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antishurtugal_reborn2020-10-22 01:30 pm
To Sleep in a Sea of Stars Spork: Part 1, Chapter 10: Exeunt 1
This chapter is unnecessary. It literally just consists of Kira travelling, eating, and learning the alien’s name, yet somehow takes up longer than this spork.
The chapter is called Exeunt 1. For those not familiar, exeunt is an old-timey word meaning “exit”, and it appears at the end of acts in plays. The chapter title makes it sound like Paolini’s trying to come off as “sophisticated” here. It doesn’t work. Pro tip: If you want your work to sound sophisticated, then the writing needs to be sophisticated. Fancy words and titles can’t replace that.
Kira is looking at herself in the “Markov bubble”, which is basically a bubble that insulates the ship from the superluminal universe. I don’t know why the bubble would be reflective, and I don’t know how the Markov drive could transport matter. However, I won’t pretend to know the science. Hopefully someone more qualified than me can explain it in the comments.
Kira has never been awake for FTL, so she is interested in all this. We get a paragraph of infodump, and then:
Kira remembered a description her fourth-year physics teacher had once used: “Going faster than light is like traveling in a straight line along a right angle.” The phrase had stuck with her, and the more she’d learned of the math, the more she’d realized how accurate it was.
Why the heck is a xenobiologist learning advanced physics? And of course the xenobiologist who couldn’t calculate how long the ration packs would last her has a physics degree. You’re not fooling me, Paolini.
Kira asks the computer to play the complete works of Bach, on a loop. In a personal touch, he’s her favorite composer. I like Chopin myself, but you do you Kira.
Kira felt herself begin to relax. The structure of Bach had always appealed to her: the cold, clean mathematical beauty of one theme slotting into another, building, exploring, transforming. And when each piece resolved, the resolution was so immensely satisfying. No other composer gave her that feeling.
Music is about emotion. That’s why we like it so much. This description seems like it’s from someone who isn’t into music at all. But anyway, if Kira wants a satisfying resolution, I think someone needs to introduce her to “Prelude in E minor”.
Kira decides to give the alien a name, because it saved her. She does acknowledge that she wouldn’t have been in danger without it, but she still feels “gratitude and confidence.” Because nothing makes you confident like having a crazy death-suit attached to your body!
Kira tries to name the suit Obsidian, but the alien rejects it, probably because the name is cliche as all hell. Through images and sensations, the alien tells her its name. Before I get into the name reveal, I would like to point something out. This is the only time that the suit communicates in a way like this. Otherwise, it’s dream visions. I actually like this, since there is no reason for the suit to know Kira’s language. This would’ve worked for Saphira, too, since it’s less human. Unfortunately, the suit becomes an accessory after this. This had so much potential! Imagine if Kira had to learn how to communicate with it.Struggling with how to get along would be an actual conflict, and it would provide a setup for the climax (which, as it is, comes right out of nowhere).
Kira then waxes lyrical about the suit’s name:
It was a complex name, composed of and embodied by a web of interrelated concepts that she realized would probably take her years to fully parse, if ever. However, as the concepts filtered through her mind, she couldn’t help but assign words to them. She was only human, after all; language was as much a part of her as consciousness itself. The words failed to capture the subtleties of the name—because she herself didn’t understand them—but they captured the broadest and most obvious aspects.
*Snicker snicker.* We all know where this is going. The name?
The Soft Blade.
As opposed to the Hard Blade?
Kira sees the suit as a companion now that she knows it has a name. The name I will now give it is Limp Dick. Apparently, whoever named the alien “possessed a sense of elegance and poetry”. Or they possessed a dirty sense of humor and a few bottles of wine. Kira goes to sleep and has a weird dream/vision. It’s written in this weird pseudo-fantasy way, which really clashes with the previous prose style. Here’s an example:
Falling. Softly falling within the blue-black reaches of the swelling sea. Past lamp and sway, through wafts of heat and chill, softly fell and softly swam. And from the folds of swirling darkness emerged a massive form, there upon the Plaintive Verge: a mound of pitted rock, and rooted atop that rock … rooted atop that rock …
Not to mention this is confusing as heck. What is the alien even talking about.? The massive form?Also, “Softly falling within the blue-black reaches of the swelling sea.” is a sentence fragment. So is “Past lamp and sway, through wafts of heat and chill, softly fell and softly swam.” With my authority as the GRAMMAR POLICE CHIEF, I hereby slap Paolini with a fine of three crimson rubies and an ice cream sandwich. Pay the cashier at the front.
Sowing confusion is fine, but you have to satisfy it, and the dream visions are never fully resolved.
Kira woke, confused.
Her and me both.
