antishurtugal_reborn | Green Brick Commentary

Our main characters have finally infiltrated the Evil Overlord's lair. Now they must face their next trial which is... walking down a hallway that's a straight shot to the throne room and filled with ye olde RPG traps that belong in something like Pitfall! or Tomb Raider. Seriously... this is just... so extremely anti-climactic I can't even...

Chapter Sixty-Four: That Which Does Not Kill...

Makes you stronger! Unfortunately, someone forgot to mention that the title of the chapter has absolutely nothing to do with the content, unless there’s some kind of connection between the Era-Goon Squad disarming the traps they encounter super easily and them not being killed because they disarm the traps super easily. Anyway...

This part of the idiocy starts with Elva saying “stop” and Eragon freezing like she said “red light” with his foot in the air. She waves him back, he retreats, and she tells him to jump to “there”, which turns out to be a spot about a yard in front of him. So he starts to, but then he stops to wait to make his jump until she tells him it’s safe to do so. Elva gets annoyed with him and says her powers don’t work unless Eragon means it. She can’t tell if something is going to hurt him unless he actually intentionally puts himself in danger.

Which IS NOT HOW ELVA’S POWERS ACTUALLY WORK. She’s supposed to have a PRESCIENT SENSE of a COMING DANGER TO AN INDIVIDUAL AND THEN IS FORCED TO GO SAVE THEM FROM THEIR OWN STUPID. Her powers aren’t supposed to magically activate when someone intends to do the thing that’s going to hurt them.

I love how the rules to this shit changes for convenience when it suits the author...

Anyway, Elva gives Eragon a creepy smile and tells him that she won’t let anything happen to him. Eragon doubts that sincerely but decides to go through with it anyway and starts to jump seriously this time when Elva yells stop. Eragon stops mid jump and windmills his arms to try to prevent himself from falling on the section of the floor that’s the trigger for the spikes that are hidden both in the floor and in the ceiling.

The spikes were the third trap Eragon and his companions had encountered in the long hallway leading to the golden doors. The first had been a set of hidden pits. The second had been blocks of stone in the ceiling that would have squished them flat. And now the spikes, much like those that had killed Wyrden in the tunnels beneath Dras-Leona.

What the fuck of this, Tomb Raider? Pitfall!? This seriously sounds like a bad idea just on the basis of how do you differentiate between allies and enemies? How do these traps know not to activate when someone is just walking down the hall trying to find the bathroom? None of this makes any sense, and how long have these traps been here? More to the point, why are they even there, aside from the Rule of Cool Disease? They serve no purpose. No army was ever going to break those walls, and I really can’t see anyone actually daring to risk themselves against Galby. And I really doubt the elves had all these when they occupied the city, and that goes for when the humans took over this city as well. Beyond that, this is just way too complicated, and the mechanics of these traps way too sophisticated, for someone in the medieval time period to come up with. This is more reminiscent of technology created in the Renaissance or later. The pitfalls and falling blocks not included, I mean. That shit was used normally. I’m talking about these spikes that thrust out from the floor and ceiling and later, the scything blades that Eragon has to use the elf swords to give them a fighting chance at surviving.

We’re told that the group had seen Murtagh coming in to the hallway through the sally port, but he didn’t bother to come after them. Instead, he just watches them for a bit, then goes into one of the side rooms Arya and Furry Elf went into earlier and then destroyed all the shit inside those rooms to make it impossible to open the gate. So, ostensibly, Murtagh is attempting to fix what was broken in order to get the doors open. The narrator suggests it might take Murtagh “hours” to fix the shit, or it might take him “minutes”, either way, the group decides they don’t want to wait around to find out.

Thus the start of this chapter, where Eragon’s trying to jump a trap.

So anyway, Elva tells Eragon to try jumping a little farther out, so he does, and she tells him to stop. This time, though, he would’ve taken a header if Elva hadn’t grabbed him and pulled him back. She then tells him to try farther, stop, farther, and eventually Eragon says he can’t, not without a running start. It should be noted that he’s growing increasingly frustratetd. Anyway, a running start would make it impossible to stop in time if Elva cries out, and Eragon says that if the spikes go all the way to the doors, they’ll never get there. It’s then revealed that the group had thought about using magic to float themselves across the trap, but Elva told them any magic would set the trap off, and they don’t have any other recourse but to trust her. Arya then suggests that the trap is meant for a walking dragon. If it’s only a yard or so long, Saphira and Thorn could step right over it and never know it was there, but if it’s a hundred feet long, it’d definitely catch them. Saphira says it won’t catch her if she jumps because a hundred feet is an easy distance for her to cover.

