Black/Gold Brick Commentary

[mara_dienne459]

In which more useless characters arrive and do absolutely nothing for an entire chapter. 


Chapter Eleven: Bloodwolf

 

This chapter immediately picks up where the previous one left off, but now we’re accompanying Nasuada on this rodeo.

 

What a proud man, thought Nasuada as she watched Roran leave the pavilion. It’s interesting; he and Eragon are alike in so many ways, and yet their personalities are fundamentally different. Eragon may be one of the most deadly warriors in Alagaësia, but he isn’t a hard or cruel person. Roran, however, is made of sterner stuff. I hope that he never crosses me; I would have to destroy him in order to stop him. 

 

Excuse me. I need to go into the nearest industrial freezer and scream. Eragon is only deadly because FUCKING WARDS and magic, and is Nasuada just not seeing the same Eragon I am? Where he tortures people to get what he wants, or murders people who have no way of defending themselves from him? Or using his power against someone who can’t fight back? Or getting pissed when the world doesn’t go his way? He isn’t hard or cruel? Eragon might not be hard in the strictest sense, but he’ll certainly do whatever the fuck he feels like as it pertains to his own self-righteous sense of justice and not lose a wink of sleep over it. As far as cruel, let me make a list:

 

1. he tortured a soldier back in Gil’ead to find what cell Arya was in
2. He cursed Elva, and then decides to go against her wishes until she stops him, and he still continues to be cruel to her
3. He curses Sloan with the most evil punishment he can come up with, despite admitting he doesn’t know the law of the land
4. He murders a conscripted soldier not much older than himself
5. He destroys cities and mercilessly kills the people trying to defend it

 

I could probably go on. Never mind that Eragon’s go-to reaction seems to be violence. As for Roran, his go-to is also violence, but he doesn’t have the decency to care about those he’s killed, except as a tally. It’s also very telling about how insecure Nasuada is, because she feels threatened by Roran, as evidenced in her line “I hope he never crosses me”. Admittedly that could mean a number of things, but considering she only whips him later for insubordination (despite the usual punishment bring death) I can only imagine that Nasuada feels as though he’s gunning for her position, or that if he wanted it, he could very well take it, and she’d have to kill him to stop him. Which would make it really difficult to run a campaign, and not only because Eragon would likely turn against her. But I really don’t understand why Nasuada feels like Roran’s a threat to her, because he never makes an indication that he wants to be in a leadership position. Nasuada just kind of shunts him there as a reward because he doesn’t feel like listening to his commanding officer at the time. And not because he thought the guy was wrong or because he had to make a split second decision; no, Roran disobeys simply because he doesn’t like the guy and he wants to do something different, which consequently likely kills more people than it saves, and only wins Roran some glory. It serves no purpose other than to give Roran some jollies.

 

She checks her bandages and decides they’re still fresh, so she calls her handmaiden and orders lunch. The handmaid does so, and once she’s gone, Nasuada calls Elva over and then the two of them have breakfast.

 

Nasuada spent the next few hours reviewing the Varden’s latest inventory reports, calculating the number of wagon trains she would need to move the Varden farther north, and adding and subtracting rows of figures that represented the finances of her army. She sent messages to the dwarves and Urgals, ordered the bladesmiths to increase their production of spearheads, threatened the Council of Elders with dissolution—as she did most every week—and otherwise attended to the Varden’s business. Then, with Elva at her side, Nasuada rode out on her stallion, Battle-storm, and met with Trianna, who had captured and was busy interrogating a member of Galbatorix’s spy network, the Black Hand. 

 

Wasn’t the council of elders knocked off back in Eldest? When Nasuada made that power grab once Eragon declared publicly that he served her and only her? We certainly never saw them again, except as periphery characters during the meeting that Nasuada attended at Orrin’s request. Other than that, they haven’t had much of a presence in the story, and have really just been sitting there quietly, not doing much of anything. I also enjoy how almost everyone in this story rides a stallion. Not one time is a gelding mentioned. I suppose it makes sense, considering stallions are stronger than geldings, and are better suited for carrying an armored knight. They’re also apparently great for cavalry. But as far as Nasuada, I’m not sure why she gets a stallion, other than to prove hers is just as big, if not bigger, than anyone else. Anyway, it’s also interesting that Trianna has been busy rooting out spies from Galby’s assassination network, and yet there’s still plenty to go around. Not that they have any bearing on the story. They’re really kind of ineffective. And for every one Trianna seems to catch (although I’m fairly certain it’s only twice in the entire story that it’s mentioned) there seems to be twenty more reporting back to Galby and doing... stuff? There’s no mention of sabotage or assassinations of high ranking Varden officials, I guess you could say. It seems really unrealistic that there’s so many agents of Galby among the ranks of the Varden, yet they don’t do anything.

 

She and her Elva shadow leave Trianna’s tent, and Nasuada becomes aware of something happening to the north. She hears shouts and cheers, and a man appears out of nowhere and starts sprinting toward her. Her guards automatically close ranks around her, except for one Urgal, who makes himself a living wall who’s about to hit back really hard. The guy stops before the Urgal-Wall can brain him and shouts to Nasuada that the elves are here. The elves are here! The British are coming!

 

For a wild, improbable moment, Nasuada thought he meant Queen Islanzadí and her army, but then she remembered Islanzadí was near Ceunon; not even the elves could move a host across the width of Alagaësia in less than a week. It must be the twelve spellweavers Islanzadí sent to protect Eragon. 

 

Yeah, remember those guys? The ones that were actually sent to Aberon, Surda’s capital? Apparently they got a MapQuest update and took a detour to meet up with the Varden now. Which, you know, begs the question of “why didn’t they just meet up with Eragon and Arya?” Surely Izzy did her magical FaceTime and told them where Eragon was, right? So they just decided to join up with the Varden and then... wait around? Sounds like a totally legit bodyguard detail. Not that they really do much bodyguarding. They’re mostly arm candy and spare batteries, and only two get named aside from their leader, who’s a ripoff Nightcrawler. These twelve are more than useless, because they don’t really do anything for the Varden, or Eragon, really. They do some fancy magic now and then, but they don’t really apply their skills where they could be of some use. 

 

“Quick, my horse,” she said, and snapped her fingers. Her forearms burned as she swung herself onto Battle-storm. She waited only long enough for the nearest Urgal to hand her Elva, then drove her heels into the stallion. His muscles surged beneath her as he sprang into a gallop. Bending low over his neck, she steered him down a crude lane between two rows of tents, dodging men and animals and jumping a rain barrel that barred her way. The men did not seem to take offense; they laughed and scrambled after her so they could see the elves with their own eyes. 

 

Uh, what? They see their leader on horseback galloping like a bat out of hell and their reaction is to laugh and follow? Seriously? Do they know she’s racing to meet the elves or do they just look at her and go “Oh, there goes Nasuada! She’s a silly girl! Let’s go see what silly things she’s going to do today!” That... seriously doesn’t bode well for the idea that the Varden are a rebellion army and they’re fighting for the freedom and liberation of Alagaesia. That sounds more like they’re an invasive army, set to destroy and take over. They aren’t the least bit alarmed by their leader’s action here. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I see my leader running as fast as she can, I get worried. Is there an attack? Is something happening that I’m going to have to risk my life to stop? Did my off-tank miss his taunt and crap my main tank is dead and we have no battle resurrections? Because that’s happened, and let me tell you, being a squishy DPS facing a boss all by your lonesome is somewhat sphincter-clenching. Also, I enjoy that Nasuada is able to withstand the pain in her arms after mounting, and then kicking her horse into a full gallop (which jars your arms, simply because of the movement of the horse’s head and pounding hooves) she’s able to not only keep her grip, but not cry in pain as the horse dodges “men and animals”, whatever that means, because usually the horse has to be guided by the rider to avoid obstacles, and then jumps a rain barrel.

