza?

No, we know how Durza was created in canon, and I'll stick to canon for what I can.


5. Are there anymore Lethrblaka across the sea?

Difficult to tell. Their previous land is gone. It is possible, however, that some Lethrblaka/humans/dragons escaping it found a land that was not Alagaesia and established there, having a happier destiny than those who arrived in Alagaesia.


6. Why does one of the Ra'zac have a human servant?

In a word: circumstances. He never thought about getting a servant, but this particular girl was a "criminal" who had come to the Cathedral for a Payment, but even if by the law she was fine now, she knew that the family of the person she had killed would kill her as a revenge. The Ra'zac asked her if she wanted him to follow her and kill them all should they attack, but she begged him not to do it (because she is a decent person and cannot stand the idea of causing someone's death). So he told her to stay at the Cathedral/Helgrind, where she would be untouchable, and not being a Priestess the only role she could take was that of a servant

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks again! I have even more questions. Sorry...
1.How does Durza experiment on humans?
2.How do the Ra'zac eat? Do they just eat criminals and sacrifices, or do they hunt sometimes?
3. Will Eragon ever get his scar back, or get what he deserves?
4. How/Why would someone offend a Lethrblaka?
5. In your headcannon, can a Ra'zac bond with a dragon?
6. Why did the human servant kill someone?
7. How does someone become one of the priests of Helgrind?
8. Do Ra'zac have pets (dogs, cats, etc.)?
9. What did Skeoktiya think of the human servant? Did she want to eat her?
-UltimateCheetah

[oblakom]

1.How does Durza experiment on humans?

Well... Elves know that you can kill people by pinching an artery in the brain because they are just That Awesome, but Durza actually had to work for his knowledge. He dissects/vivisects, tries to explore how human body works, which organs are vital, how much suffering a person can take without dying, the effects of sleep deprivation, of mental torture, etc... He's a bit of a mad scientist.


2.How do the Ra'zac eat? Do they just eat criminals and sacrifices, or do they hunt sometimes?

The Ra'zac - unlike the Lethrblaka - have no choice but to act like scavangers in my story. This is a topic that will touched many times across the story - at first it will be explained to Skeoktiya and Wyneiyar by Kyantassera, and later by the two Ra'zac (Wyneiyar explains it to Oromis) themselves.
They were raised by Iyamneein with the idea that humans were nothing but slaves and food, and that it was in their right to abuse them and submit them and kill them.The two Ra'zac initially have a very aggressive and arrogant approach to humans, threatening them and scaring them to have informations. Even killing them on a whim. They wrongly believe that they can do as they please without consequences because humans cannot fight back, but they fail to realize that threats make humans uncooperative. After taking control of their education, Kyantassera has to explain the Ra'zac how to behave around humans.
First of all, she tells them to STOP preying on humans. They can prey on animals while they travel. They have the criminals that Dras-Leona sends them to eat, if they need more flesh she will arrange to bring people sentenced to die from other cities. If they get labeled as human-eaters monsters they will have a lot of problems interacting with humans, because humans will fear them too much to cooperate. They cannot avoid eating human flesh, but they can take it without causing damages. So, they are kind of forced to begin feeding only on criminals sentenced to death and on amputated limbs (for medical reason, as a sacrefice, as a punishment...) that are brought them, renouncing to trill of the hunt for the sake of having better relationships with the humans. After the battles they can eat the bodies of their enemies, so they can be found on a battlefield eating alongside vultures and other scavangers.
The general rule Kyantassera gives them is not to eat any human who is not already dead, and don't kill humans only to eat them. They can prey on wild animals. So, yes, my Ra'zac are basically scavangers.


3. Will Eragon ever get his scar back, or get what he deserves?

I'll be honest: who knows? I am evaluating a few possibilities.


4. How/Why would someone offend a Lethrblaka?

How: urgh. Do I have to remind you that *ARYA* is a the elves' expert ambassador - and we all see professionally she dealt with the dwarven priest? xD Trust me, the Lethrblaka don't forget and generally don't forgive, and the main cast is canonically a bunch of racist, rude assholes.
Why: Because people believe themselves all important and untouchable.


5. In your headcannon, can a Ra'zac bond with a dragon?

No. If attempted they would probably both die.
They can mate, though.


6. Why did the human servant kill someone?

Her sister's husband (they had an arranged marriage) was severly abusive, and when one day she saw it she hit him over the head with a pot to protect/save her sister. The concussion killed him - because blows to the head are a dangerous things.


