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antishurtugal_rebornWarning: This post contains some violence, discussion of rape and abuse, and some very poor handling of a character's trauma.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! Last time, we had three short chapters as Wigg and Faegan reached their destination, Marcus and Rebecca stole a rug, and Krassus arrived at the Citadel and prepared to start working with Wulfgar. Today, we have… three more somewhat longer (but still pretty short) chapters as Tristan’s voyage with Tyranny hits a snag, Celeste has PTSD (and Newcomb, surprise surprise, is still bad at handling trauma) and the wizards continue their quest. Joining us today will be Irinali and Tahiri!
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Irinali: Oh, lovely. At least we won’t be stuck with any one group of idiots for too long today? And so, we open with Tristan on the deck of People’s Revenge, luxuriating in both the wind and the comforting feeling of having had his weapons returned to him (which, considering he just spent time as a slave, I suppose I can’t truly blame him for). He muses about how Tyranny’s crew are taking care of the rescued slaves as well as they can, though they’re not true healers (neither am I, but I know some… shortcuts, if Tristan is interested in contracting my services…) and Tristan thinks that some of them may not survive the return to Eutracia. *shakes her head* My, my. If the slavers worked their captives so hard even in the relatively short time they had them (assuming these slaves were all taken aboard at the same time as Tristan) then I’m amazed they haven’t worked them all to death so far. If morality doesn’t move you – and I assume it won’t, for slavers – perhaps pragmatism will?
Gratuitous Grimdark: 34
Tahiri: Yeah, even the Yuuzhan Vong understand that dead slaves don’t do work… well, Tyranny’s kept them on course for Eutracia for the last four days, and Tristan fancies he can almost smell the coast. He briefly amuses himself by the thought of parading Tyranny and Scars though the palace (the mostly empty palace, mind…) and introducing them to everyone (let’s see, a brash, unfeminine, competent lady pirate who can’t even do magic… Wigg’s going to have a fit). And Tristan seems to agree with me about Wigg’s reaction, since he’s imagining Wigg’s outrage – and Faegan’s amusement – when he makes them cough up the reward and letters of marque. And it couldn’t happen to a better pair of guys, in my humble opinion. We learn that he’s spoken with Tyranny herself several more times around the ship, and she seems determined to learn if he knows anything about her kidnapped brother (sorry, Tyranny – you haven’t known him long enough to learn how useless he is). They’ve also swapped more information on their personal histories, and Tristan has told her the truth of everything that’s happened since the Minion attack (pretty sure there’s some details there she’d rather not know – even pirates have standards!). He’s also realized he both respects and likes this rather admirable outlaw. Huh; I’m genuinely starting to wonder if someone else came up with her for Newcomb and made him use her. Because she’s utterly unlike any other woman in the series so far. *beat* But I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up, should I? Especially after Abbey…
Irinali: *shrugs* I refuse to get emotionally invested in anyone in this mess; it’s safer that way. We then get a bit more about Tristan’s opinion of the sea and sailing:
But despite how badly he wanted to get home, he had swiftly come to love the sea, complete with all of its whims and dangers. After Scars had finally come to the conclusion that Tristan was indeed not one of the enemy, he and the prince had arrived at an uneasy truce. The surprisingly eloquent giant had taken him under his wing, instructing him in the ways of the great boat. Tristan had certainly not become a seasoned crewmember, but he was fascinated by what Scars was teaching him; and each day he found himself eager to learn more. He now understood the differences between the various sails, spars, and booms, and how the rigging and sheets worked to help steady them and raise and lower the sails. He had learned the various types of maneuvers the ship was capable of, such as running before the wind, tacking, and being in irons. Tristan had even gingerly climbed the rigging all the way to the crow’s nest, to gaze out over the ocean and feel the splendid, exaggerated motion of the ship as she pitched and rolled beneath him, dozens of meters below. Seeing his battle flag flying high atop the mainmast had done his heart good.
Irinali: You have been at sea, and free, for what, four days now? You seem to have come to this realization remarkably quickly. I’m hardly a sailor either – Kharvin, that being my patron and immediate superior in the Order of the Emerald Claw, owns some ships, of course, but he has actual professionals to crew them. Anyway, Tristan has even been allowed to steer the ship briefly, under the watchful gaze of Scars, and was in awe to think that this is the same wheel that once steered the ships from which the Coven was exiled. As Tristan had placed his hands on the worn, curved grips that graced the wheel’s outer ring, he almost thought he could feel the gnarled, ghostly hands of those who had gone before, turning it with him. Sensing the great ship obey him had been an experience he would never forget. Personally, I find it a bit interesting that Tristan is having this wonderful time at sea while his fellow captives are literally dying elsewhere on the ship… but perhaps from Newcomb, we should expect no less. Also, I’d think it was more interesting if the “gnarled, ghostly hands” were literal and the wheel actually was haunted… call it professional curiosity.
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 55
Tahiri: Turns out that next to the wheel there’s also a list of everyone who’s ever captained every ship it’s ever been attached to (huh; is that… normal?) starting with Wigg’s (oh, so that’s why Newcomb wanted to include it… ugh) and ending with Tyranny’s. He wonders how many more names will be added before the wheel is lost or destroyed and finds himself hoping that will never happen (I’ve, uh, got some bad news for you there, Tristan… namely, that nothing and no one lasts forever). As he turns around, he finds that the scars from where he was whipped still hurt (I’m… kind of amazed Newcomb thought of that, honestly) though they’re healing and he expects the wizards to finish the job when he gets back home, though he’s sure the physical marks will remain. And that’s when we start to get some self-pity. Yay.
There had recently come to him a new, unexpected form of mental, rather than physical anguish. It was something that had been building inexorably in his soul ever since that fateful day in Parthalon when his blood had suddenly turned from red to azure. It was a foreign, insidious feeling, and one that had finally come to fruition for him not only at the savage whipping, but when Tyranny had pulled him out of the ragged line of slaves to speak to him. As the contradictory, rather frightening thought went through his mind, he closed his dark blue eyes for a moment. The unthinkable had happened. He was coming to curse his glowing, azure blood.
Tahiri: Huh. Wasn’t expecting someone in this series to start actively hating their special blood! Although, if you’re human, and your blood didn’t start out blue… all I’m saying is, he really should have worried about this before now, and probably gotten it looked at. *beat* By someone other than Wigg or Faegan. Anyway, Tristan goes on to continue whining pretentiously about how he doesn’t care that his blood is endowed because that much of it was his natural heritage, his birthright – oh, yes, very humble of you; also I would worry more about that, considering how it seems like the blood has a mind of its own and I’m pretty sure all you “endowed” people have some sort of parasite – but he thinks that his blood is now blue and glowing is just too bizarre. Yeah, you and me both. He also blames his blood being blue for why the wizards won’t teach him magic, despite the fact that he wants to learn and apparently the Tome says that’s his destiny, since they don’t understand what’s happened either and don’t want to risk any unexpected side-effects. And, to top it all off, he’s feeling guilty because he can’t fulfil his destiny. Which, okay, understandable… but you could be trying to use your position as prince to help restore order and put your country back together and you’ve not been doing that either, so at a certain point I think you’ve got to say, Tristan, your lack of accomplishment is a you problem. Also, you’ve got a perfectly good sister, and the wizards haven’t been training her either, outside of tricks with butterflies and the hatchlings. I’d say that’s on them.
Blood Matters: 118
Contrivances and Coincidences: 31
Exposition Intrusion: 136
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 59
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 56
MG: I honestly wonder if Newcomb wrote himself in a corner with Tristan’s blue blood, since he makes a big deal of it in the first two books (and Nicholas had the same blood, and he could use magic without issue until the very specific thing that killed him, it must be noted…) but now has this whole spiel about how Tristan actually hates having it, and spoilers, he’s going to end up changing his blood back to red in the second trilogy without the fact that it was ever blue mattering much, beyond delaying his training. In other words, I can’t help but feel that this whole, out of nowhere inner monologue was Tristan basically speaking for Newcomb in saying that the blue blood was a stupid, pointless idea he doesn’t know what to do with and regrets including. Wonderful.
