Spitefic: The Eyes of Madness

[ignoresandra]

Spitefic: The Eyes of Madness

So, this is my attempt to offer a possible point of view Galbatorix may have had on canon events. I didn't actually intend to write this at all, but Calliope wouldn't let me go. Trigger warnings for suicidal ideation, and…whatever I’ve done with depicting seeing and hearing things that are not there. I hope I've presented these topics without sensationalizing them or disrespecting folks who suffer from mental illness.

----

The first time he heard a voice he definitely knew had never been spoken, he was holding Jarnunvösk’s lifeless head. His tears shimmered on her beautiful purple scales, adding layers to the reflection of the weak sunlight of the far north. The voice, little more than a hoarse whisper in his - right ear, he thought? - said “Go south”.

Even though he knew he was now cursedly alone, he looked for the source of the whisper. His eyes roved over the urgal corpses, his dead friends, and returned to Jarnunvösk’s corpse. As he expected, there was no one. A second whisper, slightly higher pitched, said “Stay with her”, even as a low and gravelly third whisper ordered “Make a funeral pyre”.

He shook his head firmly to try and silence the whispers, then drew his sword. Oromis-elda may claim that there was no afterworld, but he didn’t know. He’d honor his friends even if he couldn’t burn them. He carefully nicked one of his fingertips - enough that it would bleed, not so much it’d be a danger - and started as the whispers came again.

“Fall on your sword.”

“Just a little bit further down, your wrist”

“Stay here with her.”

He dropped his sword and clutched his head. He carefully averted his eyes from the blade, which seemed to sing of possible insertions into his own flesh. He reached out with his hand and drew a rune on Jarnunvösk’s cheek. It wasn’t proper, but it was a warrior’s blessing. A sign the Old Folk should bear her to the afterworld without payment and a promise to pay them the difference on his own death, for he could not pay them right now and remain alive.

Jarnunvösk winked. His heart soared with hope even as his head screamed it was impossible. She was dead, impaled through the heart by an urgal spear. He couldn’t feel her anymore. She was dead, dead, dead. But it was as if his eyes refused to believe it.

“Stay, there won’t be any more.”

“She was more worthy than you.”

“You can’t pay.”

He forced his numb limbs to move to his companions and without hesitation took their debts upon himself.

…

The 92nd time he heard a voice he definitely knew had never been spoken, he’d been walking south for some time. His traitorous body screamed out for rest - the rest Jarnunvösk would never know until her debt to the Old Folk was paid. He didn’t deserve to rest until she could, and for that he needed wood and flame.

“There’s a cave. Rest.”

“You’ll never make it this way.”

“Go back for your sword.”

He stubbornly put one foot in front of the other, until, until…

He woke up in darkness. So, so cold. He must have stopped for a moment, and slept in the snow. He laughed humorlessly. He should be dead. Why wasn’t he dead?

…

He no longer knew how many times he’d heard voices that definitely were never spoken. The voices came to him often, and rarely said the same thing. Sometimes they pointed out useful things - edible roots here, shelter there - and sometimes they said nonsense or spoke of blood and death that was never evident.

The first time he’d seen Jarnunvösk poke her head around a tree like they used to do when they played together had put him into a dead run towards her. Then he remembered she was dead and cried yet again. This didn’t cause the image of her to fade, but when he finally approached it disappeared.

When she showed up again on his journey, he tried to look away from her but then he felt as if she was creeping up behind him with malevolent intent. Was this a spirit tormenting him?

The fourth time Jarnunvösk appeared, he knew immediately on seeing her that she wasn’t really there. He would have given anything for her to actually be there.

Though he was among trees now, he told himself he needed an axe first to pay the debt.

…

The Rider council examined his mind. They claimed it was a requirement to consider granting him a second dragon.

“Don’t the dragons choose?” The voices whispered
The council claimed he was mad and refused to allow him to be presented to the dragon eggs. But he wasn’t mad. Someone who was mad would not know it when he saw something falsely, or that the whispers had never been spoken. What gave the all-elven council this authority? The dragons choose, and there were no humans on the council.

He reached out to old friends, and in time and plots, a new egg chose him.

…

Shruikan was nothing like Jarnunvösk.

Where Jarnunvösk was endlessly patient and relentlessly kind-hearted to the frustration of her tutors, Shruikan was impatient and prone to seeing threat in everything.