7. How does someone become one of the priests of Helgrind?

You start frequenting the Cathedral and all the functions, offer to help around, show your devotion the best you can, and express your wish to become part of the Cult - for this last part, the best shot is to slowly approach one of the Priests at the top of hierarchy, but NOT the High Priest, who is a gate keeper and if it was for him nobody would be good enough... not even himself. Also, he's not approachable at all.
...That's basically how you begin to approach the whole thing.
Still, the Cult is a secta that practices body mutilation and blood magic, and other than that you have also be able to stomach the sight of people being devoured and the idea that YOU are part of this. Sure, they are criminal sent by Dras-Leona to be executed, but still I don't know how many would be able to tie a man to a rock and live him there, knowing that he will be eaten by the Ra'zac. Also, living in the Cult leaves other unpleasant works like the dissection of human corpses (not all the criminals get eaten), assisting people badly wounded (those who amputate a limb or even people outside the Cult who were brought to the Cathedral after being badly wounded), with infections, ill people... You have to stomach a lot to live with the Cult and for an external is not easy to get acccostumed to this life. Also, generally you have to prove your faith sacreficing something, as a proof of your devotion. They are not a religion that protects the weaker, if you want to join you have to earn your place in the Cult.
Or, you can be dropped there as a child and be lucky enough to be kept alive. It's easier for children, who can be brought to the Cathedral as a sacrefice. But as a *sacrefice*, not as a "my son is deformed, I cannot care for him, so take him and give him a better life". You give your child to the Cathedral and then THEY choose what to do with the baby. Kill him to dissect him for their/Durza's studies, feed him to the Ra'zac or even keep him alive and rise him. Once you give him to the Cult you don't have a say in what happens to him. However, if a child is accepted and rised surely it is easier for him to grow accostumed to this life.


8. Do Ra'zac have pets (dogs, cats, etc.)?

Humans are their pets, in a way. Some of the Priests have pets - crows, cats, some guard dog... The Ra'zac are mostly neutral toward them - even if humans who talk to them as if the beast could answer weird them out a bit.


9. What did Skeoktiya think of the human servant? Did she want to eat her?

She thought she was a waste of time and could not understand the utility of having her there - she was in good company, even Wyneiyar was like "Ok, what do I do with this human now?". She would hiss and threaten her "back in her place" but she would not touch her - it is very unpolite to kill another Ra'zac/Lethrblaka servant, and even the nastier of the race generally respect this rule.


...Do you want to talk via PM or some other way? Email, Discord, Tumblr... Dunno. I think it would be easier.

[(Anonymous)]

I only have email, so we can talk that way. Thanks.
Also, more questions...
1. How do Lethrblaka communicate with humans?
2. What would a dragon/Lethrblaka hybrid look like?
3. What would happen if Arya tried to insult the male Lethrblaka, or the female Lethrblaka?
4. Can a human learn to speak their clicking language?
5. Which cult member became a contractor?
6. What do you personally think of the Space Brick?

-UltimateCheetah

[oblakom]

1. How do Lethrblaka communicate with humans?

Either through the human language - as the Ra'zac do - or by their own language. Their own language is completely unpronounceable for the humans, but they can learn how to understand it - Galbatorix, the Forsworn, Durza and the Priests all do. After becoming Lethrblaka their body change enough to make it harder for them to speak human-language, and when they do it has a weird sound, so they generally prefer speaking in their own language and having humans answer in the human language.


2. What would a dragon/Lethrblaka hybrid look like?

I have yet to settle for a design to be honest. They exist(ed) in my own plan, but only for worldbuilding. Sometimes I as ask myself questions and answer them :)
The only thing I decided is that they are sterile/infertile (as happens to many hybrids) and their birth is possible only between a male Lethrblaka and a female dragon, even if it is something *extremely* rare.


3. What would happen if Arya tried to insult the male Lethrblaka, or the female Lethrblaka?

She did. She insulted them all, their Priests, their friends... and they got back at her. Not only for that, but surely she didn't help herself. They had to wait for a while for the right occasion, but when they had it *ooooh, boy, did they get their revenge*. A nasty, violent, ruthless revenge that used everything she ever said against her in the worst way possible.


4. Can a human learn to speak their clicking language?

No, they humans lack the physical ability to properly reproduce certain sounds and hear certain frequencies.


5. Which cult member became a contractor?

The High Priest - this is not exactly a brainer, right? xD
...Another character outside the Cult will become a Contractor as well, even if for completely different reasons.


6. What do you personally think of the Space Brick?

I am cringing. I am cringing so badly.
I will not buy it - I don't have money to waste and nothing in the extract gave me the slight curiosity toward what will happen later.
80% of the stuff and characters could be cut, human reactions are fucked, and the story is *boring*. Eragon was at least entertaining, but here - fuck - I was less bored reading about the dwarven-filler in Brisingr. I am not invested in the MC, she is as much of a placeholder as Eragon was and I don't understand in the slightest what type of story Paolini was going for because nothing is properly established.
So... Not a good impression for now.

My email is 4723795@gmail.com BTW. And, now that I think about it, I really need to check it :/

[(Anonymous)]

"I am cringing. I am cringing so badly."

I know, right? I am done being embarrassed for you, Paolini. I have read the first 150 pages, and I think it could've been cut down to about 70. Kira is mostly defined by her love interest, then, she is defined by the xeno, proof that Paolini can't write a good female character to save his life. To be fair, Eragon was a Rider because of Saphira, but he mostly treated Saphira like an accessory. Also, he was his own person, albeit a sociopathic, idiotic, annoying person.