Irinali: Oh, I’d be happy to study it… the number of people with innate, powerful magic stored in the blood is smaller than you’d think, and the number of those willing to line up to be exsanguinated is even shorter, but I can promise Tristan I’ll make sure his sacrifice and contributions to science will be remembered… where was I? Ah, yes, self-pitying inner monologue. Tristan goes on, waxing poetic about how isolated he feels, how his enemies can identify him easily any time his blood is drawn, remembers a warning from Faegan way back in the first book, “Although it does not say how, the second volume of the Tome affirms that he may be forever, inalterably changed. You must be on the lookout for this change, whatever it is to be.” And how he promises not to rest until he finds out who caused him to have this blood, and why. *rolls her eyes* Based on your track record, I do not expect this to get resolved any time soon. And also, as for who is responsible… I think that would be the Ones, wouldn’t it? Or possibly the Heretics. If there are any other options, I don’t believe Newcomb has shared them with us. Suddenly, Tristan’s thoughts shift, as he thinks about his friends, and especially about Celeste, who he loves even though he knows she’s not ready to accept affection on that level and hopes they can truly be together someday. *flatly* How… gallant.
Blood Matters: 122
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 57
Tahiri: Well, thankfully, Tristan gets interrupted from all his navel-gazing by Tyranny, who comes up and asks about “her”; Tristan plays dumb and acts like he doesn’t know who she’s talking about, but she tells him to cut it out; she says she’s been around men most of her life, she can tell he’s thinking about someone, and she guesses it’s a woman, and not his sister. Okay, Tyranny? You’re good at this. I’d struggle to pull information that specific from someone I barely know, and I’m literally a Jedi. Of course, maybe you just got lucky, since if you showed up five seconds ago he’d have been angsting about his blood, not a woman at all. But she’s curious about what kind of woman can hold Tristan’s attention – since he apparently had a reputation as a womanizer, fair enough – and wants to hear all about her. Uh… I guess she’s kind of sweet, she’s sad, she’s carrying around a bucket-load of trauma that I don’t think the author really knows how to handle, and she’s ignorant of things she probably shouldn’t be, considering her background. And she adores her father for some inexplicable reason. That about covers it. And indeed, Tristan just says that’s a long story, considering the woman in question is three hundred years old. Tyranny looks stunned for a moment (I wonder if it’s common knowledge about how it is the wizards lived so long?) and quips that Tristan clearly likes them mature, but makes it clear she’s happy for him – and then they get distracted by the sound of a warning bell ringing.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 32
Irinali: Well, Tyranny draws her sword and Scars runs over; one of the crew runs up the rigging (shouldn’t they have a crow’s nest or something of the sort, with someone permanently posted up there?) and then back down, announcing that they’ve sighted three maelstroms of something called screechlings which I don’t believe we’ve heard of… but considering Newcomb’s “clever” naming skills, I can only assume that they’re loud. All Tristan can see are seething black shapes in the water and he wonders if it’s the Necrophagians, but he has a feeling that’s not it and asks Tyranny.
“A nightmare,” she responded tensely, not taking the lens from her eye. “Creatures of the sea, said to be of the craft. No one knows for sure, for they have only recently begun to appear. What we do know is that they hunt in packs.” Then she lowered her spyglass, and Tristan clearly saw the worry on her face. “I know of no vessel that has ever survived an onslaught of three maelstroms, but I refuse to go down without a fight!”
Irinali: *bored* Let me guess. They’re going to escape. Whee. She tells Tristan he’ll understand soon enough, to stay near her and Scars, and that he might have a chance to use his weapons soon enough. The screechlings are too close for them to outrun, so their only choice is to stand and fight. Tristan takes a moment to watch the crew as they prepare the ship for battle, including leaving the ship tied off and dead in the water. He wonders why but is distracted as he suddenly spots three separate waterspouts rising from the ocean, before they start glowing from within. He thinks that he’d consider them beautiful if he hadn’t been told they were deadly – now, now, many things are both beautiful and deadly; my own homeland has some very fascinating frogs you might enjoy – and then the waterspouts come careening towards the ship under their own power. I’m still not sure why these things are called “screechlings” instead of, I don’t know, “spouters,” but perhaps we’ll find out.
Exposition Intrusion: 138
Tahiri: Well, Tyranny raises her sword and starts taunting the screechlings to come taste it, pretty standard pirate battle dialogue, I think. As one of the waterspouts approaches she starts slashing at it, seeming to draw blood from… something… and that’s when Tristan gets his first good look at the attackers.
When the first of them buzzed by his head, Tristan thought he must be seeing things. As it passed, he heard the unmistakable sound of teeth snapping together and realized that his hesitation had nearly cost him his life. Making insane screeching noises as they came, another flew by him, then more still, until their numbers finally became so great that they blotted out the sun and covered the deck of the frigate with their shadows. Viciously they attacked both the crewmembers and the rigging, tearing away those sails that had not already been reefed…
…He was amazed to see what appeared to be some kind of very large, very strange, fishlike creature. It was almost two meters long, half a meter deep, and very brightly colored with what seemed to be luminescent stripes running down along its sides. Instead of fins, it had three oddly shaped, scaly wings, one on either side of its colorful body, and a third rising vertically from its spine, just forward of its large, wide tail. As he watched, its mouth opened, revealing a multitude of razor-sharp teeth. Seeing that brought Tristan back to the reality of the battle raging around him. With a single stroke of his dreggan, he beheaded the monster. But he had lost precious time.
Tahiri: …huh. Sounds kind of like something the Yuuzhan Vong might have cooked up. Anyway, as Tristan stares at the dead screechling, two more of them latch onto him. He realizes they’re trying to drag him over the side and into the Sea of Whispers, where they can presumably tear him apart and eat him at their leisure, and they’ve already done it to some of the crew. But someone grabs one of the screechlings, and Tristan is able to twist around and kill the other one with his daggers and dreggan before seeing that his rescuer is Scars. Scars rips the screechling in half and goes looking for more, while Tristan tries to cut more of them out of the sky with his blades. At last, the battle starts abating – for certain doom, that sure was anticlimactic – and Tristan looks around to see the deck covered in the bodies of humans and screechlings, and the other ships seem to be in roughly the same condition. Searching through the carnage – and the narration still takes time to note he’s bleeding blue, yay – he manages to find Tyranny, who looks bloody and exhausted. A moment later, she collapses into his arms, and Tristan is left holding her as he wonders what happens now as the chapter comes to an end.
MG: And so it is, but since the next two chapters are both pretty short, we’ll be doing them, too! Fair warning, Chapter Thirty contains Celeste having a PTSD dream about Ragnar in all his grossness.
