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antishurtugal_rebornThe Eldritch Heart Sporking
Chapter 12: Night Watch
Content Note: Violence, transmisogyny, cissexism
Preliminary: In this chapter, something finally happens! Praise the great spider! In this chapter, everyone loves Kitlyn even though she admits she’s a dishonorable cheat, an assassin tries to kill Oona & Kitlyn defeats him, King Talomir finally does two things he should have done literally 13 years ago, Beredwyn is bad at excuses, Oona makes Kitlyn do something she’s not comfortable doing but it’s supposedly a good thing, and contrivance stops us from ending this stupid will they/won’t they cycle.
Fair warning, I lose my cool a bit in this chapter.
I’m mostly sure it is Day 3.
We open with Kitlyn in her bed. Every bit of her hurts and who could be surprised with the beating she got from Morrow earlier today? Supposedly her stomach doesn’t hurt and that’s because she had a good filling meal with Oona tonight. I don’t really buy that. Eating doesn’t make pain not hurt.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 106
For some reason kitchen maids wait tables in this castle, so Kitlyn saw
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 62
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 107
We get an overview of how Kitlyn’s day has gone, and I think Cox doesn’t actually know much about princesses. A princess’ day is typically scheduled completely full, no matter how minor she is. She’s always entertaining so-and-so who her parents need to go along with certain plans, or learning about history, etiquette, science, how to run a household, or sitting in on situation meetings. She’ll typically hold some office of some kind she’ll be responsible for as well, or perhaps be responsible for managing some aspect of the castle’s staff. Instead Kitlyn takes a nap and sees an Orien priest so she recovers faster, and they spend the rest of the day eating lunch outside and hanging around in that damned garden. A reference is made to it being a weekend afternoon, and Cox to a princess there are no weekend afternoons. You’re just wrong. Just because Kitlyn gets the day off doesn’t mean Oona does. Especially since the two of them had a scheduled lesson earlier today - this is clearly not a day off.
Pointless Pedantry: 17
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 108
Anyway Oona was also apparently preoccupied with the idea of noble affairs and spent an hour listing all the ones she’d ever heard of to Kitlyn. So I’m going to add this to the pile of evidence that Oona well knows marrying Prince Lanwick isn’t the same thing as giving up Kitlyn.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 63
Oona also holds Kitlyn’s hand a lot, and Kitlyn hopes that means something but she stops herself from reading too much into it. This at least is honorable. I like this about Kitlyn.
What a paragraph. Too many commas, lots of weird metaphors, and who’s doing what action is unclear in either sentence. One can read the first sentence as everyone from the king to Pim saying that Kitlyn loves Oona and one can read the second sentence as Elsbeth standing above Kitlyn’s bed smiling while she’s sleeping and I’m mostly sure neither is what Cox meant. I’ve been trying not to spotlight just how unclear the writing in this book can get because that’s not the focus of this commentary but good goddess I have to give a point for this.
Pointless Pedantry: 18
Kitlyn sits up and cries because it turns out dreaming about everyone you know treating you like shit hurts. I don’t blame her really.
Ladies Cry, right?: 16
Someone then touches Kitlyn’s doorknob as if to open her door, and Kitlyn somehow knows this person second-guessed opening it. Doorknobs as we know them weren’t a thing in medieval times. This castle is coming across more like a suburban house aside from the toilets and it shouldn’t be.
Pointless Pedantry: 19
So whoever is outside of Kitlyn’s door starts to walk away and Kitlyn jumps out of bed to go see who it is. She’s careful to open her door quietly to just kinda look out, and she sees King Talomir turning the corner walking away. So in this moment, Kitlyn should be terrified. Because one of those possibilities I outlined that Kitlyn should realistically know about was “King Talomir has a sexual interest in Kitlyn”. He’s approaching her room by himself at night when most folks are asleep. She should be terrified that he’s going to be back tomorrow and that time his nerve won’t fail him. But she’s not. She’s just
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 64 (This interpretation is supported by the existence of S/A in the setting and a scene in chapter 3)
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 109
Titted Down the Stairs: 22 (I can only conclude that most of this is due to Cox not understanding the first thing about what a woman fears in the kind of society he’s constructed)
I Didn’t Want To Know: 33
Kitlyn starts thinking about Prince Lanwick saying he was asked to test her and wondering if they really think she’s a spy. She thinks they know she has magic, but I’m not sure of the relevance.
So Kitlyn’s a little cheat and thinks that’s funny. She’s correct about fights but she was sparring. That’s not the same thing as a fight, and the fact it became one is a failure on the part of Captain Lorne for not breaking it up. This is not an achievement on Kitlyn’s part and highlights how difficult she should be to properly challenge - the book’s solution is ultimately for Kitlyn to forget most of her powers.
She hears a scuffing sound in the corridor outside her room and no joke my first thought was that King Talomir had come back. However much I would have preferred that, this isn’t what happens. Instead Kitlyn hears a “strange scraping” from the hallway. So she goes and looks.
This is why we have a content note for transmisogyny and cissexism. This is an assassin from Evermoor. They never say their gender identity. But based on fucking wrist hair Kitlyn is prepared to say this is a man pretending to be a woman. This just makes Kitlyn look like a transphobic bitch. She & Oona may well deserve each other after all. Kitlyn’s small potatoes, though. The real issue is Cox.
The Eldritch Heart was first published in 2016, and the second edition I am sporking from was published in 2018. I am unaware of what the changes were between these editions. For a book to be published in 2016, it was probably written between 2008 & 2015. Transfemme folks were known quantities at that time. So for Cox to assume that hair on someone’s wrist marks them as intrinsically AMAB, and that AMAB = Man, paints a pretty dark picture of the kind of person he is. Especially since this whole scenario seems designed to play straight a common lie told about trans women - which is that we are men dressing up as women in order to gain access to vulnerable women to assault them. That’s what this entire scenario is written to be - a man from Evermoor dresses up as a woman to gain access to Oona so he can kill her. This entire scene feels like it came to life from some TERF’s tweets.
How do I even tag this? I can’t use Pointless Pedantry because this isn’t a minor thing. I can’t use I Didn’t Want to Know because that’s specifically about weird stuff I think he included because kink. This whole scenario is one that needs to be deployed with extreme caution because of how it plays into the fearmongering and dehumanizing stereotypes targeted at a marginalized community yet Cox just writes it straight! From the bottom of my black heart, fuck you Cox.
F*** You: 1
This assassin is not a woman, but it’s concerning and antifeminist for Kitlyn to declare herself the arbiter of who counts as a woman. So I’m repurposing an extant count. Crabs in a Bucket is now whenever women are unnecessarily cruel to each other.
