Eragon: Chapter Twenty-Four: A Taste of Teirm

[pangolin20]

Corneille Noire: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to Eragon! Last time, we had a frankly mind-numbing travel chapter that could not get its travel right at all. For the reader post:

Epistler notes that Brom is likely to attract robbery by prominently wearing Aren. I also think it is rather too conspicuous for someone who is trying to keep a low profile.

Toryll also has a nice analysis of the fight scene in the self-published edition.

Finally, while talking to Oblakom, I realised that Brom seeming to “look upon some hidden scene” when he talks about the sea is probably supposed to mean that he is nostalgic for it (since we later find out that he lived near the sea in his youth). I think it is done rather too subtle, as Brom’s talk about the sea is quite generic and we only learn about his youth in the next book. Some comment when they actually reach Teirm and are near the ocean might help.

(Also, minor correction, we will hear about The Lay of Vestarí the Mariner later on, so there is something further about elves and the sea.)

Well, let me go on with the next chapter, then!

Chapter Twenty-Four: A Taste of Teirm

That is a quite appropriate chapter title, so I will not complain.

We open with Saphira sighting Teirm, after “two days traveling north toward the ocean”. Teirm still lies north-west, Paolini.

Space-Time Hairball: 13

True, if they kept going north, they would eventually reach the ocean, but it would be a bit north of Narda, not anywhere near Teirm. Also, it is now… the 26^th of January (going by the next chapter, it is early in the day now, so the two days of travel should have been before now).

Eragon and Brom cannot see it at first, because there is a “heavy fog”, but then a “breeze from the west” comes in and Teirm is revealed! Eragon gapes at the sight of Teirm “nestled by the shimmering sea”, where “proud ships” are docked with their sails furled. The “dull thunder” of the sea “[can] be heard in the distance”. I can see what Paolini meant, though I see he has slipped into omniscient at the end.

Forgot the Narrator: 52

HISC: That sentence only occurs here in the Knopf edition, by the way.

Corneille Noire: So, then we get a fuller description of Teirm, which I think takes place once Eragon and Brom have ridden quite a bit closer? It also seems like it is still from omniscient, so I cannot say for sure.

PPP: 881 (mixing two perspectives)

So, the description is this:

The city was contained behind a white wall—a hundred feet tall and thirty feet thick—with rows of rectangular arrow slits lining it and a walkway on top for soldiers and watchmen. The wall’s smooth surface was broken by two iron portcullises, one facing the western sea, the other opening south to the road. Above the wall—and set against its northeast section—rose a huge citadel built of giant stones and turrets. In the highest tower, a lighthouse lantern gleamed brilliantly. The castle was the only thing visible over the fortifications.

Let me show how I would write this:

The city lay behind a white wall—a hundred feet tall and thirty feet thick—with rows of arrow slits lining it and a walkway for soldiers and watchmen on top. Three gates were set into it, one facing the harbour and the sea beyond it, another facing the southern road, and a third facing the northern road to Narda. The only thing visible in the city was a huge citadel with many turrets, set against the northeastern section of the wall. In the highest tower, a lighthouse lantern shone in the sunlight.

With that fix (and I do think it is a better version) done, let me go through the original:

- The beginning is good enough and I think we will see there is an actual reason that the walls are so large (30 metres high by 9 metres thick, for metric readers).

- I do think the description of the gates is a bit too complicated, not to mention that the gates should be open, and the portcullises should be raised now.

PPP: 882

- The western gate notably does not face “the sea”. That would make it completely unusable, and Eldest shows us that it opens on the harbour, so…

PPP: 883

- There also has to be a gate on the northern side of the city, as Eldest will tell us there is a road connecting Teirm to Narda. Yes, it is probably a retcon, but it is a necessary one, as there is no reason this road would not be there. After all, the terrain between Teirm and Narda seems quite traversable to me.

PPP: 884

- The citadel is described as being made of “giant stones and turrets”. That is not wrong, per se, but it gives me the impression of a heap of stones with turrets randomly sticking out in roughly the shape of a citadel. Just say something like “The citadel was built of giant stones and several turrets set on top of it”.