Eragon looks at Arya and Elva and then tells Saphira not to let her tail touch the floor, and don’t go too far or there might be another trap that’ll get her. Saphira just responds yeah, sure, whatever. So Saphira takes her leap and Elva stays quiet, so Eragon’s happy about that. She lands safe and then jumps back so she can get some passengers. It takes Saphira four trips to get the entire party across, and they keep going with Elva and Arya in the lead. There’s no more traps until they’re about three-quarters of the way to the doors, and then Elva raises her hand and makes them all stop. She says that something will cut them in two if they keep going. She’s not sure where it’ll come from, and suggests the walls. Eragon frowns and narrates that whatever would cut them would have enough weight and strength to overcome their FUCKING WARDS and he doesn’t like that. He starts to suggest something when Random Encounter #2 happens. Exactly “twenty black-robed humans”, both men and women (which is a first! human women aren’t usually in on-screen combat), come out of a side passage and form a line in front of the party and block their way.

So of course all these people are magic users, because Eragon says he feels a “blade of thought” stabbing into his mind as these twenty people start to chant in the ancient language. Saphira immediately breathes fire on them, but it doesn’t do much of anything. One of the banners catches fire, so that’s neat, but other than set dressing, it doesn’t do much. Eragon bravely defends himself and also bravely doesn’t do jack shit. The only reason he doesn’t retaliate is because it would literally take too long. That’s exactly what he says. It would take too long to pick off each magic user one by one. Plus their chanting concerns him because if these mooks are willing to cast spells before they’ve gained control of his mind, along with everyone else in his party, then these guys and gals have a death wish. Eragon literally says that none of them care if they live or die so long as they stop the invaders.

Sacrebleu! Invaders! (please read that as Lumière, I beg you.)

So Eragon drops to his knees beside Elva and we’re told she’s speaking to one of the spellcasters, something about the guy’s daughter, and no, we never find out where this goes because we never meet the daughter.

Well, maybe the daughter will show up somewhere in a spitefic. One day. One can hope. And dream. (“My name is Iniga Montoyasdaughter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”)

Anyway, let’s now showcase more of Eragon’s cruelty!

Eragon asks Elva if these twenty men and women are standing over the trap. She nods, but she doesn’t stop talking. So Eragon just casually reaches out and slaps the floor.

He had expected something to happen, but still he recoiled when a horizontal sheet of metal—thirty feet long and four inches thick—shot out of each wall with a terrible screech. The plates of metal caught the magicians between them and cut them in two, like a pair of giant tin snips, then just as quickly retreated back into their hidden slots.

And yet another display of “I Just Really Wanted To Write This Scene Disease”. Seriously, what was the point of this scene? The enemy shows up in yet another installment of Ye Olde Random Encounter, and nobody does anything about it. Eragon doesn’t do shit except raise his mental shields, Saphira and the elves may as well not exist because we don’t even get their reactions to this, Elva is talking and doing not much else, and Eragon is deciding to murder these people in the most violent way possible. Literally he decides to use the trap against these people, knowing it’s going to be extremely violent. And it is. These people are cut in half. That is a brutal, painful way to die. You don’t even really have the luxury of a quick death. They see it coming. They can’t escape. And this just seriously proves my point about the traps being for “general use”. If some poor asshole just happens to get lost on their first day of work and comes to this hallway, they’re fucked. These people are literally cut in half, and they have enough time to realize they’re about to die. That’s terrifying. I really hate this scene.

The suddenness of it shocked Eragon. He averted his eyes from the shambles before them. What a horrible way to die.

Oh fuck you, you sanctimonious little rat! You were told the trap was designed to cut you in half! Elva fucking told you! She told you exactly where it was, exactly what it was going to do, and YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THAT TRAP WAS GOING TO DO! And you did it anyway! I hate you so much! Sanctity of life my ass! Someone who really doesn’t want to kill, who hates killing, wouldn’t have activated this trap and killed these twenty people for no fucking reason! Of course, this only happened because the author wanted to write this scene, and yes, this scene is just as bad as the deleted scene from the beginning of this book. Eragon is still a callous murderer, just this time he can be detached from it, since he used a trap to kill them. He also very quickly gets over this, and indeed it’s like the people disappear from the scene after Elva gives them a token stare. Like there isn’t a hallway full of blood and viscera and dead people parts just right there. This really is a random encounter, complete with all the video game mechanics.

