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antishurtugal_rebornWarning: This chapter contains depictions and/or discussions of racism, misogyny, slavery, eugenics, torture, rape and possible necrophilia.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time for yet another journey into the twisted depths of The Fifth Sorceress! Last time, Shailiha got to show off how evil she is now, while Wigg and Tristan met Geldon, started their infiltration, and, oh, Tristan may be about to drown because of that stupid Minion sword he insists on lugging around. None of which may matter, because Failee’s already onto them. Today, we see how Tristan gets out of his predicament and meet the next character in his chain of doomed love interests. Joining us once again will be Len and Yhani!
Chapter Twenty-Three
Len: And so, we open with someone thinking to himself about how he’d heard a lot about the Afterlife while he was alive (really? I thought the wizards kept all that stuff to themselves, which is why everyone else’s beliefs are so damn vague) but he hadn’t realized there was so much fog there. I dunno; where I come from, everybody goes to Dolurrh when they die (it’s what happens after that that’s the question…) and it’s supposed to be a dreary place, so fog doesn’t surprise me all that much. He then spots two people he thinks are a father and son splashing around in a stream nearby. That looks like fun, he thought. Is this what we do here in the Afterlife to amuse ourselves? And they have no clothes on, not a stitch. I don’t think I have any on, either. Apparently no one wears anything here. How wonderfully odd. Ooookay, I think Princey’s – spoiler, that’s who this is – a bit delirious right now. Nearly drowning’ll do that to you. And then he thinks that if everyone really is naked in the Afterlife, he might see Evelyn, his one-night-stand who got killed by the Minions, again and she’ll be naked too, which makes him smile. Kid… you’ve got a one-track mind sometimes, you know that? But that makes him think about his parents, who are also dead, and how he’ll have to face them and tell them he failed, which, okay, that’s more something to worry about. He then passes out again and wakes back up a bit later to find Wigg and Geldon looking down at him. He realizes he’s wet, cold, and naked, and remembers nearly drowning in the tunnel. Wigg examines him a bit, tells him rather bluntly that you’ll live and that he could’ve revived him quicker with magic. It turns out that they made it out of the Ghetto and are now in a surprisingly idyllic scene; The sunrise was low in the clear, blue sky, and the birds and insects were just beginning their songs of the day. The stream rushed and bubbled happily, joining into nature’s chorus. Well, that sure sounds… musical. Wigg then explains that it was Geldon who pulled Tristan out, and that he found him where we left him, stuck on his sword. For some reason Wigg adds that it has quite a history – yeah, old man, it’s the weapon that killed Tristan’s father and that he now wants to use to avenge his father. I think it’s a dumb design on principle, but still, it’s been used to do some pretty awful stuff, so maybe don’t be so flip about it? Oh, and it also turns out that what Tristan had thought were a father and son earlier were Geldon and Wigg washing their clothes; glad we got that cleared up. Wigg asks Princey if he can ride, and he says he can; he also thanks Geldon for saving his life, to which Geldon replies Don’t mention it… I have a feeling you will be paying both Parthalon and myself back handsomely before we are finished. Geldon, friend, pretty sure you’re only saying that ‘cause you don’t know them. ‘Cause these aren’t exactly the people you should be relying on to save your country – look at the mess they made of their own, mostly through incompetence!
Gender Wars: 111 (figure I’ll give a point for Tristan’s weird fantasizing about his dead, naked not-quite-girlfriend)
Yhani: And so, they set off, though Tristan is off the opinion that the mare Geldon has provided for him is not up the standards of Pilgrim and he longed for his own horse to be under him, oh my. Riding along, we find that Parthalon is strikingly – and disappointingly – similar to Eutracia; though the trees seem to be generally taller, otherwise Tristan recognizes all the plants and animals he sees. While riding, Tristan and Geldon take time to talk of the Minions and Kluge – who the narrative refers to as the winged monster – which, of course, causes a reaction in Tristan’s blood (from another author I might take that as a metaphor, but considering…). Eventually they reach a more used main road, and Tristan gets his first look at the common Parthalonians. The people of Parthalon seemed to be sullen and sad. They moved with a slowness that gave him the impression that either their lives, time itself, or both were of no importance to them. They were for the most part shabbily dressed, and seemed to be quite poor. *flatly* Truly, Newcomb has captured the misery of life under authoritarian rule; why can I not bring myself to care? Perhaps because we know none of these people – the common people of Parthalon, if one does not count Geldon, have received no focus at all, and seem to be little more than background props for Tristan’s struggle than major players in their own lives. Indeed, this causes Tristan to reflect that Everywhere the Coven goes, they bring nothing but suffering… and now my sister, my very blood, is one of them. This reminds Tristan that he needs to find a way to stop Shailiha without killing her, and at this, the plight of the common people is forgotten. Sometime later, Geldon suddenly pulls them off the road and into the woods; when Wigg questions them on this, he announces that he cannot take them the way he had intended to and points to the sky, where large birds of prey like a cross between buzzards and hawks are circling, clearly waiting for something to die. Geldon explains that their intended victims are people, and they are circling a place of the Minions. This, as one might expect, inspires bloodlust in Tristan, his endowed blood was calling out for action because of course it was. He declares he wants to see what’s going on; Wigg tells him that he cannot risk the mission, but Tristan is insistent, though he tells Wigg and Geldon they can stay behind if they wish, since he can follow the birds to his destination. Geldon demands to know if Wigg can control Tristan, and Wigg’s answer is… not helpful. “In truth, I cannot control him right now,” the old one said. “Because of the nature of his blood, he is partially under the influences of things he will not be able to control until he reads the Tome. And I am unable to use the craft, for fear of being detected.” *crossly* Why is it that none of these characters seem to have actual free will? Everything they do – everything – comes down to either blood or “the craft,” and I am growing quite tired of it. And of course, Wigg seems to think he should be able to control Tristan. But, in a rare display of responsibility, he says he will not allow Tristan to go alone, and Geldon decides he has to go with them as well. And so they tether their horses and set off, Geldon in the lead to guide their way through the forest. At last they crest a hill and behold a valley. At the bottom of the valley, six wooden stakes had been pounded into the ground. Each was at least ten feet tall, with a very large, rough-hewn wooden spoked wheel at its top, mounted horizontally. The very large wheels turned around and around slowly in the silent gusts of wind that invisibly came and went through the valley… each of the wheels held a human being. Ah, then. As to be expected from the birds – this is a place of execution. We receive a lengthy description, which I shall spare you, of how the nearest victim has been affixed to the wheel and how his limbs have been twisted and broken to make them fit; the inhumanity of it was staggering. Now, Tristan – after all you have seen, are you really surprised? The figure on the central wheel, however, is different. For one, she is a woman. For another, she had wings. As it happens, quite different from the wings of the Minions. Her wings were white, and even from this distance he could tell that they were made of feathers like the wings of birds, unlike the dark, muscular, leathery wings of the Minions. Her hair was blond and fell down around her shoulders; her head slumped forward on her chest. A meager loincloth was wrapped around her waist, and her upper body was bare. *blankly* Has the Coven captured an angel, then? My, my – who knew they had it in them? But the woman has only been tied to the wheel, unlike the men, and her limbs remain unbroken. Finally, Tristan also notices that the men also have white-feathered wings. Blood of my Ancestors, what a thing to miss!
Blood Matters: 138
Dastardly Deeds: 116
Gratuitous Grimdark: 67 (for the nasty description of the crucifixions)
Len: Well, Princey is shocked by all this and turns to Geldon, asking him who these people are and what they did to offend the Minions. Geldon explains that this is the Vale of Torment – real subtle, Newcomb – and it’s the place where the Minions hold their executions. As for the people on the wheels, they’re actually Minions themselves, sort of. One of every five thousand children is born blond, with white wings. They are considered to be an inferior race, and are raised in disgrace by the Minions until the age of twenty-five. Sometimes they change to the typical dark wings and hair, and those that do are trained and kept as true Minion. But if they do not, they are considered inferior and are brought to this place to be killed… it is said they are very loving, another trait the Minions find to be inferior. They are known as the Gallipolai. Okay, I have questions. For one, okay, I can kind of see Failee being such a perfectionist she’d throw away perfectly good warriors because they don’t have the exact colors she wants, but why do it like this? If the goal is to keep these people from breeding, there’s no need to make a spectacle of it – just quietly slit their throats, at birth even. If you let the ones who do change into normal Minions back into the population, that just means you’ll never get rid of these traits, and they’ll keep cropping back up and you’ll have to keep doing this over and over again! Gah; Sovereigns, why am I having to think about this? And the point of this sort of drawn-out public execution is to make a scene, to terrify everyone else into compliance with how much you’re making your victims suffer -except you’re killing these people for something they were born as, not something they did, so that makes no sense either! No matter how many people you terrorize by publicly executing Gallipolai, it won’t stop the birth of more Gallipolai! And if the point is to spread terror, it makes no sense to hold this sort of execution in the middle of nowhere where no one can see, and if it’s not, it’d be easier to just kill them quietly and dump them in a ditch somewhere! This just shows what we already knew – not only are the Minions and sorceresses really, really evil, they’re really, really bad at it! Well, Geldon then explains a bit more about how this is prolonged death by exposure, can take up to three days to make the victims die, and the Minions sometimes drug them to prolong their suffering, and I still have to wonder why? Oh, and Geldon thinks that the men are dead, but the woman is still alive. ‘Course she is; Princey’s got to play the gallant hero, doesn’t he? Wigg asks why the woman wasn’t tortured the same way, and Geldon says that apparently Minion warriors get to do whatever they want with their female victims, and Wigg takes the hint and so do I, and now I really want to hurt someone, preferably Kluge. But Princey’s more interested at the prospect of an innocent race of the Minions - I don’t really think they’re a race, more like a… mutant strain, maybe? – and asks how often the guards check on them. Geldon points out a particular ridge, Vulture’s Row, and says that there are always two guards up there. And then, armed with this knowledge, Princey immediately slips away from Wigg – who can’t yell at him without alerting the guards – and heads off towards the victims. Geldon asks if Princey’s always like this – if by “this” you mean impulsive and not very bright, I’ve gotta say “yes, but sometimes he’s worse” – and Wigg admits he is, and the chapter ends as they settle down to wait and see what happens.