PPP: 885

- I also wonder where this citadel has come from… I think it was built by the Riders, and that Teirm was some kind of regional center for them? It would certainly provide them with a good position to control the coast from… not to mention that it is one of the closest cities to Vroengard. If this really was a regional center for the Riders, that would also explain the massive wall: that would probably be to fend off all kinds of attackers, and a comparable wall around Aroughs (another city) was also made during the time of the Riders. That makes sense!

- So the citadel has a lighthouse? What is it doing here? I guess it might be to signal where the city is, since most of the city’s light would be blocked by the wall? If you have a better guess, let me know.

- Finally, it would be clearer if the citadel was described as a castle, and the “fortifications” also do not seem to refer to the wall.

PPP: 886

HISC: The self-published edition tells us that there is also “chimney smoke” visible above the wall, and that Teirm lies “on the edge of a large bay”. Then we have the description that Eragon gave from afar in the Knopf edition, with the addition of three “stone piers” extending into the bay.

Corneille Noire: That might just have been nice to have in the Knopf edition, too. Yes, I realise that Paolini wanted to cut down on the self-published edition, but he should still be mindful of what he cut. Either way, back with Eragon, we see there are soldiers guarding the southern gate, who “[hold] their pikes carelessly”. Hmm, if these soldiers are able to do this, then Teirm is not such a huge trade city as we are supposed to believe, I would think. If it were, this route should see more traffic than just Eragon and Brom, even in the middle of winter. I can see Teirm being a trading hub for just the coast region, though, which would explain why this route is so empty.

Brom says this will be their “first test”, and they should hope the soldiers have not been told about them and will not “detain [them]”. Whatever will happen, Eragon is not to “panic or act suspiciously”. (But if Brom does it, that will be completely fine.) And what will you do if they have heard reports of the Empire, Brom? Could you maybe tell Eragon that now, before it might be relevant? No, of course not, since Paolini already knows there will be no trouble.

Eragon does not really react and tells Saphira she ought to hide now, because they are going in. Saphira’s reaction is this:

Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Again, she said sourly.

Well, Fumurti has covered that “again” well enough, and it is utter nonsense. Now he can somewhat be said to do so, but it still doesn’t make much sense. It hardly has nothing to do with Eragon, after all; the Ra’zac killed Garrow and he wants to do something about them! I also note that Saphira does not complain about Brom, whose motivation for going along seems to be “I want to go on adventure with Eragon”. That convinces me that she just does not like that Eragon gets to go to Teirm without her, which also explains why she is so “sour”.

Eragon actually agrees with her assessment! What, does he not think that avenging Garrow is a valid reason for going here? He further says he and Brom have “some advantages” that most people do not have (i.e. magic), and they will be “all right”. Given your history… no, you absolutely will not. Still, Jeod might talk some sense into them. This also feels a bit condescending, as the way that Eragon talks about his magic sounds a bit like he is trying not to say it. It is weirdly written.

PPP: 887

Then we get this exchange:

If anything happens, I’m going to pin you to my back and never let you off.

I love you too.

Then I will bind you all the tighter.

I think I know what Paolini meant to do with the whole exchange between Eragon and Saphira: Eragon tells Saphira that they are going in, she does not like Eragon going into danger again, Eragon reassures her, and then Saphira hyperbolically shows how much she wants to keep Eragon from harm. The first bit already did not work quite as intended, as I showed above, but this is considerably worse.

On its own, I could see this as hyperbole, since I would not believe Saphira would actually do so, and she obviously cannot tie him to her back himself. Given her earlier behaviour, though… I would not be surprised if she kept him prisoner “for his own good” if anything bad happened to him. Something like this might work if she is actually afraid for his safety (which Paolini somewhat manages to hit in Murtagh), but she only seems irritated with him, not afraid. Consequently, it rather feels like “if anything happens to you now, you will prove that you are too incompetent to leave my sight, and so you never will again”. That, in turn, means that Saphira is being abusive again.