Blood Matters: 123
Gratuitous Grimdark: 35 (for the gory post-battle scene)
Warning: Potentially Triggering Material to Follow
Chapter Thirty
Irinali: And so, we open with Celeste waking up in bed after a nap, and checking her hourglass to determined that Shailiha and Abbey went down to the Hall of Blood Records about two hours ago. She then gets up and looks out her window and waxes poetic about the twilight for a bit before laying back down and worrying some more about Tristan. Apparently, he’s been gone so long now that even Ox is starting to lose hope of finding him! She’s worried about Wigg and Faegan too, but especially Tristan. She then gets up, again, and picks up her hairbrush from her dresser and starts brushing her hair to calm herself down. I was about to ask if she has servants for that… but of course, everyone in the Redoubt is currently hiding from the entire country they supposedly lead, so of course they don’t, and the gnomes have been subjected to enough indignity I’m just as glad she’s not making one of them do it. Perhaps some of the Minions are into hairstyling? In any case, her feelings about Tristan are confused, part of her wants to be near him, she misses him while he’s gone, but it’s safer to have these thoughts when he’s not actually here, so on and so forth, we already know. But she’s suddenly distracted from her brushing by the sound of hinges moving. Looking up, she sees her windows are shutting and locking by themselves, and yes, that would be alarming… especially with what happens next…
Tahiri: So, Celeste tries to run, but a bolt of light – azure, what else – shoots across the room, grabs her by the waist, and flings her onto the bed. She tries to fire one of her own bolts back but can’t move and realizes she’s caught in a warp, just like the one Krassus used. The last of the windows close, and then blue light starts building in the middle of the room; she wonders if it’s Krassus come back… but the person who materializes in the middle is not Krassus. “Hello, my darling,” it said in a deep, melodious voice. “It has been far too long since we have lain together. I have missed you dearly.” *looking sick* Oh, gods… Well, of course, it’s Ragnar (since when did he have a “melodious” voice? When I read the previous book getting ready for this, I imagined him as sounding like those old historical holos of Emperor Palpatine) We get a brief refresher on who Ragnar was and what he looks like that I won’t bother repeating, save for the fact that Celeste notes that he’s clearly aroused, because Yun-Yuuzhan knows we sure needed to hear that. He stares at her lustfully, and he’s still oozing from his forehead, in case you missed that little detail. He leans in close and starts taunting her about whether she really thought he was dead – of course Nicholas wouldn’t kill him, and now he’s working for Krassus. But first he’s going to drag Celeste back to the Caves with him. And… okay. This is obviously a nightmare. We know Ragnar’s really, very, completely dead. But Celeste never actually saw Ragnar’s body – she never got closure. I have no problem believing that him turning up alive again and taking her back has been a fear of hers. Kriff, I had nightmares about Mezhan Kwaad for years after what she did to me *quietly* still do sometimes, not going to lie *back in her normal voice* and I actually cut Kwaad’s head off myself. Celeste never got that kind of release – she didn’t kill Ragnar herself, none of her new friends killed him, Nicholas did because he outlived his usefulness or something and she just has thirdhand reports that her abuser is dead. No wonder she still lives in fear of him, on top of everything else…
Irinali: And so, Ragnar keeps threatening her, boasting that Krassus gave him Forestallments that will enable him to have children, and he can’t wait to see what their offspring are like. He then has an extended monologue about wanting to rape Celeste right here in the bed, as a final insult to Wigg – and, one, even Celeste’s own trauma hallucination cares more about Wigg than her, lovely. And two, even Celeste’s trauma hallucination monologues incessantly about his evil deeds rather than actually doing them. Newcomb, this was horrifying, but it’s becoming tedious. And insulting. Ragnar monologues a bit more about how much he loves to hear her weep – of course he does – and then we get a far too lengthy sequence of him ripping her dress and preparing to rape her before Celeste finally wakes up and realizes it was a dream. Why do I have a feeling Newcomb enjoyed writing that rather too much? Be thankful I spared you the lovely details! Celeste weeps for a while, then gets up and looks at her haggard reflection, cursing Ragnar for what he did to her – and then telling herself she won’t let him do it to her anymore. And then something in her psyche snapped. She tears out of the room in a fury and goes running down one of the passages into the Redoubt, finally bursting into the Hall of Blood Records and falling into Shailiha’s arms (Newcomb, are you quite sure they aren’t the actual main couple of this book?) and weeping. The princess quickly dismissed Abbey and Lionel, and the two women sat and talked until dawn. And… that’s it. The chapter ends there. After spending far too long on that revolting nightmare, that is all the resolution we get! How underwhelming!
MG: And, IIRC… this is all the resolution it will have. One PTSD nightmare, and Celeste’s trauma is suddenly going to be significantly more manageable and she’s suddenly going to be ready to open up to Tristan and have a relationship with him (because that’s clearly the important thing here…) and open herself up to life more generally. That’s it. That’s the climax of this subplot, the turning point in Celeste’s journey. Just… what the hells, Newcomb? Could you handle this any lazier (or grosser) than this, barring writing Celeste as having no trauma at all from her experience? Why even bother setting it up at all, if you weren’t going to do anything more meaningful with it? If Celeste had just randomly gotten better by sheer force of will, that would have been bad enough (and insulting enough to people who suffer from trauma and PTSD in real life), but it’s barely even that; she has the nightmare and suddenly her trauma is cured by authorial fiat without her really having to do anything at all because Newcomb has apparently decided he’s ready to move on from this plot point. Just… what? And why? And honestly, yes, I think Newcomb was a bit too into writing the nightmare and making it as gross and squicky as possible (be very grateful we skimmed the worst of it… though I’m not giving any “dastardly deeds” points because it’s not, after all, the real Ragnar) and even denying Celeste the catharsis of, like, blowing dream!Ragnar’s head off if she couldn’t do it to the real thing. This is just… why? *shudders in disgust and anger*
Exposition Intrusion: 140
Gender Wars: 40 (even Celeste’s PTSD is somehow made about Wigg and Tristan)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 37
Potentially Triggering Material Ends Here
Chapter Thirty-One
Tahiri: …as someone who spent literally years trying to get my head back on straight after what the Shapers did to me (and they only had me for a few weeks; Ragnar had Celeste for centuries) … what the kriff, Robert Newcomb!? I really, really wish it was that easy… but believe me, it’s not. Anyway, we open this chapter with everyone’s favorite idiots, Wigg and Faegan, as they make their way through the caves; it’s pitch black and absolutely silent, leaving Wigg thinking he has no way of knowing just how large it might be. Floating weightless, with all of his senses deprived, Wigg wondered if this was what it was like to be dead. Excuse me, but don’t you believe in an afterlife? You never seem to shut up about it, at least! The only sign he’s not alone is the nearby squeak of Faegan’s chair. And then, suddenly, the Paragon starts glowing bright red, filling the whole room with its light.
The stone chamber in which they found themselves was quite unremarkable. One might have even called it disappointing. It seemed to be little more than a small, square room cut out of the rock, with a matching stone floor and a rather low ceiling. Looking at each other in silent agreement, they gratefully lowered themselves.
Tahiri: Yeah, as far as secret mystical storehouses go, that’s pretty underwhelming. But as soon as Wigg’s feet touch the floor, azure, of course, light flares, revealing a stairwell cut into the center of the floor. Wigg invites Faegan to go first - well, I guess if there’s a trap or something, it’d get him before Wigg? Not that it would be much of a loss – and after a moment he does, levitating his chair down the stairs and then with Wigg following. As they head down, we learn that both Wigg and Tristan hate enclosed spaces, which… did we know that before? Not that it really matters anyway, beyond Wigg getting an increasing sense of foreboding the further down they go. And then, when Wigg looks back up, he sees that the stairwell is closing behind them as they go. *taken aback* That’s not ominous or anything! Anyway, Wigg’s newfound claustrophobia takes further hold as he starts feeling uncontrollable dread and sweating from the stress, while Faegan doesn’t’ seem to have noticed anything at all. Huh; wonder if Newcomb deliberately added the claustrophobia just to do this scene? Wouldn’t surprise me in the least.
Irinali: Nor I. Though I would, in Wigg’s place, be readying a weapon; whoever or whatever controls this vault would not get me without a fight! But finally, Wigg points out to Faegan what’s happening. And Faegan, rather anticlimactically, turns back to look up the stairs, seems to realize that there’s nothing he can do about it, and decides to keep going down. How dull. They finally reach the bottom and find themselves in another chamber that’s similar to the first but even smaller, and, of course, the stairwell fills in completely once they’re inside, leaving the Paragon as the only source of light. I might be intrigued and indeed even somewhat horrified by this… if I thought there was any chance Newcomb would do anything interesting with it at all. What a pity. They’re stuck there for a moment, and then yet another azure light flashes, tracing an opening in one of the walls.
Where the stone wall had been stood a tall figure, unmoving, silent. A dark cloak covered the body, its hood pulled up over the head and face. In one of the hands was a long, gnarled wooden staff. Looking closer, Wigg noticed that the hand holding the staff was only a collection of bones.