 

What the fuck is a rain barrel doing there? There’s not one mention of a storm ever occurring over the Varden or really in the entirety of this story except for the first book where Saphira’s caught in it and suddenly can’t do anything without help, and then in the second book where Eragon finds the study being destroyed by wind and has an attack. Why would the Varden bother to carry rain barrels?

 

None of this passage makes any sense, because nobody acts the way they should. Even Nasuada seems so overzealous to reach the Perfect Elves before anyone else. Huh, maybe that’s why the elves vote for her as queen. She’s the first to kiss their asses, and Orrin comes up second fiddle.

 

She gets to the northern entrance of the camp and gets down from the horse. So does Elva. Elva points out the elves to Nasuada, and they’re still nearly two miles off, so Nasuada describes their beautiful running and how they don’t kick up any dust and how they remind her of a pack of predators. Does this change her opinion about them? No. She just feels that they’re as dangerous as the giant wolves that live in the Beor Mountains and that’s about it. And then, ugh, Angela shows up. She asks Nasuada finds the elves “awe-inspiring”, which startles Nasuada because she didn’t hear the stupid woman approach, and Elva didn’t warn her about it. Nasuada asks her how it is she’s always managing to be present when something interesting is about to occur, but otherwise is nowhere to be found when she’s actually needed. Angela replies that she likes to know what’s going on, and being present is so much faster than finding out about it secondhand. She dithers about ring fingers being longer than index fingers, FUCKING WARDS, and whether the donkey they happen to be riding has a bald patch in the shape of a rooster’s head.

 

No, literally.

 

Nasuada is like, WTF, you never give up your secrets, do you? Angela replies:

 

“Now, what good would that do? Everyone would get all excited over some piffle of a spell, and then I’d have to spend hours trying to explain, and in the end, King Orrin would want to chop off my head and I would have to fight off half your spellcasters during my escape. It’s just not worth the effort, if you ask me.” 

 

Uh, what? Everyone would get excited over a spell, then Angela would have to spend hours explaining the spell, and then Orrin would want to chop off her head? The guy who commissioned Trianna to use her magic to help him with science? Why would Orrin want to chop off Angela’s head? Other than her being completely annoying as all hell, I mean. Orrin has never once expressed dissatisfaction with magic or spellcasters; it’s Nasuada that has issues with magic and the people who use it. I mean, she says she can’t trust Trianna, but Trianna hasn’t ever given a reason as to why she isn’t trustworthy. She’s put her life on the line to defend Nasuada when she didn’t have to, and she did it without hesitation. Did Nasuada decide not to trust Trianna when the sorceress chewed her out for demanding she make lace without explaining why she wanted the lace made first? Angela has never been and never will be funny. Her quips are annoying, and she’s useless except as a Deus ex Machina. Take Angela out and the story wouldn’t change one bit.

 

“Your answer hardly inspires confidence. But—”

 

“That’s because you are too serious, Lady Nightstalker.” 

 

No, it’s because you’re annoying, and anyone with half a brain would take what you said as a threat and get rid of you before you could cause problems. I don’t take any confidence from Angela’s answer either, and I’m reading the damn book. I just find my eyebrow raising at the fact she can be so brazen and not fear any kind of retaliation. Which, I’m sorry, she’d more than likely get if she were anyone but who she is. If anyone else insulted Orrin as she did - and suggesting Orrin would kill her for simply explaining a spell is like calling him a loose cannon and that he’s extremely violent and unfair, which is insulting - they would be told to watch their tongue and to never speak like that again. But not Angela. Noooo, not Angela. No, Nasuada then just wants to know why Angela is looking for someone riding a donkey with a strange bald patch.

 

As I mentioned before in the blue text, Nasuada doesn’t slap Angela down for insulting King Orrin, but rather asks why Angela is so concerned about that damned donkey. Angela replies that the guy who owns the donkey cheated her at a game of knucklebones (whatever that is, because I don’t remember it being introduced before, and the only knucklebones that were introduced were the magic fortune telling ones that Angela had) and Nasuada is shocked that someone cheated Angela. Angela admits she isn’t trustworthy at all and she cheated by switching the dice for a loaded set of her own, which was then switched on her by her opponent, causing her opponent to win. Nasuada points out they were both cheating, and because there’s no speech tag indicating otherwise, my head supplies this dubious tone like she can’t believe Angela just admitted this like it means nothing and is absolutely normal. Angela replies:

 

“It was a valuable crystal! Besides, how can you cheat a cheater?” 

 

This exchange has nothing to do with the story and we never find out what happens with it anyway. All it proves is that Angela can’t be trusted. If there’s something she wants, she’ll do whatever she must to cheat you out of it, or to work things in her favor so that she comes out ahead. This is not person I’d want following me around and watching what I do. Moreover, isn’t Angela supposed to be keeping an eye on Elva? Elva has been with Nasuada every waking hour, but Angela has not. Even back in Eldest, Angela was nowhere to be found anywhere near Elva. It’s explained away as “she had to run an errand”, but still, why would you leave your charge behind, knowing what she’s capable of? And back to this book, why hasn’t Angela been hanging around with Nasuada and Elva and teaching Elva when nobody’s around? Angela seriously just looks at this little girl like she’s some sort of zoo attraction and not a human being. This seems especially obvious later, when Eragon removes the “pain” part of his spell from Elva, and when she walks out of the tent, Angela hauls off and slaps Eragon and complains that he’s just made her life harder, because now she has to teach Elva manners. Wasn’t she supposed to be doing that from the beginning? Not that she ever does. Even in the WormFork book, Angela just takes Elva with her as a traveling companion, mostly because Angela doesn’t want to live under the rule of “magic users must join Nasuada’s club” and Elva is a selfish little bitch that makes ambassadors cry because it amuses her and she can.

 

Before Nasuada could respond, the six Nighthawks came pounding out of the camp and took up positions around her. She hid her distaste as the heat and smell of their bodies assailed her. The odor of the two Urgals was especially pungent. Then, somewhat to her surprise, the captain of the shift, a burly man with a crooked nose and the name of Garven, accosted her. “My Lady, may I have a word with you in private?” He spoke through close-set teeth, as if struggling to contain a great emotion. 

 

Oh, get over yourself, Nasuada! I bet you don’t smell like a bunch of fresh-picked roses yourself. Do you really think your army has time to bathe? They’re lucky if they get time to do what Roran did earlier and scrape himself with a stick. Most armies don’t have the luxury of baths, you know. If you got lucky and were near a river, you could at least wash your face, but as for a full on bath, no way. What does she expect? Besides that, there’s no such thing as deodorant in this time period, and she’s lucky that the smell of unwashed bodies is all she has to deal with. 

 

Both Angela and Elva look at Nasuada with expressions that ask her if they want her to leave her alone. She nods, so they go off and Nasuada gets her private chat with the captain of her guard. She starts to speak, but Garven interrupts her and starts chewing her out for leaving them in the dust. Nasuada’s response is entirely selfish:

 

“Peace, Captain,” she replied. “It was a small enough risk, and I felt it was important to be here in time to greet the elves.” 