Crabs in a Bucket: 26 (5 from chapter 1, 3 from chapter 3, 5 from chapter 4, 1 from chapter 5, 2 from chapter 6, 2 from chapter 7, 1 from chapter 8, 1 from chapter 9, and 1 from Kitlyn being a cissexist bitch right now)
From an in-universe perspective, this also makes no sense. We know there’s pageboys and footmen, so a male servant would have had the same access. Evermoor’s military is also 60% women, so there’s no reason this assassin couldn’t have been a grown woman. This assassin also clearly isn’t meant to be a trans woman or gender nonconforming person because they aren’t used to moving in dresses and that’s a key reason why they fail to kill Oona. Guess I gave that away, sorry.
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 15 (If Evermoor’s assassin hadn’t engaged in a pointless gender deception, this book would probably be over by now)
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 110
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 65
I’m not giving points for there being no guards, because we’ll learn what happened to the guards after the assassin is defeated.
So Kitlyn runs across the hallway into Oona’s room, catching the maid halfway across the room approaching the sleeping Oona and in the act of drawing a dagger. Kitlyn calls for the guards, the assassin looks back and runs for Oona to do what he’s here to do. Kitlyn calls out Oona’s name and uses her magic to make the assassin stumble and then she jumps onto him. She delays him for a short time and then he throws her off like she’s nothing. This isn’t portrayed as the assassin having super strength or anything, just the difference between a man and a woman.
Titted Down the Stairs: 23
The Force is With Me: 14
Kitlyn is stunned and dead to rights, but Oona (Who has somehow woken up in a few seconds at most and got her wits about her) detonates a blue flare in front of him. And that causes him to basically dodge roll instead of attack Kitlyn, and Kitlyn “sees spots”.
Sugar & Steel: 5 (Deep sleep to fighting in 0.5 seconds)
Kitlyn gets up just in time for the assassin to kick her in the face, which realistically should break her nose and probably end the fight. Instead it sends her sliding around the room like it’s a goddamn cartoon until she crashes into the mantelpiece, and in the time it took her to slide the assassin is able to get to Oona and start trying to murder her. Somehow Oona being in trouble causes Kitlyn to suddenly stop being in pain and stop having difficulty focusing because of her flash-blindness and head trauma and she gets up.
Sugar & Steel: 6
Basically the scene is Oona has both of her hands around the assassin’s right wrist to try and stop him from forcing the 10-inch dagger into her chest while the assassin’s using his other hand to suffocate her. The language suggests Oona is failing to stop this, which I buy from the not much attention Oona was paying to her training though the text seems to be trying to imply that Oona can’t stop him physically because he’s a man. It just makes the assassin look incompetent for not just using his other hand or his body weight to force the dagger down.
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 16
Kitlyn grabs a fireplace poker and orders the assassin away from Oona, thus warning him that she is upright and armed (Just hit him), but he dismisses her as a threat. This only makes any sense to me given Kitlyn’s actions so far if the assassin is a raging misogynist which doesn’t make sense for someone from a country whose military is supposedly 60% women.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 112
So Kitlyn attacks, and the assassin dodges by rolling off the bed. At which point, because he’s on the ground in a fight and it’ll be easy to get him before he can get up, Kitlyn stabs the poker into the back of his neck, probably killing him outright but she doesn’t check because she sweeps Oona up in a carry and runs down the hallway toward the nearest guard station. Actually no, but I wish it’d happened like that. What actually happens is he comes up in a lunge towards Kitlyn before she can do anything. Does everyone in this book have superhuman speed and endurance?
Anyway she parries his dagger lunge with her fireplace poker. Somehow. And then swings at his face, but he ducks out of the way despite the fact his lunge should have pretty much fixed his position for a few seconds with his momentum and body weight. Kitlyn thinks that the poker weighs less than the sword she’s used to practicing with, so fighting one-handed is “easy, yet strange”. Which goes back to my point last chapter about Oona & Kitlyn being taught the wrong weapon. Start by teaching them something they’d be comfortable using and would have access to in an emergency. The assassin chuckles as he looks at Kitlyn’s weapon, which is mighty bold of him. I have a fireplace poker about two and a half feet from me right now. It’s not a sword, but it’s still a solid, relatively well balanced length of iron with a (dull) point. With the right amount of force behind it, it’d suck to be hit by.
I’m starting to worry a bit about Kitlyn’s mental state. Anyway she feints, and does a complicated maneuver to actually target his groin because I guess that’s just how Kitlyn relates to men. Because this fight to save Oona’s life has to continue for as long as possible, the assassin manages to avoid it and just wind up bleeding. Kitlyn orders Oona to run and go get the guards, but despite contributing earlier in this fight Oona’s having a breakdown huddled against the wall unable to do much of anything. This just makes me think Cox copy-pasted the idea of the hero fighting to save his girlfriend/wife in some old movie from the 50s where she’s so useless because she’s a woman that she can’t even run for her own life and just replaced generic action dude with Kitlyn.
Kitlyn dodges an attack, swings at the assassin’s face again and he dodges again and good goddess how has Cox made a fight boring? Anyway Kitlyn fucked up because she imbalanced herself and the assassin could and should probably just finish her off because clearly the princess is not going to be able to protect herself without this random girl in a nightdress but because the assassin would win if he did that he actually goes after Oona again and Kitlyn hits him again to keep him from doing so. I think it’s the repetition that’s getting me.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 66 (Oona had her shit together enough just a few paragraphs ago)
Oona finally gets herself to do something, and that something is create a barrier of light between herself and the assassin like she’s got a shield floating in front of her. The assassin attacks Kitlyn again and somehow turns that into a running attack against Oona, who blasts him in the face with magic and he howls with pain but keeps coming and holy hell the whole thing reads like a fight that could happen in a tabletop game. Anyway he stabs down at Oona, and Oona rolls in her bed to avoid the strike and kicks him with both legs from a prone position in her bed and that actually makes him stagger, and then he trips
Sugar & Steel: 7 (I don’t buy this maneuver from Oona)
Titted Down the Stairs: 24 (IF I CAN DANCE IN MAXI DRESSES, AN ASSASSIN CAN FIGHT IN ONE. HOLY HELL COX DO SOME GODDAMN DOLPHIN FUCKING RESEARCH ON A TOPIC OTHER THAN TOILETS YOU HACK)
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 18 (One for not killing the person obviously determined to stop him when he had the chance, one for implausibly tripping on a goddamn work dress.)
I need a drink. Kitlyn comes over to hit the guy while he’s on the floor because finally her brain cells are working but because this is fucking dark souls where everybody can just flip upright from a prone position if they dodge roll after being knocked down she misses her first strike and barely scrapes his back as he gets up. Oona calls for the guards and fires a bolt of light out of her window, whereupon it explodes like a firework.