Irinali: *eyes wide* Oh. Oh my. If Newcomb actually brings us an interesting undead creature for me to study, I… won’t forgive his past transgressions, certainly, but might be willing to be more open-minded about what comes next? Or, perhaps, I’m just being uncharacteristically optimistic, but still, an ancient undead guardian is far more interesting than anything else he’s given us! Wigg asks the guardian who it is, and it responds, in an ancient woman’s voice, that it is the watchwoman of the floating gardens, surprising no one. But you come at a bad time, for the gardens are not what they once were. Oh, no need to worry about the gardens, o watchwoman… I’d much rather talk about you… Faegan, on the other hand, asks why that is, and the watchwoman responds by asking him in turn if there has been a recent disturbance in the Paragon. Of course, we know there has, and Faegan quickly summarizes who Nicholas returned to life and tried to consume all the Paragon’s power as part of a plan to resurrect the Heretics. Though Faegan takes credit for stopping Nicholas – or at least, credit for himself and Wigg – when we all know Nicholas defeated himself by accident. No, I’m not letting that go.
Exposition Intrusion: 142
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 58
Tahiri: So, the watchwoman asks if the Chosen Ones have come and if they’ve become the jin’sai and the jin’saiou, and neither wizard has any idea what she’s talking about. As for me, I can guess, but the watchwoman is just glad they’ve finally been born and that finally, after eons of waiting, the progression towards joining the two sides of the craft can begin and that perhaps the Vigors will triumph after all. Not that Newcomb’s done much to make me want that to happen…
MG: And, again, this is kind of hilarious in light of the second trilogy, because it’s going to turn out that this isn’t what the Chosen Ones are for, at least not literally.
Tahiri: Great. Wigg wants to know about the gardens, and also warns the watchwoman about a new threat, which he says is perhaps the greatest they’ve ever faced. Uh-huh, right. Let me get this straight. The Coven nearly ended the world. Nicholas nearly called the Heretics back, which would have, if I understand correctly, more-or-less ended the world. And whatever Krassus and Wulfgar are supposed to be doing – which we’ve barely had any foreshadowing of so far – is supposedly worse than that? Look, Newcomb, there’s only so much escalation you can do before things start getting a little ridiculous. What’s Wulfgar supposed to do that’s worse, anyway, conquer the galaxy? Because he’d have to get off your little mudball first, and I’m not seeing how that happens. The watchwoman glides over and explains what we could have guessed – the gardens take their nourishment from magic, so when the Paragon nearly died, they were mostly cut off and still haven’t recovered from that. She warns the wizards that she might not have whatever it is they’ve come to find but tells them to go ahead and ask anyway. Faegan gives a brief rundown of what they need – the Chosen One has vanished, they’re looking for him and for the Scroll of the Vigors, and their enemies sabotaged his herb collection. The watchwoman is horrified to learn that the Scrolls of the Ancients have been loosed upon the world, and considering that could also be read as her being horrified by the release of this book… I’ll admit it, I laughed.
Exposition Intrusion: 144
Retcons and Revelations: 20 (note the new “fantasy-ish” titles for Tristan and Shailiha)
Irinali: Disappointingly, the watchwoman wasn’t given any knowledge of the content of the Scrolls – of course, Newcomb has to draw that mystery out – save that they’re considered roughly as valuable as the Tome or Paragon themselves, and the wizards have to find them as soon as they can, or all that we have worked so long to preserve will perish. *arches her eyebrow* Considering Wigg let the kingdom under his charge get invaded, massacred and raped for poorly explained reasons… I don’t think he’s the person you want to this charge! Faegan then asks what the price the Tome mentioned for the knowledge here is; the watchwoman asks how old they are, and they tell her they’re both somewhat over three centuries. Which she thinks is young, and compares them both to children. Which, on the one hand, is certainly something I suspect someone should tell Wigg and Faegan more often – let someone condescend to them for a change, it will be good for them! On the other hand, this does not fill me with excitement about the level of escalation we’re going to see in future volumes… In any case, the watchwoman thinks they’re so young they might not be able to pay the price and might die trying. *beat* That doesn’t seem so bad to me…
MG: And I’ll note that this bit about escalation when it comes to ages (and power-levels) is entirely true; some of the Heretics and Ones we’ll meet in the second trilogy, if we ever end up doing it, are thousands of years old, vastly older than Wigg or Faegan.
Irinali: Of course, they are… but what secrets those people must know… Anyway, the watchwoman explains that the “price” is a piece of their souls, and to take it, they will be forced to relive their greatest regrets. What a fascinating piece of necromancy that sounds like… but the longer a person has lived, the more likely it is they will have regrets powerful enough to satisfy the test. And the pain in their soul will be echoed by a pain in their physical heart, the very seat of such regret. *arches an eyebrow* The watchwoman is aware that describing the heart as the seat of someone’s emotions is metaphorical, yes? And should your endowed blood not be strong enough to persist, your heart will burst, and you will die. If that occurs, you will never leave this place. Oh, and so even this is about their special blood! What a pity. But because their need is great, the price will be great also. That, at least, makes a certain amount of magical sense. Faegan wants to know how she knows what their greatest regrets are; she says it’s enough that they know, and the magic will apparently do the rest. Wigg demands to know why they have to pay, since they’re on the same side – well, friend, I would gather that the watchwoman is bound to do things this way, and can no more waive the requirements than the tide can stop coming in because it’s inconvenient to you. And indeed, she confirms that the Ones set her to guard this place, and they demanded the price by paid, to prevent what is stored here from being abused or squandered. Only those of exceptionally strong blood will prevail, and be able to use that which they have been given, lest we forget the true measure of worth in this universe!
Blood Matters: 126
Exposition Intrusion: 146
Tahiri: Faegan asks if the followers of the Vagaries know about this place; the watchwoman says it doesn’t matter right now, since the Paragon is necessary for entry, and they don’t have it. She also hopes the Chosen Ones will bring about a new age before that changes (are you willing to bet on that?). Finally, Faegan asks if she’s one of the Ones Who Came Before; she says I am and I am not and explains nothing whatsoever about what that means, save that she’s stood guard here a very, very long time, but that in her mortal life she was a sorceress. She wants to know if women still practice magic in Eutracia – oooh, awkward – and Wigg says that for a long time it was forbidden, but recently they have begun to train more women, the Acolytes of Fledgling House, though he doesn’t know how to find them and bring them home. So, notice that he doesn’t mention how he was involved in forbidding women to practice magic? Sleemo. For another, he signed off on Fledgling House and the creation of the Acolytes, and so him not having a way to get in contact with them sounds like a him problem. The watchwoman is silent for a long moment – I wonder if she guessed what he didn’t say? – and finally tells him to call the Acolytes back, since they’ll need all the help they can get in the struggle that’s coming. Wigg repeats that he doesn’t know how – seriously, dude, why – and the watchwoman tells them that if they find the Scroll of the Vigors it contains instructions for something called the River of Thought that can help them.
Faeagan asks what she means, and she tells him she’s accommodated you long enough. Yeah, I think she totally figured out who it was who forbade women from learning magic… She asks if they’re willing to pay the price and warns them that there’s no turning back, and once they pass inside they’ll be bound by blood to not leave until the price is paid. The wizards agree, and the watchwoman tells them to follow her; as they do, the chapter comes to an end.
MG: And that’s also where we’ll leave off for the day! Chapter twenty-nine was… not terrible, though the screechlings come out of absolutely freaking nowhere and, despite the carnage they cause, are still dealt with rather anticlimactically for something that based on what Tyranny said should have easily overwhelmed and destroyed all three ships. Chapter Thirty was entirely given over to Celeste’s nightmare/hallucination/whatever it truly was, and we’ve already been over how badly Newcomb drops the ball on her trauma and her characterization. Chapter thirty-one starts off genuinely eerie and mysterious, but unfortunately once the wizards start talking with the watchwoman it turns into just another dry exposition-fest of which we’ve had so many over the course of this series. Sigh. Anyway, that’s all for today! Next time, we check in more with the kids and with Tristan, Krassus makes a discovery, and the wizards continue their journey. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 128
Contrivances and Coincidences: 32
Dastardly Deeds: 90
Exposition Intrusion: 148
Gender Wars: 42
Gratuitous Grimdark: 37
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 60
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 59
Retcons and Revelations: 20
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! Last time, we had three short chapters as Wigg and Faegan reached their destination, Marcus and Rebecca stole a rug, and Krassus arrived at the Citadel and prepared to start working with Wulfgar. Today, we have… three more somewhat longer (but still pretty short) chapters as Tristan’s voyage with Tyranny hits a snag, Celeste has PTSD (and Newcomb, surprise surprise, is still bad at handling trauma) and the wizards continue their quest. Joining us today will be Irinali and Tahiri!