 

I bet she wouldn’t have said this if an assassin’s arrow hit her in the side or her horse tripped and threw her. Also, you could’ve waited five seconds and walked, stupid. The elves are still miles away even now, so you would’ve gotten here on time to greet them like you wanted. No, you wanted to be first. You wanted to beat Orrin to the punch and you wanted to have all the glory to yourself, which is pretty shitty, considering Orrin is supposed to be your ally. Nasuada pretty much gives Orrin the shaft throughout the entire story, and when the time comes to choose a new monarch, instead of going with the legitimate claim, everyone backs the person who thinks she can do a good job. Despite the fact Orrin has been a king for far longer than Nasuada has been the Varden’s leader. It’s really kind of bullshit.

 

Garven’s mail rustled as he struck his leg with a bunched fist. “A small risk? Not an hour ago, you received proof that Galbatorix still has agents hidden among us. He has been able to infiltrate us again and again, and yet you see fit to abandon your escort and go racing through a host of potential assassins! Have you forgotten the attack in Aberon, or how the Twins slew your father?” 

 

Galby is able to infiltrate you time and time again because you don’t bother to have anyone screen newcomers anymore. You didn’t have anyone rescreened when it came out that the Twins were traitors. So, yeah, there’s still proof that there’s enemies among you because you didn’t bother to root them out from the get go. And as far as anything else goes, no Nasuada doesn’t think, because she isn’t a good leader, and she’s protected by Plot Armor. Nothing bad will happen to her unless the plot demands it. 

 

“Captain Garven! You go too far.”

 

“I’ll go even further if it means ensuring your well-being.” 

 

Except show emotion because I am a robot and don’t know what emotion is! Seriously, they’re supposed to be yelling at each other, aren’t they? Why are there no punctuation marks denoting that? 

 

The elves, Nasuada observed, had halved the distance between them and the camp. Angry, and eager to end the conversation, she said, “I am not without my own protection, Captain.” 

 

She’s angry at being admonished by the captain of her own personal guard? What the hell? She also is apparently very angry about being treated like a stupid kid, as evidenced by her desire to end this conversation as quickly as possible. The problem is, Nasuada is acting like a stupid kid who ran into the middle of the street to catch the ice cream truck, not bothering to see if any other traffic was coming, and getting screamed at by her parent. Nasuada doesn’t like that feeling, but she’s totally deserving of it, just by her actions here. And she doesn’t want to have that pointed out by what is, essentially, a servant. If she’s acting like this with the guy in charge of keeping her safe, I can only imagine what would happen once she’s queen and anyone who could stop her is gone. Once anyone who can stand against her is gone. Even worse is that she tries to justify her actions by saying she’s always protected, but this becomes false later, when Elva gains the ability to do what she wants and not be beholden to anyone. All of a sudden, at that point, Nasuada becomes wholly reliant upon her guard to keep her safe. She no longer has the advantage that Elva gave her. And yes, while she can’t predict that coming to pass, she certainly could be a little more respectful to the men who are guarding her now, especially when they could either abandon her or kill her themselves. Nasuada doesn’t seem to realize the position she’s in, and she clearly doesn’t care about the people serving her. 

 

Flicking his eyes toward Elva, Garven said, “We have suspected as much, Lady.” A pause followed, as if he were hoping she would volunteer more information. When she remained silent, he forged onward: “If you were actually safe, then I was wrong to accuse you of recklessness, and I apologize. Still, safety and the appearance of safety are two different things. For the Nighthawks to be effective, we have to be the smartest, toughest, meanest warriors in the land, and people have to believe that we’re the smartest, the toughest, and the meanest. They have to believe that if they try to stab you or shoot you with a crossbow or use magic against you, that we will stop them. If they believe they have about as much chance of killing you as a mouse does a dragon, then they may very well give up the idea as hopeless, and we will have averted an attack without ever having to lift a finger. 

 

The only thing in this paragraph that bothers me is the fact Garven fucking apologizes to Nasuada. Because even he should be able to tell that Elva, who’s in the body of like a six year old girl, would not be able to stop a sword coming at Nasuada, or an arrow, or whatever else. Elva’s only skill is being able to predict the harm that’s about to befall someone and then try to stop it. Her being successful at doing exactly this is dependent upon how fast she is once she gets that warning. Moreover, could she prevent the horse from tripping over something when it’s already in a full gallop? I doubt it. This is just another contrivance that shows nothing terrible will happen to Nasuada unless the plot requires it, and therefore the idea is her being in any real danger is laughable. Worse, the Nighthawks are damn near useless, because they don’t do anything, nor do they have any active roles. Aside from the moment Nasuada’s abducted in Inheritance, the guard just stands there like bumps on a log. There’s no reputation for them to gain. It isn’t like they’ve defended her in battle, or they’ve protected her from an assassination attempt. They’re just props. Garven’s speech is pretty, but it means absolutely nothing.

 

“We cannot fight all your enemies, Lady Nasuada. That would take an army. Even Eragon couldn’t save you if all who want you dead had the courage to act upon their hatred. You might survive a hundred attempts on your life or a thousand, but eventually one would succeed. The only way to keep that from happening is to convince the majority of your enemies that they will never get past the Nighthawks. Our reputation can protect you just as surely as our swords and our armor. It does us no good, then, for people to see you riding off without us. No doubt we looked a right bunch of fools back there, frantically trying to catch up. After all, if you do not respect us, Lady, why should anyone else?” 

 

He’s got a point. It doesn’t mean anything, though, because Nasuada has more luck than a cockroach at surviving things that would kill anyone else. And honestly, I don’t know what reputation has to do with protecting anyone or anything. I mean, the Spartans were the most feared fighters in Ancient Greece, but people still fucked with them. Hannibal was no joke either, but people still fought against him. Their reputations always preceded them, but if someone had a mind to, they’d still fight, especially if they had something on the line that they desperately wanted to protect. And as far as respect goes, well, Nasuada doesn’t respect anybody. If she doesn’t show King Orrin respect, what makes you think she’s going to show respect to her own guards? Especially when, not two paragraphs ago, she was complaining about how they smell. If you respect anyone, you don’t wrinkle your nose in disgust and then make commentary on their body odor, especially if these guys are the ones who’ll die to protect you and make sure you live to see another day.

 

Garven moved closer, dropping his voice. “We will gladly die for you if we must. All we ask in return is that you allow us to perform our duties. It is a small favor, considering. And the day may come when you are grateful we are here. Your other protection is human, and therefore fallible, whatever her arcane powers may be. She has not sworn the same oaths in the ancient language that we of the Nighthawks have. Her sympathies could shift, and you would do well to ponder your fate if she turned against you. The Nighthawks, however, will never betray you. We are yours, Lady Nasuada, fully and completely. So please, let the Nighthawks do what they are supposed to do. . . . Let us protect you.” 

 

Haaah, what foreshadowing. It’s a shame, but Garven is right. Elva does exactly this the moment she’s freed of the punishment portion of Eragon’s curse. Moreover, why doesn’t Nasuada have Elva swear loyalty to her in the advent language? She has everyone else do it, doesn’t she? And it’s very interesting to note that the Nighthawks have sworn loyalty to Nasuada, which means no matter what she does or what they think about what she does, they have to uphold their oath or suffer the consequences. Unless she releases them from their oaths or they die, they’re trapped. Ironically, this is the very thing that the Varden claim Galby has done to the lords and ladies and nobles of Alagaesia. He made them swear loyalty to him in the ancient language. Yet, these people have complete agency. The Nighthawks, however, seem to be bound with their oaths. It’s just strange to me that Garven would mention these oaths of fealty, then say Elva’s loyalty could shift at any moment, but not the Nighthawks’, because they wholly belong to Nasuada. Is that his oath making him say that? Or does he truly believe it? And does anyone else believe what he’s saying is true? 