MG: Also, just jumping into note that, on top of the ham-handed symbolism of how the “good” Minions look like angels, or at least the pop-culture depiction thereof, the fact that the “good” minions are blue-eyed blondes while the evil ones have dark hair seems a little… uncomfortable, especially with all the eugenics-y stuff with both blood and the Minions themselves we’ve already got going on.
Exposition Intrusion: 222
Dastardly Deeds: 120 (for everything about the Gallipolai and how the Minions treat them)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 69 (one point for the torture, one for the implied rape)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 58 (for more about the Gallipolai)
Chapter Twenty-Four
Yhani: And so, we pick up directly where we left off, with Tristan stealthily approaching the execution wheels. He pauses to draw his dreggan – one would think he might have lost his attachment to it after it nearly got him killed; apparently not – and then May the Afterlife grant me strength, he prayed. Once again, the Afterlife is not an entity which can answer prayers, and by definition it is something one cannot experience while alive, and thus I remain convinced that such a prayer is, in fact, pointless. As he approaches, Tristan can hear the Minion guards making vulgar conversation and course laughter, because of course, they are, and thinks that The last time he had heard such Minion voices, he had been unable to move, he recalled, outraged. He had been chained hands and feet by the monster named Kluge. This time it would be different. Now, Tristan, this does make me wonder – is this really about rescuing the Gallipolai woman, or is it about some desperate need to prove your manhood in the face of the Minions? Because it seems to me more like the latter. Finally, Tristan approaches behind the ridge, unnoticed, and then somehow manages to leap off the outcropping he’s standing on, twist around in midair as he does, and lands on his feet, facing the Minions. The first Minion draws his sword, but Tristan is faster; moving like a dancer -really, now – he gets past his guard and presses the tip of his dreggan to the Minion’s throat and then extends it, decapitating him while, naturally, spraying blood everywhere. Meanwhile, the second Minion is charging; Tristan switches his dreggan to his off hand, draws one of his knives (which Newcomb still thinks is a dirk) and throws it, taking the Minion in the eye and killing him instantly. Tristan stood there panting, glancing about as if it had all been a dream. Looking down he saw that he had been splattered with blood. He didn’t care. I can assure you that it was not a dream, and perhaps you should care. Tristan does care enough, however, to clean his dreggan and, after he retrieves it, his knife, before sheathing them (we also have a brief and unsettling aside about how the decapitated Minion’s wings are still thrashing about in their death throws before finally going still, though its purpose escapes me). He also takes one of the dead Minions’ returning wheels and, recognizing it as the same kind of weapon that killed Evelyn and many others during the massacre at Tammerland, claims it for his own. Ah, yes – take a very difficult weapon, with a high probability of inflicting damage on you should you use it poorly and on which you have no training whatsoever and add it to your arsenal. What could possibly go wrong? Tristan also thinks to himself that he does not know why he was so determined to attack these Minions, but for some reason his endowed blood had directed him to do so. He wonders if these Minions were at Tammerland, and Whether either of them had killed any of the wizards of the Directorate. And whether either of them had contributed to the rape and murder of his mother. No matter how many of them I kill, he thought, I will not rest until Kluge stands before me. Stands before me and dies. Without further reflection, he turns and marches towards the execution wheels.
Blood Matters: 139
Dastardly Deeds: 121 (of course the Minions’ conversation was “vulgar”)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 70 (for the reminder about what happened at Tammerland)
Len: Well, Princey approaches the wheels and looks up at the bodies of the Gallipolai; he wonders if the cruelty here is something the sorceresses specifically order or something the Minions do for its own sake (considering what we’ve seen so far, I’m gonna guess it’s a big old “both”) and whether the Gallipolai are killed because they represent a flaw in the sorceresses’ work. By the Traveler, you think? Of course, that’s why they’re killed, you blithering fool! What, did you think Failee just really has it in for blondes? He takes a moment to describe what we already knew – the Gallipolai men are all dead, their hair is blond, and their wings are feathered, and he realizes that their wings are smaller than the Minions’ and that they must have been clipped to prevent escape. He realizes that their feet look damaged too, and that they must have been maimed for the same reason. Then he turns his attention to the woman; the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The long blond hair that hung down between the spokes of the wheel was thick and lustrous, an amazing combination of colors that resembled corn tassels laced with the palest of honey. The similarly colored eyebrows were long and arching; he imagined her eyes were blue. She had a slim, straight nose; pink lips; and a smooth, strong jawline. There was no blood on her face, and Tristan could see the dried rivulets of tears that had run from her eyes, then to her cheeks, and down onto the ground. Her wings, like those of the men, had been severely clipped back. Her feet, too, were small and deformed, the product of the same cruelty the men had obviously suffered. And yet she was beautiful. Well, at least we know this torture victim is hot, ‘cause that’s the important thing here, right? Princey then wonders how someone so beautiful could have been born of such intense hideousness and cruelty. How could such a creature have been produced by a Minion warrior and his brothel whore? I dunno, ‘cause beauty and evil aren’t incompatible? Hells, where we come from the Inspired literally breed themselves for beauty (among other things…) and it sure as Khyber hasn’t stopped them from crushing an entire continent under their heels. ‘Sides, it’s not like the Minions are monsters, physically at least; they’re just winged people. Even Kluge’s description doesn’t sound so bad to me, at least if you like ‘em psychopathic. There’s no reason this girl wouldn’t be good looking (aside from, you know, all the torture she’s been through). Well, then, out of nowhere, Princey notices the final horror of the place – along all the nearby trees are hung perfectly preserved pairs of Gallipolai wings (how’d you not notice that before?). Geldon comes over and explains that the Minions only keep the wings of the female Gallipolai as trophies of their conquests *she makes a revolted face* and apparently when Failee found out she was so thrilled with the idea that every time a new set of wings is added, she sends one of the other sorceresses to enchant them to preserve them forever. So, let me get this straight. The sorceresses, who hate men and think women are superior… are actively helping their male Minions keep a monument celebrating how many women they’ve abused? The hells? In what world does that make sense, Newcomb? But, needless to say, this outrages Tristan, who is reminded of all the rapes the Minions committed when they attacked Eutracia and decides that the insanity never ends. Wigg, meanwhile, watching him, is just reminded of the prophecy about the Chosen One taking up three weapons and slaying many, just in case we’d forgotten that since the last time it came up.
Dastardly Deeds: 125
Gender Wars: 114 (for all the rapes, and for the reminder that all the women in this book get to be either villains or victims, and nothing else)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 71 (for… everything about the whole thing)
Yhani: And so, Wigg asks if Tristan did what he wanted, and he answers (with the memory of the fight keeping his endowed blood churning) that he did, but sometimes he feels that no matter how many of them I kill, it will never be enough. Rather than be horrified by this implied genocidal desire, Wigg only observes drily that there are hundreds of thousands of Minions, and he doubts Tristan can kill them all (which is… a valid point, albeit perhaps not the one I would have made…) while Geldon is in awe, since he has never seen a Minion killed by anyone but a fellow Minion, and he did not think it was possible for someone else to defeat one in battle. And I can only assume this is Newcomb using Geldon to speak directly to us, considering the Minions’ performance so far as not particularly impressed me (conquering a kingdom that has not had a war in three centuries and is led by incompetents is, alas, not such a great feat). Then, suddenly, they hear a moan from behind them; Tristan draws his dreggan, but then realizes its source. The Gallipolai woman is still alive! What a surprise! It is not as if Geldon told us that earlier or anything (it also confirms Tristan was ogling her when he thought she was a corpse, so *disgusted noise*). She continues to stir, and Tristan calls Wigg and Geldon over to help him get her down. Once this is accomplished, Tristan calls for Geldon to fetch water while he cradles the woman in his arms, still entranced by her beauty (would you have been so keen to save her if she had not been beautiful?) And then her sapphire-blue eyes snapped open and she takes in Tristan’s appearance – and immediately panics. It seems that between Tristan’s dark hair and the dreggan, she thinks he is a Minion and starts desperately clawing at him (I can only assume she is not yet awake enough to notice his distinct lack of wings) and Wigg yells at Tristan to get away, since I cannot use the craft to control her! *frostily* Oh, and is using “the craft” to control panicking women something you do regularly, o mighty Wigg? But Tristan does as he asks, back up and tossing the dreggan away, and then holding up his hands to show that he is unarmed. He assures the woman that he has no wings and is not a Minion, and in fact hates them as much as she must and that he is only here to help. Finally, the woman stops, taking Tristan’s appearance in, realizes that, at the very least, he is not a Minion, and then a new expression takes over her face. But not relief – it was awe. *she sighs audibly* Because of course it was. The woman crosses her arms over her breasts to cover them and then just stands there staring in silent “awe” at Tristan and Wigg; finally, Tristan asks if she understands him (why would she not? We have already established that you all, inexplicably, speak the same language). Then Geldon comes back, and the woman looks stunned at him too; since she is apparently so overwhelmed she cannot speak, he explains what must be going on. Having spent her whole life locked up in one of the Minion compounds, she has never before seen a man without wings. At this, Tristan takes the waterskin from Geldon and offers it to the woman, asking if she is thirsty – presumably she is, having been hanging on that wheel for Ancestors know how long, and indeed she snatches the waterskin away and starts guzzling it down at once. When she is finished, Tristan finally asks if she has a name; as it happens, she does – Narrissa of the Gallipolai. And her voice, by the way, is described as having a sweet huskiness to it that he found attractive, because of course he did.