Still, they bonded. Shruikan became another voice in his head, albeit one that was real, and the whispers subsided somewhat. Shruikan would never grasp that not all of the threats his Rider saw or feared were real, and others would read this as cruelty and a disposition towards violence.

When Shruikan asked about Jarnunvösk, his Rider had no words. When they spoke of Jarnunvösk, the two spoke in the language of dragons - memory and impression.

…

A hundred years later, he sat upon a throne. His agent, Durza, reported the existence of a new Rider that threatened to challenge the king. He resolved to order the Ra’zac to the new Rider’s last known location. They would find him. The Ra’zac were the perfect hunters of man and their methods were more reliable than the shade’s in this situation.

But before the hour was out, he had no memory of this interaction and thus the Ra’zac were never dispatched. Had they been, perhaps Eragon would have been intercepted over the Hadarac Desert.

In later times a collection of dead dragons would claim to have manipulated events, but they had nothing to do with the failure of memory an aged man afflicted with visions and voices can display now and then or with Shruikan’s complete disinterest in matters of ruling.

Shruikan always cared more about chess than ruling. It was the only thing he ever showed real patience for. The king set apart an entire garden for pieces large enough for Shruikan to move.

…

Not long after that, Murtagh returned to court. He’d run. He’d joined the rebels. He didn’t understand what was at stake. He needed to die as an example, but then the dragon Thorn hatched for him.

So now the king looked into Murtagh’s mind, looking for some key to preventing Murtagh from restoring elven dominion over Alagaesia. He found little evidence of Murtagh’s true name, until the voices spoke. Two of them gave him possibilities, and the third wanted to use cake as shampoo. He tried the possibilities, and one of them was indeed Murtagh’s true name.

He wasn’t surprised. His voices had helped him crack the minds of Riders far older and stronger than Murtagh.

…

He sat upon his throne, looking at the people - and the elf - before him. Arya Drottning, Eragon Shadeslayer, the dragon Saphira, and the child Elva. He introduced the children, laid out a threat upon them. The voices wondered what their dead bodies would look like, but he had no intention of harming them. He just needed this to be a conversation of some kind and he doubted anything less would get some kind of courtesy from Eragon (The lack of an emissary before the battle was a sure sign).

Theatricality sometimes meant there wouldn’t have to be bloodshed. He’d learned that over the past century.

It wasn’t working here. Eragon was eager to fight, even with children in the room. Murtagh at least could be relied upon not to kill randomly if he eluded control. He’d have to keep a close eye on Eragon and dispose of him as soon as there were female dragons other than Saphira.

He ordered Eragon and Murtagh to fight while he concentrated on unraveling Eragon’s true name. The boy’s mind was frightening. Ruled by anger, laziness, love of violence, and entitlement but not of any of those things. What word defined Eragon’s life, and would define his future if he didn’t change? He didn’t know.

It probably had something to do with the boy’s tendency towards murder. He tried a few that translated to “destroyer of mankind”, but they didn’t take.

“Wyrdskyldr”, suggested one of his voices. Nonsense, the boy didn’t have the humility.

He tried “False Hero”, and that didn’t work. In the midst of his pondering, something changed.

He was burning. No, he wasn’t. But it felt like it. Like he was burning and had been stabbed and crushed and was being torn apart. Pain lanced down through his teeth, into his skull from his eyes, every aspect of himself afire with pain.

Afire…the Old Folk. He owed them. This must be Jarnunvösk reaching across the divide, letting him know what it felt like to be unable to rest. He’d allowed himself to be diverted for a century. He’d bonded with a different dragon, made friends, lived it up, all while Jarnunvösk was denied rest because her debt had yet to be paid.

The Old Folk took payment in the smell of burning flesh. He’d give it to them, and be lost.

Comments

[snarkbotanya]

It wasn’t proper, but it was a warrior’s blessing. A sign the Old Folk should bear her to the afterworld without payment and a promise to pay them the difference on his own death, for he could not pay them right now and remain alive.

I really like this because it gives some much-needed texture to human religious beliefs. Paolini tried to throw in some generic superstitions and references to unnamed gods, but there really wasn't much to suggest actual religious traditions. Galbatorix doing his best to honor Jarnunvösk here adds some detail, as well as being appropriately heartrending for the scene.

He forced his numb limbs to move to his companions and without hesitation took their debts upon himself.

And he does the same for his friends. I already feel far more sympathy for your Galbatorix than I ever did for Eragon.

“Don’t the dragons choose?” The voices whispered

The voices have a good point here.