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Irinali: Oh, lovely. At least we won’t be stuck with any one group of idiots for too long today? And so, we open with Tristan on the deck of People’s Revenge, luxuriating in both the wind and the comforting feeling of having had his weapons returned to him (which, considering he just spent time as a slave, I suppose I can’t truly blame him for). He muses about how Tyranny’s crew are taking care of the rescued slaves as well as they can, though they’re not true healers (neither am I, but I know some… shortcuts, if Tristan is interested in contracting my services…) and Tristan thinks that some of them may not survive the return to Eutracia. *shakes her head* My, my. If the slavers worked their captives so hard even in the relatively short time they had them (assuming these slaves were all taken aboard at the same time as Tristan) then I’m amazed they haven’t worked them all to death so far. If morality doesn’t move you – and I assume it won’t, for slavers – perhaps pragmatism will?
Gratuitous Grimdark: 34
Tahiri: Yeah, even the Yuuzhan Vong understand that dead slaves don’t do work… well, Tyranny’s kept them on course for Eutracia for the last four days, and Tristan fancies he can almost smell the coast. He briefly amuses himself by the thought of parading Tyranny and Scars though the palace (the mostly empty palace, mind…) and introducing them to everyone (let’s see, a brash, unfeminine, competent lady pirate who can’t even do magic… Wigg’s going to have a fit). And Tristan seems to agree with me about Wigg’s reaction, since he’s imagining Wigg’s outrage – and Faegan’s amusement – when he makes them cough up the reward and letters of marque. And it couldn’t happen to a better pair of guys, in my humble opinion. We learn that he’s spoken with Tyranny herself several more times around the ship, and she seems determined to learn if he knows anything about her kidnapped brother (sorry, Tyranny – you haven’t known him long enough to learn how useless he is). They’ve also swapped more information on their personal histories, and Tristan has told her the truth of everything that’s happened since the Minion attack (pretty sure there’s some details there she’d rather not know – even pirates have standards!). He’s also realized he both respects and likes this rather admirable outlaw. Huh; I’m genuinely starting to wonder if someone else came up with her for Newcomb and made him use her. Because she’s utterly unlike any other woman in the series so far. *beat* But I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up, should I? Especially after Abbey…
Irinali: *shrugs* I refuse to get emotionally invested in anyone in this mess; it’s safer that way. We then get a bit more about Tristan’s opinion of the sea and sailing:
But despite how badly he wanted to get home, he had swiftly come to love the sea, complete with all of its whims and dangers. After Scars had finally come to the conclusion that Tristan was indeed not one of the enemy, he and the prince had arrived at an uneasy truce. The surprisingly eloquent giant had taken him under his wing, instructing him in the ways of the great boat. Tristan had certainly not become a seasoned crewmember, but he was fascinated by what Scars was teaching him; and each day he found himself eager to learn more. He now understood the differences between the various sails, spars, and booms, and how the rigging and sheets worked to help steady them and raise and lower the sails. He had learned the various types of maneuvers the ship was capable of, such as running before the wind, tacking, and being in irons. Tristan had even gingerly climbed the rigging all the way to the crow’s nest, to gaze out over the ocean and feel the splendid, exaggerated motion of the ship as she pitched and rolled beneath him, dozens of meters below. Seeing his battle flag flying high atop the mainmast had done his heart good.
Irinali: You have been at sea, and free, for what, four days now? You seem to have come to this realization remarkably quickly. I’m hardly a sailor either – Kharvin, that being my patron and immediate superior in the Order of the Emerald Claw, owns some ships, of course, but he has actual professionals to crew them. Anyway, Tristan has even been allowed to steer the ship briefly, under the watchful gaze of Scars, and was in awe to think that this is the same wheel that once steered the ships from which the Coven was exiled. As Tristan had placed his hands on the worn, curved grips that graced the wheel’s outer ring, he almost thought he could feel the gnarled, ghostly hands of those who had gone before, turning it with him. Sensing the great ship obey him had been an experience he would never forget. Personally, I find it a bit interesting that Tristan is having this wonderful time at sea while his fellow captives are literally dying elsewhere on the ship… but perhaps from Newcomb, we should expect no less. Also, I’d think it was more interesting if the “gnarled, ghostly hands” were literal and the wheel actually was haunted… call it professional curiosity.
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 55
Tahiri: Turns out that next to the wheel there’s also a list of everyone who’s ever captained every ship it’s ever been attached to (huh; is that… normal?) starting with Wigg’s (oh, so that’s why Newcomb wanted to include it… ugh) and ending with Tyranny’s. He wonders how many more names will be added before the wheel is lost or destroyed and finds himself hoping that will never happen (I’ve, uh, got some bad news for you there, Tristan… namely, that nothing and no one lasts forever). As he turns around, he finds that the scars from where he was whipped still hurt (I’m… kind of amazed Newcomb thought of that, honestly) though they’re healing and he expects the wizards to finish the job when he gets back home, though he’s sure the physical marks will remain. And that’s when we start to get some self-pity. Yay.
There had recently come to him a new, unexpected form of mental, rather than physical anguish. It was something that had been building inexorably in his soul ever since that fateful day in Parthalon when his blood had suddenly turned from red to azure. It was a foreign, insidious feeling, and one that had finally come to fruition for him not only at the savage whipping, but when Tyranny had pulled him out of the ragged line of slaves to speak to him. As the contradictory, rather frightening thought went through his mind, he closed his dark blue eyes for a moment. The unthinkable had happened. He was coming to curse his glowing, azure blood.
Tahiri: Huh. Wasn’t expecting someone in this series to start actively hating their special blood! Although, if you’re human, and your blood didn’t start out blue… all I’m saying is, he really should have worried about this before now, and probably gotten it looked at. *beat* By someone other than Wigg or Faegan. Anyway, Tristan goes on to continue whining pretentiously about how he doesn’t care that his blood is endowed because that much of it was his natural heritage, his birthright – oh, yes, very humble of you; also I would worry more about that, considering how it seems like the blood has a mind of its own and I’m pretty sure all you “endowed” people have some sort of parasite – but he thinks that his blood is now blue and glowing is just too bizarre. Yeah, you and me both. He also blames his blood being blue for why the wizards won’t teach him magic, despite the fact that he wants to learn and apparently the Tome says that’s his destiny, since they don’t understand what’s happened either and don’t want to risk any unexpected side-effects. And, to top it all off, he’s feeling guilty because he can’t fulfil his destiny. Which, okay, understandable… but you could be trying to use your position as prince to help restore order and put your country back together and you’ve not been doing that either, so at a certain point I think you’ve got to say, Tristan, your lack of accomplishment is a you problem. Also, you’ve got a perfectly good sister, and the wizards haven’t been training her either, outside of tricks with butterflies and the hatchlings. I’d say that’s on them.
Blood Matters: 118
Contrivances and Coincidences: 31
Exposition Intrusion: 136
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 59
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 56
MG: I honestly wonder if Newcomb wrote himself in a corner with Tristan’s blue blood, since he makes a big deal of it in the first two books (and Nicholas had the same blood, and he could use magic without issue until the very specific thing that killed him, it must be noted…) but now has this whole spiel about how Tristan actually hates having it, and spoilers, he’s going to end up changing his blood back to red in the second trilogy without the fact that it was ever blue mattering much, beyond delaying his training. In other words, I can’t help but feel that this whole, out of nowhere inner monologue was Tristan basically speaking for Newcomb in saying that the blue blood was a stupid, pointless idea he doesn’t know what to do with and regrets including. Wonderful.