I also note that Eragon just… does not seem to react to this. “I love you too” is not at all a reaction to Saphira telling him she will keep him prisoner, so it just feels surreal. It also means that this goes entirely unremarked, of course.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 25

Still, I do not find it as horrible as her earlier abuse, since she will never follow through on this and it is somewhat hyperbolic. Earlier, she beat Eragon up, implicitly threatened to kill him if he did not follow her plan, and explicitly threatened to abduct him; compared to that, this is truly mild.

And then we cut over to Eragon and Brom riding toward the gate, with absolutely no further follow-up. Smooth.

PPP: 888

They are both “trying to appear casual”. Then we get a description of a pennant above the gate: it is yellow and “bear[s] the outline of a roaring lion and an arm holding a lily blossom”. Well, here is my supremely bad rendition of it:

[Caption: a yellow rectangle with on it, from left to right: a barely visible outline of the Dutch Lion, a lily blossom, and an arm with hand cupped underneath the blossom.]

…At least I had fun with it? I do wonder what, if any, the symbolism of this is supposed to be. Well, knowing Paolini, he probably just threw some stuff together because it looked nice. That also explains why there is a lion on this flag, when there are no lions in Alagaësia and there is no contact with lands that might have them! I could certainly see it if a lion were some kind of mythological creature to the Alagaësians, but it is still weird that it would so recognisably be a lion. Oh, and Eragon should ask Brom about this, or tell us about lions, instead of just recognising it like they are known. (I also guess this is Teirm’s coat of arms, then?)

Forgot the Narrator: 53

So they near the wall, and Eragon gets amazed and asks how large Teirm is. Brom, quite unhelpfully, says it is larger than “any city [he] has seen”, which tells us nothing since Eragon has not seen any cities.

PPP: 889

At the entrance, the guards straighten and block the gate with their pikes. One of them asks what their names are, sounding bored and in a spelled-out accent (ouch). Well, it seems they will have no problem getting in, then! How nice. Brom answers “in a wheezy voice” that he is called Neal. Eragon is surprised at seeing him “slouched to one side, an expression of happy idiocy on his face”.

…What. In what way does this make it easier for them to get inside? This is just very conspicuous (the same thing Brom told Eragon not to be), and since Brom did not tell this to Eragon, that just makes it easier for him to give them away! I am also not exactly happy with Brom mimicking someone intellectually disabled, either, especially since this scene is about to look comedic.

All the Isms: 15

The guard asks who Eragon is. Brom answers like this:

“Well, I wus gettin’ to that. This’ed be m’nephew Evan. He’s m’sister’s boy, not a…”

I have copied it out so you can see the awful accent he has. I especially wonder why we have “m’nephew” and “m’sister’s”, which I do not think would actually occur.

PPP: 891 (+2)

Further, what implication is Brom trying to prevent here? It has something to do with “nephew”, and that could indeed mean that Eragon is his cousin’s son, but why in the world does he think these guards would care for that? (shakes head) So the guard nods “impatiently” (I feel you) and asks what their business is. Eragon says that Brom wants to visit an “old friend”, “dropping his voice into a thick accent” (which is the same accent everyone talks with).

Also… I just have a hard time taking this seriously. Brom’s idea is completely ridiculous, especially since the guards do not seem to pose any threat, we have Brom explaining something that they would never ask for, and now everyone speaks in a thick accent. I would expect this in an absurdist comedy, not a supposedly tense scene where they have to make sure not to get caught!

(chuckles softly) So Eragon explains that is along to ensure that Brom does not get lost, “if y’ get m’meaning”. What “meaning” is there to get? This would fit better when Eragon implies the intellectual disability, not here. What would “get lost” even be a euphemism for here? (I also note that the quoted fragment likely wouldn’t have “m’meaning”, and “y’ get” could also be “ye get” or “yuh get”, and a bit clearer.)

