Well, fuck.

Here it is, folks. The part of the book we’ve all been both anticipating and dreading. The part where Paolini decides that since he’s out of ideas, he may as well just rehash what Murtagh and Thorn went through in the main series, but on-screen this time. Yeah, just retraumatizing the boys as much as possible without doing any research on actual psychology. I’m sure that’ll work out so well.

Of course, that’s not all that’s infuriating about this section. Part III of #NotMyMurtagh also contains one of the most egregiously terrible retcons this series has ever seen. If you’ve not already read the book, prepare to scream incredulous expletives at your screen, because it’s going to be one hell of a trip. Luckily, we have Epistler taking on the duty of ripping the chapter with most of that bullshit to shreds; she’ll give it the exact harsh treatment it so richly deserves.

We’re also in for a good dose of standard Paolini awfulness as a side dish. From your standard tortured purple prose to the cultural carnage of Paolini taking another shot at prominently featuring an Urgal character to yet another attempt to write poetry, it’s a veritable smorgasbord of sloppy writing.

If I manage to get through this without punching something, it will be a goddamned miracle.

Part III: Nal Gorgoth

The Village - Epistler, SnarkbotAnya, & Torylltales collab

Bachel - ultimate_cheetah

The Tower of Flint - Epistler

Dreams and Portents - SnarkbotAnya

Recitations of Faith - Epistler

The Court of Crows - SnarkbotAnya

Tusk and Blade - torylltales

Mother’s Mercy - ultimate_cheetah

Breaking Point - Epistler

Upheaval - ultimate_cheetah

Anticipation - torylltales

The Bad Sleep-Well - Epistler

Nightmare - SnarkbotAnya

Uvek - Epistler

Obliteration - Scales

Waking Dreams -

Fragments - SnarkbotAnya

Without Flaw -

Choices - Scales

Qazhqargla - torylltales

A Question of Faith -

Black Smoke - SnarkbotAnya

Fire and Wind - torylltales

Grieve - SnarkbotAnya

So it has come to this.

When Christopher Paolini announced that he was releasing a book from Murtagh’s point of view, I knew immediately that it would be bad, but I’m not sure I could have imagined just how bad. This book is agonizing to read, and not just because it’s Paolini doing his damndest to ruin his only decent character. No, it’s also a boring, interminable slog on the level of Fractal Noise and delivers an uncomfortably Goodkindesque amount of torture scenes.

I did not want to read this book, but at this point, tearing it apart feels like my duty. Murtagh and Thorn are my boys, and they deserve better than this. The least I can do for them is lead the comm in giving this trainwreck the vicious editorial thrashing it most certainly deserves.

Because this book is so long, I suspect many of us haven’t finished reading it yet, and thus won’t be ready to lay claim to later chapters. Luckily for us, Paolini has broken the book up into parts, a structure he seems to have become enamored with during his foray into science fiction. While its use in an Inheritance Cycle, sorry, a World of Eragon book is a bit of a head-tilter, it does at least give us a convenient way to split up the chapter assignments. Thus, this post will only be for Part I: Ceunon, as well as the “argument,” which will be co-sporked by Epistler, Torylltales, and myself.

A lot of what’s in this part will be familiar, as this is not only where things line up with The Fork, the Witch, and the Worm, but also where all of the pre-release excerpts came from. It’s far longer than it needs to be, and yet it may well be the fastest-paced part of the book.

All right, enough introduction. Let’s do this thing.

Argument - Epistler, SnarkbotAnya, Torylltales

Part I: Ceunon

Maddentide - ignoresandra

The Fulsome Feast - Torylltales

Fork and Blade - Epistler

Conclave - Mara_Dienne459