Irinali: Oh, I’d be happy to study it… the number of people with innate, powerful magic stored in the blood is smaller than you’d think, and the number of those willing to line up to be exsanguinated is even shorter, but I can promise Tristan I’ll make sure his sacrifice and contributions to science will be remembered… where was I? Ah, yes, self-pitying inner monologue. Tristan goes on, waxing poetic about how isolated he feels, how his enemies can identify him easily any time his blood is drawn, remembers a warning from Faegan way back in the first book, “Although it does not say how, the second volume of the Tome affirms that he may be forever, inalterably changed. You must be on the lookout for this change, whatever it is to be.” And how he promises not to rest until he finds out who caused him to have this blood, and why. *rolls her eyes* Based on your track record, I do not expect this to get resolved any time soon. And also, as for who is responsible… I think that would be the Ones, wouldn’t it? Or possibly the Heretics. If there are any other options, I don’t believe Newcomb has shared them with us. Suddenly, Tristan’s thoughts shift, as he thinks about his friends, and especially about Celeste, who he loves even though he knows she’s not ready to accept affection on that level and hopes they can truly be together someday. *flatly* How… gallant.
Blood Matters: 122
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 57
Tahiri: Well, thankfully, Tristan gets interrupted from all his navel-gazing by Tyranny, who comes up and asks about “her”; Tristan plays dumb and acts like he doesn’t know who she’s talking about, but she tells him to cut it out; she says she’s been around men most of her life, she can tell he’s thinking about someone, and she guesses it’s a woman, and not his sister. Okay, Tyranny? You’re good at this. I’d struggle to pull information that specific from someone I barely know, and I’m literally a Jedi. Of course, maybe you just got lucky, since if you showed up five seconds ago he’d have been angsting about his blood, not a woman at all. But she’s curious about what kind of woman can hold Tristan’s attention – since he apparently had a reputation as a womanizer, fair enough – and wants to hear all about her. Uh… I guess she’s kind of sweet, she’s sad, she’s carrying around a bucket-load of trauma that I don’t think the author really knows how to handle, and she’s ignorant of things she probably shouldn’t be, considering her background. And she adores her father for some inexplicable reason. That about covers it. And indeed, Tristan just says that’s a long story, considering the woman in question is three hundred years old. Tyranny looks stunned for a moment (I wonder if it’s common knowledge about how it is the wizards lived so long?) and quips that Tristan clearly likes them mature, but makes it clear she’s happy for him – and then they get distracted by the sound of a warning bell ringing.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 32
Irinali: Well, Tyranny draws her sword and Scars runs over; one of the crew runs up the rigging (shouldn’t they have a crow’s nest or something of the sort, with someone permanently posted up there?) and then back down, announcing that they’ve sighted three maelstroms of something called screechlings which I don’t believe we’ve heard of… but considering Newcomb’s “clever” naming skills, I can only assume that they’re loud. All Tristan can see are seething black shapes in the water and he wonders if it’s the Necrophagians, but he has a feeling that’s not it and asks Tyranny.
“A nightmare,” she responded tensely, not taking the lens from her eye. “Creatures of the sea, said to be of the craft. No one knows for sure, for they have only recently begun to appear. What we do know is that they hunt in packs.” Then she lowered her spyglass, and Tristan clearly saw the worry on her face. “I know of no vessel that has ever survived an onslaught of three maelstroms, but I refuse to go down without a fight!”
Irinali: *bored* Let me guess. They’re going to escape. Whee. She tells Tristan he’ll understand soon enough, to stay near her and Scars, and that he might have a chance to use his weapons soon enough. The screechlings are too close for them to outrun, so their only choice is to stand and fight. Tristan takes a moment to watch the crew as they prepare the ship for battle, including leaving the ship tied off and dead in the water. He wonders why but is distracted as he suddenly spots three separate waterspouts rising from the ocean, before they start glowing from within. He thinks that he’d consider them beautiful if he hadn’t been told they were deadly – now, now, many things are both beautiful and deadly; my own homeland has some very fascinating frogs you might enjoy – and then the waterspouts come careening towards the ship under their own power. I’m still not sure why these things are called “screechlings” instead of, I don’t know, “spouters,” but perhaps we’ll find out.
Exposition Intrusion: 138
Tahiri: Well, Tyranny raises her sword and starts taunting the screechlings to come taste it, pretty standard pirate battle dialogue, I think. As one of the waterspouts approaches she starts slashing at it, seeming to draw blood from… something… and that’s when Tristan gets his first good look at the attackers.
When the first of them buzzed by his head, Tristan thought he must be seeing things. As it passed, he heard the unmistakable sound of teeth snapping together and realized that his hesitation had nearly cost him his life. Making insane screeching noises as they came, another flew by him, then more still, until their numbers finally became so great that they blotted out the sun and covered the deck of the frigate with their shadows. Viciously they attacked both the crewmembers and the rigging, tearing away those sails that had not already been reefed…
…He was amazed to see what appeared to be some kind of very large, very strange, fishlike creature. It was almost two meters long, half a meter deep, and very brightly colored with what seemed to be luminescent stripes running down along its sides. Instead of fins, it had three oddly shaped, scaly wings, one on either side of its colorful body, and a third rising vertically from its spine, just forward of its large, wide tail. As he watched, its mouth opened, revealing a multitude of razor-sharp teeth. Seeing that brought Tristan back to the reality of the battle raging around him. With a single stroke of his dreggan, he beheaded the monster. But he had lost precious time.
Tahiri: …huh. Sounds kind of like something the Yuuzhan Vong might have cooked up. Anyway, as Tristan stares at the dead screechling, two more of them latch onto him. He realizes they’re trying to drag him over the side and into the Sea of Whispers, where they can presumably tear him apart and eat him at their leisure, and they’ve already done it to some of the crew. But someone grabs one of the screechlings, and Tristan is able to twist around and kill the other one with his daggers and dreggan before seeing that his rescuer is Scars. Scars rips the screechling in half and goes looking for more, while Tristan tries to cut more of them out of the sky with his blades. At last, the battle starts abating – for certain doom, that sure was anticlimactic – and Tristan looks around to see the deck covered in the bodies of humans and screechlings, and the other ships seem to be in roughly the same condition. Searching through the carnage – and the narration still takes time to note he’s bleeding blue, yay – he manages to find Tyranny, who looks bloody and exhausted. A moment later, she collapses into his arms, and Tristan is left holding her as he wonders what happens now as the chapter comes to an end.
MG: And so it is, but since the next two chapters are both pretty short, we’ll be doing them, too! Fair warning, Chapter Thirty contains Celeste having a PTSD dream about Ragnar in all his grossness.