Elva is the only one to have a reaction to this, but it’s mostly just her giving a little gurgle and fainting. Which is basically in keeping with her powers’ original iteration, which is where she suffers consequences if she doesn’t do anything to prevent someone from getting hurt, and she got it from twenty people. Although I thought Eragon was supposed to have "cured" her of the consequences back in Book Three since Elva claimed she could "ignore them", but whatever. Seems well in keeping with this trend of "let's change the rules of magic and anyone's super power when it suits me". Moving on, instead of Eragon catching her because he’s RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER, it’s Arya who catches her and starts talking to her in the ancient language. Eragon indeed doesn’t give a shit about Elva and her condition, because he immediately starts talking with the other elves about how best to get past this new trap. They ultimately decide that they’ll jump over it, as they did with the spikes. So they climb onto Saphira’s back and just as she’s about to jump, Elva screams no. Saphira stays where she is, but she flicks her tail, so I’m not sure if she’s annoyed or if that’s her natural reaction to dissipate the energy she had gathered up to jump. Elva wriggles out of Arya’s arms, stumbles away a few steps, and pukes. She stares at the bodies as if she’s committing the scene to memory, and continues staring at them as she tells them there’s another trigger halfway across and in the air. She says if Saphira jumps, bam! there’s dragon sushi for dinner.

Eragon then wonders why Galby would be trying to kill them now, because if Elva wasn’t with them, Saphira would be dead by now. Notice how Eragon says “Saphira” as if singling her out. He doesn’t say “they all” would be dead or “most of us” would be dead. Just Saphira. Eragon also says that Galby wants Saphira alive so why is he doing this? He gestures to the bloody floor and says why the blocks and the stones and the spikes.

Fuck you, Eragon. You made the bloody floor. Not Galby. Maybe these twenty dead magic users were like the Bridgekeeper in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Maybe you had to say a password. Maybe you had to say “please”. Maybe you had to say “open sesame”. Instead, YOU CHOSE TO KILL THEM. So fuck you with something sharp and rusty.

Some elf chick who gets a name but also isn’t important enough to remember says maybe Galby expected the pits to capture them before they reached the rest of the traps. Or, says Furry Elf, Galby knows they have Elva with them and what she’s capable of. Which he does. To that Elva goes “shrug He can’t stop me” and yet he does. He does effectively stop her from doing anything in a chapter or two. Eragon gets a chill and says that if Galby knows of Elva, then he might be scared (seriously? Galby doesn’t strike me as someone who lashes out when he’s scared, and he doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who gets scared anymore), and if he’s scared... and Saphira says:

Then he might really be trying to kill us, Saphira finished.

Or maybe your author just wanted to add some stupid elements to the scene because it was cool and apparently he doesn’t understand the word “no”. Have you ever been writing and you just stop in the middle of a scene and stare at the page and go “eeehhhh, maybe I should rewrite this”? Ever reach for your white out or reached for the delete button on your keyboard? There’s a reason you do that. You subconsciously know that these words you just put down should be deleted and rewritten. That’s a little voice you should listen to. It’ll prevent awful scenes and awful characters like this. The only reason this little dialogue happens is to explain away why this stupid scene exists. No, Galby doesn’t want to kill you. This is just stupidity.

Arya shakes her head and says it doesn’t matter because they still have to find him. So they spend some time talking about how to get through the trap and then Eragon suggests he could use magic to transport them all across the hall, much like how Arya zapped Saphira’s egg to the Spine. Glaedr says no way, it would require too much energy. Umaroth agrees and says they should conserve their strength for the final showdown. So Eragon chews on his lip, looks back over his shoulder, and freaks out when he spots Murtagh trading sides in the hallway. So they don’t have long, and then he suggests putting something into the walls to keep the blades from coming out. Arya says the blades have to be protected by magic and they don’t have anything with them that could hold them back. The blades are too heavy and too big and they would just tear through whatever was blocking them as if the shit wasn’t there in the first place.

So everyone falls silent until Furry Elf says maybe not and then puts his sword on the floor at Eragon’s feet. Then he makes the rest of the elves do the same. So now Eragon’s got eleven swords at his feet. Eragon immediately says that he can’t ask the elves to do this and starts to say something about their swords, but Furry Elf stops him and says that the elves don’t need swords because they fight with their minds. Which is funny as all ironic hell because the elves apparently have “storied blades” and insisted on giving every one of their Riders a sword made of space rock... Continuing on, Furry Elf says that if they need weapons, they’ll just steal them from the corpses of the soldiers. Basically if their personal swords are more useful here and now, they’d be foolish to keep them just because of sentimental reasons. So Eragon just accepts. Then Furry Elf looks at Arya and tells her the number of swords should be even if they want the best chances of success.