PPP: 894 (+3)

He further says that Brom is not as young as he used to be, and he has “a bit too much sun” when he was young, so that gave him a “[t]ouch o’ the brain fever”. At this, Brom “bob[s] his head pleasantly” (blegh). I guess that Brom is supposed to have had a heatstroke when he was young… and I see that can induce brain damage, so fair enough, I suppose.

PPP: 895 (for “young’r”, which has unnecessary eye dialect)

The guard is alright with this and waves them in, telling Eragon to make sure Brom causes no trouble. In other words, this is about the same as would have happened if Brom had not begun this farce. Also, this guard blocked the gate with his pike, so if he drops it, it will just trip the horses, not to mention that the other guard has vanished into thin air.

PPP: 897 (+2)

Eragon says Brom will not and urges Cadoc into Teirm. There is a mention of them going over a “cobblestone street”. As soon as the guards cannot hear them any more, Brom sits up and complains about Eragon’s remark about the “touch of brain fever”. Eragon says he could not let Brom have all the fun, and Brom “harrumph[s]” and looks away.

This exchange would fit much better if Brom had already told Eragon this plan and Eragon improvised on it. In this case, however, Brom suddenly executed his plan and Eragon was forced to go along with it, so he was hardly “not letting Brom have all the fun”. Further, if Brom dislikes that comment so much, he should not have put on that act in the first place! Eragon only described what you were doing, so please shut up about it. This just makes Brom look “immature”, when it is probably supposed to be Eragon.

We cut to some description of the city. The houses are “grim and foreboding”. They have “[s]mall, deep windows” which let in little light, and “[n]arrow doors” that are recessed from the street. Omniscient narration tells us that the rooftops are flat, though they do have “metal railings” and are covered in “slate shingles”. Eragon notes that the houses near the wall are just one story, but they get “progressively higher” further in. Those next to the citadel are the tallest, though “insignificant compared to the fortress”.

Forgot the Narrator: 54

I do wonder why there are no buildings outside the wall… maybe it has something to do with the importance of Teirm shrinking?

Eragon says the city looks “ready for war”. Brom agrees and says that it has a history of getting “attacked by pirates, Urgals, and other enemies”. It has been a “center of commerce” for a long time, and there will always be conflict “where riches gather in such abundance”, he says. The people of Teirm have been driven to “extraordinary measures” to keep from “being overrun”. It helps that Galbatorix gives them soldiers for their defence, too.

Um, if Teirm was always such a “center of commerce”, why did the Riders not bother to defend it better? That would have been good for the region, and in later years, it would probably have benefited them more directly, since it is still the closest large city to Vroengard. In fact, as I said above, this whole setup makes more sense if it was built by the Riders and if it was fortified so heavily after some attacks. I also simply cannot see the Riders letting Urgals and “pirates” (who do not seem to be much of a problem in the present) so near a city that would have been of great importance.

Further, I am quite sure Teirm was not only attacked because it gathers riches, but also because seizing it would give control over the trade and because destroying it would disrupt the trade in the area. For example, I cannot see the Urgals care much about all the “riches” in Teirm.

Even further, are we supposed to assume the people of Teirm built the city this way? Given how thick the wall is, and that the citadel is made of “great stones”, that seems like something the Riders would have organised, possibly on behalf of the citizens of Teirm, rather than something they would have organised on their own.

I also agree with Brom’s assessment of these measures as “extraordinary”; narrow windows and recessed doors is a little excessive, especially in a trading city.

Finally, as we just saw, Galbatorix has soldiers posted at Teirm! I do not think it is very necessary, given that Teirm seems to be a smaller trading city than several others in the Empire, and given their defences, but he still does. Actually, exactly because we do not see that Teirm is in such great danger, it makes him like quite generous. He is willing to help out cities that are not the highest priority, after all! That does not seem like the actions of such an evil person as he is supposed to be to me.

So Eragon asks why some houses are “higher than others”. I understand what he means (why the houses are built in tiers), but the way he phrases makes it seem like he has never seen any houses before.