 

Initially, Nasuada was indifferent to his arguments, but his eloquence and the clarity of his reasoning impressed her. He was, she thought, a man she might have use for elsewhere. “I see Jörmundur has surrounded me with warriors as skilled with their tongues as they are with their swords,” she said with a smile. 

 

This is a children’s story! Good god, Nasuada! Keep it PG-13! Double entendres aside, it’s interesting to see that Nasuada doesn’t really give a shit any Garven’s feelings, let alone anything he says. She sits there on her (literal) high horse and pouts like a child who thinks they don’t deserve the lecture they’re being given. I don’t see how the “eloquence and clarity of his reasoning” would impress her, because he’s telling the truth. This is all shit she should’ve thought about long before someone had to beat her with it upside the head. Also, by the way, this is all happening while the elves are still running up to meet the gathered Varden. Time must really stand still for these people so they can solve their problems without interruption.

 

“My Lady.”

 

“You are right. I should not have left you and your men behind, and I am sorry. It was careless and inconsiderate. I am still unaccustomed to having guards with me at all hours of the day, and sometimes I forget I cannot move about with the freedom I once did. You have my word of honor, Captain Garven, it shall not happen again. I do not wish to cripple the Nighthawks any more than you.” 

 

Sometimes you forget? You’ve only had these guys since the end of the Battle off the Burning Plains, which was what? Barely a month ago? So what have you been doing since then? We first see these guys when she’s going through that cutting ceremony, but they’re only outside the door and have no role in what happens. The next time we see them, it’s with Roran when he approaches her tent. I don’t even think they were with her when she went to go meet Saphira. Oh, yes, they were. She actually had the patience then to wait for them to arrange themselves around her and let them escort her to the landing field. So now I really don’t understand why she blew them off this time. I feel like her saying these things is just to smooth ruffled feathers, and there’s zero intention or meaning behind them.

 

Garven thanks her and Nasuada turns back to watch the elves. She continues to be a manipulator and suggests to Garven that he might’ve just come up with a motto for his group. He doesn’t remember if he did or not. Nasuada spouts out what he said - “the smartest, the toughest, and the meanest” - and says it would be a fine motto, if you drop the and portion of it. Consult with your buddies and if they like it, get Trianna to translate it into the ancient language, and Nasuada will have it inscribed on their shields and standards. Garven says she’s most generous - gag - and he’ll talk it over with Jordy and the other captains. Then he hesitates and Nasuada says something about the motto being “too vulgar” for men in his position and he’d prefer something a little more noble. Yep, that’s it exactly.

 

I’m not sure how “the smartest, the toughest, the meanest” is vulgar... it’s kind of plain and to the point. Gets the message across pretty clear. Not sure what could be done to make it more noble and “high-minded”, as Nasuada describes. Except...

 

“It’s a valid concern, I suppose. The Nighthawks represent the Varden, and you must interact with notables of every race and rank in the course of your duty. It would be regrettable if you were to convey the wrong impression. . . . Very well, I leave it to you and your compatriots to devise an appropriate motto. I am confident you will do an excellent job.” 

 

Or not at all, because this never comes up again, nor is there any resolution to it. And I love how she just volunteered Trianna for something that is again trivial, like the lace. Also, how many people seriously know the ancient language aside from the elves, the Riders, and any spellcaster? It strikes me as interesting that most of these people have no idea what the ancient language is, especially if they don’t use magic themselves, and yet they’re all gung-ho about swearing shit in it. For ask they know, whoever gave them the oaths of fealty in the ancient language really made them say that they all have shit for brains and their genitalia’s length is questionable. I’d be really wary of someone wanting me to swear oaths in a language I didn’t know, couldn’t trust, and couldn’t verify myself. Galby gets away with it, I guess, because he can figure out people’s true names, and then make them do whatever he wants. The Varden, though, have to trust what the Du Vrangr Gata and the elves and Eragon tell them what the words mean. 

 

Well, now the moment we’ve been waiting for finally happens. The elves finally make it to camp! Garven backs up a respectful distance from Nas, who prepares herself for a state visit, and Angela and Elva rejoin her.

 

When he was still several hundred feet away, the lead elf appeared soot-black from head to toe. At first Nasuada assumed he was dark-skinned, like herself, and wearing dark attire, but as he drew closer, she saw that the elf wore only a loincloth and a braided fabric belt with a small pouch attached. The rest of him was covered with midnight-blue fur that glistened with a healthy sheen under the glare of the sun. On average, the fur was a quarter-inch long—a smooth, flexible armor that mirrored the shape and movement of the underlying muscles—but on his ankles and the undersides of his forearms, it extended a full two inches, and between his shoulder blades, there was a ruffled mane that stuck out a handsbreadth from his body and tapered down along his back to the base of his spine. Jagged bangs shadowed his brow, and catlike tufts sprouted from the tips of his pointed ears, but otherwise the fur on his face was so short and flat, only its color betrayed its presence. His eyes were bright yellow. Instead of fingernails, a claw protruded from each of his middle fingers. And as he slowed to a stop before her, Nasuada noticed that a certain odor surrounded him: a salty musk reminiscent of dry juniper wood, oiled leather, and smoke. It was such a strong smell, and so obviously masculine, Nasuada felt her skin go hot and cold and crawl with anticipation, and she blushed and was glad it would not show. 

 

Goddamn Nasuada’s got some eyes to be about to pick out this kind of detail despite this elf being “several hundred feet” away from her. She can tell the exact length of his fur, the details of his nails, and she can even see through him to his back and see this mane of fur. Damn, the girl is Supergirl. Also, I’m not sure how Nasuada’s blush won’t show? Is she that dark that the suffusion of blood into her cheeks really doesn’t do anything? And I don’t know how she identifies “dry juniper wood, oiled leather, and smoke” as a “masculine” scent. Doesn’t really seem that masculine to me. The only part that annoys me is that suddenly Nasuada remembers she’s got girl parts and this scent makes her want to jump the weirdo-elf’s bones. Which is actually a terrifying thought, especially if Blodhgarm uses this scent to get himself some ladies and only claims that this manipulation is a side effect, which I think he does. It’s not his fault that human women are easily seduced.

 

The rest of the elves were more as she had expected, of the same general build and complexion as Arya, with short tunics of dusky orange and pine-needle green. Six were men, and six were women. They all had raven hair, save for two of the women whose hair was like starlight. It was impossible to determine their ages, for their faces were smooth and unlined. They were the first elves besides Arya that Nasuada had met in person, and she was eager to find out if Arya was representative of her race. 

 

Which tells me that the elves were never in Farthen Dur at any point during Nasuada’s childhood or adulthood, so she never met them even in passing. Sure, “in person” could mean personally, like she never got to ask them questions or their names, but surely if she had seen elves, even from a distance, that would be mentioned right? And when, for that matter, did Nasuada meet Arya? While she was gallivanting across the countryside with the egg and her two boyfriends? Or afterward, when Arya and Nasuada suddenly seem to be buddy-buddy after Ajihad dies and Nas takes over? Because their relationship, if we can call it that, seems non-existent until the end of Eldest, where Arya’s joined her for the battle and starts being helpful to her. This stands out to me only because when Ajihad tells Eragon that when Islanzadi discovered Arya was missing, she recalled all her troops and temper tantrumed off into the forest. I was under the impression that she had recalled the elves from their stations in Farthen Dur, leaving the Varden and the dwarves fucked in the event anything terrible happened. You’d think that there would’ve been more interaction between humans and elves before that point. But this line indicates the elves were never in Farthen Dur to begin with, save for Arya, and that when they were recalled, their presence in Farthen Dur was never missed. 