I’m about twelve seconds away from committing to the idea that if I find a genie and get three wishes, one of them will be that Oona in this book has a consistent powerset. In chapter 1, it’s suggested that Oona’s magic is based on light, with aspects of heat. In chapter 3, it takes on truth determining aspects and can carry physical force. And in chapter 12, it can explode like a bomb or more accurately a flash-bang grenade. Oona clarifies that “It’s just light and sound” when Kitlyn tells Oona to hit the assassin with that thing. Oona should still hit the assassin with that thing. Light and sound can be debilitating. Especially to creatures with super vision or super hearing, and this guy obviously has super speed and super reflexes so it’s worth a try. Anyway, it really feels like Oona’s powerset depends on what Cox feels like writing in the moment. If that’s the case, it means Oona’s powerset is poorly thought through and the question should be asked “Does she need it for the story?” and the answer to that question is “No”.
The Force is With Me: 15
I’m Kind Of A Big Deal: 11
So Kitlyn and the assassin duel and exchange, textually, at least two strikes each which don’t hit because that might be a good stopping point for this. This continues for a while after with Oona periodically making magical attacks that do absolutely nothing to the assassin because they’re equivalent to “being punched” and I just. Punches hurt. They can kill. Especially if you could target them magically at a vulnerable part of your opponent such as their nose, eyes, groin, armpits, kneecaps, or fingers. Kitlyn thinks that this is nothing like the fight with Morrow and I don’t know it’s about as boring. Kitlyn tries to stay calculating because if she fights with anger both of them are going to die.
If Kitlyn and the assassin are dueling for a while and Oona is unmolested enough to periodically make magical attacks, then Oona has a duty as the alleged princess to run off while Kitlyn holds the assassin here. But of course she’s not.
The assassin lunges at Kitlyn, this time seeking to grab her instead of stab her because??? I don’t understand the reasoning. Anyway, because this must continue she “spins” away because that’s not a terrible idea in a fight or anything and…he half-rips her nightdress off. I’m making a noise in my throat that’s reminiscent of a rattlesnake.
I Didn’t Want To Know: 34
Anyway Kitlyn stomps her “bare foot” on the assassin’s boot and is surprised when he doesn’t feel that and it doesn’t make him let her go.
I Didn’t Want To Know: 35
Oona launches another magical attack, and this one instead of carrying physical force blinds him for a moment. Give Oona a consistent powerset or take away her magic. Kitlyn uses the opportunity to stab the assassin in the stomach with her fireplace poker, and praise the great spider this has to be the end of it! Even with a blunt weapon like that which can’t go in but so far, the bleeding and pain would be pretty serious.
Except it doesn’t. The only effect it has is that the assassin “curses” Kitlyn, and it’s not the awesome kind of curse. So he attacks her, and she evades, and he attacks her, and she evades, and brings the fireplace poker down on his wrist and apparently breaks some kind of bone and then Oona sends off another magical attack and we’re back to punching people from across the room because this one breaks his nose. So Kitlyn forces him back with the poker and Oona darts in to pick up the dagger.
Dunno what he’s surprised about. He’s from a country with a military that’s 60% women and he refused to make the best choice several times.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 67
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 113
Oona tells Kitlyn not to kill the assassin because things need to be learned, and the assassin runs over to the window and jumps out. Kitlyn straight up tries to murder him by using her magic to make a thing for him to land on that’s hard unyielding stone instead of the moat so either she’s a complete fool who can’t be trusted with her power or she’s bloodthirsty. I will grant that Kitlyn’s not trying to kill, just “give him something less pleasant to land on '' but let's be real this probably would have killed him. Also why the hell does the princess’ room directly overlook the moat? That’s asking for trouble.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 114
The assassin lands in the moat, and Oona goes to the window and yells to the night about there being an assassin in the moat and honey if they didn’t hear your damn firework they’re not going to hear your voice.
Somehow this chapter is only half over. Kitlyn only has bruises and feels no pain and has no reaction to them. Oona apologizes for freezing up, Kitlyn reassures her by talking about what’s normal for soldiers facing their first battle and I have no idea how she knows that. Oona says she only came to her senses when she saw Kitlyn in danger, and we’re supposed to see that as true love but like. Is the implication there meant to be someone who can’t move to protect someone they care for doesn’t love them? Because fuck that.
Anyway they kiss instead of going to find the guards and the assassin’s partner enters the room and shoots them with a gun she found. I’m kidding. The assassin was working alone, and somehow our protagonists know this and aren’t worried about other accomplices who might even now be approaching them in a desperate final move with the failure of the main assassin.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 115
The very instant they kiss, the door to Oona’s room crashes open. I would have thought it’d be open already what with Kitlyn “barging” in. Oona “shrieks” and jumps away from Kitlyn which is like. Try harder to keep her a secret. Also it’s good they were interrupted. They were just in a traumatic situation together which they barely survived, and there’s a huge difference between a trauma bond and a romantic bond.
A guard demands to know what’s happening. Oona starts yelling about assassins and says the one who came for her jumped out the window after Kitlyn broke his hand and then a second guard, Beredwyn, and King Talomir enter the room. Whereupon a bomb Evermoor placed under the room detonates, decapitating Lucernia’s command structure in one fell swoop and leading them to swift victory. No it doesn’t, but that’s the sort of thing that should be happening with the kind of espionage advantage Evermoor has.
Kitlyn starts to faint, which prompts Beredwyn to run over and fan her. Oona yells at Beredwyn and King Talomir because of course she does that someone tried to kill her and where the hell has everyone been because she’s been screaming for a while. Beredwyn says that the nearest guards are asleep at their posts and won’t wake, which most likely means they were drugged. Kitlyn asks if Oona is alright, and Oona just squeezes Kitlyn’s hand.
King Talomir then just walks up and hugs both of them and holds them for several minutes while the guards start a search. Dude’s just advertising it at this point, though I’m more inclined to forgive this particular moment than I was the war meeting. King Talomir finally lets them go and asks them what happened. Oona tells the story, and the text explicitly says Kitlyn is the heroine of said story. King Talomir just stares directly at Kitlyn the entire time and she feels
King Talomir asks Kitlyn to tell him what happened, and she says she wasn’t sleeping well, heard someone walking away in the hall
So close, but so far. Oona asks when, King Talomir says when you were about a year old and they tried to keep Oona a secret after that because of the Foretelling. Oona then cries
Ladies Cry, right?: 17
King Talomir talks to Lorne, because instead of coordinating the search the captain of the guard is hanging around here. Anyway, he finally does what he should have done about 13 years ago and orders that guards will follow Oona & Kitlyn everywhere from now on and these guards are not to eat or drink anything a priest hasn’t blessed, and that he’ll do it himself if necessary. The king asks for a report on the assassin, and Lorne’s psychic connection to his guards is working because he can tell King Talomir that the guy was shot to death by some archers. King Talomir orders an investigation into how the assassin got in.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 116 (How does CAPTAIN Lorne know if no one has reported back to him yet?)