And he’s not wrong, really. The more you have, the more likely you are to succeed. But it really doesn’t matter.

Anyway, Arya ends up giving in:

She hesitated, then drew her own thin-bladed sword and placed it among the others. “Consider carefully what you are about to do, Eragon,” she said. “These are storied weapons all. It would be a shame to destroy them and gain nothing by it.”

Storied weapons, huh? I smell bullshit. This is just another case of “I Really Wanted To Write This Scene Disease”. On the one hand, it’s true that the elves don’t bother to use swords in this story, with the exception of Arya and Oromis and Islanzadi. Every other elf just seems to be content to use magic to lay waste to their enemies. Which makes it all the more amusing to remember that they have specific fields set aside for the practice of swords and archery, yet we hardly see the elves aside from the three I mentioned utilize any of these weapons. So what’s the point of having them? Why bother? And second, “storied blades” doesn’t mean shit to me as a reader. They’re not Rider swords, so they aren’t important. They’re just ordinary blades. Well, as ordinary as elf blades can be. Until now, nobody has ever made such a big deal of these swords, and indeed Arya never made much noise about her sword ever being important. So this just smacks of her being upset at the idea of being stripped of her weapon. She’s angry at being voluntold that she has to give up her sword just to give them a better chance at surviving this trial. And as I’ve mentioned before, all these traps are just stupid. Especially when you realize that Murtagh and Thorn get past them with relative ease somehow. They don’t have to deal with this bullshit. And I’m still confused as to why it’s a straight shot from the door to the throne room. I’m pretty certain that medieval castles weren’t built like that, like ever. It’s too dangerous and doesn’t provide any protection. The whole goal of a castle is to keep people away from your lord and treasure, so giving them direct access to both is like… counterproductive in the least.

So Eragon tries to remember his lessons from Oromis about transferring an object from one place to some other place, and then tells Umaroth he’s going to need help. So Umaroth gives him what he needs, and then we’re told that Eragon can’t figure out where the slots are in the wall because the illusion is just that good and he just can’t break it. He says this is to be expected because Galby doesn’t overlook such details.

And I have to ask, how does he know this? How does he know Galby was the one who put the illusion up? Why couldn’t it have been some smartass elf a thousand years ago? I know I’m reaching, but still...

Anyway, Eragon also proceeds to tell us that the enchantments that created the illusion are definitely easy to find and so he uses them to figure out where the openings in the wall are and how big they are.

So what was the point of telling us you couldn’t break the illusion? You did it anyway, just in a roundabout manner. Insufferable little prick-ass.

Continuing on... Eragon says he can’t tell exactly how far back the metal sheets are in the slots, and hopes it’s at least an inch or two from the outside wall. If they’re any closer than that, then his idea will fail, because he’s pretty sure Galby protected the blades from any tampering. So Eragon then begins casting spells. He’s going to use twelve, because twelve swords, and the first sword disappears. Suddenly there’s a thunk in the wall from their left. Eragon smiles, pleased with himself, because whatever he did worked. He tells us that he basically just set the sword in the wall rather than through the metal, which would’ve caused a bigger reaction. And so he finishes with the rest of the spells, putting six swords in each wall, each sword five feet from the next. The elves just watch him through all this, and we’re told that if they’re upset by the loss of their swords, they don’t show it. When he’s done, Eragon kneels by Arya and Elva, who are both holding onto the Deus ex Spear again, and tells them to get ready to run. Saphira and the elves gear up, Arya gives Elva a piggy-back ride but also somehow Elva manages to keep hold of the Deus ex Spear. Which would be awkward when running, but whatever. Physics has been taken out back, shot, and then shot again for good measure. Arya then says she’s ready, so Eragon does this:

Reaching forward, Eragon again slapped the floor.