Blood Matters: 140
Len: Anyway, Princey offers Narrissa his robe and asks her to put it on, but she just says she’s never seen a man without wings but has heard about them from the Minion warriors, who laugh about how weak wingless people are. Keep your clothing. I do not wish to be known as one of you. Well, girl’s got pride, I’ll give her that. And I can understand not wanting to be associated with Princey or especially Wigg, but on the other hand, not sure walking around wearing nothing but a loincloth’s that great an idea either. You’re gonna get cold, if nothing else. And probably ogled, so long as Princey’s around. Anyway, Wigg then tells her You must wear it, my child – yeah, telling the woman who, based on what we’ve heard and seen about the Minions, has probably been treated like crap her whole life what she must do, that’s going to go over well. He does promise not to hurt her – yeah, ask the people of Eutracia what Wigg’s promises are worth – and assures her that wearing their clothes won’t make her one of them. Narrissa ignores him – good girl – and walks over to Princey, who feels an unexpected wave of compassion (is that what they’re calling it now?) at the sight; she asks if he really does hate the Minions so much, and he assures her he does, since they murdered his family (well, close enough, anyway). He then tells her he killed the two guards (right, she was out cold for that, wasn’t she?) and asks if they abused her (you’re blunt, aren’t you?). Narissa finally takes the robe at this, and tells Tristan she’s surprised, since she didn’t think anyone but another Minion could kill a Minion (keep laying it on thick, Newcomb…) and that you carry Minion weapons, but your eyes are kind. What she doesn’t do, I’ll note, is answer Princey’s question. She does ask his name, and he tells her, and also says he killed those Minions as much for himself as for her (just what every recently rescued damsel in distress wants to hear, I’m sure!). She doesn’t seem to have a response to this, and instead lets Wigg and Geldon help her dress; it’s explicitly noted the robe is too big for her, but that at least gives her space for her wings, so yay? And all of a sudden, Princey makes a declaration: she’s coming with us. Wait, you’re heading for the Recluse, the heart of the Coven’s power – and you want to drag this poor girl in there? The place run by the people who put a death sentence on her head for existing? You’re a tactical genius, all right. And Wigg, in fact, points out that this is a terrible idea and outright asks if Princey’s gone mad. And then suddenly we’re in Wigg’s head and see what his real problem with this is. It is all I can do to hide our blood from the Coven… and Tristan knows full well that while I am struggling with that I cannot use my power to overrule him. This is maddening. Just imagine what he will one day be like, when that stubborn streak of his is finally combined with his training in the craft and he has become an adept. This soft spot deep in his heart has gotten him into trouble before, and is about to do so again. So, there’s the issue, people – Wigg’s upset he can’t use magic to force Princey to do what he wants! Oh, and I think he thinks compassion’s a weakness, too. Great guy, that Wigg!
Blood Matters: 141
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 59
Yhani: We then find ourselves back in Tristan’s head, as he realizes that this is a terrible idea, and that he is wary of trusting Narrissa, especially after Lillith, but having released her he also cannot bear to imagine her put back on that torture wheel again, for which I honestly cannot blame him (though bringing her to the Coven’s stronghold seems likely to accomplish the exact opposite of that goal…) Also, apparently, Narrissa reminds him of Shailiha (because they are both blondes? *idly twirls a lock of her own silver-blonde hair around one finger* I do not know if I should be offended by that) and some part of him thinks helping Narrissa might also help Shailiha. No matter the consequences, his mind was made up. He then wheels on Wigg and demands to know what he would do, pointing out that the Minions would kill her if they caught her and might well torture information about them as well out of her before they were through. Meanwhile, Narrissa pulls close to Tristan and suddenly we are in her perspective. She had no desire to either be left here in this place or to have to fend for herself in the world outside of the Minion fortress, a world she had never known. Instinctively she thought that the tall man with dark hair and no wings would help her. Dear child, as much as I sympathize with your plight, and understand your attachment to the first person who has been kind to you perhaps in your entire life… I am afraid your taste in men is rather lacking. Geldon then steps in and offers a solution; he asks Narissa how long she was on the wheel, and she guesses that it was the second day (while hanging on to Tristan’s arm for support, I will add). Geldon then explains that, revoltingly, some Minion warriors will rape their Gallipolai victims immediately, but others will wait until they are dying and then take them down to do so in the woods before they die. *she blinks* I honestly could have gone my entire life – centuries of life – without knowing… that. But the point is, if Tristan hides the guards’ bodies, then any other Minions who come here will likely assume that they are off… having their way… with Narrissa (or her corpse) in private and not realize anything is wrong. *beat* By my Ancestors, that is repulsive, and I hate that someone thought of it (and I am also disgusted, for entirely different reasons, that the oh-so-professional Minions will, it seems, happily abandon their posts to do… that). On a less horrific note, there are caves near the Recluse, and Narrissa can hide in one of them while the others continue their mission. Narrissa, for her part, clutches Tristan tightly and begs him not to leave her here and, honestly, considering if she stays here, she will likely die (and likely be raped first) I cannot blame her. Tristan assures her he will not let anything harm her, and she passes out. Wigg, meanwhile, thinks that he has rescued another lost puppy… no good can come from this. I beg your pardon, but she is a person, not a puppy (though I would much rather have a puppy than Wigg. Puppies can be trained. Wigg I am less sure about). As Tristan is holding Narrissa, Wigg tells him that it can never work, and Tristan replies that it has to. And the scene ends there, leaving me wondering just what “it” exactly is referring to, and if Tristan really has learned his lesson about falling for random women he has just met from Lillith.
Dastardly Deeds: 127
Gratuitous Grimdark: 72
Contrivances and Coincidences: 36
Len: And so, we cut to nightfall, with everyone back on their horses and riding along, Narrissa behind Tristan with her arms around his waist while he comes acutely aware of her – yeesh, didn’t need to know that much. Turns out Narrissa hasn’t volunteered much about the Minions, and Princey figures she probably doesn’t trust them yet (…fair enough) and he does realize that she may be the first woman he’s met who doesn’t know he’s a prince and I’m not even sure she knows what the word means. Is that really the important thing right now? And what about when you were travelling incognito across Eutracia earlier (though I guess Lillith doesn’t count, since Natasha did know who you were and was just playacting that she didn’t). Finally, Geldon calls a halt for the night, but Narrissa suddenly gets agitated and demands they go just a little farther. She says she can’t explain why, or they’d think she was mad, but she has to keep going because she feels something that’s apparently sacred to the Gallipolai – the pull of the Myth. Princey says he doesn’t understand, and Narrissa says she can’t explain because she doesn’t fully understand either – Sovereigns and Six, it’s like talking to Havaktri – but there is something she has to do, and she wants Tristan at least to come with her. Princey looks her over, sees that the sapphire-blue eyes were wide and sincere, but tinged with fear and realizes she’s asking this from her heart, but he’s not sure he can trust her. But she just tells him he’s the only one she trusts, and apparently that does it. Not sure if it’s the look in her eyes or just that he sympathizes with her – or that she’s hot, mustn’t rule that one out – he tells the others he’s taking her on ahead, and that they’ll be back soon. Wigg then demands to know why, and Princey says personal reasons… female reasons. And asks if Wigg wants to supervise, which of course he doesn’t. Oh, and screw you too, Princey. ‘Cause far as I can tell, Narrissa didn’t ask you to start talking about her periods (at least, I assume that’s what that means, though with this book, who knows) in front of everyone like that. But the two of them head off, Narrissa pointing the way, and she tells him she won’t be able to explain until they reach the grave site. The grave of all the Gallipolai who have died in the Vale of Torment, on the wheels of the Minions. Apparently, the Myth is the story that all the souls of the dead Gallipolai linger there, and that any Gallipolai who survives the wheels will be drawn there. As for who buried them, it wasn’t the Minions (not sure why, though; throwing the bodies in a mass grave and leaving them seems like something they’d do), the dead Gallipolai buried themselves. Ooo-kay, that’s getting a little creepy. Where I come from, the dead doing stuff under their own power is generally a bad sign (that, or the Karrns have their army in the area, in which case we’re back to “bad sign”). Narrissa shushes Princey and tells him not to ask any more questions, and also that this is a place of peace, so he shouldn’t bring his weapons. At last, they arrive at a small clearing, deep in the forest. Princey comments that it doesn’t look like a grave to him, but Narrissa can tell it is and says she must say the words. The ones handed down through generations. The secret words each Gallipolai learns in childhood, against the day they might be condemned to the wheel and somehow survive. The words the Minions of Day and Night know nothing of. Although our wings and hair may turn, deep down we remain Gallipolai. And the legend says that none of us, even those whose coloring has turned, has divulged the secret. For they remain Gallipolai first, and Minion second. See, this is why if Failee was a competent evil overlord she’d kill all the Gallipolai even if they turn; otherwise, she wouldn’t have ended up with a dissident sect among her own soldiers. This is just sloppy. But Narrissa walks into the clearing, declaring to her departed brothers and sisters that she has come and has survived the wheel, can calling on them to rise and be freed (okay, “freed” is good, but in my experience calling on the dead to “rise” never ends well…) And then, suddenly, balls of light, some silver, some amber, rise from the clearing and into the air. Narrissa explains that these are the specters of the Gallipolai, and the amber ones are female and the silver ones male. The myth says that these troubled souls shall come to a sacred place after death upon the wheel, to await the one who will free them into eternity. She repeats that every Gallipolai child is told of this, and that this is why she had to come. And the one who first survives the ravages of the wheel shall also be drawn to the venue of souls, and release them from their bondage. *blankly* Huh. I gotta say, this… this I wasn’t expecting. At all.