Kitlyn jumps as Oona suddenly touches her where the assassin ripped Kitlyn’s nightdress. I know Cox doesn’t mean this to come across as questionable, but it does. Oona says that Kitlyn’s nightdress is ruined, and then she turners to Beredwyn to say that she’s done tolerating Kitlyn not being available to do her job as Oona’s handmaiden and Kitlyn should be treated as a handmaiden if she cannot be a lady, and asks if Kitlyn earns a wage.
This is actually one of the ways we’re supposed to know that Kitlyn is the true princess. Later in the book, a character the audience is meant to trust will learn about this and say something to the effect of “A father buys his daughter whatever she wants within reason” and is surprised to learn of Oona’s allowance.
Kitlyn has to try hard to keep her ripped nightdress on her while Oona, who’s pissed at King Talomir & Beredwyn for their excuses right now - good goddess Oona, shouldn’t you still be processing the fact someone tried to kill you and nearly succeeded? - drags Kitlyn to her wardrobe, gets a silk nightdress out, and then shoves Kitlyn into the bathroom for some privacy to change. Kitlyn objects, and Oona basically says “Just do it”.
Power Difference: 78
Kitlyn starts thinking about how great it’d be to have a real father on account of seeing King Talomir say goodnight to Oona and kiss her on the cheek. She thinks that it doesn’t make sense that King Talomir included her in that hug and thinks that he’d probably just been so happy he’d found it easier to hug them both than separate them and hug Oona. OR it’s something to do with the six possibilities I outlined in chapter ten. You should probably be afraid, not charmed.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 117
Whipping Girl: 55 (King Talomir didn’t tell them the truth)
Whipping Girl Redux: 12
Kitlyn tells Oona goodnight and tries to leave, but Oona says “Kit” and she doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
”Kit”: 7
I’m not willing to call this a moment of bad behavior on Oona’s part. It’s completely understandable why she’d be afraid of being alone right now. The text stresses that too. It is, unfortunately, still the case that Kitlyn cannot say no.
Power Difference: 79
Kitlyn says she’ll probably get in trouble, and Oona says she’s afraid. Beredwyn leaves at this point.
Whipping Girl: 56 (Beredwyn didn’t tell them the truth)
Whipping Girl Redux: 13
Oona leads Kitlyn to her bed, and they talk for a bit about whether there’s another assassin and agree that they hate the war. They lie there in silence for a while, and Oona asks if Kitlyn thinks she should marry Prince Lanwick, though Oona calls him Tristan. Frankly Oona, the fact you’re calling him Tristan should probably lead your father to believe you particularly like him. Kitlyn says she can’t imagine spending your life with someone you don’t love and just. Lots of people do that. Kitlyn asks if Oona wants to, because she doesn’t think Oona loves Prince Lanwick. Oona talks about King Talomir’s belief that Ondari intervention will cause Evermoor to back down. Kitlyn agrees that that’s unlikely if Evermoor actually is being driven by demons. Kitlyn thinks about Oona, and looks at the ceiling to avoid the risk of Oona seeing in her face something she’s not ready to admit yet but she gathers her courage and asks if Oona was about to kiss her. But Oona has fallen asleep by then. Kitlyn decides that being there for Oona will have to do, and the chapter ends.
Afterword: I’m sorry I lost control at points in this chapter. This is just the first time I’ve read about a boring fight. Not to mention the pointless transmisogyny - nothing about the boring fight scene would have changed if the assassin had been a woman or a man dressed in a serving man’s clothes, even the instigating moment - what was suspicious wasn’t a “man in a dress” it was someone picking the princess’ lock and entering her room. There was no reason to write that at all. Cox just decided to vilify trans women, and I don’t actually care if he actively chose to or if this was driven by a lifetime of background radiation in the form of transphobic media.
Next chapter, Oona fucks Kitlyn over. So much for Kitlyn being a heroine who Oona should supposedly respect.
Our counts stand thus:
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 18
Swamp Elves: 7
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 67
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 117
Whipping Girl: 56
Whipping Girl Redux: 13
Apollo’s Oracle: 4
Damsel, Rope, & a Railway: 29
Crabs in a Bucket: 26
Titted Down the Stairs: 24
Pointless Pedantry: 19
I Didn’t Want To Know: 35
Ladies Cry, right?: 17
”Kit”: 7
The Force is With Me: 15
Sugar & Steel: 7
Flog The Point Into You: 6
Power Difference: 79
I’m Kind Of A Big Deal: 11
F*** You: 1
Table of Contents
Chapter 12: Night Watch
Content Note: Violence, transmisogyny, cissexism
Preliminary: In this chapter, something finally happens! Praise the great spider! In this chapter, everyone loves Kitlyn even though she admits she’s a dishonorable cheat, an assassin tries to kill Oona & Kitlyn defeats him, King Talomir finally does two things he should have done literally 13 years ago, Beredwyn is bad at excuses, Oona makes Kitlyn do something she’s not comfortable doing but it’s supposedly a good thing, and contrivance stops us from ending this stupid will they/won’t they cycle.
Fair warning, I lose my cool a bit in this chapter.
I’m mostly sure it is Day 3.
We open with Kitlyn in her bed. Every bit of her hurts and who could be surprised with the beating she got from Morrow earlier today? Supposedly her stomach doesn’t hurt and that’s because she had a good filling meal with Oona tonight. I don’t really buy that. Eating doesn’t make pain not hurt.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 106
For some reason kitchen maids wait tables in this castle, so Kitlyn saw
the blonde kitchen maidagain when she served the royal table. Catherine’s apparently frightened of Kitlyn now rather than disdainful. Kitlyn thinks that most of the staff has been staring at her today, and not like they hate her - like they’re studying her. This is because, canonically, the secret’s out and the serving staff is mostly sure Kitlyn is King Talomir’s daughter on the basis of the cook looking in her eyes literally late last night. News travels fucking fast in this castle on the basis of nothing and if this is happening now there’s no reason to believe it wouldn’t have happened ten years ago.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 62
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 107
We get an overview of how Kitlyn’s day has gone, and I think Cox doesn’t actually know much about princesses. A princess’ day is typically scheduled completely full, no matter how minor she is. She’s always entertaining so-and-so who her parents need to go along with certain plans, or learning about history, etiquette, science, how to run a household, or sitting in on situation meetings. She’ll typically hold some office of some kind she’ll be responsible for as well, or perhaps be responsible for managing some aspect of the castle’s staff. Instead Kitlyn takes a nap and sees an Orien priest so she recovers faster, and they spend the rest of the day eating lunch outside and hanging around in that damned garden. A reference is made to it being a weekend afternoon, and Cox to a princess there are no weekend afternoons. You’re just wrong. Just because Kitlyn gets the day off doesn’t mean Oona does. Especially since the two of them had a scheduled lesson earlier today - this is clearly not a day off.