PPP: 898

Brom exposits further. He points out the citadel and says it has “an unobstructed view of Teirm”. In the case the outer wall is breached, archers will be posted on all the roofs. Since the houses by the outer wall are lower, they can shoot “without fear of hitting their comrades”. And, if the enemy caught those houses and put their own archers on them, it would be easy to shoot them down.

Yes, the citadel does have a clear view of Teirm, but so do most of the houses, since the citadel is tucked in a corner. I only think people on the lower tiers would have trouble seeing those houses on the other side of the city.

I also see this is not related very well to what Brom says after, so you might want to connect that, Paolini.

PPP: 899

Going on… I would hope that archers are posted on the roofs before the wall is wholly breached! If they are only posted when it happens, that might cause a lot of unnecessary deaths, after all.

Then, the houses do not need to be tiered to prevent the archers from shooting each others, as they might just fire into the streets anyway. Given the size of the city, I also think that the archers on the highest tiers might accidentally hit the archers on the lowest tiers anyway.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 94

The real advantage of this lies in the oversight it gives the archers, of course, which means that Brom is quite correct in his last remark.

Eragon says “in wonder” that he has never seen a city “planned like this”. I think you mean you have never heard of a city like this, since this is the first city you have ever seen.

PPP: 900

Brom then says “dryly” that this was only done after “Teirm was nearly burned down by a pirate raid”. That may be true, but that does not mean that the way Teirm is built is any less wonderful for it, I would think. Also, when is the raid supposed to have taken place? It might just have been during Palancar’s supposed wars. Given that those led the Riders to allow humans to become Riders, too, they must have been quite disruptive, and I could easily see such a “pirate raid” taking place then. Also, since the Riders relocated their headquarters to Vroengard soon after, Teirm would have assumed a larger importance and so they might have fortified it right then. I do like doing all this worldbuilding!

They go further into Teirm. Some people give them “searching looks” (which I imagine come because they are riding their horses here), but there is no “undue amount of interest”. That is a good sign! Eragon thinks that they have been “welcomed with open arms” compared to Daret, so maybe Teirm has not been troubled by the Urgals. Or it might be that Teirm cannot afford to interrogate everyone coming inside, since it relies on trade and that would completely kill the trade? You can hardly deduce from that that Teirm has not had trouble with Urgals. That is not even to mention that Daret’s reaction was utterly bizarre and misplaced.

Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping: 13

Then a large man with a sword “hanging from his waist” pushes his way past them. Eragon immediately changes his opinion and notes “other, subtler signs of adverse times”. A single man with a sword does not prove at all that Teirm has had trouble with Urgals! Neither does it prove that Teirm experiences “adverse times” and it is especially not an “unsubtle” sign! In a city as large as this, there are bound to be people openly wearing swords, and it might well be coincidence that this man walked past them. You simply need more evidence before proclaiming that Teirm is in trouble. Also, even if you saw that, it would not prove that Teirm’s troubles are due to the Urgals rather than, say, pirates (and they indeed are not).

Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping: 15 (+2)

So we get the other signs of “adverse times”. There are no children playing in the streets, people have “hard expressions” and many houses are deserted, with weeds growing from their “stone-covered yards”. No children playing is a good sign. People having “hard expressions” is quite useless when we do not know how many people do so, as it might well be from something unrelated to the current trouble. The houses being deserted does not have to be related to the current trouble, either, though it is a sign that Teirm is not as prosperous as it once was.

Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping: 16

I get the idea that Paolini just threw in things he thought would fit with “hard times” without considering if they actually support that idea. This would be fine if Eragon already knew this and noticed these signs, but now it just seems like he crams everything he sees into his idea of how Teirm is. Well, Eragon says it looks like Teirm has had trouble. Brom gets “grim[]” and says it is the same as “everywhere else” and they need to find Jeod. Do you truly know if the rest of Alagaësia also has these troubles? Yes, the traders said something to that effect, but I still doubt it.