 

The Nightcrawler-reject elf greets Nasuada and does the traditional elvish greeting, Nasuada replies in kind, and he introduces himself as Blödhgarm, son of Ildrid the Beautiful and also not appearing in this story. He introduces the other elves but they don’t get names at this juncture. He tells Nas that Izzy’s forces succeeded in breaking down the gates of Ceunon and they’re moving through the streets to seize the tower of the city’s lord. A few still resist, but the city has pretty much fallen, and soon they’ll have complete control. Does anyone else hear the evil maniacal laughter or is it just me?

 

Nasuada’s guards and the Varden gathered behind her burst into cheers at the news. She too rejoiced at the victory, but then a sense of foreboding and disquiet tempered her celebratory mood as she pictured elves—especially ones as strong as Blödhgarm—invading human homes. What unearthly forces have I unleashed? she wondered. 

 

Should’ve thought about that before now, Nasuada. Seriously, though, why didn’t the humans, who are weaker than elves in every single way, not think about this sort of thing? No human (save for a human Rider, who would be so indoctrinated to the elves’ way that it doesn’t matter) can stand up to an elf on even ground in anything. The elves would wipe the floor with them. I suppose that’s what makes Tolkien’s elves interesting. In Helm’s Deep, elves fighting the Uruk’hai actually died. They were fighting against something that they couldn’t overpower, and therefore they fought just as desperately as the humans. Also, in contrast, humans fought on equal ground with the Uruk’hai. Aragorn was no stronger than Theoden, and he killed many. They were overwhelmed by sheer numbers at the end of it. Here, though, in the IC, no one can stand up to an elf on fair ground. I discount Islanzadi’s death because she should’ve won, but Paolini worked out so she would die so that Arya could take her place as queen, as sort of a “new generation taking over for the old” thing. You could argue that Barst had the Eldunari and that’s why he won, but he also had the same Eldunari fighting Roran, and Roran wins when Islanzadi couldn’t.

 

Moreover, this becomes a bone of contention throughout the rest of the story, but only so much as to fill pages. In the end, it’s dismissed and Nasuada ignores this very thought when she demands the human magic users to join the oversight committee or whatever you want to call it that she’s doing, but not the elves, who have more power in their pinkie finger than any human spellcaster does on their best day. If she’s so concerned about the elves - who very well could decide to take over because the humans need a “guiding” hand - then she ought to do something about it. She never does, though. Worse, if the elves did decide, Nasuada now has no Rider she could rely on, as Eragon fucked off, Murtagh fucked off, and Arya is the elf queen. Arya would be between a rock and a hard place, because as queen she has a duty to her people, but as a Rider, her duty is to stop her people. This is why having Arya be both queen and Rider is a Bad Idea, never mind that it echoes Galbatorix so much. It’s an argument for another time, but I’ll say this: it’s bothersome that the elves get away with so much just because They Are Better Than You and nobody else in the story seems to have an opinion about it one way or another, except to shrug their shoulders and say “That’s the elves for you.”

 

Nasuada says this is great news and she’s happy to hear it. Apparently with Ceunon captured, they’re closer to Uru’baen than before. Um, not sure how. Ceunon has no significant strategic importance to the Varden. Or the elves, for that matter, since they can just magic what they want into being. Then Nasuada says that she hopes that Queen Izzy will treat the people gently, because they have no love for Galby but they “lack the means or the courage” to oppose him. Um, way to put words in other people’s mouths, Nasuada. How do you know this? Did you take a poll? A survey? Did they say “Well, we didn’t vote for him”? I mean, what reason do they have to oppose Galby? They’ve enjoyed essentially one hundred years of peace. They might get taxed out the ass, but they aren’t starving. They aren’t living in cardboard boxes under the train tracks. They’ve got two story houses. Why would anyone go and mess all that up? Anyway... Furry Elf replies:

 

“Queen Islanzadí is both kind and merciful to her subjects, even if they are her unwilling subjects, but if anyone dares oppose us, we shall sweep them aside like dead leaves before an autumn storm.” 

 

Kind and merciful, eh? That’s why she murdered innocent people in cold blood just because they were cutting down trees, right? Did she give them the opportunity to surrender? To walk away? Not bloody likely. She more likely swooped in, terrorized then, and then murdered them, once they realized their helplessness and inability to do anything to save themselves. Moreover, what the fuck? So if these people (stupidly) tried to fight you off to defend their homes and families, you’re just going to murder them? That’s what I’m picking up here. You’re not going to disarm them, or give them quarter, or show mercy; you’re just going to murder them and use them as examples as to why no one should oppose you. How does this not make the Varden and its allies terrorists? How does this not make the Varden and its allies invaders? Villains? Because that’s exactly what they are! Especially the elves, who know that they’re superior in every way, and nobody could stop them. Nobody can stop them. And if this is how the elves are now I really hate to think about what they were at the height of their power, and if maybe Palancar wasn’t on to something when he tried to go to war against the elves. 

 

“I would expect nothing less from a race as old and mighty as yours,” Nasuada replied. After satisfying the demands of courtesy with several more polite exchanges of increasing triviality, Nasuada deemed it appropriate to address the reason for the elves’ visit. She ordered the assembled crowd to disperse, then said, “Your purpose here, as I understand it, is to protect Eragon and Saphira. Am I right?” 

 

She says without an ounce of sarcasm or fear. Seriously, the previous paragraph Nasuada is worried about the harm the elves could do to ordinary people, and is afraid of what she just unleashed upon the human world, but here she’s sounding relieved and even happy about it, I dare say. Where’s her subtle threat about being responsible for the people who live in that city? And how, if she finds that there were injustices committed against those people, she would seek retribution? No? Alrighty then. Also, I find it extremely amusing that in the WormFork Book, Ceunon is the place where Murtagh’s story happens, but there’s absolutely zero mention of what happened to the men who went out under the king’s orders to cut down trees nor mention of the elvish occupation that happened during the war that only took place, at best, a year ago.

 

Furry Elf says she’s right and they’re all aware Eragon’s somewhere in the Empire, but he’ll be back soon. Nasuada’s like and you know Arya’s gone after him, right? Oh, he knows, and while it’s unfortunate both of them should be out there, hopefully no harm will come to them. Nasuada goes what do you intend to do while you wait? Are you gonna go after them and bring them back? Or are you going to sit and wait until they get back? Furry Elf says they’re going to stay as Nasuada’s guests and they’re not going to worry about the Derpy Duo. Why? Because as long as they aren’t detected, they’ll be just fine. He does make a good point about drawing unwanted attention to them if the elves fuck off to go find them. Another good point is made about Galby striking at the Varden army if he ever strikes at all, and if Thorn and Murtagh should appear, Saphira’s going to need their help to drive them off. The sad part is that, as exciting as all of this would be, nothing of the sort happens. Nasuada is surprised by Furry Elf’s response and says Eragon told her that these guys were the strongest magic users of their race, but do they really have the strength to chase off Thorn and Murtagh? They’ve got powers far beyond that of ordinary Riders.

 

And what, pray tell, is an ordinary Rider?

 

Anyway, Furry Elf replies:

 

“With Saphira helping us, yes, we believe that we can match or overcome Thorn and Murtagh. We know what the Forsworn were capable of, and while Galbatorix has probably made Thorn and Murtagh stronger than any individual member of the Forsworn, he certainly won’t have made them his equals. In that regard, at least, his fear of treachery is to our benefit. Even three of the Forsworn could not conquer the twelve of us and a dragon. Therefore, we are confident that we can hold our own against all but Galbatorix.” 