MG: And the thing is, having read the whole series, I have no idea what’s going on here. I have no idea why the souls of the Gallipolai are trapped, why only someone who survived the wheel can free them, why the Gallipolai (who aren’t endowed, after all) have this power at all, how the Gallipolai even know how to do this when none of them has ever apparently been here while alive… any of it. The later retcons about the Afterlife make it particularly nonsensical. Honestly, I just think Newcomb had this cool, “romantic” scene in mind and didn’t much care if it made sense. Because it doesn’t.
Exposition Intrusion: 225
Gender Wars: 115 (mostly for Tristan’s random and totally inappropriate period joke)
Contrivances and Coincidences: 40 (several points, mostly because this whole thing makes no sense)
Yhani: And then the collective souls speak, with such a beautiful consonance as Tristan as never heard in his life, demanding to know who he is. Narrissa explains that he released her from the wheel and is a slayer of Minions and her friend. The spirits call on Tristan to approach, shed his weapons, and kneel, and he does so, taking Narrissa’s hand. The fates have brought you together and in turn have delivered you to us… it is now time for us to depart this world and go to another. But know this: wherever the two of you may go, or whatever you may do, you will always be bound in your hearts by your act of kindness this night. For it is only the good that holds things together, and only the evil that tears them apart. *sadly* Alas, if only it were that simple. But having spoken the spirits ascend into the sky, fuse into a single pillar of light, and vanish from sight, leaving Tristan and Narrissa alone. And, of course, she kisses him. Because, apparently, it was not obvious enough yet that she is his new love interest (even though earlier she reminded him of his sister…) He realizes that he will never share this experience with anyone else, and they both rise silently to depart, feeling comforted no matter what dangers lie ahead by the sight he has witnessed and by the graceful, gentle, still mysterious winged woman who walked quietly by his side. We then cut to two days later, as the group has made camp by the Black River, because of course that is what it is called. Wigg and Geldon are now asleep, and Tristan and Narrissa are on watch. Tristan is watching the stars, thinking for some reason that escapes me that they look closer than they do in Eutracia, and reflecting that they are only two days from the Recluse. Narrissa, meanwhile, still wants to know more about Tristan. She does not think he looks Parthalonian – even though she admits she has only ever seen Gallipolai and Minions, so I do not think she actually knows anything about Parthalonian humans – and she is, of course, curious about a man who would rescue a stranger from the Minions. Tristan only says that he is a traveler, the other two are his friends, and they are here to find his sister. Narrissa then asks about his weapons, since in Parthalon it carries a penalty of death for a non-Minion to have Minion weapons, and Tristan explains that the sword belonged to Kluge, commander of the Minions of Day and Night… one day, very soon, I will use it to kill him. This startles Narrissa, since she has seen Kluge and knows that he, and his second-in-command Traax, are the strongest of the Minions. Apparently one day they came to inspect the fortress where she lived, and Kluge personally executed the fortress commander for doing a subpar job. She does not think Kluge will be easily killed, but Tristan insists that there is a fire in my blood, both born to me and fanned by an animal named Kluge. I will not rest until it has been extinguished. He then asks Narrissa about herself, and she explains that all Gallipolai are slaves, considered unfit for duty and tasked to serve the regular Minions however they wish; apparently, both Minions and Gallipolai are kept from knowing who their parents and relatives are, so as to forge them into a single unit loyal to the Coven without any other bonds. The only secret the Gallipolai possessed was the Myth. Narrissa explains that as more Gallipolai die their souls will go to the clearing, though how she knows this I am unsure, and now she knows how to find and free them – a noble calling, I think, if a somewhat incoherent one. Narrissa also admits she has never been with a man before, but this does not bother Tristan. Where I come from such women are considered highly virtuous, and are often preferred as wives. *coldly* Coming from a man who apparently spent his youth sleeping his way across half of Eutracia, the hypocrisy is rank. And I have never been with a man and have not the slightest desire to, so perhaps consider that some women may not want to be men’s wives (and does Narrissa even know what a wife is?). Narrissa does not respond to this comment, instead noting Tristan’s scars, which he describes as a reminder of his life before all of this began. She then asks the color of his heart, which is apparently a Gallipolai saying for describing how one feels; she thinks his heart is grey right now, for sadness, but that it was once golden and I believe that once you have accomplished what you came here to do, your heart will be golden again. She wants to live to see that day with him. And this… actually shames Tristan, leading him to realize how selfish he was and that Narrissa has taught me more in one day than the entire Directorate of Wizards could in an entire lifetime of trying. *sniffs disdainfully* That, I think, is not hard, considering the Directorate. He also realizes that Narrissa is the first woman he has met who cares for him for himself, not because he is a prince (also, you saved her life; do not forget that) and asks if she has any other sayings. She says that when you find the one who most pleases your heart, plant your love and let it grow and asks Tristan to return for her when he is done with his mission. Staring at her – and calling her this beautiful creature – he promises her that he will, though he thinks to himself that will only be if they survive, and the chapter ends there.
MG: And before we go, I have a few words to say about Narrissa. Mostly, how I think Newcomb utterly wastes her. On the one hand, the idea of a dissident sect within the Minions, something that Failee can’t just breed away with all her eugenics and indoctrination, is a potentially fascinating one. And, having mostly just seen the Minions as an army of thuggish evil warriors, having a character who shows a whole other side to their culture and that the Minions are not irredeemably evil after all is actually really compelling. But, of course, Narrissa exists only to be suffer tragically, have Tristan fall for her and rescue her, share basic platitudes with him, and generally act as a prop for his journey despite the fact that it would take just a bit of tweaking to make her into a hero of another story – she’s even a Chosen One too, of sorts (she even comes complete with a crucifixion scene and later releases the souls of the dead from imprisonment!). But that would require her to have actual character rather than just being a prop for Tristan’s story (and of course, this is Fifth Sorceress, where women are either evil, or good but exist only to suffer nobly to motivate the men) and, spoilers, she drops out of things next chapter and doesn’t show up again until the very end of the book. And the implications of the “good” Minions being blonde and pretty and feathery when the evil ones are ugly (apparently) and dark-haired still bug me (and the way Newcomb goes out of his way to hammer home how horribly the regular Minions abuse the Gallipolai is one of those things that’s going to get real awkward real fast with how the rest of the series handles them…) Oh, and if you’ve not figured it out yet, Narrissa’s doomed, of course. Totally, irrevocably doomed. I’ve not been making jokes about Tristan’s cursed love life for nothing, here😉. Also, aside from the Minion stuff we only get a couple of lines about the state of the common people of Parthalon. Seriously, here was Newcomb’s chance to show off the sheer misery of life under the Coven’s rule and give a taste of what awaits the world should their plans succeed – and he blows it because he’d rather spend time with his hero and a pretty angel girl making doe-eyes at each other. Guess he’s not really interested in depicting actual evil if he can’t do it in a way that’s just there to be shocking and/or titillating. Anyway, that’s our chapters for today. Next time, we’ll finally reach the Recluse and put Geldon’s infiltration plan into motion. We’ll see you then! Also, if that’s up your alley, feel free to check out my (mostly but not entirely) critical review (not sporking) of the (in)famous Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic Embers; the first part (of two, most likely) may be found on my journal here. Until next time, our counts stand at:
Exposition Intrusion: 227
Dastardly Deeds: 127
Blood Matters: 142
Gender Wars: 116
Gratuitous Grimdark: 73
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 54
Contrivances and Coincidences: 40
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time for yet another journey into the twisted depths of The Fifth Sorceress! Last time, Shailiha got to show off how evil she is now, while Wigg and Tristan met Geldon, started their infiltration, and, oh, Tristan may be about to drown because of that stupid Minion sword he insists on lugging around. None of which may matter, because Failee’s already onto them. Today, we see how Tristan gets out of his predicament and meet the next character in his chain of doomed love interests. Joining us once again will be Len and Yhani!