Unrelated tangent, how would you rewrite Eldest? I hated that the Ra'zac were just given the idiot ball. I mean, come on, there is no reason that they wouldn't be eating Roran for dinner. And the Lethrblaka only show up in one scene. Come on, the Lethrblaka should've been commanders, but they only got reduced to steeds. Also, when they get killed at the beginning of Brisingr, I was just ready to give up on the books at that point. If I had to rewrite Eldest, I would have the Ra'zac go into the town, destroy everything easily, while laughing at the pitiful attempt Carvahall made, and take Roran to the Empire. I would have Katrina try to infiltrate the Empire as a spy to get Roran back, and help the Varden (who, in my rewrite, wouldn't be evil idiots), because the Inheritance Cycle is completely lacking in good, non damsel-in-distress female characters. I can't wait for your fanfic.

-UltimateCheetah

[oblakom]

Oh, boy... My fanfiction starts around thr beginning of Eldest, so I have a few ideas on how hot to make it closer to my taste... Why don't you drop me an email at 4723795@gmail.com? So we can talk better without bombing this site xD

[rhyson]

I can see inexperienced humans staying on the out of control horses, no problem. It, too, puzzles me as to why they don't just jump off. Superhuman grace and balance, no?
Arya might be knocked forward several feet or get stepped on, but I can't see the horse steamrolling her and then dragging her without tripping over her. I've been stepped by a young bull and I went down fast, but didn't get dragged. It was just a glancing blow on my calf, too, yet. Minor nitpick. I don't know how many readers would wonder about that. What is a real possibility is getting one's leg caught in the stirrup and then getting dragged. It happened in Louis L'Amour's westerns every few books or so.
Don't tell us the shade doesn't have any pity. Don't tell us he feels annoyed. Just have him complain about the scent of blood that got in the way. Darn Urgal, bleeding all over the air I'm trying to smell. I think you'd get a lot more mileage out of that.
"guided by a sense deeper than any of those that flesh could hope to possess" Now I feel left out and I still don't know what sense he has that I don't. :(
And yeah, when the spirits can occupy multiple beings, that kind of renders the limit of only having three obsolete. But hey, fear and coercion will pick up the slack. :D

Overall, when it's just the details that bother us, you know you did a pretty good job for our minds to be freed up to worry about those. :P And we're probably one of the more critical audiences out there. We did join a website dedicated to examining flaws, after all. lol

[oblakom]

I can't see the horse steamrolling her and then dragging her without tripping over her.

Yeah, I think you're right. I decided to write this scene because remembered I video on YouTube I saw, but I cannot find it again and now that you make me think about it, it is entirelly possible that the Rider could have been caught in a stirrup by a foot.


I've been stepped by a young bull and I went down fast

Urgh, that must have hurt. I hope you were mostly ok? D:
...Stupid question, but do you have a bull? Was it yours? I knew a bull that lived in my area when I was young and he was the cuddliest giant I ever met. Miss him.


"guided by a sense deeper than any of those that flesh could hope to possess" Now I feel left out and I still don't know what sense he has that I don't. :(

Neither I do! XD
...That's my problem with describing deeply unhuman beings like Spirits (that are not even made of flesh) and their senses. How do you come up with and describe a way of existing that you never experienced/could never experience? Do you have any advice to drop? (Maybe I should just say that I "slipped away" and let it be... mumblemumble)


And we're probably one of the more critical audiences out there. We did join a website dedicated to examining flaws, after all. lol

That's why I like this website. At least when people tell you that you did something wrong you know what you need to look for to make it *right*. Most of the other writing sites - even those *dedicated* to these things find it rude and offensive to bring these things up, for some reason.

[rhyson]

I had a huge bruise, but nothing worse. It wasn't a direct hit and it wasn't a full grown animal. My parents have a beef farm. Most of the bulls we owned were quiet teddybears. Dad could walk up to most of them and pet them. This was a young bull and young animals of any kind tend to be more excitable than the full grown adults I've found over the years. I found that especially common with the goats. The yearlings were all like, "AUGH! It's a human! Get away!" until they had kids. Then they were friendlier and calmer for whatever reason.
This particular bull we were training to show in fairs. Halter-breaking them is... exciting. It's not painful in the least for them, but it's new and therefore scary. My dad and brother-in-law untied the bull to put him back in the pen. He got away from them and was like, "Screw you, humans!" and ran towards freedom. Unfortunately, I was in the way. I ran for the young cows because they were bigger than the bull and couldn't be knocked over, giving me protection. But they were lying down and the darn bull jumped over them. It was actually the adult bulls who were easiest to train. Go, figure.

For the spirit's senses, I'd say electricity, except that's a modern word... So maybe gloss over it until you have time to compare living beings having something like the energy in the air before a thunderstorm?

Oh, dear. People are way too easily offended nowadays. A few years ago, Writing.com's top reviewer, who got rewards for it, >:( , was some guy who 'reviewed' all the poetry he could get his hands on. He'd say four or eight sentences about the poem, making it just long enough to count as an 'in-depth' review. He had a short list of generic phrases he'd recycle: sentences 2, 5, 3, and 8 for poem A and sentences 1, 8, 4, and 5 for poem B and ad nauseum. I reported him for spamming the system. I don't know if it worked.