 

That line seems interesting to me, where Wolfelf is so confident that they plus a dragon could defeat three Forsworn? That would be an interesting tidbit to give some depth to the war that Galby fought. It would also explain why the elves abandoned the field, if it took 12 of them plus one dragon to defeat only three Forsworn. The math doesn’t add up in the elves’ favor really. Of course, I doubt it was really this reason why the elves abandoned the field. I’m fairly certain they left because their king, Arya’s father, died, and Islanzadi made the same decision then that she did when Arya disappeared. And I really don’t know what the difference is between the Forsworn at the time of this previous war and Galby at the time of this previous war is, as far as power level goes. Galby didn’t amass the power he has now back then. He did it in the interim between winning the last war and the start of this one. So I feel like this is all excuses and bullshit, and Nasuada is swallowing it, hook, line, and sinker.

 

“That is heartening. Since Eragon’s defeat at the hands of Murtagh, I have been wondering if we should retreat and hide until Eragon’s strength increases. Your assurances convince me that we are not entirely without hope. We may have no idea how to kill Galbatorix himself, but until we batter down the gates of his citadel in Urû’baen, or until he chooses to fly out on Shruikan and confront us on the field of battle, nothing shall stop us.” She paused. “You have given me no reason to distrust you, Blödhgarm, but before you enter our camp, I must ask that you allow one of my men to touch each of your minds to confirm that you are actually elves, and not humans Galbatorix has sent here in disguise. It pains me to make such a request, but we have been plagued by spies and traitors, and we dare not take you, or anyone else, at their word. It is not my intention to cause offense, but war has taught us these precautions are necessary. Surely you, who have ringed the entire leafy expanse of Du Weldenvarden with protective spells, can understand my reasons. So I ask, will you agree to this?” 

 

Well, Eragon really wasn’t defeated so much as Murtagh simply let him and Saphira go, and took the booby prize of Zar’roc instead. Also, are you really having that thought now, Nasuada? Not back when Eragon was first sent to the elves? You’ve harped on the fact that Galby just keeps getting more and more powerful year by year and nobody is really confident that Eragon can beat him even now, despite Eragon now being all elfified. They keep saying “We have a chance! A real chance!” Like they didn’t before? Typically you don’t start something like a war and just wing it, hoping you’ll win. You wait until you’re sure you can win. Nasuada didn’t do this. She has no real plan for during the war, nor a plan to kill Galby if the Varden reach him, nor even a plan for if they succeed in killing Galby and need to fill the vacuum of power that act opens up. Secondly, why is she asking now to read Wolfelf’s mind? Shouldn’t that have been the first thing that gets decided before you start talking about important things? Especially since nobody is supposed to know that Eragon is alone in the Empire? Or that Arya, who is arguably the most powerful magic user the Varden have, also abandoned the Varden and went after Eragon? What if these elves aren’t the elves you’re thinking they are? Now you’ve just given them vital information. Good job. Of course, fun shit like that would never happen in these books.

 

Furry Elf goes into full threat mode as his eyes are described as “feral” and his teeth as “alarmingly sharp” and he corrects Nasuada about the leaves thing, saying most trees have needles in that stupid forest of theirs. Then he says that if she wants to test them, go ahead, but whoever does so should be careful. He might just lose his mind. Oh, and our secrets aren’t available for general inspection, and if he delves farther than we like, we’re going to murder him. Nasuada gets it and even spells it out for us by saying if anyone ventured where they ought not venture, the elves would murder them. So Nasuada chooses Garven. And considering the exchange she had with him earlier, I can’t help but think that this is her subtle revenge on him for his chewing her a new hole.

 

Stepping forward with the expression of a man approaching his doom, Garven stood opposite Blödhgarm, closed his eyes, and frowned intensely as he searched out Blödhgarm’s consciousness. Nasuada bit the inside of her lip as she watched. W hen she was a child, a one-legged man by the name of Hargrove had taught her how to conceal her thoughts from telepaths and how to block and divert the stabbing lances of a mental attack. At both those skills she excelled, and although she had never succeeded at initiating contact with the mind of another, she was thoroughly familiar with the principles involved. She empathized, then, with the difficulty and the delicacy of what Garven was trying to do, a trial only made harder by the strange nature of the elves. 

 

First, we don’t need to know the name of the guy who taught Nasuada how to shield her thoughts. Second, when have telepaths been a thing in this story? Insofar, the only telepaths I’ve come across are also magic users. There hasn’t been one person who can use telepathy independent of magic, and I’m not counting Nasuada because the only telepathic conversation she has is with Saphira, and I’m not counting that. Second, why does she choose Garven? It does say, in the chapter with the long knives trial, that her guard consists of all the races but elves, and “many” of her Nighthawks are skilled spellcasters. But we don’t see this, and that also means that her guards have to come from Du Vranr Gata, as they’re the only mages in the entire Varden that are ever mentioned. Yet, it’s also mentioned that none of these magic users are powerful enough to heal a bruise. So which is it? Are they strong enough to do combat with magic or are they not? None of this makes any sense with consistency. In Eragon, it’s mentioned that magic among humans is rare, that the magic the Varden have access to is contained in this small group, and that’s it. There’s no update to this in Eldest. Now, suddenly, the Varden have these super powerful magic users and they’re being used to protect Nasuada, instead of having some regular guys do it and utilizing them to where the Varden literally do not need the elves. It’s either retconning bullshit or Paolini is writing in convenience where it suits him. 

 

Leaning toward her, Angela whispered, “You should have had me check the elves. It would have been safer.”

 

“Perhaps,” said Nasuada. Despite all the help the herbalist had given her and the Varden, she still felt uncomfortable relying upon her for official business. 

 

Which, actually, I agree with. Angela hasn’t really aided the Varden except for when it suits her. Sure, she’s given help when asked, such as when Nasuada asked her to babysit Elva (which I have yet to see her actually do), and she’s helped of her own volition, such as poisoning the imperial army at the end of Eldest. But beyond that, Angela’s basically been a periphery character who only pops up to give exposition or act as a terrible comic relief or be a deus ex machina, which she becomes in Inheritance when they try to sneak in to Dras-Leona through the sewer system. Other than that, she’s useless. Moreover, she never once swore any kind of loyalty to the Varden, and by that I mean she’s never really helped them before. Sure, she came to Farthen Dur long before the Varden started scanning minds, but it isn’t like she helped. So could Nasuada really trust Angela to give the answer she needs? I doubt it. Angela is out for Angela. She really doesn’t give a fuck whether the Varden fail or succeed. She’s just here to get her jollies.

 

For a few moments longer, Garven continued his efforts, and then his eyes snapped open and he released his breath in an explosive burst. His neck and face were mottled from the strain, and his pupils were dilated, as if it were night. In contrast, Blödhgarm appeared undisturbed; his fur was smooth, his breathing regular, and a faint smile of amusement flickered about the corners of his lips. 

 

You know, Eragon didn’t have this much of a problem when he was mind-raping Arya, although she did try to kill him in self-defense because she didn’t know why he was. But he didn’t have any negative effects. Based on Wolfelf’s expression, I get the feeling that he purposefully hurt Garven, that he attacked him and held him in thrall, and quite possibly even manipulated him. There’s absolutely no reason for a brief glimpse in someone’s mind, even an elf’s, to cause someone to react like Garven is. He’s completely destroyed, and Wolfelf is amused by it. That is not the attitude of a good guy. Of a hero. It’s the attitude of a villain, and it’s completely head canon now that Blodhgarm is manipulating everything so that the elves can lay the ground work to start taking over or something.