Blood Matters: 123
Gratuitous Grimdark: 35 (for the gory post-battle scene)
Warning: Potentially Triggering Material to Follow
Chapter Thirty
Irinali: And so, we open with Celeste waking up in bed after a nap, and checking her hourglass to determined that Shailiha and Abbey went down to the Hall of Blood Records about two hours ago. She then gets up and looks out her window and waxes poetic about the twilight for a bit before laying back down and worrying some more about Tristan. Apparently, he’s been gone so long now that even Ox is starting to lose hope of finding him! She’s worried about Wigg and Faegan too, but especially Tristan. She then gets up, again, and picks up her hairbrush from her dresser and starts brushing her hair to calm herself down. I was about to ask if she has servants for that… but of course, everyone in the Redoubt is currently hiding from the entire country they supposedly lead, so of course they don’t, and the gnomes have been subjected to enough indignity I’m just as glad she’s not making one of them do it. Perhaps some of the Minions are into hairstyling? In any case, her feelings about Tristan are confused, part of her wants to be near him, she misses him while he’s gone, but it’s safer to have these thoughts when he’s not actually here, so on and so forth, we already know. But she’s suddenly distracted from her brushing by the sound of hinges moving. Looking up, she sees her windows are shutting and locking by themselves, and yes, that would be alarming… especially with what happens next…
Tahiri: So, Celeste tries to run, but a bolt of light – azure, what else – shoots across the room, grabs her by the waist, and flings her onto the bed. She tries to fire one of her own bolts back but can’t move and realizes she’s caught in a warp, just like the one Krassus used. The last of the windows close, and then blue light starts building in the middle of the room; she wonders if it’s Krassus come back… but the person who materializes in the middle is not Krassus. “Hello, my darling,” it said in a deep, melodious voice. “It has been far too long since we have lain together. I have missed you dearly.” *looking sick* Oh, gods… Well, of course, it’s Ragnar (since when did he have a “melodious” voice? When I read the previous book getting ready for this, I imagined him as sounding like those old historical holos of Emperor Palpatine) We get a brief refresher on who Ragnar was and what he looks like that I won’t bother repeating, save for the fact that Celeste notes that he’s clearly aroused, because Yun-Yuuzhan knows we sure needed to hear that. He stares at her lustfully, and he’s still oozing from his forehead, in case you missed that little detail. He leans in close and starts taunting her about whether she really thought he was dead – of course Nicholas wouldn’t kill him, and now he’s working for Krassus. But first he’s going to drag Celeste back to the Caves with him. And… okay. This is obviously a nightmare. We know Ragnar’s really, very, completely dead. But Celeste never actually saw Ragnar’s body – she never got closure. I have no problem believing that him turning up alive again and taking her back has been a fear of hers. Kriff, I had nightmares about Mezhan Kwaad for years after what she did to me *quietly* still do sometimes, not going to lie *back in her normal voice* and I actually cut Kwaad’s head off myself. Celeste never got that kind of release – she didn’t kill Ragnar herself, none of her new friends killed him, Nicholas did because he outlived his usefulness or something and she just has thirdhand reports that her abuser is dead. No wonder she still lives in fear of him, on top of everything else…
Irinali: And so, Ragnar keeps threatening her, boasting that Krassus gave him Forestallments that will enable him to have children, and he can’t wait to see what their offspring are like. He then has an extended monologue about wanting to rape Celeste right here in the bed, as a final insult to Wigg – and, one, even Celeste’s own trauma hallucination cares more about Wigg than her, lovely. And two, even Celeste’s trauma hallucination monologues incessantly about his evil deeds rather than actually doing them. Newcomb, this was horrifying, but it’s becoming tedious. And insulting. Ragnar monologues a bit more about how much he loves to hear her weep – of course he does – and then we get a far too lengthy sequence of him ripping her dress and preparing to rape her before Celeste finally wakes up and realizes it was a dream. Why do I have a feeling Newcomb enjoyed writing that rather too much? Be thankful I spared you the lovely details! Celeste weeps for a while, then gets up and looks at her haggard reflection, cursing Ragnar for what he did to her – and then telling herself she won’t let him do it to her anymore. And then something in her psyche snapped. She tears out of the room in a fury and goes running down one of the passages into the Redoubt, finally bursting into the Hall of Blood Records and falling into Shailiha’s arms (Newcomb, are you quite sure they aren’t the actual main couple of this book?) and weeping. The princess quickly dismissed Abbey and Lionel, and the two women sat and talked until dawn. And… that’s it. The chapter ends there. After spending far too long on that revolting nightmare, that is all the resolution we get! How underwhelming!
MG: And, IIRC… this is all the resolution it will have. One PTSD nightmare, and Celeste’s trauma is suddenly going to be significantly more manageable and she’s suddenly going to be ready to open up to Tristan and have a relationship with him (because that’s clearly the important thing here…) and open herself up to life more generally. That’s it. That’s the climax of this subplot, the turning point in Celeste’s journey. Just… what the hells, Newcomb? Could you handle this any lazier (or grosser) than this, barring writing Celeste as having no trauma at all from her experience? Why even bother setting it up at all, if you weren’t going to do anything more meaningful with it? If Celeste had just randomly gotten better by sheer force of will, that would have been bad enough (and insulting enough to people who suffer from trauma and PTSD in real life), but it’s barely even that; she has the nightmare and suddenly her trauma is cured by authorial fiat without her really having to do anything at all because Newcomb has apparently decided he’s ready to move on from this plot point. Just… what? And why? And honestly, yes, I think Newcomb was a bit too into writing the nightmare and making it as gross and squicky as possible (be very grateful we skimmed the worst of it… though I’m not giving any “dastardly deeds” points because it’s not, after all, the real Ragnar) and even denying Celeste the catharsis of, like, blowing dream!Ragnar’s head off if she couldn’t do it to the real thing. This is just… why? *shudders in disgust and anger*
Exposition Intrusion: 140
Gender Wars: 40 (even Celeste’s PTSD is somehow made about Wigg and Tristan)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 37
Potentially Triggering Material Ends Here
Chapter Thirty-One
Tahiri: …as someone who spent literally years trying to get my head back on straight after what the Shapers did to me (and they only had me for a few weeks; Ragnar had Celeste for centuries) … what the kriff, Robert Newcomb!? I really, really wish it was that easy… but believe me, it’s not. Anyway, we open this chapter with everyone’s favorite idiots, Wigg and Faegan, as they make their way through the caves; it’s pitch black and absolutely silent, leaving Wigg thinking he has no way of knowing just how large it might be. Floating weightless, with all of his senses deprived, Wigg wondered if this was what it was like to be dead. Excuse me, but don’t you believe in an afterlife? You never seem to shut up about it, at least! The only sign he’s not alone is the nearby squeak of Faegan’s chair. And then, suddenly, the Paragon starts glowing bright red, filling the whole room with its light.
The stone chamber in which they found themselves was quite unremarkable. One might have even called it disappointing. It seemed to be little more than a small, square room cut out of the rock, with a matching stone floor and a rather low ceiling. Looking at each other in silent agreement, they gratefully lowered themselves.
Tahiri: Yeah, as far as secret mystical storehouses go, that’s pretty underwhelming. But as soon as Wigg’s feet touch the floor, azure, of course, light flares, revealing a stairwell cut into the center of the floor. Wigg invites Faegan to go first - well, I guess if there’s a trap or something, it’d get him before Wigg? Not that it would be much of a loss – and after a moment he does, levitating his chair down the stairs and then with Wigg following. As they head down, we learn that both Wigg and Tristan hate enclosed spaces, which… did we know that before? Not that it really matters anyway, beyond Wigg getting an increasing sense of foreboding the further down they go. And then, when Wigg looks back up, he sees that the stairwell is closing behind them as they go. *taken aback* That’s not ominous or anything! Anyway, Wigg’s newfound claustrophobia takes further hold as he starts feeling uncontrollable dread and sweating from the stress, while Faegan doesn’t’ seem to have noticed anything at all. Huh; wonder if Newcomb deliberately added the claustrophobia just to do this scene? Wouldn’t surprise me in the least.
Irinali: Nor I. Though I would, in Wigg’s place, be readying a weapon; whoever or whatever controls this vault would not get me without a fight! But finally, Wigg points out to Faegan what’s happening. And Faegan, rather anticlimactically, turns back to look up the stairs, seems to realize that there’s nothing he can do about it, and decides to keep going down. How dull. They finally reach the bottom and find themselves in another chamber that’s similar to the first but even smaller, and, of course, the stairwell fills in completely once they’re inside, leaving the Paragon as the only source of light. I might be intrigued and indeed even somewhat horrified by this… if I thought there was any chance Newcomb would do anything interesting with it at all. What a pity. They’re stuck there for a moment, and then yet another azure light flashes, tracing an opening in one of the walls.
Where the stone wall had been stood a tall figure, unmoving, silent. A dark cloak covered the body, its hood pulled up over the head and face. In one of the hands was a long, gnarled wooden staff. Looking closer, Wigg noticed that the hand holding the staff was only a collection of bones.
Irinali: *eyes wide* Oh. Oh my. If Newcomb actually brings us an interesting undead creature for me to study, I… won’t forgive his past transgressions, certainly, but might be willing to be more open-minded about what comes next? Or, perhaps, I’m just being uncharacteristically optimistic, but still, an ancient undead guardian is far more interesting than anything else he’s given us! Wigg asks the guardian who it is, and it responds, in an ancient woman’s voice, that it is the watchwoman of the floating gardens, surprising no one. But you come at a bad time, for the gardens are not what they once were. Oh, no need to worry about the gardens, o watchwoman… I’d much rather talk about you… Faegan, on the other hand, asks why that is, and the watchwoman responds by asking him in turn if there has been a recent disturbance in the Paragon. Of course, we know there has, and Faegan quickly summarizes who Nicholas returned to life and tried to consume all the Paragon’s power as part of a plan to resurrect the Heretics. Though Faegan takes credit for stopping Nicholas – or at least, credit for himself and Wigg – when we all know Nicholas defeated himself by accident. No, I’m not letting that go.