Shruikan always cared more about chess than ruling. It was the only thing he ever showed real patience for. The king set apart an entire garden for pieces large enough for Shruikan to move.

I love this bit of characterization for Shruikan. Again, it gives much-needed texture to a character Paolini never bothered to explore.

He sat upon his throne, looking at the people - and the elf - before him.

I like the deliberate separation of "elf" from "people" here. In Galbatorix's mind, Saphira is a person, but Arya is not. I suspect an Urgal would be similarly separated from "people," and wonder where Galbatorix would place other sapients such as dwarves, Shades, and Ra'zac.

“Wyrdskyldr”, suggested one of his voices. Nonsense, the boy didn’t have the humility.

Noooooo Galby you were so close!

He was burning. No, he wasn’t. But it felt like it. Like he was burning and had been stabbed and crushed and was being torn apart. Pain lanced down through his teeth, into his skull from his eyes, every aspect of himself afire with pain.

This is a short, but effective description of how it might feel to be hit with the Empathy Spell. I'm actually very interested to see how other writers portray this, because there's going to be a significant look at what the Empathy Spell feels like in Consequence too.

Afire…the Old Folk. He owed them. This must be Jarnunvösk reaching across the divide, letting him know what it felt like to be unable to rest. He’d allowed himself to be diverted for a century. He’d bonded with a different dragon, made friends, lived it up, all while Jarnunvösk was denied rest because her debt had yet to be paid.

And in his moment of ultimate pain, he goes back to events and beliefs that shaped him. This reaction is entirely understandable. In that much pain, there's no way he's thinking straight.

The Old Folk took payment in the smell of burning flesh. He’d give it to them, and be lost.

"Waise neiat"

[uueiaa]

"This is a short, but effective description of how it might feel to be hit with the Empathy Spell. I'm actually very interested to see how other writers portray this, because there's going to be a significant look at what the Empathy Spell feels like in Consequence too."

This is a very interesting statement, because it seems to suggest that even though Eragon naturally feels no empathy, the spell temporarily heals his sociopathy and enables him to feel it. The reason I find this interesting, despite Eragon's textual lack of empathy not exactly being news to the comm,is that one of the other possibilities would a sociopathic person simply no-selling the Empathy Spell, because they have no context for experiencing the pain of others. Either that or not being able to differentiate it from a generic "torture spell" as in Harry Potter.

Regardless, it makes me excited for Consequence.

[pangolin20]

Hmmmm. I would think the spell would make the recipient able to feel everything the spell needs them to feel, even though it would require changing the way their mind works. Especially since it comes from pure dragon magic. Somehow, I don't think a spell using the Ancient Language would work quite the same.

[snarkbotanya]

I find it interesting that you seem to assume Eragon is going to get hit with the Empathy Spell. I won't confirm or deny that, but I will say that I sort of have a different interpretation of Eragon than just saying he's a sociopath with zero empathy.

Rather, I think Eragon is someone who started as a relatively normal person, albeit with some glaring character flaws, and has since badly lost his way because he never learned to question himself, only to justify. In Eragon, there are several moments where he has genuinely heroic instincts. One scene I particularly remember is the slave auction in Dras-Leona, where his immediate first instinct is to use his magic to free the man currently on the block, and he only stops himself because he realizes it probably wouldn't work and would only put him in danger too. In that moment, he wants to help someone but feels genuinely powerless to do so and it's deeply frustrating to him.

Compare that to the Eragon in later books, and it's clear that Eragon has developed as a character... but in the wrong direction. He's learned to shut away his empathy and justify whatever needs to be done in the name of his goal, which he's also done some heavy mental gymnastics to justify to himself. There's something really tragic about that, in my eyes.

[pangolin20]

My interpretation is different, but no less tragic, I think. In my view, Eragon is slowly taken over by Úmaroth, who wants to turn him into his Rider. And eventually he succeeds in it, too, and Eragon is replaced by Úmagon.
I'll expand on this in my own work, too.

[ultimate_cheetah]

Speaking of the slave auction, I was wondering something about it. Why doesn't Eragon already know about it? I mean, he lives out of the way, sure, but I bet if slavery was still a practice he would at least know, especially since there are traders that visit. But here, he's clueless, like he's a tourist rather than someone who lives in the country.

[snarkbotanya]

My impression was that slavery is only really practiced in Dras-Leona. We don't see any slaves in any other Imperial city. Brom tells us that the slave trade has flourished under Galbatorix, but do we really have reason to believe he's telling the truth?