Pointless Pedantry: 17
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 108
Anyway Oona was also apparently preoccupied with the idea of noble affairs and spent an hour listing all the ones she’d ever heard of to Kitlyn. So I’m going to add this to the pile of evidence that Oona well knows marrying Prince Lanwick isn’t the same thing as giving up Kitlyn.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 63
Oona also holds Kitlyn’s hand a lot, and Kitlyn hopes that means something but she stops herself from reading too much into it. This at least is honorable. I like this about Kitlyn.
Sore muscles soon relaxed their vigil keeping her awake, and the beginnings of dreams tortured her with everyone from the king to Pim ridiculing her after admitting she loved Oona. She tossed and turned, startling awake after guards threw her into the muddy road leading away from the castle, Elsbeth hovering over her with that smug, victorious smile.
What a paragraph. Too many commas, lots of weird metaphors, and who’s doing what action is unclear in either sentence. One can read the first sentence as everyone from the king to Pim saying that Kitlyn loves Oona and one can read the second sentence as Elsbeth standing above Kitlyn’s bed smiling while she’s sleeping and I’m mostly sure neither is what Cox meant. I’ve been trying not to spotlight just how unclear the writing in this book can get because that’s not the focus of this commentary but good goddess I have to give a point for this.
Pointless Pedantry: 18
Kitlyn sits up and cries because it turns out dreaming about everyone you know treating you like shit hurts. I don’t blame her really.
Ladies Cry, right?: 16
Someone then touches Kitlyn’s doorknob as if to open her door, and Kitlyn somehow knows this person second-guessed opening it. Doorknobs as we know them weren’t a thing in medieval times. This castle is coming across more like a suburban house aside from the toilets and it shouldn’t be.
Pointless Pedantry: 19
So whoever is outside of Kitlyn’s door starts to walk away and Kitlyn jumps out of bed to go see who it is. She’s careful to open her door quietly to just kinda look out, and she sees King Talomir turning the corner walking away. So in this moment, Kitlyn should be terrified. Because one of those possibilities I outlined that Kitlyn should realistically know about was “King Talomir has a sexual interest in Kitlyn”. He’s approaching her room by himself at night when most folks are asleep. She should be terrified that he’s going to be back tomorrow and that time his nerve won’t fail him. But she’s not. She’s just
confused and mutebecause she can’t think of a single reason why King Talomir would approach her privately. Also there’s this sentence.
Chill air blew in over her toes, carrying the smoky aroma of extinguished torches and the servants’ stew
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 64 (This interpretation is supported by the existence of S/A in the setting and a scene in chapter 3)
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 109
Titted Down the Stairs: 22 (I can only conclude that most of this is due to Cox not understanding the first thing about what a woman fears in the kind of society he’s constructed)
I Didn’t Want To Know: 33
Kitlyn starts thinking about Prince Lanwick saying he was asked to test her and wondering if they really think she’s a spy. She thinks they know she has magic, but I’m not sure of the relevance.
A grin spread over her face as she thought back to the fight with that idiot guard. Off balance and facing a shot that would’ve hurt her badly, she liquefied the stones under his feet. It bought her the opening she needed, even if most would’ve called it cheating.
Kitlyn scowled. There’s no cheating in fights. He was going to hurt me.
So Kitlyn’s a little cheat and thinks that’s funny. She’s correct about fights but she was sparring. That’s not the same thing as a fight, and the fact it became one is a failure on the part of Captain Lorne for not breaking it up. This is not an achievement on Kitlyn’s part and highlights how difficult she should be to properly challenge - the book’s solution is ultimately for Kitlyn to forget most of her powers.
She hears a scuffing sound in the corridor outside her room and no joke my first thought was that King Talomir had come back. However much I would have preferred that, this isn’t what happens. Instead Kitlyn hears a “strange scraping” from the hallway. So she goes and looks.
A maidservant crouched by Oona’s door, in the full grey uniform dress of the castle staff plus bonnet. The woman fiddled at the lock with small pins. The instant Kitlyn noticed an unusual amount of hair on ‘her’ wrist, the lock clicked open. The maid slipped inside.
This is why we have a content note for transmisogyny and cissexism. This is an assassin from Evermoor. They never say their gender identity. But based on fucking wrist hair Kitlyn is prepared to say this is a man pretending to be a woman. This just makes Kitlyn look like a transphobic bitch. She & Oona may well deserve each other after all. Kitlyn’s small potatoes, though. The real issue is Cox.
The Eldritch Heart was first published in 2016, and the second edition I am sporking from was published in 2018. I am unaware of what the changes were between these editions. For a book to be published in 2016, it was probably written between 2008 & 2015. Transfemme folks were known quantities at that time. So for Cox to assume that hair on someone’s wrist marks them as intrinsically AMAB, and that AMAB = Man, paints a pretty dark picture of the kind of person he is. Especially since this whole scenario seems designed to play straight a common lie told about trans women - which is that we are men dressing up as women in order to gain access to vulnerable women to assault them. That’s what this entire scenario is written to be - a man from Evermoor dresses up as a woman to gain access to Oona so he can kill her. This entire scene feels like it came to life from some TERF’s tweets.
How do I even tag this? I can’t use Pointless Pedantry because this isn’t a minor thing. I can’t use I Didn’t Want to Know because that’s specifically about weird stuff I think he included because kink. This whole scenario is one that needs to be deployed with extreme caution because of how it plays into the fearmongering and dehumanizing stereotypes targeted at a marginalized community yet Cox just writes it straight! From the bottom of my black heart, fuck you Cox.
F*** You: 1
This assassin is not a woman, but it’s concerning and antifeminist for Kitlyn to declare herself the arbiter of who counts as a woman. So I’m repurposing an extant count. Crabs in a Bucket is now whenever women are unnecessarily cruel to each other.
Crabs in a Bucket: 26 (5 from chapter 1, 3 from chapter 3, 5 from chapter 4, 1 from chapter 5, 2 from chapter 6, 2 from chapter 7, 1 from chapter 8, 1 from chapter 9, and 1 from Kitlyn being a cissexist bitch right now)
From an in-universe perspective, this also makes no sense. We know there’s pageboys and footmen, so a male servant would have had the same access. Evermoor’s military is also 60% women, so there’s no reason this assassin couldn’t have been a grown woman. This assassin also clearly isn’t meant to be a trans woman or gender nonconforming person because they aren’t used to moving in dresses and that’s a key reason why they fail to kill Oona. Guess I gave that away, sorry.
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 15 (If Evermoor’s assassin hadn’t engaged in a pointless gender deception, this book would probably be over by now)
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 110
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 65
I’m not giving points for there being no guards, because we’ll learn what happened to the guards after the assassin is defeated.
So Kitlyn runs across the hallway into Oona’s room, catching the maid halfway across the room approaching the sleeping Oona and in the act of drawing a dagger. Kitlyn calls for the guards, the assassin looks back and runs for Oona to do what he’s here to do. Kitlyn calls out Oona’s name and uses her magic to make the assassin stumble and then she jumps onto him. She delays him for a short time and then he throws her off like she’s nothing. This isn’t portrayed as the assassin having super strength or anything, just the difference between a man and a woman.