Chapter Twenty-Three
Len: And so, we open with someone thinking to himself about how he’d heard a lot about the Afterlife while he was alive (really? I thought the wizards kept all that stuff to themselves, which is why everyone else’s beliefs are so damn vague) but he hadn’t realized there was so much fog there. I dunno; where I come from, everybody goes to Dolurrh when they die (it’s what happens after that that’s the question…) and it’s supposed to be a dreary place, so fog doesn’t surprise me all that much. He then spots two people he thinks are a father and son splashing around in a stream nearby. That looks like fun, he thought. Is this what we do here in the Afterlife to amuse ourselves? And they have no clothes on, not a stitch. I don’t think I have any on, either. Apparently no one wears anything here. How wonderfully odd. Ooookay, I think Princey’s – spoiler, that’s who this is – a bit delirious right now. Nearly drowning’ll do that to you. And then he thinks that if everyone really is naked in the Afterlife, he might see Evelyn, his one-night-stand who got killed by the Minions, again and she’ll be naked too, which makes him smile. Kid… you’ve got a one-track mind sometimes, you know that? But that makes him think about his parents, who are also dead, and how he’ll have to face them and tell them he failed, which, okay, that’s more something to worry about. He then passes out again and wakes back up a bit later to find Wigg and Geldon looking down at him. He realizes he’s wet, cold, and naked, and remembers nearly drowning in the tunnel. Wigg examines him a bit, tells him rather bluntly that you’ll live and that he could’ve revived him quicker with magic. It turns out that they made it out of the Ghetto and are now in a surprisingly idyllic scene; The sunrise was low in the clear, blue sky, and the birds and insects were just beginning their songs of the day. The stream rushed and bubbled happily, joining into nature’s chorus. Well, that sure sounds… musical. Wigg then explains that it was Geldon who pulled Tristan out, and that he found him where we left him, stuck on his sword. For some reason Wigg adds that it has quite a history – yeah, old man, it’s the weapon that killed Tristan’s father and that he now wants to use to avenge his father. I think it’s a dumb design on principle, but still, it’s been used to do some pretty awful stuff, so maybe don’t be so flip about it? Oh, and it also turns out that what Tristan had thought were a father and son earlier were Geldon and Wigg washing their clothes; glad we got that cleared up. Wigg asks Princey if he can ride, and he says he can; he also thanks Geldon for saving his life, to which Geldon replies Don’t mention it… I have a feeling you will be paying both Parthalon and myself back handsomely before we are finished. Geldon, friend, pretty sure you’re only saying that ‘cause you don’t know them. ‘Cause these aren’t exactly the people you should be relying on to save your country – look at the mess they made of their own, mostly through incompetence!
Gender Wars: 111 (figure I’ll give a point for Tristan’s weird fantasizing about his dead, naked not-quite-girlfriend)
Yhani: And so, they set off, though Tristan is off the opinion that the mare Geldon has provided for him is not up the standards of Pilgrim and he longed for his own horse to be under him, oh my. Riding along, we find that Parthalon is strikingly – and disappointingly – similar to Eutracia; though the trees seem to be generally taller, otherwise Tristan recognizes all the plants and animals he sees. While riding, Tristan and Geldon take time to talk of the Minions and Kluge – who the narrative refers to as the winged monster – which, of course, causes a reaction in Tristan’s blood (from another author I might take that as a metaphor, but considering…). Eventually they reach a more used main road, and Tristan gets his first look at the common Parthalonians. The people of Parthalon seemed to be sullen and sad. They moved with a slowness that gave him the impression that either their lives, time itself, or both were of no importance to them. They were for the most part shabbily dressed, and seemed to be quite poor. *flatly* Truly, Newcomb has captured the misery of life under authoritarian rule; why can I not bring myself to care? Perhaps because we know none of these people – the common people of Parthalon, if one does not count Geldon, have received no focus at all, and seem to be little more than background props for Tristan’s struggle than major players in their own lives. Indeed, this causes Tristan to reflect that Everywhere the Coven goes, they bring nothing but suffering… and now my sister, my very blood, is one of them. This reminds Tristan that he needs to find a way to stop Shailiha without killing her, and at this, the plight of the common people is forgotten. Sometime later, Geldon suddenly pulls them off the road and into the woods; when Wigg questions them on this, he announces that he cannot take them the way he had intended to and points to the sky, where large birds of prey like a cross between buzzards and hawks are circling, clearly waiting for something to die. Geldon explains that their intended victims are people, and they are circling a place of the Minions. This, as one might expect, inspires bloodlust in Tristan, his endowed blood was calling out for action because of course it was. He declares he wants to see what’s going on; Wigg tells him that he cannot risk the mission, but Tristan is insistent, though he tells Wigg and Geldon they can stay behind if they wish, since he can follow the birds to his destination. Geldon demands to know if Wigg can control Tristan, and Wigg’s answer is… not helpful. “In truth, I cannot control him right now,” the old one said. “Because of the nature of his blood, he is partially under the influences of things he will not be able to control until he reads the Tome. And I am unable to use the craft, for fear of being detected.” *crossly* Why is it that none of these characters seem to have actual free will? Everything they do – everything – comes down to either blood or “the craft,” and I am growing quite tired of it. And of course, Wigg seems to think he should be able to control Tristan. But, in a rare display of responsibility, he says he will not allow Tristan to go alone, and Geldon decides he has to go with them as well. And so they tether their horses and set off, Geldon in the lead to guide their way through the forest. At last they crest a hill and behold a valley. At the bottom of the valley, six wooden stakes had been pounded into the ground. Each was at least ten feet tall, with a very large, rough-hewn wooden spoked wheel at its top, mounted horizontally. The very large wheels turned around and around slowly in the silent gusts of wind that invisibly came and went through the valley… each of the wheels held a human being. Ah, then. As to be expected from the birds – this is a place of execution. We receive a lengthy description, which I shall spare you, of how the nearest victim has been affixed to the wheel and how his limbs have been twisted and broken to make them fit; the inhumanity of it was staggering. Now, Tristan – after all you have seen, are you really surprised? The figure on the central wheel, however, is different. For one, she is a woman. For another, she had wings. As it happens, quite different from the wings of the Minions. Her wings were white, and even from this distance he could tell that they were made of feathers like the wings of birds, unlike the dark, muscular, leathery wings of the Minions. Her hair was blond and fell down around her shoulders; her head slumped forward on her chest. A meager loincloth was wrapped around her waist, and her upper body was bare. *blankly* Has the Coven captured an angel, then? My, my – who knew they had it in them? But the woman has only been tied to the wheel, unlike the men, and her limbs remain unbroken. Finally, Tristan also notices that the men also have white-feathered wings. Blood of my Ancestors, what a thing to miss!
Blood Matters: 138
Dastardly Deeds: 116
Gratuitous Grimdark: 67 (for the nasty description of the crucifixions)
Len: Well, Princey is shocked by all this and turns to Geldon, asking him who these people are and what they did to offend the Minions. Geldon explains that this is the Vale of Torment – real subtle, Newcomb – and it’s the place where the Minions hold their executions. As for the people on the wheels, they’re actually Minions themselves, sort of. One of every five thousand children is born blond, with white wings. They are considered to be an inferior race, and are raised in disgrace by the Minions until the age of twenty-five. Sometimes they change to the typical dark wings and hair, and those that do are trained and kept as true Minion. But if they do not, they are considered inferior and are brought to this place to be killed… it is said they are very loving, another trait the Minions find to be inferior. They are known as the Gallipolai. Okay, I have questions. For one, okay, I can kind of see Failee being such a perfectionist she’d throw away perfectly good warriors because they don’t have the exact colors she wants, but why do it like this? If the goal is to keep these people from breeding, there’s no need to make a spectacle of it – just quietly slit their throats, at birth even. If you let the ones who do change into normal Minions back into the population, that just means you’ll never get rid of these traits, and they’ll keep cropping back up and you’ll have to keep doing this over and over again! Gah; Sovereigns, why am I having to think about this? And the point of this sort of drawn-out public execution is to make a scene, to terrify everyone else into compliance with how much you’re making your victims suffer -except you’re killing these people for something they were born as, not something they did, so that makes no sense either! No matter how many people you terrorize by publicly executing Gallipolai, it won’t stop the birth of more Gallipolai! And if the point is to spread terror, it makes no sense to hold this sort of execution in the middle of nowhere where no one can see, and if it’s not, it’d be easier to just kill them quietly and dump them in a ditch somewhere! This just shows what we already knew – not only are the Minions and sorceresses really, really evil, they’re really, really bad at it! Well, Geldon then explains a bit more about how this is prolonged death by exposure, can take up to three days to make the victims die, and the Minions sometimes drug them to prolong their suffering, and I still have to wonder why? Oh, and Geldon thinks that the men are dead, but the woman is still alive. ‘Course she is; Princey’s got to play the gallant hero, doesn’t he? Wigg asks why the woman wasn’t tortured the same way, and Geldon says that apparently Minion warriors get to do whatever they want with their female victims, and Wigg takes the hint and so do I, and now I really want to hurt someone, preferably Kluge. But Princey’s more interested at the prospect of an innocent race of the Minions - I don’t really think they’re a race, more like a… mutant strain, maybe? – and asks how often the guards check on them. Geldon points out a particular ridge, Vulture’s Row, and says that there are always two guards up there. And then, armed with this knowledge, Princey immediately slips away from Wigg – who can’t yell at him without alerting the guards – and heads off towards the victims. Geldon asks if Princey’s always like this – if by “this” you mean impulsive and not very bright, I’ve gotta say “yes, but sometimes he’s worse” – and Wigg admits he is, and the chapter ends as they settle down to wait and see what happens.