[ultimate_cheetah]

That does make sense. It doesn't make sense, however, that slave traders are just going out there and grabbing people willy-nilly, no matter if they are citizens or not (as that could lead to a Dras-Leonen getting captured). I'd think that they would sell criminals into slavery. If the mother commited a crime, and she was pregnant, that would explain her and the child being enslaved.

[ignoresandra]

Compare that to the Eragon in later books, and it's clear that Eragon has developed as a character... but in the wrong direction. He's learned to shut away his empathy and justify whatever needs to be done in the name of his goal, which he's also done some heavy mental gymnastics to justify to himself. There's something really tragic about that, in my eyes.

Huh. Well observed. I'd lost sight of that considering my memory of the series is prodded by wherever I am in whatever sporking. It certainly feels like Eragon has been a monster forever in Inheritance, but you're not wrong. He may have been selfish, but he had moments where he really badly wanted to do the right thing.

[ignoresandra]

I really like this because it gives some much-needed texture to human religious beliefs.

Yeah. One of the things I dislike a lot about Inheritance is the complete lack of texture to the rituals people perform. So I added something.

I wasn't necessarily thinking of humans in Alagaesia as a whole, though, just wherever Galbatorix is from. His people believe that for the dead to enter the afterworld, their body has to be burned because the smell of burning flesh is the payment the Old Folk demand to carry their spirits across the threshold. In times where it's not possible to do so you can inscribe a rune in blood to indicate that you're taking the debt on to yourself, to be paid when you die.

This is considered self-sacrificial behavior because the Old Folk are exacting in terms of measures and agreements and payments, but it's also considered honorable if you can't burn someone's body.

I'm not 100% sure what the Old Folk are, but I was thinking of fairies when I wrote it.

Galbatorix doing his best to honor Jarnunvösk here adds some detail, as well as being appropriately heartrending for the scene.

Yeah. I'm glad that came across. I don't think I conveyed the full measure of horror associated with having a partner of your mind die. His desperate attempts to delude himself into thinking she lives - and his far-too-present sanity preventing sinking into that daydream - are the best I could do to really convey that part of him is severed now too.

There's a lot of suicidal ideation in here too. There's also a lot of Galbatorix tricking his brain into letting him live another day. This is someone who wants to live, but who thinks they don't deserve to.

And he does the same for his friends. I already feel far more sympathy for your Galbatorix than I ever did for Eragon.

He's the last survivor of their expedition. It'd be dishonorable if he didn't, and in that moment I don't think he's able to cope with doing one more thing he'd have to reproach himself for. Though, before you feel too much sympathy for him, this is still the man who did all of the I think three bad things he did in canon. So, you know, he's much more evil than murder-happy Eragon.

The voices have a good point here.

A lot of times, when hallucinations of voices or images show up in media it's constantly just "Blood, blood, blood, kill, death". But hearing voices or having intrusive thoughts or seeing things that aren't there are all...interpretations your brain is doing. Sometimes those interpretations are based on things that are actually happening which you and your waking mind have not yet noticed.

So I wanted to portray the auditory and visual hallucinations Galbatorix is experiencing in this fic as part manifestation of one emotion or anything (guilt, fear, missing Jarnunvösk, suicidal ideation), part subconsciously noticing things (Patterns in the mind that point to a true name, the power issues associated with the elven council deciding for the dragons), and part intrusive nonsense thoughts he can't get out of his head (Cake-as-shampoo lived in my own head for a blessedly brief few hours).

One thing I also wanted to convey, which I don't know if I got across right, is that when you hallucinate something you usually have physical and emotional reactions to it as if it were real even if you know intellectually that it is not.

One final thing is that I tried to have Galbatorix's hallucinations become less unpredictable and intense closer to the end of the story. Whatever reason you're having hallucinations, they become more manageable once you have a support network (Shruikan, girlfriends though they didn't come up here) and a safe place (Galbatorix's citadel) and are able to limit the stresses in your life (Galbatorix is quite an absent ruler).

I love this bit of characterization for Shruikan.

Yeah. It's been my Shruikan headcanon for ages and it's great to finally write it down.

I suspect an Urgal would be similarly separated from "people," and wonder where Galbatorix would place other sapients such as dwarves, Shades, and Ra'zac.

I wasn't sure why I separated it in the moment. I suppose some part of me knew it made sense for the character. Galbatorix would, I think, separate Shades and dwarves from "people" in addition to urgals.

