A re-posting of my request for criticism

[spylobster]

Hi, guys. I previously posted an entry on the LiveJournal group asking for feedback/criticism about the beginning of a story in the fantasy genre I'm working on. Seeing as how the LiveJournal community is apparently defunct and how everyone on there seems to have moved over to dreamwidth, would it be okay for me to repost that entry here?

To give some context, I am attempting to go with a Conan The Barbarian/pulp fantasy sort of tone and feeling for this story. I've written most of it out, but I've never actually shown it to anyone for feedback or comments until I posted it on LiveJournal. I want to know if what I've got so far is at least somewhat decent or if I totally have rethink everything I've done so far.


( Read more... )

Announcing Discordant: An Axis Trilogy Spitefic

[snarkbotanya]

So, now that we've got the new comm up and running... why not introduce something new?

That's right, friends, I'm writing another spitefic! I'll be writing it at the same time as I work on Consequence and my other projects, the better to make sure I've always got something to do when the dreaded Writer's Block strikes me on one of them.

Discordant, as I've chosen to call it, is a lot more... "fanficcy" than Consequence in that it doesn't pick up where the canon story left off, but actually begins in the middle of canon and starts interrupting the events as set down by the author. This is largely because while the Inheritance Cycle is certainly bad, it isn't nearly as suspension-of-disbelief-shattering as all the horrifying and unrealistic shit that goes down in Douglass's work. Aaaand I also kind of wanted to have the main character get to see some of Axis's worst atrocities from Enchanter, such as the slaughter of Borneheld... which will get a much more realistic reaction in Discordant than it did in Douglass's messed-up canon.

The story begins in the middle of Enchanter, specifically at the point where Axis crucifies Burdel and his sons without a trial. It focuses on Avelyn, one of StarDrifter's other bastard children (what, you thought he'd only have two despite trying to seduce and/or rape anyone with a vagina?), as she infiltrates Axis's army in the hopes of bringing it down from within. Along the way she discovers her own magical gifts, struggles with a crisis of her faith in Artor, and remains steadfast in her choice to be human regardless of what blood runs in her veins.

Also, there will be some twisting of canon characters into something more realistic, Faraday will get to do things that aren't stupid and/or undermined by an author who hates her, and Axis and Azhure will probably die horribly.

Inheritance Parties: The Epistler Gets Down, Elf Style!

[epistler]

( PARTY DOWN DAWG! )

Verdict: Boring. Why is there no beer at this so-called party?


Second Activity: "Draw a bird on a piece of card".

Whipped out my set of marker pens and drew a stunning portrait of Barry, the Happy Heron. Then I had a go at the Rimgar Dance of Snake and Crane, and instantly threw my back out.

(Little did I know that this little guy would end up taking over my life...)

Verdict: Okay, it wasn't awful, but I already spend a lot of my free time drawing things. I was doing this on my own, but I think even if I'd had some friends over it wouldn't have gotten us into Party Mode. And I think my friends would have been annoyed by the lack of conversation and eye contact. My back hurts.


Activity Three: "Flower Card"
I didn't have any real flowers available because of my location and the time of year, so I drew some instead. Then I gave the card to my mum.

Verdict: It was just as boring as the last few activities, but at least Mum was happy. Had a go at throwing some darts, and accidentally broke the kitchen window. Boarded up the hole and made more tea.


Activity Four: Make a Paper Flower

Fortunately I already had some coloured paper and pipe cleaners, and have made flowers like this one before so the lack of any instructions wasn't a problem. The "walnut patties" fell apart the instant I took them out of the frying pan and now I'm out $10 for walnuts.

Verdict: Eh, it was okay. I can see a class of little kids having fun doing this for Valentine's Day. At this point I had started going to the bathroom every half hour thanks to all the damn tea.


Activity Five: Sword Making

I cut up a pizza box for this one. Sadly the pizza itself wasn't available because a) It wasn't vegan, and b) Someone else already ate it and I just pulled the box out of the recycling bin. Since it's never explained what the hell an "elven sword" looks like, I gave it pointy ears and added some plastic gemstones from my craft kit. Ate some "garden salad" and gagged on the refried bean topping.

Verdict: Basically just a repeat of making the decorations, but with glue. Starting to grow weak from lack of protein. Drank more tea. Didn't help.


Activity Six: Islanzadi's Miniature Garden

I didn't have access to a lot of plants since I live in the middle of the city, so I stole some from a planter outside the local shopping center. Moss and pine cones were out of the question. I didn't have a suitable tray handy so I just stuck them in a pot left over from one of my many failed attempts at growing pot plants. The result wasn't particularly attractive, but at least there's a little more green on the deck now. Had a go at dancing around outside waving scarves, but the neighbours saw me and called the local Sanitarium.

Verdict: Boring, fiddly and relies on you having access to materials that aren't readily available unless you live in the middle of rural Montana next to a national park. I don't think Queen Islanzadi would be very impressed.


Activity Seven: Fairth

I used this really neat modelling clay I happened to have handy, which fires rock-hard when you put it in the oven but never dries out in the packet. I didn't bake it because it's really expensive and I didn't want to waste it on this lameo Elven Party Of One.
I couldn't think of anything to draw, largely because I'd been partying for about six hours by this point. So I drew a butt.

BUTTFAIRTH! 

Considered making Arya's Ambrosia Drink, but strawberries are $6 a punnet around here and almonds are $45 a kilo, so some chocolate Moov will have to suffice.

Verdict: Playing with modelling clay is actually pretty fun. It's also, like all the activities on here, largely a solitary activity. Normally when I have friends over we listen to music, maybe watch a movie, have a few drinks, eat dinner - a sit-down meal if it's just a couple of guests, and if there are more people, something you can eat out of a bowl while chilling on the couch. But first and foremost it's about social interaction. Talking
with each other, maybe exchanging a few gifts if it's a special occasion - that sort of thing. Sitting around doing crafts isn't very sociable. It's what you do in school, or if you're an adult, at night classes. Crafts can work as a social thing if you're all working together on a group project - more than once I've done "team building exercises" at work which involved group craft projects, and that was nice and sociable. But this isn't like that. The fact that I was doing these projects at home by myself made absolutely no difference to the fun involved - or lack thereof.


ELVEN PARTY FINAL VERDICT
This wasn't a party. This was half a day's worth of kindergarten-level activities with boring food and dull, humiliating "games". By the end it was pushing midnight, so I went to bed nursing a hot water bottle for my back and enjoyed a night full of bathroom related interruptions. I swear, tea goes straight through me. To be fair beer does the same, but at least it would have made me sleepy.

Next, I will subject myself to the "Human" party craft activities for your entertainment. Stay tuned!

( PARTY DOWN, DAWG! )

Hello

[pipedreamno30]

PipeDream(width) officially checking in!

"Well Seymour, I made it - thanks to your directions"

Viva las Writing, let's see what we can make of this here watering hole