Exposition Intrusion: 142
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 58
Tahiri: So, the watchwoman asks if the Chosen Ones have come and if they’ve become the jin’sai and the jin’saiou, and neither wizard has any idea what she’s talking about. As for me, I can guess, but the watchwoman is just glad they’ve finally been born and that finally, after eons of waiting, the progression towards joining the two sides of the craft can begin and that perhaps the Vigors will triumph after all. Not that Newcomb’s done much to make me want that to happen…
MG: And, again, this is kind of hilarious in light of the second trilogy, because it’s going to turn out that this isn’t what the Chosen Ones are for, at least not literally.
Tahiri: Great. Wigg wants to know about the gardens, and also warns the watchwoman about a new threat, which he says is perhaps the greatest they’ve ever faced. Uh-huh, right. Let me get this straight. The Coven nearly ended the world. Nicholas nearly called the Heretics back, which would have, if I understand correctly, more-or-less ended the world. And whatever Krassus and Wulfgar are supposed to be doing – which we’ve barely had any foreshadowing of so far – is supposedly worse than that? Look, Newcomb, there’s only so much escalation you can do before things start getting a little ridiculous. What’s Wulfgar supposed to do that’s worse, anyway, conquer the galaxy? Because he’d have to get off your little mudball first, and I’m not seeing how that happens. The watchwoman glides over and explains what we could have guessed – the gardens take their nourishment from magic, so when the Paragon nearly died, they were mostly cut off and still haven’t recovered from that. She warns the wizards that she might not have whatever it is they’ve come to find but tells them to go ahead and ask anyway. Faegan gives a brief rundown of what they need – the Chosen One has vanished, they’re looking for him and for the Scroll of the Vigors, and their enemies sabotaged his herb collection. The watchwoman is horrified to learn that the Scrolls of the Ancients have been loosed upon the world, and considering that could also be read as her being horrified by the release of this book… I’ll admit it, I laughed.
Exposition Intrusion: 144
Retcons and Revelations: 20 (note the new “fantasy-ish” titles for Tristan and Shailiha)
Irinali: Disappointingly, the watchwoman wasn’t given any knowledge of the content of the Scrolls – of course, Newcomb has to draw that mystery out – save that they’re considered roughly as valuable as the Tome or Paragon themselves, and the wizards have to find them as soon as they can, or all that we have worked so long to preserve will perish. *arches her eyebrow* Considering Wigg let the kingdom under his charge get invaded, massacred and raped for poorly explained reasons… I don’t think he’s the person you want to this charge! Faegan then asks what the price the Tome mentioned for the knowledge here is; the watchwoman asks how old they are, and they tell her they’re both somewhat over three centuries. Which she thinks is young, and compares them both to children. Which, on the one hand, is certainly something I suspect someone should tell Wigg and Faegan more often – let someone condescend to them for a change, it will be good for them! On the other hand, this does not fill me with excitement about the level of escalation we’re going to see in future volumes… In any case, the watchwoman thinks they’re so young they might not be able to pay the price and might die trying. *beat* That doesn’t seem so bad to me…
MG: And I’ll note that this bit about escalation when it comes to ages (and power-levels) is entirely true; some of the Heretics and Ones we’ll meet in the second trilogy, if we ever end up doing it, are thousands of years old, vastly older than Wigg or Faegan.
Irinali: Of course, they are… but what secrets those people must know… Anyway, the watchwoman explains that the “price” is a piece of their souls, and to take it, they will be forced to relive their greatest regrets. What a fascinating piece of necromancy that sounds like… but the longer a person has lived, the more likely it is they will have regrets powerful enough to satisfy the test. And the pain in their soul will be echoed by a pain in their physical heart, the very seat of such regret. *arches an eyebrow* The watchwoman is aware that describing the heart as the seat of someone’s emotions is metaphorical, yes? And should your endowed blood not be strong enough to persist, your heart will burst, and you will die. If that occurs, you will never leave this place. Oh, and so even this is about their special blood! What a pity. But because their need is great, the price will be great also. That, at least, makes a certain amount of magical sense. Faegan wants to know how she knows what their greatest regrets are; she says it’s enough that they know, and the magic will apparently do the rest. Wigg demands to know why they have to pay, since they’re on the same side – well, friend, I would gather that the watchwoman is bound to do things this way, and can no more waive the requirements than the tide can stop coming in because it’s inconvenient to you. And indeed, she confirms that the Ones set her to guard this place, and they demanded the price by paid, to prevent what is stored here from being abused or squandered. Only those of exceptionally strong blood will prevail, and be able to use that which they have been given, lest we forget the true measure of worth in this universe!
Blood Matters: 126
Exposition Intrusion: 146
Tahiri: Faegan asks if the followers of the Vagaries know about this place; the watchwoman says it doesn’t matter right now, since the Paragon is necessary for entry, and they don’t have it. She also hopes the Chosen Ones will bring about a new age before that changes (are you willing to bet on that?). Finally, Faegan asks if she’s one of the Ones Who Came Before; she says I am and I am not and explains nothing whatsoever about what that means, save that she’s stood guard here a very, very long time, but that in her mortal life she was a sorceress. She wants to know if women still practice magic in Eutracia – oooh, awkward – and Wigg says that for a long time it was forbidden, but recently they have begun to train more women, the Acolytes of Fledgling House, though he doesn’t know how to find them and bring them home. So, notice that he doesn’t mention how he was involved in forbidding women to practice magic? Sleemo. For another, he signed off on Fledgling House and the creation of the Acolytes, and so him not having a way to get in contact with them sounds like a him problem. The watchwoman is silent for a long moment – I wonder if she guessed what he didn’t say? – and finally tells him to call the Acolytes back, since they’ll need all the help they can get in the struggle that’s coming. Wigg repeats that he doesn’t know how – seriously, dude, why – and the watchwoman tells them that if they find the Scroll of the Vigors it contains instructions for something called the River of Thought that can help them.
Faeagan asks what she means, and she tells him she’s accommodated you long enough. Yeah, I think she totally figured out who it was who forbade women from learning magic… She asks if they’re willing to pay the price and warns them that there’s no turning back, and once they pass inside they’ll be bound by blood to not leave until the price is paid. The wizards agree, and the watchwoman tells them to follow her; as they do, the chapter comes to an end.
MG: And that’s also where we’ll leave off for the day! Chapter twenty-nine was… not terrible, though the screechlings come out of absolutely freaking nowhere and, despite the carnage they cause, are still dealt with rather anticlimactically for something that based on what Tyranny said should have easily overwhelmed and destroyed all three ships. Chapter Thirty was entirely given over to Celeste’s nightmare/hallucination/whatever it truly was, and we’ve already been over how badly Newcomb drops the ball on her trauma and her characterization. Chapter thirty-one starts off genuinely eerie and mysterious, but unfortunately once the wizards start talking with the watchwoman it turns into just another dry exposition-fest of which we’ve had so many over the course of this series. Sigh. Anyway, that’s all for today! Next time, we check in more with the kids and with Tristan, Krassus makes a discovery, and the wizards continue their journey. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 128
Contrivances and Coincidences: 32
Dastardly Deeds: 90
Exposition Intrusion: 148
Gender Wars: 42
Gratuitous Grimdark: 37
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 60
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 59
Retcons and Revelations: 20
no subject
Date: 2025-05-01 02:58 am (UTC)Rather than, say, having to stop to get some medical attention for all those poor damn slaves Newcomb cares SO much about.
He's not even trying to hide it, either. The instant she shows up, bam - LOVE INTEREST! Tricuit's first thought on seeing her? "OMG SO HAWT ME WANT". She's not remotely being treated like a human being.
After all, when Wigg got pointlessly blinded that just went away. He's more favoured than Faegan is. Author forbid the perfect Wigg have to adapt to life with a disability.
I suspected as much.
To say the least!