So they immediately head for the nearest tavern. Um… Teirm having had hard times does not mean they need to be in a hurry. We have already seen that people do not have undue interest in them, after all. I wonder if this might be the remains of an earlier revision… Either way, why are they going to the nearest tavern? Surely it would be better to go to the part of Teirm where Jeod is likely to live and ask there? They would be more likely to get blank looks here than to succeed. I guess that Paolini just really wanted to write the following scene.

They bring their horses to the tavern and tie them to the “hitching post” there. They go in, and Brom reads from the sign that the tavern is called the “Green Chestnut”, which he finds “wonderful” (presumably sarcastically). Then we get a description of the tavern, which I just have to quote:

The dingy room felt unsafe. A fire smoldered in the fireplace, yet no one bothered to throw more wood on it. A few lonely people in the corners nursed their drinks with sullen expressions. A man missing two fingers sat at a far table, eyeing his twitching stumps. The bartender had a cynical twist to his lips and held a glass in his hand that he kept polishing, even though it was broken.

(laughs out loud) Yes, people, this is an untrustworthy and unsafe place with people who are up to no good. The description is quite fine, but this is just so overdone it would be at home in a satire of this trope, and we are still supposed to take it seriously!

Brom goes up to the bar and asks the cynical bartender if he knows where Jeod lives. Eragon stands next to him, fiddling with “the tip of his bow”. He has it across his back, but he wishes he had it in his hands now. That would probably blow this situation up, as Eragon would be threatening everyone in the bar without provocation. Also, if he feels so uncomfortable, why does he not ask Brom to go somewhere else? They do not have to stay in this obviously threatening tavern.

The bartender asks “in an overly loud voice” why he should know where Jeod lives and if Brom thinks he keeps track of “the mangy louts in this forsaken place”. Everyone in the tavern looks at them and Eragon winces.

HISC: In the self-published edition, Eragon complains internally that they just had to pick the place with “the loudest mouth in it”. You might also have picked a tavern in the area where Jeod is likely to live, so I am not very sympathetic.

Corneille Noire: So, instead of deciding on a different place or asking anyone else, Brom decides to bribe the bartender, while asking him if he could be “enticed to remember”. How very smart of him. The bartender brightens and puts the glass down. He lowers his voice and says he might just be, but “[his] memory takes a great deal of prodding”. Brom does not like this, but still increases the bribe! The bartender thinks it over for a while and finally decides to take it.

Just then, the man missing two fingers comes to save them. He asks “Gareth” “what in th’ blazes” he thinks he is doing. Anyone on the street could tell them where Jeod lives, so what is he charging them for? Brom quickly grabs the coins back, Gareth shoots a “venomous look” at the man and then goes to clean the glass again. Good to see that they apparently needed the intervention of this man to get out of this situation. This is just silly.

PPP: 901 (unnecessary eye dialect)

Also, why is the corrupt bartender named after an Arthurian knight? It feels like a much too weighty name for someone we will never see outside of this scene, and if it was meant to contrast with how corrupt he is, that does not show.

A Better Commando Name: 22

Brom goes over to the other man. He thanks him and introduces them by their false names. The man introduces himself as “Martin” and also introduces Gareth. His voice is “deep and rough”. He invites them to sit down next to him. They do and Eragon arranges his chair so “his back [is] to the wall and he face[s] the door”. Martin notes this, but does not comment. This seems excessive to me; after all, no one is about to rob them, so Eragon does not have to have a clear line of sight to the exit.

So Brom thanks Martin for saving him “a few crowns” (as if Brom was forced to give the bribe!). Martin says it was his pleasure, though he cannot blame Gareth for it, since “business hasn’t been doing so well lately”. And if he continues to charge people just for information, he soon will not have a business at all, since I doubt that they would like that and would probably spread the word. You do have to be a bit sensible about this. Martin then says that Jeod lives on the “west side of town”, next to “Angela, the herbalist”. And how should they find the herbalist’s shop, then? Some more specific directions might help. Also, here we hear about another relatively major character (and the worst of the series, I find), whose name derives from “angel”, no matter that that makes no sense in Alagaësia.