Titted Down the Stairs: 23
The Force is With Me: 14
Kitlyn is stunned and dead to rights, but Oona (Who has somehow woken up in a few seconds at most and got her wits about her) detonates a blue flare in front of him. And that causes him to basically dodge roll instead of attack Kitlyn, and Kitlyn “sees spots”.
Sugar & Steel: 5 (Deep sleep to fighting in 0.5 seconds)
Kitlyn gets up just in time for the assassin to kick her in the face, which realistically should break her nose and probably end the fight. Instead it sends her sliding around the room like it’s a goddamn cartoon until she crashes into the mantelpiece, and in the time it took her to slide the assassin is able to get to Oona and start trying to murder her. Somehow Oona being in trouble causes Kitlyn to suddenly stop being in pain and stop having difficulty focusing because of her flash-blindness and head trauma and she gets up.
Sugar & Steel: 6
Basically the scene is Oona has both of her hands around the assassin’s right wrist to try and stop him from forcing the 10-inch dagger into her chest while the assassin’s using his other hand to suffocate her. The language suggests Oona is failing to stop this, which I buy from the not much attention Oona was paying to her training though the text seems to be trying to imply that Oona can’t stop him physically because he’s a man. It just makes the assassin look incompetent for not just using his other hand or his body weight to force the dagger down.
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 16
Kitlyn grabs a fireplace poker and orders the assassin away from Oona, thus warning him that she is upright and armed (Just hit him), but he dismisses her as a threat. This only makes any sense to me given Kitlyn’s actions so far if the assassin is a raging misogynist which doesn’t make sense for someone from a country whose military is supposedly 60% women.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 112
So Kitlyn attacks, and the assassin dodges by rolling off the bed. At which point, because he’s on the ground in a fight and it’ll be easy to get him before he can get up, Kitlyn stabs the poker into the back of his neck, probably killing him outright but she doesn’t check because she sweeps Oona up in a carry and runs down the hallway toward the nearest guard station. Actually no, but I wish it’d happened like that. What actually happens is he comes up in a lunge towards Kitlyn before she can do anything. Does everyone in this book have superhuman speed and endurance?
Anyway she parries his dagger lunge with her fireplace poker. Somehow. And then swings at his face, but he ducks out of the way despite the fact his lunge should have pretty much fixed his position for a few seconds with his momentum and body weight. Kitlyn thinks that the poker weighs less than the sword she’s used to practicing with, so fighting one-handed is “easy, yet strange”. Which goes back to my point last chapter about Oona & Kitlyn being taught the wrong weapon. Start by teaching them something they’d be comfortable using and would have access to in an emergency. The assassin chuckles as he looks at Kitlyn’s weapon, which is mighty bold of him. I have a fireplace poker about two and a half feet from me right now. It’s not a sword, but it’s still a solid, relatively well balanced length of iron with a (dull) point. With the right amount of force behind it, it’d suck to be hit by.
As angry as she’d been at Morrow, this man wanted to kill Oona. She itched to take his head off, even if she had to use a fire poker to do it.
I’m starting to worry a bit about Kitlyn’s mental state. Anyway she feints, and does a complicated maneuver to actually target his groin because I guess that’s just how Kitlyn relates to men. Because this fight to save Oona’s life has to continue for as long as possible, the assassin manages to avoid it and just wind up bleeding. Kitlyn orders Oona to run and go get the guards, but despite contributing earlier in this fight Oona’s having a breakdown huddled against the wall unable to do much of anything. This just makes me think Cox copy-pasted the idea of the hero fighting to save his girlfriend/wife in some old movie from the 50s where she’s so useless because she’s a woman that she can’t even run for her own life and just replaced generic action dude with Kitlyn.
Kitlyn dodges an attack, swings at the assassin’s face again and he dodges again and good goddess how has Cox made a fight boring? Anyway Kitlyn fucked up because she imbalanced herself and the assassin could and should probably just finish her off because clearly the princess is not going to be able to protect herself without this random girl in a nightdress but because the assassin would win if he did that he actually goes after Oona again and Kitlyn hits him again to keep him from doing so. I think it’s the repetition that’s getting me.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 66 (Oona had her shit together enough just a few paragraphs ago)
Oona finally gets herself to do something, and that something is create a barrier of light between herself and the assassin like she’s got a shield floating in front of her. The assassin attacks Kitlyn again and somehow turns that into a running attack against Oona, who blasts him in the face with magic and he howls with pain but keeps coming and holy hell the whole thing reads like a fight that could happen in a tabletop game. Anyway he stabs down at Oona, and Oona rolls in her bed to avoid the strike and kicks him with both legs from a prone position in her bed and that actually makes him stagger, and then he trips
on the dress tangled about his legs and landed flat on his back. I just. AAAAAAAH.
Sugar & Steel: 7 (I don’t buy this maneuver from Oona)
Titted Down the Stairs: 24 (IF I CAN DANCE IN MAXI DRESSES, AN ASSASSIN CAN FIGHT IN ONE. HOLY HELL COX DO SOME GODDAMN DOLPHIN FUCKING RESEARCH ON A TOPIC OTHER THAN TOILETS YOU HACK)
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 18 (One for not killing the person obviously determined to stop him when he had the chance, one for implausibly tripping on a goddamn work dress.)
I need a drink. Kitlyn comes over to hit the guy while he’s on the floor because finally her brain cells are working but because this is fucking dark souls where everybody can just flip upright from a prone position if they dodge roll after being knocked down she misses her first strike and barely scrapes his back as he gets up. Oona calls for the guards and fires a bolt of light out of her window, whereupon it explodes like a firework.
I’m about twelve seconds away from committing to the idea that if I find a genie and get three wishes, one of them will be that Oona in this book has a consistent powerset. In chapter 1, it’s suggested that Oona’s magic is based on light, with aspects of heat. In chapter 3, it takes on truth determining aspects and can carry physical force. And in chapter 12, it can explode like a bomb or more accurately a flash-bang grenade. Oona clarifies that “It’s just light and sound” when Kitlyn tells Oona to hit the assassin with that thing. Oona should still hit the assassin with that thing. Light and sound can be debilitating. Especially to creatures with super vision or super hearing, and this guy obviously has super speed and super reflexes so it’s worth a try. Anyway, it really feels like Oona’s powerset depends on what Cox feels like writing in the moment. If that’s the case, it means Oona’s powerset is poorly thought through and the question should be asked “Does she need it for the story?” and the answer to that question is “No”.