MG: Also, just jumping into note that, on top of the ham-handed symbolism of how the “good” Minions look like angels, or at least the pop-culture depiction thereof, the fact that the “good” minions are blue-eyed blondes while the evil ones have dark hair seems a little… uncomfortable, especially with all the eugenics-y stuff with both blood and the Minions themselves we’ve already got going on.
Exposition Intrusion: 222
Dastardly Deeds: 120 (for everything about the Gallipolai and how the Minions treat them)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 69 (one point for the torture, one for the implied rape)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 58 (for more about the Gallipolai)
Chapter Twenty-Four
Yhani: And so, we pick up directly where we left off, with Tristan stealthily approaching the execution wheels. He pauses to draw his dreggan – one would think he might have lost his attachment to it after it nearly got him killed; apparently not – and then May the Afterlife grant me strength, he prayed. Once again, the Afterlife is not an entity which can answer prayers, and by definition it is something one cannot experience while alive, and thus I remain convinced that such a prayer is, in fact, pointless. As he approaches, Tristan can hear the Minion guards making vulgar conversation and course laughter, because of course, they are, and thinks that The last time he had heard such Minion voices, he had been unable to move, he recalled, outraged. He had been chained hands and feet by the monster named Kluge. This time it would be different. Now, Tristan, this does make me wonder – is this really about rescuing the Gallipolai woman, or is it about some desperate need to prove your manhood in the face of the Minions? Because it seems to me more like the latter. Finally, Tristan approaches behind the ridge, unnoticed, and then somehow manages to leap off the outcropping he’s standing on, twist around in midair as he does, and lands on his feet, facing the Minions. The first Minion draws his sword, but Tristan is faster; moving like a dancer -really, now – he gets past his guard and presses the tip of his dreggan to the Minion’s throat and then extends it, decapitating him while, naturally, spraying blood everywhere. Meanwhile, the second Minion is charging; Tristan switches his dreggan to his off hand, draws one of his knives (which Newcomb still thinks is a dirk) and throws it, taking the Minion in the eye and killing him instantly. Tristan stood there panting, glancing about as if it had all been a dream. Looking down he saw that he had been splattered with blood. He didn’t care. I can assure you that it was not a dream, and perhaps you should care. Tristan does care enough, however, to clean his dreggan and, after he retrieves it, his knife, before sheathing them (we also have a brief and unsettling aside about how the decapitated Minion’s wings are still thrashing about in their death throws before finally going still, though its purpose escapes me). He also takes one of the dead Minions’ returning wheels and, recognizing it as the same kind of weapon that killed Evelyn and many others during the massacre at Tammerland, claims it for his own. Ah, yes – take a very difficult weapon, with a high probability of inflicting damage on you should you use it poorly and on which you have no training whatsoever and add it to your arsenal. What could possibly go wrong? Tristan also thinks to himself that he does not know why he was so determined to attack these Minions, but for some reason his endowed blood had directed him to do so. He wonders if these Minions were at Tammerland, and Whether either of them had killed any of the wizards of the Directorate. And whether either of them had contributed to the rape and murder of his mother. No matter how many of them I kill, he thought, I will not rest until Kluge stands before me. Stands before me and dies. Without further reflection, he turns and marches towards the execution wheels.
Blood Matters: 139
Dastardly Deeds: 121 (of course the Minions’ conversation was “vulgar”)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 70 (for the reminder about what happened at Tammerland)
Len: Well, Princey approaches the wheels and looks up at the bodies of the Gallipolai; he wonders if the cruelty here is something the sorceresses specifically order or something the Minions do for its own sake (considering what we’ve seen so far, I’m gonna guess it’s a big old “both”) and whether the Gallipolai are killed because they represent a flaw in the sorceresses’ work. By the Traveler, you think? Of course, that’s why they’re killed, you blithering fool! What, did you think Failee just really has it in for blondes? He takes a moment to describe what we already knew – the Gallipolai men are all dead, their hair is blond, and their wings are feathered, and he realizes that their wings are smaller than the Minions’ and that they must have been clipped to prevent escape. He realizes that their feet look damaged too, and that they must have been maimed for the same reason. Then he turns his attention to the woman; the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The long blond hair that hung down between the spokes of the wheel was thick and lustrous, an amazing combination of colors that resembled corn tassels laced with the palest of honey. The similarly colored eyebrows were long and arching; he imagined her eyes were blue. She had a slim, straight nose; pink lips; and a smooth, strong jawline. There was no blood on her face, and Tristan could see the dried rivulets of tears that had run from her eyes, then to her cheeks, and down onto the ground. Her wings, like those of the men, had been severely clipped back. Her feet, too, were small and deformed, the product of the same cruelty the men had obviously suffered. And yet she was beautiful. Well, at least we know this torture victim is hot, ‘cause that’s the important thing here, right? Princey then wonders how someone so beautiful could have been born of such intense hideousness and cruelty. How could such a creature have been produced by a Minion warrior and his brothel whore? I dunno, ‘cause beauty and evil aren’t incompatible? Hells, where we come from the Inspired literally breed themselves for beauty (among other things…) and it sure as Khyber hasn’t stopped them from crushing an entire continent under their heels. ‘Sides, it’s not like the Minions are monsters, physically at least; they’re just winged people. Even Kluge’s description doesn’t sound so bad to me, at least if you like ‘em psychopathic. There’s no reason this girl wouldn’t be good looking (aside from, you know, all the torture she’s been through). Well, then, out of nowhere, Princey notices the final horror of the place – along all the nearby trees are hung perfectly preserved pairs of Gallipolai wings (how’d you not notice that before?). Geldon comes over and explains that the Minions only keep the wings of the female Gallipolai as trophies of their conquests *she makes a revolted face* and apparently when Failee found out she was so thrilled with the idea that every time a new set of wings is added, she sends one of the other sorceresses to enchant them to preserve them forever. So, let me get this straight. The sorceresses, who hate men and think women are superior… are actively helping their male Minions keep a monument celebrating how many women they’ve abused? The hells? In what world does that make sense, Newcomb? But, needless to say, this outrages Tristan, who is reminded of all the rapes the Minions committed when they attacked Eutracia and decides that the insanity never ends. Wigg, meanwhile, watching him, is just reminded of the prophecy about the Chosen One taking up three weapons and slaying many, just in case we’d forgotten that since the last time it came up.
Dastardly Deeds: 125
Gender Wars: 114 (for all the rapes, and for the reminder that all the women in this book get to be either villains or victims, and nothing else)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 71 (for… everything about the whole thing)
Yhani: And so, Wigg asks if Tristan did what he wanted, and he answers (with the memory of the fight keeping his endowed blood churning) that he did, but sometimes he feels that no matter how many of them I kill, it will never be enough. Rather than be horrified by this implied genocidal desire, Wigg only observes drily that there are hundreds of thousands of Minions, and he doubts Tristan can kill them all (which is… a valid point, albeit perhaps not the one I would have made…) while Geldon is in awe, since he has never seen a Minion killed by anyone but a fellow Minion, and he did not think it was possible for someone else to defeat one in battle. And I can only assume this is Newcomb using Geldon to speak directly to us, considering the Minions’ performance so far as not particularly impressed me (conquering a kingdom that has not had a war in three centuries and is led by incompetents is, alas, not such a great feat). Then, suddenly, they hear a moan from behind them; Tristan draws his dreggan, but then realizes its source. The Gallipolai woman is still alive! What a surprise! It is not as if Geldon told us that earlier or anything (it also confirms Tristan was ogling her when he thought she was a corpse, so *disgusted noise*). She continues to stir, and Tristan calls Wigg and Geldon over to help him get her down. Once this is accomplished, Tristan calls for Geldon to fetch water while he cradles the woman in his arms, still entranced by her beauty (would you have been so keen to save her if she had not been beautiful?) And then her sapphire-blue eyes snapped open and she takes in Tristan’s appearance – and immediately panics. It seems that between Tristan’s dark hair and the dreggan, she thinks he is a Minion and starts desperately clawing at him (I can only assume she is not yet awake enough to notice his distinct lack of wings) and Wigg yells at Tristan to get away, since I cannot use the craft to control her! *frostily* Oh, and is using “the craft” to control panicking women something you do regularly, o mighty Wigg? But Tristan does as he asks, back up and tossing the dreggan away, and then holding up his hands to show that he is unarmed. He assures the woman that he has no wings and is not a Minion, and in fact hates them as much as she must and that he is only here to help. Finally, the woman stops, taking Tristan’s appearance in, realizes that, at the very least, he is not a Minion, and then a new expression takes over her face. But not relief – it was awe. *she sighs audibly* Because of course it was. The woman crosses her arms over her breasts to cover them and then just stands there staring in silent “awe” at Tristan and Wigg; finally, Tristan asks if she understands him (why would she not? We have already established that you all, inexplicably, speak the same language). Then Geldon comes back, and the woman looks stunned at him too; since she is apparently so overwhelmed she cannot speak, he explains what must be going on. Having spent her whole life locked up in one of the Minion compounds, she has never before seen a man without wings. At this, Tristan takes the waterskin from Geldon and offers it to the woman, asking if she is thirsty – presumably she is, having been hanging on that wheel for Ancestors know how long, and indeed she snatches the waterskin away and starts guzzling it down at once. When she is finished, Tristan finally asks if she has a name; as it happens, she does – Narrissa of the Gallipolai. And her voice, by the way, is described as having a sweet huskiness to it that he found attractive, because of course he did.