Shades are quite clearly unreliable monsters, he has to have some personal understanding with Ra'zac, and he likely doesn't have any in-person interactions with dwarves.

And in his moment of ultimate pain, he goes back to events and beliefs that shaped him.

One thing I was unsure about when writing this was what exactly the empathy spell does.

Is he having this experience because the spell is forcing him to suffer the pain of his subjects, who are being brutally murdered by the Varden as this happens? Or is he having this experience because by his religious beliefs this is what Jarnunvösk would be going through every second her debt is unpaid and she cannot fully pass to the Afterworld? In short, is the spell forcing him to experience real pain and trauma or is it reacting with his mental illnesses?

I think the scene works with either interpretation.

"Waise neiat"

I probably should have included this line. But I'm satisfied with the story as it is.

[snarkbotanya]

I wasn't necessarily thinking of humans in Alagaesia as a whole, though, just wherever Galbatorix is from. His people believe that for the dead to enter the afterworld, their body has to be burned because the smell of burning flesh is the payment the Old Folk demand to carry their spirits across the threshold. In times where it's not possible to do so you can inscribe a rune in blood to indicate that you're taking the debt on to yourself, to be paid when you die.

I like it, and I also like it specifically as a regional belief, since the place where Galbatorix is from is canonically "no more." It makes the lack of this system of belief in the series make sense, because only one man still lives who was raised with it.

I'm not 100% sure what the Old Folk are, but I was thinking of fairies when I wrote it.

I did sort of get that impression, what with how similar the name is to Fair Folk. I do like me some good old-school faeries.

So I wanted to portray the auditory and visual hallucinations Galbatorix is experiencing in this fic as part manifestation of one emotion or anything (guilt, fear, missing Jarnunvösk, suicidal ideation), part subconsciously noticing things (Patterns in the mind that point to a true name, the power issues associated with the elven council deciding for the dragons), and part intrusive nonsense thoughts he can't get out of his head (Cake-as-shampoo lived in my own head for a blessedly brief few hours).

I like this. It really is a nice departure from Hollywood Schizophrenia.

One thing I was unsure about when writing this was what exactly the empathy spell does.

Going by the description in canon, it makes you feel everything you've ever made someone else feel. So if, say, Vanora got hit with it, she would feel the pain one of Serrill's bullies felt when she punched him in the face, but she would also feel Serrill's relief and sense of being protected.

Is he having this experience because the spell is forcing him to suffer the pain of his subjects, who are being brutally murdered by the Varden as this happens? Or is he having this experience because by his religious beliefs this is what Jarnunvösk would be going through every second her debt is unpaid and she cannot fully pass to the Afterworld? In short, is the spell forcing him to experience real pain and trauma or is it reacting with his mental illnesses?

I think the scene works with either interpretation.

Leaving things up to interpretation is always fun, and yes, I think the scene does work whichever way you interpret it.

I probably should have included this line. But I'm satisfied with the story as it is.

Honestly, I think it's good without it. For people who've read the books, the line will naturally come to mind.

[ignoresandra]

Going by the description in canon, it makes you feel everything you've ever made someone else feel. So if, say, Vanora got hit with it, she would feel the pain one of Serrill's bullies felt when she punched him in the face, but she would also feel Serrill's relief and sense of being protected.

Huh. That's pretty interesting. I suppose the next question is to what degree are figures in authority considered to be responsible? Galbatorix is high king. The buck stops with him as far as anything happening the Emprie goes. Does that mean he's responsible for the pain his soldiers feel when they execute his orders to defend their homes from invaders and lose? Does that mean he's responsible for the agony someone in a small village feels because there aren't enough painkillers available and Galbatorix could theoretically have improved supply lines so there would be some available?

Granted, though, Galbatorix has personally killed enough people and made enough Name-slaves that the spell would cause him ultimate pain however his role as high king played in or didn't.

[snarkbotanya]

Granted, though, Galbatorix has personally killed enough people and made enough Name-slaves that the spell would cause him ultimate pain however his role as high king played in or didn't.

Very true. I don't think Galbatorix is anywhere near the complete monster Paolini tries to portray him as, but he's certainly done some evil things. Primarily the mindbreaking.

One thing I do know, though, is that if Eragon ever got hit with the Empathy Spell, he would get wrecked. And that statement is very much rooted in canon. Because canon includes a certain character who feels lots and lots of pain, which Eragon is explicitly responsible for.