A Better Commando Name: 23

Yes, I know this is how Paolini’s sister is called and that this Angela will be her stand-in, but he still should have used a name that does not stick out like a sore thumb. Martin asks if they have business with Jeod. Brom confirms that, and Martin says Jeod will not be interested in buying, as he “lost another ship a few days ago”. Brom naturally gets interested and asks what happened. He says that it “wasn’t Urgals, was it?”. I think this is meant to have Martin talk about the Urgals, but it is just clumsy, since Brom has no reason to bring them up here.

PPP: 902

Martin explains that the Urgals have left the area and no one has seen them “in almost a year”.

HISC: In the self-published edition, Martin says that it seems they have all gone “south and east”, from what travellers from Urû’baen and “other cities” have said and tracks they saw themselves. He is not sad to see them gone.

Corneille Noire: In the Knopf edition, he just says that it seems they have all gone south-east. I do appreciate the reminder that something is going on with the Urgals, but it is about time something was actually done with that. At least we learn that is has been going on for almost a year, so I would think most of the Urgals living in the northern part of the Spine have left by now. That is certainly momentous!

Martin says that is naturally not the problem. As he is sure Brom knows, most of their business lies in “sea trade”. So, “starting several months ago”, someone has been attacking their ships. It is not “the usual piracy”, as only ships that carry goods of “certain merchants” get attacked, Jeod among them. By this point, no captain will accept goods of those merchants. Since some of them run “the largest shipping businesses in the Empire”, life has become difficult. The merchants have to send their goods via land now, which makes the costs “painfully high”, not to mention that the caravans do not always arrive.

Brom asks if he has any idea who is responsible. After all, he thinks there must be witnesses. Martin shakes his head and says no one survives the attacks. Ships go out, then disappear, and they are “never seen again”. He adds, with a nod and a wink, that the sailors think it is “magic”.

PPP: 905 (+3) (redundant wording; ill-fitting fragment; why did Jeod just lose a ship when the captains do not want to take on his goods any more?)

Overall, this is done quite well! It explains why Teirm experiences such troubles and this situation truly is a problem for Teirm. I do have a problem with this, though: Why does no one in Teirm do anything about this? It is a big problem, after all, so would many people not want to get to the bottom of the matter and stop whoever is attacking? For that matter, has no one ever seen a ship be destroyed in those months? I got the impression that coastal region was reasonably busy, after all.

Going back to the problems Teirm faces, I think escorting the ships of these specific merchants might help. I would go for several ships within line of sight of the target ship, but not close enough that the attackers will not dare to. Then, if the ship is attacked, these ships might be able to help, and if not, they might well learn more about the attackers, and in either case, they might catch one of them. To further help with this, I would suggest putting some of the soldiers Teirm has belowdecks, as well as a magician (and optionally other magicians on other ships to aid/communicate). If the attackers are confronted with a much larger force than they expected, I think they would be the one to lose, and that might well give the clue to find out who is behind them and to stopping that group.

So naturally, no one has done anything even like this. I suppose I could point to the city’s supposedly evil lord (or at least Paolini would like to do that), but he has all interest in keeping Teirm’s trade healthy. It is his city, after all! All of this is nonsense and it does not even have to be here to serve the plot! Jeod being put under pressure to abandon his company because of this trouble should be enough, but noooo, we get something quite nonsensical. (And this will get even worse the next chapter.)

Brom is worried by this and asks what Martin thinks. Martin “shrug[s] carelessly”. He says he does not know and he does not think he will unless he is on a ship that gets attacked (or “captured”, as he puts it). Good to see that he does not care about what is going on at all. Eragon asks if he is a sailor. Martin says, with some scorn, that he is not. Captains hire him to “defend their ships against pirates”, but those “thieving scum” have not been exactly active lately. Still, he finds it a good job.

So Martin is a mercenary, then? I can see it, since I do not think every captain could use Galbatorix’s soldiers. Also, these pirates (who we will never see) can only come from the coastal region, and presumably come from the regions between Teirm and Kuasta and Kuasta and Feinster. So why have they not been defeated by now? It should be an easy matter to find them on the coast and make sure they will not endanger the trade again, and there should be enough motivation for that, too. Further… if I look at the map, why could the sailors not avoid this “thieving scum”?