Blood Matters: 140
Len: Anyway, Princey offers Narrissa his robe and asks her to put it on, but she just says she’s never seen a man without wings but has heard about them from the Minion warriors, who laugh about how weak wingless people are. Keep your clothing. I do not wish to be known as one of you. Well, girl’s got pride, I’ll give her that. And I can understand not wanting to be associated with Princey or especially Wigg, but on the other hand, not sure walking around wearing nothing but a loincloth’s that great an idea either. You’re gonna get cold, if nothing else. And probably ogled, so long as Princey’s around. Anyway, Wigg then tells her You must wear it, my child – yeah, telling the woman who, based on what we’ve heard and seen about the Minions, has probably been treated like crap her whole life what she must do, that’s going to go over well. He does promise not to hurt her – yeah, ask the people of Eutracia what Wigg’s promises are worth – and assures her that wearing their clothes won’t make her one of them. Narrissa ignores him – good girl – and walks over to Princey, who feels an unexpected wave of compassion (is that what they’re calling it now?) at the sight; she asks if he really does hate the Minions so much, and he assures her he does, since they murdered his family (well, close enough, anyway). He then tells her he killed the two guards (right, she was out cold for that, wasn’t she?) and asks if they abused her (you’re blunt, aren’t you?). Narissa finally takes the robe at this, and tells Tristan she’s surprised, since she didn’t think anyone but another Minion could kill a Minion (keep laying it on thick, Newcomb…) and that you carry Minion weapons, but your eyes are kind. What she doesn’t do, I’ll note, is answer Princey’s question. She does ask his name, and he tells her, and also says he killed those Minions as much for himself as for her (just what every recently rescued damsel in distress wants to hear, I’m sure!). She doesn’t seem to have a response to this, and instead lets Wigg and Geldon help her dress; it’s explicitly noted the robe is too big for her, but that at least gives her space for her wings, so yay? And all of a sudden, Princey makes a declaration: she’s coming with us. Wait, you’re heading for the Recluse, the heart of the Coven’s power – and you want to drag this poor girl in there? The place run by the people who put a death sentence on her head for existing? You’re a tactical genius, all right. And Wigg, in fact, points out that this is a terrible idea and outright asks if Princey’s gone mad. And then suddenly we’re in Wigg’s head and see what his real problem with this is. It is all I can do to hide our blood from the Coven… and Tristan knows full well that while I am struggling with that I cannot use my power to overrule him. This is maddening. Just imagine what he will one day be like, when that stubborn streak of his is finally combined with his training in the craft and he has become an adept. This soft spot deep in his heart has gotten him into trouble before, and is about to do so again. So, there’s the issue, people – Wigg’s upset he can’t use magic to force Princey to do what he wants! Oh, and I think he thinks compassion’s a weakness, too. Great guy, that Wigg!
Blood Matters: 141
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 59
Yhani: We then find ourselves back in Tristan’s head, as he realizes that this is a terrible idea, and that he is wary of trusting Narrissa, especially after Lillith, but having released her he also cannot bear to imagine her put back on that torture wheel again, for which I honestly cannot blame him (though bringing her to the Coven’s stronghold seems likely to accomplish the exact opposite of that goal…) Also, apparently, Narrissa reminds him of Shailiha (because they are both blondes? *idly twirls a lock of her own silver-blonde hair around one finger* I do not know if I should be offended by that) and some part of him thinks helping Narrissa might also help Shailiha. No matter the consequences, his mind was made up. He then wheels on Wigg and demands to know what he would do, pointing out that the Minions would kill her if they caught her and might well torture information about them as well out of her before they were through. Meanwhile, Narrissa pulls close to Tristan and suddenly we are in her perspective. She had no desire to either be left here in this place or to have to fend for herself in the world outside of the Minion fortress, a world she had never known. Instinctively she thought that the tall man with dark hair and no wings would help her. Dear child, as much as I sympathize with your plight, and understand your attachment to the first person who has been kind to you perhaps in your entire life… I am afraid your taste in men is rather lacking. Geldon then steps in and offers a solution; he asks Narissa how long she was on the wheel, and she guesses that it was the second day (while hanging on to Tristan’s arm for support, I will add). Geldon then explains that, revoltingly, some Minion warriors will rape their Gallipolai victims immediately, but others will wait until they are dying and then take them down to do so in the woods before they die. *she blinks* I honestly could have gone my entire life – centuries of life – without knowing… that. But the point is, if Tristan hides the guards’ bodies, then any other Minions who come here will likely assume that they are off… having their way… with Narrissa (or her corpse) in private and not realize anything is wrong. *beat* By my Ancestors, that is repulsive, and I hate that someone thought of it (and I am also disgusted, for entirely different reasons, that the oh-so-professional Minions will, it seems, happily abandon their posts to do… that). On a less horrific note, there are caves near the Recluse, and Narrissa can hide in one of them while the others continue their mission. Narrissa, for her part, clutches Tristan tightly and begs him not to leave her here and, honestly, considering if she stays here, she will likely die (and likely be raped first) I cannot blame her. Tristan assures her he will not let anything harm her, and she passes out. Wigg, meanwhile, thinks that he has rescued another lost puppy… no good can come from this. I beg your pardon, but she is a person, not a puppy (though I would much rather have a puppy than Wigg. Puppies can be trained. Wigg I am less sure about). As Tristan is holding Narrissa, Wigg tells him that it can never work, and Tristan replies that it has to. And the scene ends there, leaving me wondering just what “it” exactly is referring to, and if Tristan really has learned his lesson about falling for random women he has just met from Lillith.
Dastardly Deeds: 127
Gratuitous Grimdark: 72
Contrivances and Coincidences: 36
Len: And so, we cut to nightfall, with everyone back on their horses and riding along, Narrissa behind Tristan with her arms around his waist while he comes acutely aware of her – yeesh, didn’t need to know that much. Turns out Narrissa hasn’t volunteered much about the Minions, and Princey figures she probably doesn’t trust them yet (…fair enough) and he does realize that she may be the first woman he’s met who doesn’t know he’s a prince and I’m not even sure she knows what the word means. Is that really the important thing right now? And what about when you were travelling incognito across Eutracia earlier (though I guess Lillith doesn’t count, since Natasha did know who you were and was just playacting that she didn’t). Finally, Geldon calls a halt for the night, but Narrissa suddenly gets agitated and demands they go just a little farther. She says she can’t explain why, or they’d think she was mad, but she has to keep going because she feels something that’s apparently sacred to the Gallipolai – the pull of the Myth. Princey says he doesn’t understand, and Narrissa says she can’t explain because she doesn’t fully understand either – Sovereigns and Six, it’s like talking to Havaktri – but there is something she has to do, and she wants Tristan at least to come with her. Princey looks her over, sees that the sapphire-blue eyes were wide and sincere, but tinged with fear and realizes she’s asking this from her heart, but he’s not sure he can trust her. But she just tells him he’s the only one she trusts, and apparently that does it. Not sure if it’s the look in her eyes or just that he sympathizes with her – or that she’s hot, mustn’t rule that one out – he tells the others he’s taking her on ahead, and that they’ll be back soon. Wigg then demands to know why, and Princey says personal reasons… female reasons. And asks if Wigg wants to supervise, which of course he doesn’t. Oh, and screw you too, Princey. ‘Cause far as I can tell, Narrissa didn’t ask you to start talking about her periods (at least, I assume that’s what that means, though with this book, who knows) in front of everyone like that. But the two of them head off, Narrissa pointing the way, and she tells him she won’t be able to explain until they reach the grave site. The grave of all the Gallipolai who have died in the Vale of Torment, on the wheels of the Minions. Apparently, the Myth is the story that all the souls of the dead Gallipolai linger there, and that any Gallipolai who survives the wheels will be drawn there. As for who buried them, it wasn’t the Minions (not sure why, though; throwing the bodies in a mass grave and leaving them seems like something they’d do), the dead Gallipolai buried themselves. Ooo-kay, that’s getting a little creepy. Where I come from, the dead doing stuff under their own power is generally a bad sign (that, or the Karrns have their army in the area, in which case we’re back to “bad sign”). Narrissa shushes Princey and tells him not to ask any more questions, and also that this is a place of peace, so he shouldn’t bring his weapons. At last, they arrive at a small clearing, deep in the forest. Princey comments that it doesn’t look like a grave to him, but Narrissa can tell it is and says she must say the words. The ones handed down through generations. The secret words each Gallipolai learns in childhood, against the day they might be condemned to the wheel and somehow survive. The words the Minions of Day and Night know nothing of. Although our wings and hair may turn, deep down we remain Gallipolai. And the legend says that none of us, even those whose coloring has turned, has divulged the secret. For they remain Gallipolai first, and Minion second. See, this is why if Failee was a competent evil overlord she’d kill all the Gallipolai even if they turn; otherwise, she wouldn’t have ended up with a dissident sect among her own soldiers. This is just sloppy. But Narrissa walks into the clearing, declaring to her departed brothers and sisters that she has come and has survived the wheel, can calling on them to rise and be freed (okay, “freed” is good, but in my experience calling on the dead to “rise” never ends well…) And then, suddenly, balls of light, some silver, some amber, rise from the clearing and into the air. Narrissa explains that these are the specters of the Gallipolai, and the amber ones are female and the silver ones male. The myth says that these troubled souls shall come to a sacred place after death upon the wheel, to await the one who will free them into eternity. She repeats that every Gallipolai child is told of this, and that this is why she had to come. And the one who first survives the ravages of the wheel shall also be drawn to the venue of souls, and release them from their bondage. *blankly* Huh. I gotta say, this… this I wasn’t expecting. At all.