[ignoresandra]

Because canon includes a certain character who feels lots and lots of pain, which Eragon is explicitly responsible for.

Yep. So Elva's just been storing up ammunition for the empathy spell without knowing or wanting to. Which is also horrible.

I don't think you're going to hit Eragon with the empathy spell, though. I think Eragon's going to use it against Vanora, and it's going to make her stronger instead of weaker.

[snarkbotanya]

So Elva's just been storing up ammunition for the empathy spell without knowing or wanting to. Which is also horrible.

The worst part about it is, Elva doesn't just feel people's actual pain. She feels their potential pain. And before the spell got "fixed" in Brisingr, it directly caused her pain if she tried to ignore said potential pains. It's like exponentiating pain.

I don't think you're going to hit Eragon with the empathy spell, though. I think Eragon's going to use it against Vanora, and it's going to make her stronger instead of weaker.

In the words of Christopher Paolini, "no comment." ;)

[pangolin20]

This is simply brilliant. It's quite short and simple, but it's so effective. And Galbatorix's story is really sad.

So, this is my attempt to offer a possible point of view Galbatorix may have had on canon events.
Although it's not my personal view, it certainly is something that could have happened and I accept it as canon for another world, if you know what I mean.

I hope I've presented these topics without sensationalizing them or disrespecting folks who suffer from mental illness.
For me, I can certainly say you have done well. Just by presenting it from his point of view, you do justice to his experiences.

The first time he heard a voice he definitely knew had never been spoken, he was holding Jarnunvösk’s lifeless head.
An interesting way to refer to the voices he hears. And I feel sorry for Jarnunvösk, even though I barely know her.

Oromis-elda may claim that there was no afterworld, but he didn’t know.
Let Oromis claim what he may. He should stop talking about things he doesn't know anything about. I mean, I still don't know whether or not Alagaësia would have an afterworld. And I also see you implied Oromis was Galbatorix's teacher, which is quite heavily implied in canon.

He carefully nicked one of his fingertips - enough that it would bleed, not so much it’d be a danger
Interesting. This really is the good kind of worldbuilding.

He reached out with his hand and drew a rune on Jarnunvösk’s cheek
This is really touching.

“She was more worthy than you.”
This line here is so sad. I know he will never think otherwise, although I would want to tell him it's not that way, and I know I would think the same.

He forced his numb limbs to move to his companions and without hesitation took their debts upon himself.
Because he cares about others.

The 92nd time he heard a voice he definitely knew had never been spoken, he’d been walking south for some time.
It's so sad he's counting the number of times he hears the voices, and that he carries on for so long.

Though he was among trees now, he told himself he needed an axe first to pay the debt.
...And he's postponing. And I still know he's doomed.

“Don’t the dragons choose?” The voices whispered
Sure they do.

Shruikan would never grasp that not all of the threats his Rider saw or feared were real, and others would read this as cruelty and a disposition towards violence.
Not exactly as I picture him, but he still is mostly the same. He finds he must protect his Rider, whatever the cost may be.

When they spoke of Jarnunvösk, the two spoke in the language of dragons - memory and impression.
Just as the language of dragons, or indeed, most other animals, should be.

I'll comment further tomorrow.

[ignoresandra]

This is simply brilliant. It's quite short and simple, but it's so effective.

curtsies

I was hesitant about posting this, because I wrote it in one and didn't go back to edit or wait on it for a few days. I didn't think it'd be good enough but Calliope wouldn't let go of my mind until I no longer had it in me.

So thank you so much for saying so.

An interesting way to refer to the voices he hears.

It comes from my own experiences. I used to hallucinate the presence of someone who hurt me in places I definitely knew they weren't, so I was holding both the certainty that what I was seeing was false and the fact that most of me was reacting as if my brain wasn't lying to me.

The best way I found to describe it was that I was seeing things I "definitely knew weren't there".

And I feel sorry for Jarnunvösk, even though I barely know her.

Yeah. She's a woman fridged to motivate the villain. I tried to characterize her a little bit by comparing her to Shruikan, but I know I didn't do much.

And this is Galbatorix's inciting incident. It has to be clear that he loves Jarnunvösk and he believes she should have survived. It has to be both or he wouldn't have "gone mad with grief".

And I also see you implied Oromis was Galbatorix's teacher, which is quite heavily implied in canon.