The only narrow point I can see is the entrance to Kuasta’s bay, and that should be easy enough to keep pirates out of. Yes, that would be some trouble, but so is piracy. Kuasta also does not seem like a centre of trade, so I do not think the piracy would concentrate itself there. Anyone going down the coast to Feinster and beyond could avoid narrow passages easily. To the north, there are none, either.

I might say that the pirates do find these ships (maybe because of ~magic~), but that only raises the questions of why no one has bothered to stop them in the meantime! I suppose that Paolini wanted to have piracy in here, but it only makes everyone look very incompetent. Again.

So Brom says being a mercenary is a “dangerous” job. Martin just shrugs and drinks the rest of his beer. Yeah, I would think Martin is very well aware of the danger himself. Brom and Eragon leave, presumably get their horses again and go to the west side of Teirm, which is a “nicer section”, apparently. The houses here are “clean, ornate, and large”. Not that we had an indication that the houses elsewhere were not clean, but alright. Then we are told that the people on the streets “[wear] expensive finery and walk[] with authority”.

I see Paolini once again fails at conveying what he wants to. First, I am unsure what I should think of when these people are said to “walk with authority”. Your readers cannot read your mind, Paolini, so you will have to convey it to them. Second, this whole description sounds more like something that could be found at a noble court, with everyone wearing “finery”, and it does not seem like just a “nicer section” of Teirm. Also, I am quite sure the next chapter will show that this description does not actually hold true.

PPP: 910 (+5) (for how little sense this makes)

Eragon feels “conspicuous and out of place” here. Well, I am sure this side of Teirm sees enough people like you from both the harbour and the land routes, not to mention the other side of Teirm, so I do not think you actually are conspicuous. And there the chapter ends. That is a very awkward break, but I think I know how it came to be.

So I have looked through the beginnings of chapters in this book and the greater part fits into three categories: Eragon wakes up, the chapter continues on from the previous one, or it opens with the first notable thing the day after the previous chapter. This chapter begins three days after the previous one and opens with a description of travel. That, combined with the chapter before that being almost completely travel, has me thinking that Paolini broke a chapter in two there at a section break.

Here… Well, let me show you the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next:

The houses were clean, ornate, and large. The people in the streets wore expensive finery and walked with authority. Eragon felt conspicuous and out of place.

The herbalist’s shop had a cheery sign and was easy to find. A short, curly-haired woman sat by the door. She was holding a frog in one hand and writing with the other.

I could easily see this in a single chapter, so I suspect Paolini made a chapter break here without any regard for where it would be best placed. Something like this would be better:

“But a dangerous one,” said Brom. Martin shrugged and downed the last of his beer.

[Chapter Break]

Once they left the Green Chestnut, Eragon quickly went to untie the horses, eager to be away from the tavern. He did like Martin, but the place had set him on edge. Soon they were underway again and headed to the west side of the city, a nicer section.

I also think that “A Song for the Road” and “A Taste of Teirm” being broken off “An Old Friend” could explain why their titles seem somewhat off to me. Either way, let me tally this…

Mid-Scene Break: 4

Single-Purpose Chapter: 7

Now for the discussion. Precisely because it is a splinter of a larger chapter, nothing much happens in it. What does happen is often awful (Saphira abusing Eragon), unintentionally comedic (the guard scene and the description of the tavern) or just makes no sense (nearly everything). The most substantial thing we get is hearing about the attacks on Teirm, which make no sense and should be over by now. I could say the point is to get a “taste of Teirm”, but we rather get exposition, and the saveur locale we do get is hampered by Paolini having little idea how to convey it. Above all, this was clearly never meant to be its own chapter and that is quite obvious.

Next time, since some relatively serious revisions have taken place in the next three chapters, the HISC will provide us with an overview of the self-published edition. I will see you again in chapter 29. Until then!