MG: And the thing is, having read the whole series, I have no idea what’s going on here. I have no idea why the souls of the Gallipolai are trapped, why only someone who survived the wheel can free them, why the Gallipolai (who aren’t endowed, after all) have this power at all, how the Gallipolai even know how to do this when none of them has ever apparently been here while alive… any of it. The later retcons about the Afterlife make it particularly nonsensical. Honestly, I just think Newcomb had this cool, “romantic” scene in mind and didn’t much care if it made sense. Because it doesn’t.
Exposition Intrusion: 225
Gender Wars: 115 (mostly for Tristan’s random and totally inappropriate period joke)
Contrivances and Coincidences: 40 (several points, mostly because this whole thing makes no sense)
Yhani: And then the collective souls speak, with such a beautiful consonance as Tristan as never heard in his life, demanding to know who he is. Narrissa explains that he released her from the wheel and is a slayer of Minions and her friend. The spirits call on Tristan to approach, shed his weapons, and kneel, and he does so, taking Narrissa’s hand. The fates have brought you together and in turn have delivered you to us… it is now time for us to depart this world and go to another. But know this: wherever the two of you may go, or whatever you may do, you will always be bound in your hearts by your act of kindness this night. For it is only the good that holds things together, and only the evil that tears them apart. *sadly* Alas, if only it were that simple. But having spoken the spirits ascend into the sky, fuse into a single pillar of light, and vanish from sight, leaving Tristan and Narrissa alone. And, of course, she kisses him. Because, apparently, it was not obvious enough yet that she is his new love interest (even though earlier she reminded him of his sister…) He realizes that he will never share this experience with anyone else, and they both rise silently to depart, feeling comforted no matter what dangers lie ahead by the sight he has witnessed and by the graceful, gentle, still mysterious winged woman who walked quietly by his side. We then cut to two days later, as the group has made camp by the Black River, because of course that is what it is called. Wigg and Geldon are now asleep, and Tristan and Narrissa are on watch. Tristan is watching the stars, thinking for some reason that escapes me that they look closer than they do in Eutracia, and reflecting that they are only two days from the Recluse. Narrissa, meanwhile, still wants to know more about Tristan. She does not think he looks Parthalonian – even though she admits she has only ever seen Gallipolai and Minions, so I do not think she actually knows anything about Parthalonian humans – and she is, of course, curious about a man who would rescue a stranger from the Minions. Tristan only says that he is a traveler, the other two are his friends, and they are here to find his sister. Narrissa then asks about his weapons, since in Parthalon it carries a penalty of death for a non-Minion to have Minion weapons, and Tristan explains that the sword belonged to Kluge, commander of the Minions of Day and Night… one day, very soon, I will use it to kill him. This startles Narrissa, since she has seen Kluge and knows that he, and his second-in-command Traax, are the strongest of the Minions. Apparently one day they came to inspect the fortress where she lived, and Kluge personally executed the fortress commander for doing a subpar job. She does not think Kluge will be easily killed, but Tristan insists that there is a fire in my blood, both born to me and fanned by an animal named Kluge. I will not rest until it has been extinguished. He then asks Narrissa about herself, and she explains that all Gallipolai are slaves, considered unfit for duty and tasked to serve the regular Minions however they wish; apparently, both Minions and Gallipolai are kept from knowing who their parents and relatives are, so as to forge them into a single unit loyal to the Coven without any other bonds. The only secret the Gallipolai possessed was the Myth. Narrissa explains that as more Gallipolai die their souls will go to the clearing, though how she knows this I am unsure, and now she knows how to find and free them – a noble calling, I think, if a somewhat incoherent one. Narrissa also admits she has never been with a man before, but this does not bother Tristan. Where I come from such women are considered highly virtuous, and are often preferred as wives. *coldly* Coming from a man who apparently spent his youth sleeping his way across half of Eutracia, the hypocrisy is rank. And I have never been with a man and have not the slightest desire to, so perhaps consider that some women may not want to be men’s wives (and does Narrissa even know what a wife is?). Narrissa does not respond to this comment, instead noting Tristan’s scars, which he describes as a reminder of his life before all of this began. She then asks the color of his heart, which is apparently a Gallipolai saying for describing how one feels; she thinks his heart is grey right now, for sadness, but that it was once golden and I believe that once you have accomplished what you came here to do, your heart will be golden again. She wants to live to see that day with him. And this… actually shames Tristan, leading him to realize how selfish he was and that Narrissa has taught me more in one day than the entire Directorate of Wizards could in an entire lifetime of trying. *sniffs disdainfully* That, I think, is not hard, considering the Directorate. He also realizes that Narrissa is the first woman he has met who cares for him for himself, not because he is a prince (also, you saved her life; do not forget that) and asks if she has any other sayings. She says that when you find the one who most pleases your heart, plant your love and let it grow and asks Tristan to return for her when he is done with his mission. Staring at her – and calling her this beautiful creature – he promises her that he will, though he thinks to himself that will only be if they survive, and the chapter ends there.
MG: And before we go, I have a few words to say about Narrissa. Mostly, how I think Newcomb utterly wastes her. On the one hand, the idea of a dissident sect within the Minions, something that Failee can’t just breed away with all her eugenics and indoctrination, is a potentially fascinating one. And, having mostly just seen the Minions as an army of thuggish evil warriors, having a character who shows a whole other side to their culture and that the Minions are not irredeemably evil after all is actually really compelling. But, of course, Narrissa exists only to be suffer tragically, have Tristan fall for her and rescue her, share basic platitudes with him, and generally act as a prop for his journey despite the fact that it would take just a bit of tweaking to make her into a hero of another story – she’s even a Chosen One too, of sorts (she even comes complete with a crucifixion scene and later releases the souls of the dead from imprisonment!). But that would require her to have actual character rather than just being a prop for Tristan’s story (and of course, this is Fifth Sorceress, where women are either evil, or good but exist only to suffer nobly to motivate the men) and, spoilers, she drops out of things next chapter and doesn’t show up again until the very end of the book. And the implications of the “good” Minions being blonde and pretty and feathery when the evil ones are ugly (apparently) and dark-haired still bug me (and the way Newcomb goes out of his way to hammer home how horribly the regular Minions abuse the Gallipolai is one of those things that’s going to get real awkward real fast with how the rest of the series handles them…) Oh, and if you’ve not figured it out yet, Narrissa’s doomed, of course. Totally, irrevocably doomed. I’ve not been making jokes about Tristan’s cursed love life for nothing, here😉. Also, aside from the Minion stuff we only get a couple of lines about the state of the common people of Parthalon. Seriously, here was Newcomb’s chance to show off the sheer misery of life under the Coven’s rule and give a taste of what awaits the world should their plans succeed – and he blows it because he’d rather spend time with his hero and a pretty angel girl making doe-eyes at each other. Guess he’s not really interested in depicting actual evil if he can’t do it in a way that’s just there to be shocking and/or titillating. Anyway, that’s our chapters for today. Next time, we’ll finally reach the Recluse and put Geldon’s infiltration plan into motion. We’ll see you then! Also, if that’s up your alley, feel free to check out my (mostly but not entirely) critical review (not sporking) of the (in)famous Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic Embers; the first part (of two, most likely) may be found on my journal here. Until next time, our counts stand at:
Exposition Intrusion: 227
Dastardly Deeds: 127
Blood Matters: 142
Gender Wars: 116
Gratuitous Grimdark: 73
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 54
Contrivances and Coincidences: 40