I wanted to state that Oromis was Galbatorix's teacher, but that's not explicitly said in canon. I felt that whether Oromis was Galbatorix's teacher or not, it would be reasonable to think they might have met at least once.

This is really touching.

I knew that I needed Galbatorix to do something to show how much he cares for Jarnunvösk. Hold her and cry? Well, yes, he's doing that but I needed something more definite to signify the closing of a life. So I decided to have him rebel against elven teachings and grant Jarnunvösk and their companions a burial in the traditions of his people.

The details of the ritual come from examining Galbatorix's probable circumstances - exhausted, possibly injured, overwrought with grief - and comparing that to things he could do considering that three of the people who need burial are dragons.

So, blood is often considered to be symbolic of life. The blood is his, so he's the one taking on the debt. The rune just indicates that someone else will pay for their passage.

...And he's postponing. And I still know he's doomed.

Got it in one. Exactly what I meant.

[pangolin20]

So thank you so much for saying so.
You're welcome!

It comes from my own experiences. I used to hallucinate the presence of someone who hurt me in places I definitely knew they weren't, so I was holding both the certainty that what I was seeing was false and the fact that most of me was reacting as if my brain wasn't lying to me.

The best way I found to describe it was that I was seeing things I "definitely knew weren't there".

That seems difficult. I'm glad to hear you're doing better now. You've certainly used your experiences well in writing this.

I tried to characterize her a little bit by comparing her to Shruikan, but I know I didn't do much.
I'm certainly planning on giving her an in-depth character and a POV in my own fic.

I felt that whether Oromis was Galbatorix's teacher or not, it would be reasonable to think they might have met at least once.
Indeed. As member of the Council of Elders, Galbatorix would certainly have seen him.

So, blood is often considered to be symbolic of life. The blood is his, so he's the one taking on the debt. The rune just indicates that someone else will pay for their passage.
This is quite powerful indeed.

[pangolin20]

In later times a collection of dead dragons would claim to have manipulated events, but they had nothing to do with the failure of memory an aged man afflicted with visions and voices can display now and then or with Shruikan’s complete disinterest in matters of ruling.
Completely in-character for Úmaroth to go bragging about how much he has influenced things. But indeed, he isn't the measure of all things, nor is Elera. Sometimes, it's just plain forgetfulness.

Shruikan always cared more about chess than ruling. It was the only thing he ever showed real patience for. The king set apart an entire garden for pieces large enough for Shruikan to move.
Love this! And what else would he have to do during the one hundred years Galbatorix is on the throne. I mean, after some time, you're bound to get bored, and chess is a great distraction. I guess he's one of the best chess players in the world by the time Úmagon shows up. And if you don't mind, I'll steal this detail for my own work.

He’d run. He’d joined the rebels. He didn’t understand what was at stake. He needed to die as an example, but then the dragon Thorn hatched for him.
The short sentences work perfectly here. I don't know exactly how, but it works.

He sat upon his throne, looking at the people - and the elf - before him.
Him excluding elves from the category "people" is absolutely right. His life has never given him reason to think otherwise.

He introduced the children, laid out a threat upon them. The voices wondered what their dead bodies would look like, but he had no intention of harming them. He just needed this to be a conversation of some kind and he doubted anything less would get some kind of courtesy from Eragon
Exactly as I pictured this scene. He threatens the children to make Úmagon hold a conversation.

(The lack of an emissary before the battle was a sure sign).
Fucking Roran. I knew Orrin had the right idea.

“Wyrdskyldr”, suggested one of his voices. Nonsense, the boy didn’t have the humility.
So close. But he ignores it. And he seals his doom, just as expected.

He was burning. No, he wasn’t. But it felt like it.
And here comes his doom. It may not be like in canon, but that doesn't matter, as this is much better.

Afire…the Old Folk. He owed them. This must be Jarnunvösk reaching across the divide, letting him know what it felt like to be unable to rest. He’d allowed himself to be diverted for a century. He’d bonded with a different dragon, made friends, lived it up, all while Jarnunvösk was denied rest because her debt had yet to be paid.
And he immediately links it to the experience of his youth, showing that he has never really ceased to care. As for the rest... it's simply masterful.

The Old Folk took payment in the smell of burning flesh. He’d give it to them, and be lost.
"Waíse néiat!" And it's over. There never was any other way.


I'll absolutely show the death scene in my own work, not only from Galbatorix's perspective, but also from Shruikan's and Thorn's, and I'll give it the gravity it deserves.