It was still dark, and for a moment, she knew neither where she was nor how she had gotten there, only that she was falling from a terrible height—
She yelped and flailed, and her elbow hit the control panel next to the pilot’s seat. The impact jolted her back to full awareness, and she realized she was still on the Valkyrie and that the Bach was still playing.
This would’ve been good, except that the narration is disconnected from Kira. For example, she shouldn’t know that her elbow hit the control panel. She should still think she’s dreaming. It would be better if we experienced the moment of awareness with Kira instead of before her. It’s little things like this that make the prose weaker.
Kira thinks about the dream for a while, wondering about who made Limp Dick and if she can separate from it. She notices that this weird dust is coating Limp Dick. Apparently, it’s Limp Dick’s waste. … … She’s covered in alien poop. This is absolutely disgusting. Kira doesn’t do what I would do, which is get to the nearest water source and jump in it, and instead thinks about how the alien could do this. I literally do not care. I came here to read about action and alien wars, not about how an alien excretes.
The next part is literally Kira sleeping and eating. The excitement might literally kill me. Kira runs out of ration packs. Oh, the humanity. How will I go on?
Now came the hard part: no more food. For a moment, she thought of the cryo tubes at the back of the shuttle—and of Orso’s offer—but as before, her mind rebelled against the idea. She would rather starve than resort to eating another person. Maybe her stance would change as she wasted away, but Kira felt certain it wouldn’t.
Really??? What was the point of all that in the last chapter, then?
Kira goes back to sleep. I envy her. I’d rather be sleeping at this point. Kira’s very hungry. How horrible. Then Limp Dick, being an otherworldly alien with survival instincts, takes over Kira and starts eating Orso’s leg- wait, no it doesn’t. Kira just prays to Thule (whom we know nothing about except that he’s the god of spacers) and goes to sleep. And that’s the end of the chapter.
My verdict? So. Damn. Boring. You could cut all of this out and you wouldn’t miss a thing. I think the parts with Limp Dick should be folded into the previous chapter. The rest should be just. Have the last chapter end with her travelling, and then cut to the next chapter, where she wakes up after her journey. It would cause mystery as to how she survived, and, more importantly, it would save us all of this sleeping.
Curse count in the chapter: 0
Book curse count: 56.
I also think we should start keeping an OGY, or Oh God Why count, for the weird moments in the book. I think the moment where Alan is killed is an OGY one because of the whole spike groin and“obscene intimacy”. In the last chapter, the alien being a creep is definitely an OGY, and the whole “Soft Blade” thing is a third OGY.
OGY count: 3
Feel free to add more if you think I missed any.
Next is Awakening with Snarkbotanya.
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I completely agree. Why is a microbiologist/xenobiologists getting a degree in physics? If she made it into fourth year physics why can't she calculate ration packs in her head?
What physics is this? Since the speed of light is a hard limit in Einstein's physics it is some other physics if the teacher is talking about what happens going faster than the speed of light.
My ballistics knowledge is limited to how objects travel within an atmosphere and it is all curves. Obnoxious curves. Wait, I just remembered something...
Runs upstairs and grabs ballistics textbook...
That's right. Those lucky guys that get to move stuff in vacuum and don't have to deal with air resistance use the same preliminary formulas. Concerning ballistics including objects in a vacuum ballisticians are still dealing with curves.
I also vaguely remember something about Einstein describing gravity as a bending of the of space time.
Long story short trajectory in space deals in curves not straight lines. In most cases I would imagine very slight curves but over long distances (like light years) very slight variations add up to huge differences.
A crazy death-suit attached to your body that draws killer aliens no less.
If she tries to name the suit Obsidian the suit must be black like a certain well known symbiote? Also Paolini's rock fetish has made another appearance.
no subject
*Runs upstairs and grabs ballistics textbook...
That's right. Those lucky guys that get to move stuff in vacuum and don't have to deal with air resistance use the same preliminary formulas. Concerning ballistics including objects in a vacuum ballisticians are still dealing with curves.*
Why do you have a ballistics textbook? Also, that's pretty interesting.
A crazy death-suit attached to your body that draws killer aliens no less.
I feel very reassured now!
If she tries to name the suit Obsidian the suit must be black like a certain well known symbiote? Also Paolini's rock fetish has made another appearance.
The ripoff is even more blatant. Many of Paolini's fetishes have made an appearance.
no subject
The short answer is doing research for a book I am writing.
Yeah, I thought it was pretty interesting too. I never really thought much about space travel but I remembered the book also covered trajectory in vacuum so I took a look.
no subject
What's the book about?
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Sorry :P
no subject
That's all right :D
no subject
The title is "Modern Exterior Ballistics The Launch and Flight Dynamics of Symmetric Projectiles". As per the first sentence of the Preface "This book is primarily designed to be a self-teaching aid to the entry-level professional exterior ballistician, who has searched in vain for courses in exterior ballistics among the formal university science and engineering curricula".