 

Nasuada pushes Garven despite his awful condition, and it takes a while for him to respond. When he does, he says Furry Elf isn’t human. Nasuada is both pleased and disturbed by this revelation, and by Garven’s voice because it sounds “remote”, but she orders him to keep going instead of letting him rest and letting Angela do the rest. Like I said, this just smacks of revenge for the tongue-lashing he gave her earlier. Anyway, Garven does and it takes less time for him to check each elf than the previous one, but once he gets to the last, we’re told that Nasuada’s keeping a close eye on him because now he looks like death warmed over. 

 

Having completed his assignment, Garven returned to his post beside Nasuada. He was, she thought, a changed man. His original determination and fierceness of spirit had faded into the dreamy air of a sleepwalker, and while he looked at her when she asked if he was well, and he answered in an even enough tone, she felt as if his spirit was far away, ambling among dusty, sunlit glades somewhere in the elves’ mysterious forest. Nasuada hoped he would soon recover. If he did not, she would ask Eragon or Angela, or perhaps the two of them together, to attend to Garven. Until such time as his condition improved, she decided that he should no longer serve as an active member of the Nighthawks; Jörmundur would give him something simple to do, so she would not suffer guilt at causing him any further injury, and he might at least have the pleasure of enjoying whatever visions his contact with the elves had left him with. 

 

This still smacks of abuse, in my opinion. That Wolfelf did something to him so that whatever Garven found or saw would work in the elves’ favor and no one else’s. He’s so changed by the experience, and we never actually find out if he fully recovers. For all we know, he’s now a sleeper agent for the elves, ready to strike when the order is given, and Nasuada just writes it off as a side-effect of what she made him do. She doesn’t bother to follow up on him at all, nor does she bother to get upset with Wolfelf until afterward. Nasuada doesn’t give a shit about her people or the ones responsible for protecting her. She should’ve ensured Garven’s safety before he embarked on this examination, but she didn’t. She only gets pissed off after the fact. Also, I find it interesting that she pawns the guy off on Jormundur, expecting him to find something simple for Garven to do. What, exactly, would be simple to do in a war camp? It’s also interesting to note that Nasuada specifically does it so she doesn’t have to feel guilty about what happens to him. She’s literally washing her hands of the situation and dumping her mess onto somebody else. She’s a fine leader, isn’t she? And then she becomes queen. Blegh. Well I didn’t vote for her.

 

Bitter at her loss, and furious with herself, with the elves, and with Galbatorix and the Empire for making such a sacrifice necessary, she had difficulty maintaining a soft tongue and good manners. “When you spoke of peril, Blödhgarm, you would have done well to mention that even those who return to their bodies do not escape entirely unscathed.” 

 

I like how she spreads the blame somewhat evenly. She’s mad at herself, at the elves, and at Galby and the Empire. First of all, Galby and the Empire are not synonymous. When Galby is gone, the Empire will still be there. The Empire is the people who live in Alagaesia. It’s not like they disappear when Galby is defeated. Second, why is it his fault you made a stupid decision? It isn’t like he made you do anything. You couldn’t trust Angela, or Trianna, both of whom are more experienced in this sort of thing, so you didn’t have them do it. And instead of waiting for Eragon and Arya to get back, you jumped in head first and now have buyer’s remorse. Fuck, for that matter, why didn’t you get Saphira to test them? Saphira doesn’t appear in this entire scene, but she would, I think, immediately know the difference between an elf and a fake elf. The one thing you can’t ever hide is a scent. Moreover, as I stated earlier, it seems like Blodhgarm purposefully injured Garven, and I doubt he’d try to purposefully injure Saphira. Although, to be fair, she probably could run his own game better than he could. Nasuada is acting like a selfish, petulant brat, and instead of owning her mistake and resolving to do better, she instead drops the blame squarely on anyone but herself, and then struggles to maintain her dignity on top of that. And then comes the warning that she should’ve considered way before she sent Garven to do his little mind-meld thing. Like why didn’t you consider it earlier, Nasuada? Why does it take everyone realizing “oops, I done fucked up” after they fucked up, especially in a situation that, realistically speaking, they have the experience/foresight/wherewithal to understand before the situation even takes place? Especially in a situation they themselves control? This is what happens when you don’t read your own work and realize that you wrote your characters as assholes. You don’t bother to fix it. Seriously, if he’d just taken five minutes and rewrite this scene even just slightly, Nasuada wouldn’t look like a bitch and Blodhgarm wouldn’t look like a sociopathic sadist.

 

“My Lady, I am fine,” said Garven. His protestation was so weak and ineffectual, hardly anyone noticed, and it only served to strengthen Nasuada’s sense of outrage. 

 

Yet another instance of telling and not showing. It would’ve been so much better had Garven’s spoken word reflected this.

 

“My Lady, I am... I am fine.” gasped Garven, his tone weak and wavering.

 

THERE. I FIXED IT.

 

A simple sentence that gets across that Garven is not fine, and it doesn’t insult the reader’s intelligence by suggesting that the guy is indeed “fine” before clarifying that he is, in fact, not fine. A line conveying Nasuada’s anger could be added:

 

Nasuada’s outrage strengthened because of it.

 

But it might not even be needed, because another option of a line could be:

 

“You are not fine!” Nasuada snapped, anger and outrage clear in her voice.

 

Again, the second line gives Nasuada some agency in the scene, and if coupled with the fact she actually cares about her men (which in canon she does not seem to) then her rage at seeing one of her men - her personal guard, no less - injured for no other reason than the smirking furry Smurf-elf is an asshole, would be totally and completely justified. Moreover, it gives an emotional feel to the scene, so a reader might feel invested and feel outrage among with Nasuada because the action of Blodhgarm harming Garven was unnecessary and done just for the elf’s jollies.

 

The fur on Blödhgarm’s nape rippled and stiffened. “If I failed to explain myself clearly enough before, then I apologize. However, do not blame us for what has happened; we cannot help our nature. And do not blame yourself either, for we live in an age of suspicion. To allow us to pass unchallenged would have been negligent on your part. It is regrettable that such an unpleasant incident should mar this historic meeting between us, but at least now you may rest easy, confident that you have established our origins and that we are what we seem to be: elves of Du Weldenvarden.” 

 

To be fair, Blodhgarm, you really didn’t explain yourself at all. You prattled on about how Garven shouldn’t “delve too deeply”, not that just a peek would give somebody a really good high, as if they’d smoked a giant doobie of the finest quality marijuana the world has to offer. Again I get the feeling that he’s trying to justify why Garven is so fucked up now, and pawn off responsibility to Nasuada, or the situation at hand. I really think that Smurf-elf intentionally hurt Garven, intentionally ruined him and quite possibly even tortured him by having the other elves do the same. I mean, the text states that “the fur on Blodhgarm’s nape rippled and stiffened”, which is a fancy way of saying “his hackles rose” (because humans, and therefore elves, don’t have hackles) which a thing that happens when a canine or feline feel threatened. It’s clear that Smurf-elf (Smurlf?) is insulted that Nasuada is, quite rightly, calling him out on his bullshit. He then goes on to deflect, saying Nas shouldn’t blame herself for what was necessary, and he blows some hot air by calling the incident “regrettable”. Really? Get off your high horse, asshole, seriously. You didn’t have to turn the guy’s brain into jelly, either. And really nothing’s been established as to your identity, because you could’ve manipulated Garven into saying whatever you wanted him to say.

 

A fresh cloud of his musk drifted over Nasuada, and even though she was hard with anger, her joints weakened and she was assailed by thoughts of bowers draped in silk, goblets of cherry wine, and the mournful dwarf songs she had often heard echoing through the empty halls of Tronjheim. Distracted, she said, “I would Eragon or Arya were here, for they could have looked at your minds without fear of losing their sanity.” 