[ignoresandra]

Sometimes, it's just plain forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness is a way to put it. I was thinking more about the fact that people who've suffered traumas and have mental health issues often have problems with short or long term memory.

I singled out Shruikan as "completely disinterested in ruling" to explain why Shruikan wasn't acting as Galbatorix's secretary in this matter and reminding him of something this important later. That flowed into discussing what Shruikan did care about since it wasn't the politics of power.

I guess he's one of the best chess players in the world by the time Úmagon shows up. And if you don't mind, I'll steal this detail for my own work.

Feel totally free! The idea of a giant dragon playing a game much like chess with courtiers at Galbatorix's court just feels so cute to me, especially in context with some real life shit nobility actually did pull - like having servants dress up as chess pieces to play on a life-size board.

So in my head Shruikan was a chess fanatic and even if he wasn't interested in ruling the ordered structure of his mind helped compliment the creative chaos of Galbatorix's mind. Whether Shruikan was asking people dressed as chess pieces to move, moving the enormous stone pieces specially made for him, or telling his opponent his moves on a human-sized board, it's what he found joy in.

The short sentences work perfectly here. I don't know exactly how, but it works.

It's a technique I stole from poetry. Basically the reader interprets individual sentences as having a pace. Longer sentences are seen to be languorous and calming; as gentle waves on a sandy shoreline. Shorter sentences: Impart Urgency.

In a poetic form, this segment looks like so:

He’d run.
He’d joined the rebels.
He didn’t understand what was at stake.
He needed to die as an example, but then the dragon Thorn hatched for him.

So now the king looked into Murtagh’s mind, looking for some key to preventing Murtagh from restoring elven dominion over Alagaesia.
He found little evidence of Murtagh’s true name, until the voices spoke.
Two of them gave him possibilities, and the third wanted to use cake as shampoo.
He tried the possibilities, and one of them was indeed Murtagh’s true name.

He wasn’t surprised.
His voices had helped him crack the minds of Riders far older and stronger than Murtagh.

The increasing sentence length creates an impression that Galbatorix is panicking at first, but then slowing down and thinking it through.

Fucking Roran. I knew Orrin had the right idea.

Yeah. I wanted to offer some consequence for Roran's stupidity because he was being such an asshole. Of course Roran wouldn't see "As a direct result of my actions, children were in the room when Eragon and co were murdering an old man" as his fault but still.

And he immediately links it to the experience of his youth, showing that he has never really ceased to care. As for the rest... it's simply masterful.

Part of it's inspired by a potential death in Sunless Sea. "Rise and be lost"; for travelling the surface when your captain is overcome by a yearning for sunlight.

And yeah. I wanted his final thoughts to be of Jarnunvösk, who is the reason he did all of everything he did. That's also why this story starts with Jarnunvösk's death - so I can bookend it and highlight that the person Eragon killed in such a horrible way was fundamentally an old man overcome by grief.

[pangolin20]

I was thinking more about the fact that people who've suffered traumas and have mental health issues often have problems with short or long term memory.
I know what you mean, I just couldn't come up with a better term for it.

So in my head Shruikan was a chess fanatic and even if he wasn't interested in ruling the ordered structure of his mind helped compliment the creative chaos of Galbatorix's mind.
I have in mind that Murtagh also finds rest in such structure during the time he serves Galbatorix. One way he does it is by calculating prime numbers.

It's a technique I stole from poetry.
I know it from prose, too. Paolini really doesn't know how to use this.

I wanted his final thoughts to be of Jarnunvösk, who is the reason he did all of everything he did.
As indeed they should be.

[ignoresandra]

I know it from prose, too. Paolini really doesn't know how to use this.

Most of my writing experience is literal poetry, honestly. I have about a dozen poems and two or three short stories before this fic.

Poetry is a lesson in intentionality in writing. In how the difference between the right word and the almost-right word, even though they be synonyms, is the difference between a cat (the animal) and a "cat" (The two-hulled boat) and a "cat"(apult). In how important it is to control the length of your sentences, to edit and revise, to decide on phrasing based on how and where and when and if to rhyme, and when to place breaks between segments to retain audience attention.

One of my favorite tricks is to establish a rhyme scheme, and then deliberately break it so the odd line out sticks in my audiences' minds.

Now, I didn't take this level of care with this fic (I feel like it would be even better if I had). But there's reflections of how I've practiced writing before in it.

[pangolin20]

Indeed. That is why I like poetry, although I don't think I'll ever really write it.