Basically you can not get a degree in "rocket science" or "ballistics" so this book covers calculating symmetrical objects in flight meaning bullets and rockets. It is not how to design them just what they do once they are in motion and how to calculate trajectories, speed and stuff like that.
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That sounds very interesting and cool.
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Maybe Paolini meant fourth year as in fourth grade? As in, 9 to 10 year old students? Subtly implying that knowledge has progressed so far that young kids are taught basic physics in school.
But maybe that's giving him too much credit. After all, nothing else about civilisation seems to have progressed in the intervening 250 years.
no subject
But maybe that's giving him too much credit. After all, nothing else about civilisation seems to have progressed in the intervening 250 years.
He would've probably said 4th grade, based on his other Americanisms. (They're old Americanisms, right? I'm American and have never heard anyone say "most anyone" or "needs must".) Also, considering people still get down on one knee and give rings, and use sexist nomenclatures, I'm guessing school is still taught with sit-down desks, and standardized testing is still a thing.
no subject
Seconded. Although I think "needs must" is ripped off from Tolkien or some other fantasy writer because it is vaguely familiar to me as an olde way of saying something.
Also to contemporary readers fourth year physics means senior in college. If he was trying to convey something else he needs to explain how and why his meaning is different.
no subject
Although I think "needs must" is ripped off from Tolkien or some other fantasy writer because it is vaguely familiar to me as an olde way of saying something.
Yeah. The LOTR speak sounded a bit weird and pretentious to me, but it sounds waay worse in the IC, especially since it isn't that serious.
Also to contemporary readers fourth year physics means senior in college. If he was trying to convey something else he needs to explain how and why his meaning is different.
Definately. I wonder if Kira dropped out of physics at the last minute and enrolled in xenobiology instead, because it was more lucrative. That would make sense, since she isn't really passionate about her job.
no subject
I have a different theory. I knew someone who majored in microbiology. He said the last year there were no tests or textbooks. They were given the latest publications in the field and told to "do microbiology" basically. Based on this I figure Kira got through the memorize and regurgitate prerequisites but fell flat on her face once she had to "do physics". So time to change majors. Biology is considered a "soft" science by many physicists and chemists and some go far as to say it isn't really science. Given that Kira is functionally a microbiologist this would represent taking easier classes.
Now that I think about it the implant thing calls into question what education in the future even is. Most schooling is just memorize the lecture/textbook/articles and spit the same information out on tests. The implants give everyone essentially a photograph memory and the chance to use google for test answers. Even science labs will have the students able to youtube what to do. It is a fair question to ask why schools exist and what they teach especially if Kira, a 4th year physics student, cannot calculate how long ration packs will last which is elementary school math.
I mentioned elsewhere the implications of the genetic science in the world call into question whether Kira chose to be a xenobiologist or was chosen before birth to be one through genetic engineering. The implants raise the same question. What Paolini is showing us is Kira has no interest in her field. Her only concern is if she will be famous outside it. A xenobiologist who discovers new life forms will be a rock star in the xenobiology field in the world Paolini describes. Yet she is not the least bit interested unless her discovery will be recognized outside her field and make her famous. Apparently People magazine is the only publication she is interested in. Her incompetence as a scientist in general and within her field specifically can best be explained by her being assigned to it perhaps based on her ability to receive or interact well with implants.
Regardless, it is typical Paolini author failure. Instead of thinking through the implications of the implants on individuals and society his writing is limited to "wouldn't it be cool if I had the internet in my head..."
no subject
It's too bad he didn't think through the implications, too. The story of a mediocre, indifferent scientist who really just wants to be a celebrity and whose surefire path to fame is disrupted when the new life-form she finds takes her over would be a pretty interesting story.
no subject
Yes. That would be an interesting story.
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(Anonymous) 2020-10-23 01:45 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
The most unbelievable thing about the whole thing is public education getting with the times and acknowledging the implants.
They'd probably be doing "implant checks" where they wave something in front of your face to see if you're paying attention.
no subject
In support of your theory Paolini's understanding of science from what others have said here seems to be about the level of a 4th grader.
I am sure Paolini heard that "faster than light travel is like traveling at a right angle..." from someone he considers smart. He should have left the line out or (I can't believe I'm saying this) explained it. I am no expert on space but the little I know about relativity points to curves in its fabric and the speed of light as a hard upper limit. Just throwing that line in tells me nothing about the alternate science he is using and contradicts what I do know.
He is raising an unanswered question which is a poor writing technique for something that contradicts the basic understanding and then implying if the reader were as smart as him it would be obvious.