 

Ah, Jesus Christ, where words won’t get you, sex will eh? Seriously, there’s no reason for this other than for Smurlf to get Nasuada to stop talking about what he did wrong. The fact that this happens right after she chews him a new one is too coincidental for it not to be on purpose. Worse, Nasuada insults every female ever by giving in to wanting nothing more than sex and babies. I’d think Nasuada was a strong enough character by now to not be taken by this, and yet here she is, wanting to jump Smurlf’s bones based on how he smells. I’ve smelled very good scents, but that doesn’t make me want to jump the person and have a nice shag. It’s bullshit. 

 

Again, Nasuada is bowled over by Furry Rape Elf’s bodily odor, and starts imagining what it would be like to run her hands through his fur. And probably starts imagining other things that makes her all tingly inside. But her sexual daydreams are interrupted when Elva tugs on her arm and tells her to “concentrate on the taste of horehound”.

 

Following her advice, Nasuada summoned a memory from the previous year, when she had eaten horehound candy during one of King Hrothgar’s feasts. Just thinking about the acrid flavor of the candy dried out her mouth and counteracted the seductive qualities of Blödhgarm’s musk. She attempted to conceal her lapse in concentration by saying, “My young companion here is wondering why you look so different from other elves. I must confess to some curiosity on the subject as well. Your appearance is not what we have come to expect from your race. Would you be so kind as to share with us the reason for your more animalistic features?” 

 

So, I’ve actually tasted horehound, and I liked it. The flavor is somewhere between root beer and licorice, but it’s not as heavy as licorice and not as sweet as root beer. It’s also got some pretty decent medicinal qualities. I’m sure there’s someone out there who hates that taste, but it’s just interesting that out of everything that could be used to stave off Smurlf’s Ode de Sexytimes, horehound is picked. Like... why not skunk? And now I have a very lovely image in my head of Smurlf wandering around the Varden camp trying to pick up the human women that are supposed to be fawning all over him because of his Sexy Smell and failing miserably because some enterprising magic user (like Trianna) cast a spell so that the women can only smell skunk when he’s around. 

 

Furry Elf shrugs like he doesn’t care in relating the story of his appearance and says the form pleased him. He launches into a giant paragraph about people loving the sun and the moon and growing flowers and blah blah blah as art, but he believes “true beauty” lies in the fangs of the wolf, the fur of a cat, and the eyes of an eagle. So he used magic to transfigure his body to represent his idea of “true beauty”. He continues talking (seriously) and says in another hundred years he might get bored of being furry and decide to become a fish instead. Nasuada thinks he’s joking, but I’m fairly certain Furry Elf is dead serious. Nasuada agrees with me, but goes a step further and decides he must be mocking her with his seriousness. She replies that’s interesting, but let’s hope the urge to become a fish doesn’t strike within the next couple of days, because she has need of him. Of course, she says, if Galby decides to go seeking Atlantis at the bottom of the ocean, then somebody who can breathe underwater might just come in handy. And then every elf laughs. And the sound of their laughter gets an entire paragraph dedicated to it. It’s described as water falling on crystal, and then Nasuada starts smiling, as do her guards, and when the elves stop laughing the world is no longer magical and Nasuada feels sad. Good god. She even starts to cry but gets ahold of herself. 

 

Furry Elf smiles and is described as “handsome and terrifying” (kill the beast! slay the beast! we’re not safe until he’s dead, he’ll come stalking us at night, set to sacrifice our children to his monstrous appetite! and fifty Frenchmen can’t be wrong!) and says it will be an honor to serve alongside a woman as “intelligent, capable, and witty” as Nasuada. He goes on to say that if time permits, he’d be happy to teach her the elves’ game of Runes. Yes, the word is capitalized in the actual text, and no, I have no idea what the game actually is. Pretty sure this is the first time it comes up. Well, Nasuada suddenly as a Big Thought:

 

The elves’ sudden shift in behavior reminded her of a word she had occasionally heard the dwarves use to describe them: capricious. It had seemed a harmless enough description when she was a girl—it reinforced her concept of the elves as creatures who flitted from one delight to another, like fairies in a garden of flowers—but she now recognized that what the dwarves really meant was Beware! Beware, for you never know what an elf will do. She sighed to herself, depressed by the prospect of having to contend with another group of beings intent on controlling her for their own ends. Is life always this complicated? she wondered. Or do I bring it upon myself? 

 

Uh, pretty much the latter. You’re an incompetent leader at best and a pawn at worst. Although I’m not sure why she immediately jumps to the idea that the elves are trying to control her too. At best, the elves will manipulate her into doing what they want her to do, all the while making it seem as if it was her idea all along. I don’t think Nasuada would ever really notice if the elves started manipulating her, because Eragon sure the hell didn’t. Also, I’m not sure that Nasuada understands the gravity of the word “capricious”. Its dictionary definition is “given to sudden and unaccountable changes of mood or behavior”. I would dare to say it’s like bipolar disorder. One minute you’re happy as a clam, and the next you’re bawling your eyes out or destroying something. I’m not sure how she gets the idea that the elves are creatures that flit from one fancy to another by this word, because that makes the elves sound benign. Granted, I can give her the benefit of the doubt because she believed that when she was a young girl. Now she realizes that the elves are dangerous and shouldn’t be treated lightly, however, that thought is dismissed by Nasuada deciding the elves want to control her. In the end, it doesn’t mean anything, because humans are too powerless to confront the elves, and Nasuada forgets all about this in a bit anyway.

 

Well, Nasuada finally sees King Orrin riding toward her with a massive train of nobles, courtiers, functionaries of all kinds, assistants, servants, men-at-arms, and a whole bunch of other people she doesn’t feel like identifying. On the other side, she spots Saphira coming into land. She starts mentally preparing herself for the shitstorm she’s about to become the eye of, and she tells Furry Elf that it may be some months before she has any “free time”, but she appreciates his offer. She says human society is about to crash down on them and so Furry Elf and his buddies ought to prepare themselves. He says they’re prepared.

 

As King Orrin’s thundering cavalcade drew near and Saphira prepared to land, flattening the grass with the wind from her wings, Nasuada’s last thought was, Oh dear. I’ll have to put a battalion around Blödhgarm to keep him from being torn apart by the women in the camp. And even that might not solve the problem! 

 

I like how she makes this the women’s fault if they’re attracted to Smurlf because of his perfume. She doesn’t bother to mention it and tell him to knock it off or do something about it. She doesn’t even think that maybe he’s doing it on purpose to see if he can’t get laid as a blue furry ripoff of The Beast from X-Men. The thing I find annoying about the elves is that nothing is their fault. They’re not held responsible for anything. The existence of this very story is all their fault, but nobody mentions that. Nobody points out that if they had done something different, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. Or maybe they would have, but at least everyone would know that every last avenue was exhausted and there simply was nothing else to be done. And remember earlier how she was so afraid of being manipulated by the elves? She suggested that they wanted to control her. Yeah, where’s that thought now? She’s already been manipulated by Smurlf’s body odor once and was told to think of horehound, and now she’s back to thinking that she’s going to have to protect him from every human woman in the camp. If that’s not manipulation, I don’t know what is. 

Comments

[epistler]

In contrast, Blödhgarm appeared undisturbed; his fur was smooth, his breathing regular, and a faint smile of amusement flickered about the corners of his lips.

It really is disgusting what a load of vindictive bastards all of Paolini's "cool", "good' characters are and how they all keep being praised for it. The levels of bully worship are pretty goddamn appalling.