The Force is With Me: 15
I’m Kind Of A Big Deal: 11
So Kitlyn and the assassin duel and exchange, textually, at least two strikes each which don’t hit because that might be a good stopping point for this. This continues for a while after with Oona periodically making magical attacks that do absolutely nothing to the assassin because they’re equivalent to “being punched” and I just. Punches hurt. They can kill. Especially if you could target them magically at a vulnerable part of your opponent such as their nose, eyes, groin, armpits, kneecaps, or fingers. Kitlyn thinks that this is nothing like the fight with Morrow and I don’t know it’s about as boring. Kitlyn tries to stay calculating because if she fights with anger both of them are going to die.
If Kitlyn and the assassin are dueling for a while and Oona is unmolested enough to periodically make magical attacks, then Oona has a duty as the alleged princess to run off while Kitlyn holds the assassin here. But of course she’s not.
The assassin lunges at Kitlyn, this time seeking to grab her instead of stab her because??? I don’t understand the reasoning. Anyway, because this must continue she “spins” away because that’s not a terrible idea in a fight or anything and…he half-rips her nightdress off. I’m making a noise in my throat that’s reminiscent of a rattlesnake.
I Didn’t Want To Know: 34
Anyway Kitlyn stomps her “bare foot” on the assassin’s boot and is surprised when he doesn’t feel that and it doesn’t make him let her go.
I Didn’t Want To Know: 35
Oona launches another magical attack, and this one instead of carrying physical force blinds him for a moment. Give Oona a consistent powerset or take away her magic. Kitlyn uses the opportunity to stab the assassin in the stomach with her fireplace poker, and praise the great spider this has to be the end of it! Even with a blunt weapon like that which can’t go in but so far, the bleeding and pain would be pretty serious.
Except it doesn’t. The only effect it has is that the assassin “curses” Kitlyn, and it’s not the awesome kind of curse. So he attacks her, and she evades, and he attacks her, and she evades, and brings the fireplace poker down on his wrist and apparently breaks some kind of bone and then Oona sends off another magical attack and we’re back to punching people from across the room because this one breaks his nose. So Kitlyn forces him back with the poker and Oona darts in to pick up the dagger.
He backed away, right hand dangling limp. Brown eyes burned with anger and shock.
Dunno what he’s surprised about. He’s from a country with a military that’s 60% women and he refused to make the best choice several times.
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 67
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 113
Oona tells Kitlyn not to kill the assassin because things need to be learned, and the assassin runs over to the window and jumps out. Kitlyn straight up tries to murder him by using her magic to make a thing for him to land on that’s hard unyielding stone instead of the moat so either she’s a complete fool who can’t be trusted with her power or she’s bloodthirsty. I will grant that Kitlyn’s not trying to kill, just “give him something less pleasant to land on '' but let's be real this probably would have killed him. Also why the hell does the princess’ room directly overlook the moat? That’s asking for trouble.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 114
The assassin lands in the moat, and Oona goes to the window and yells to the night about there being an assassin in the moat and honey if they didn’t hear your damn firework they’re not going to hear your voice.
Somehow this chapter is only half over. Kitlyn only has bruises and feels no pain and has no reaction to them. Oona apologizes for freezing up, Kitlyn reassures her by talking about what’s normal for soldiers facing their first battle and I have no idea how she knows that. Oona says she only came to her senses when she saw Kitlyn in danger, and we’re supposed to see that as true love but like. Is the implication there meant to be someone who can’t move to protect someone they care for doesn’t love them? Because fuck that.
Anyway they kiss instead of going to find the guards and the assassin’s partner enters the room and shoots them with a gun she found. I’m kidding. The assassin was working alone, and somehow our protagonists know this and aren’t worried about other accomplices who might even now be approaching them in a desperate final move with the failure of the main assassin.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 115
The very instant they kiss, the door to Oona’s room crashes open. I would have thought it’d be open already what with Kitlyn “barging” in. Oona “shrieks” and jumps away from Kitlyn which is like. Try harder to keep her a secret. Also it’s good they were interrupted. They were just in a traumatic situation together which they barely survived, and there’s a huge difference between a trauma bond and a romantic bond.
A guard demands to know what’s happening. Oona starts yelling about assassins and says the one who came for her jumped out the window after Kitlyn broke his hand and then a second guard, Beredwyn, and King Talomir enter the room. Whereupon a bomb Evermoor placed under the room detonates, decapitating Lucernia’s command structure in one fell swoop and leading them to swift victory. No it doesn’t, but that’s the sort of thing that should be happening with the kind of espionage advantage Evermoor has.
Kitlyn starts to faint, which prompts Beredwyn to run over and fan her. Oona yells at Beredwyn and King Talomir because of course she does that someone tried to kill her and where the hell has everyone been because she’s been screaming for a while. Beredwyn says that the nearest guards are asleep at their posts and won’t wake, which most likely means they were drugged. Kitlyn asks if Oona is alright, and Oona just squeezes Kitlyn’s hand.
King Talomir then just walks up and hugs both of them and holds them for several minutes while the guards start a search. Dude’s just advertising it at this point, though I’m more inclined to forgive this particular moment than I was the war meeting. King Talomir finally lets them go and asks them what happened. Oona tells the story, and the text explicitly says Kitlyn is the heroine of said story. King Talomir just stares directly at Kitlyn the entire time and she feels
paralyzed under the weight of his deep green gaze. This is when we learn King Talomir’s eye color, which we could have learned back in chapter 7 just fine.
King Talomir asks Kitlyn to tell him what happened, and she says she wasn’t sleeping well, heard someone walking away in the hall
The king’s eyebrow climbed a fraction of an inch. He seemed to be fighting a smile.and thankfully Cox doesn’t make us read the chapter again.
The king remained silent for a while, looking, sad, older, and guilty. He shook it off with a sigh. “I have not been honest with you.”
Beredwyn raised both eyebrows and opened his mouth, but held his tongue.
“Your mother did not die in childbirth as I told you.” He looked down for a few seconds before lifting his gaze to Oona. “She was murdered by those damnable savages, as you almost were tonight.
So close, but so far. Oona asks when, King Talomir says when you were about a year old and they tried to keep Oona a secret after that because of the Foretelling. Oona then cries
for her motheralthough I would think Oona has a lot of good reasons to cry right now.
Ladies Cry, right?: 17
King Talomir talks to Lorne, because instead of coordinating the search the captain of the guard is hanging around here. Anyway, he finally does what he should have done about 13 years ago and orders that guards will follow Oona & Kitlyn everywhere from now on and these guards are not to eat or drink anything a priest hasn’t blessed, and that he’ll do it himself if necessary. The king asks for a report on the assassin, and Lorne’s psychic connection to his guards is working because he can tell King Talomir that the guy was shot to death by some archers. King Talomir orders an investigation into how the assassin got in.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 116 (How does CAPTAIN Lorne know if no one has reported back to him yet?)
Kitlyn jumps as Oona suddenly touches her where the assassin ripped Kitlyn’s nightdress. I know Cox doesn’t mean this to come across as questionable, but it does. Oona says that Kitlyn’s nightdress is ruined, and then she turners to Beredwyn to say that she’s done tolerating Kitlyn not being available to do her job as Oona’s handmaiden and Kitlyn should be treated as a handmaiden if she cannot be a lady, and asks if Kitlyn earns a wage.
”She does, but it is held in trust.” Beredwyn smiled. “She has but to ask for what she needs. Always has.”
“In trust?” Oona blinked.
Kitlyn quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Umm, well, you’d never so much as inquired after a wage.” Beredwyn fidgeted at his robes.
This is actually one of the ways we’re supposed to know that Kitlyn is the true princess. Later in the book, a character the audience is meant to trust will learn about this and say something to the effect of “A father buys his daughter whatever she wants within reason” and is surprised to learn of Oona’s allowance.
Kitlyn has to try hard to keep her ripped nightdress on her while Oona, who’s pissed at King Talomir & Beredwyn for their excuses right now - good goddess Oona, shouldn’t you still be processing the fact someone tried to kill you and nearly succeeded? - drags Kitlyn to her wardrobe, gets a silk nightdress out, and then shoves Kitlyn into the bathroom for some privacy to change. Kitlyn objects, and Oona basically says “Just do it”.
Power Difference: 78
Kitlyn starts thinking about how great it’d be to have a real father on account of seeing King Talomir say goodnight to Oona and kiss her on the cheek. She thinks that it doesn’t make sense that King Talomir included her in that hug and thinks that he’d probably just been so happy he’d found it easier to hug them both than separate them and hug Oona. OR it’s something to do with the six possibilities I outlined in chapter ten. You should probably be afraid, not charmed.
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 117
Whipping Girl: 55 (King Talomir didn’t tell them the truth)
Whipping Girl Redux: 12
Kitlyn tells Oona goodnight and tries to leave, but Oona says “Kit” and she doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
”Kit”: 7
I’m not willing to call this a moment of bad behavior on Oona’s part. It’s completely understandable why she’d be afraid of being alone right now. The text stresses that too. It is, unfortunately, still the case that Kitlyn cannot say no.
Power Difference: 79
Kitlyn says she’ll probably get in trouble, and Oona says she’s afraid. Beredwyn leaves at this point.
Whipping Girl: 56 (Beredwyn didn’t tell them the truth)
Whipping Girl Redux: 13
Oona leads Kitlyn to her bed, and they talk for a bit about whether there’s another assassin and agree that they hate the war. They lie there in silence for a while, and Oona asks if Kitlyn thinks she should marry Prince Lanwick, though Oona calls him Tristan. Frankly Oona, the fact you’re calling him Tristan should probably lead your father to believe you particularly like him. Kitlyn says she can’t imagine spending your life with someone you don’t love and just. Lots of people do that. Kitlyn asks if Oona wants to, because she doesn’t think Oona loves Prince Lanwick. Oona talks about King Talomir’s belief that Ondari intervention will cause Evermoor to back down. Kitlyn agrees that that’s unlikely if Evermoor actually is being driven by demons. Kitlyn thinks about Oona, and looks at the ceiling to avoid the risk of Oona seeing in her face something she’s not ready to admit yet but she gathers her courage and asks if Oona was about to kiss her. But Oona has fallen asleep by then. Kitlyn decides that being there for Oona will have to do, and the chapter ends.
Afterword: I’m sorry I lost control at points in this chapter. This is just the first time I’ve read about a boring fight. Not to mention the pointless transmisogyny - nothing about the boring fight scene would have changed if the assassin had been a woman or a man dressed in a serving man’s clothes, even the instigating moment - what was suspicious wasn’t a “man in a dress” it was someone picking the princess’ lock and entering her room. There was no reason to write that at all. Cox just decided to vilify trans women, and I don’t actually care if he actively chose to or if this was driven by a lifetime of background radiation in the form of transphobic media.
Next chapter, Oona fucks Kitlyn over. So much for Kitlyn being a heroine who Oona should supposedly respect.
Our counts stand thus:
The Captain Needa Cadet School: 18
Swamp Elves: 7
Whose Plot is it anyway?: 67
Peppermint Schnapps & Caramel Ice Cream: 117
Whipping Girl: 56
Whipping Girl Redux: 13
Apollo’s Oracle: 4
Damsel, Rope, & a Railway: 29
Crabs in a Bucket: 26
Titted Down the Stairs: 24
Pointless Pedantry: 19
I Didn’t Want To Know: 35
Ladies Cry, right?: 17
”Kit”: 7
The Force is With Me: 15
Sugar & Steel: 7
Flog The Point Into You: 6
Power Difference: 79
I’m Kind Of A Big Deal: 11
F*** You: 1
Table of Contents
no subject
Date: 2022-08-02 10:24 pm (UTC)Same. I'm sure I've done some variation of at least one thing I've complained about Cox doing here, but I like to think I'm at least consistent in my mistakes.
I shall defer to your greater expertise in this area, then. My dress adventures are mostly limited to running to the mailbox or walking around the grocery store, so I admit I'm no expert on how they behave in a situation like this. But yeah, no assassin worth his salt would try something as important as assassinating a princess without being damn sure he could move properly in his disguise.
Yeah. It's nice to see her character flaws working for her instead of against her for once. It's not necessarily a bad thing for a princess to have an authoritative streak - it's Oona's tendency to use her authority in inappropriate (and often abusive) ways that's the problem.
This would've made for a much better story. Kitlyn would've gotten some agency, Oona would have to get off her butt and actively do something uncomfortable for the benefit of someone else, and we'd have some real dramatic tension for the first time in this gods-forsaken book. But that would've been too much fun.
I'm also interpreting it as "they kissed." That is literally the word we use to describe two people's lips meeting, which the text clearly states has happened here. This would've made so much more sense if Cox had written Kitlyn worrying about Oona's reluctance to talk about them kissing instead of contradicting himself.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-03 03:25 am (UTC)Or worrying about the fact that Oona screamed and jumped away from her. Kitlyn should be terrified that as soon as Oona isn't quite so scared, she's gonna be the victim of homophobic bullying from her alleged closest friend. The fact Oona allowed herself to fall asleep without saying something like "I didn't mean to scream. I was just shocked when father rushed in. I can't really talk right now, but I don't want you to feel like you're unwanted." could be construed as a flaw of Oona's if it weren't for the fact that someone just tried to kill her and that'd quite reasonably throw someone off balance.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-03 03:36 pm (UTC)That, too. Leave it to Cox to write a first kiss like a third act break-up.
Yeah. Recently inflicted trauma is the only saving grace for pretty much everyone's behavior in this chapter. That and Cox's sheer incompetence as an author in the case of Kitlyn's transphobia.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-03 10:23 pm (UTC)I'm not inclined to give Cox anything that resembles a break for Kitlyn's transphobia. I'm not sure if considering Cox to be incompetent is giving him a pass or not, though.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-04 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-04 01:21 am (UTC)