Seriously, how stupid are you and you are still alive? This is the part where some of you get on Saphira so she can run you over there, and those who can’t fit on her start running. You don’t activate the trap before you start running! The whole point of avoiding the trap is to do what you can to mitigate or stop it entirely, and then move as fast as possible. You know you’re going to activate the trap anyway, just by stepping on the trigger, and you don’t know where the trigger is. So you move even as you activate the trigger so that you hopefully get a head start and buy yourself more time to escape the trap. Here, it’s like Eragon is trying to kill everyone by activating the trap before anyone starts moving. He is a literal idiot. You do this thing to hopefully stop the trap from working and you have to trust that. Seriously, you want to heighten tension in this moment, you have the group start moving before they even know the idea worked and you make them run. That’s because they don’t know if a) it’s going to work and b) how long is going to hold if it does work. They need all the time they can get. They’re just wasting it at this point. They’re wasting my time. I’m not emotionally involved in this scene because I know they’re going to make it. Eragon activates the trap, the swords hold, they run, they live. There is no tension. No maybe of death occurring. It’s boring. Had they started running and made it halfway before Elva screams for them to go faster, then yeah, I might’ve been on the edge of my seat. As it is, Eragon barely starts running before she screams out, and there ya go, tension is ruined. Now it’s very easy to tell these pages were written purely for word count and because the author wanted to and wouldn’t listen to “no”. Even if this had to be in the story, it could’ve been so much better.

There’s a loud crash that sounds from each wall, and then there’s the obligatory falling of the dust from the ceiling. It’s at this point that Eragon starts running, because he’s confirmed that the elf swords have held. Except... he only takes two steps forward before Elva screams for them to run faster. So Eragon gives a mighty yell and somehow makes his feet “strike the ground even harder”, whatever that means, because I’m pretty sure that’s not how running actually works. Saphira dashes past him, and of course she’s across first, which just reinforces my question of “why isn’t anyone riding the dragon?”, and then just before Eragon reaches the finish line, he hears the snap of breaking steel and then the nails on a chalkboard sound of metal scraping against metal. He hears someone shout behind him, so he twists and flings himself away from the noise. He sees that everyone’s crossed the finish line in time except for Yaela (we met her back in the beginning of this book, when Glaedr was bitching the elves out for not teaching Eragon in his place). Yaela has been caught between the last six inches of the two pieces of metal and she’s in a literal halo of burning air with her face contorted in pain. Furry Rape Elf uses a spell to yoink Yaela out from death’s grasp and the metal blades snap together for a brief second before heading into the walls with the same nails on a chalkboard sound that they created when they came out in the first place.

Yaela lands on her hands and knees by Eragon, and he helps her to her feet. He’s shocked that she’s unhurt, but he asks her anyway if she’s hurt. She says no, but her FUCKING WARDS are gone. She’s shocked by this, like WTF shocked, this isn’t supposed to happen shocked, and then says she hasn’t been without FUCKING WARDS since she was younger than Eragon is now.

Let me remind you that Eragon is SIXTEEN. Yaela hasn’t been without FUCKING WARDS since she was younger than that.

Because why not.

Yaela finishes explaining that somehow the blades stripped her FUCKING WARDS from her. Eragon says she’s lucky to be alive and then frowns, whereupon Elva pipes up and says everybody would’ve died except for Furry Rape Elf if she hadn’t told everyone to put some pep in their step. Eragon’s reaction to that is to grunt. Nothing more is said on the matter, and the party continues down the hallway, expecting to find another trap. Of course, they don’t come across any, because I guess the author ran out of ideas, or the novelty of whatever RPG the author was playing wore off (or the author beat the game. or got past the level. whatever.) and they reach the fancy doors at the other end of the hall without any more problems.

Eragon looked up at the shining expanse of gold. Embossed across the doors was a life-sized oak tree, the leaves of which formed an arching canopy that joined with the roots below to inscribe a great circle about the trunk. Sprouting from either side of the trunk’s midsection were two thick bundles of branches, which divided the space within the circle into quarters. In the top-left quarter was a carving of an army of spear-bearing elves marching through a thick forest. In the top-right quarter were humans building castles and forging swords. In the bottom left, Urgals—Kull, mostly—burning down a village and killing the inhabitants. In the bottom right, dwarves mining caves filled with gems and veins of ore. Amid the roots and branches of the oak, Eragon spotted werecats and the Ra’zac, as well as a few small strange-looking creatures that he failed to recognize. And coiled in the very center of the bole of the tree was a dragon that held the end of its tail in its mouth, as if biting itself. The doors were beautifully crafted. Under different circumstances, Eragon would have been content to sit and study them for most of a day.

So who made these doors? Humans? Elves? It’s interesting that all the races of Alagaesia are represented, and I’m not surprised that the only race depicted as actually doing violence on the doors are the Urgals. Clearly somebody still has some closet racism for these people. I mean, even the Ra’zac are on the doors, but there’s no description of what they’re doing. So somehow, in my mind at least, that means the Ra’zac rate above the Urgals only on the token fact they’re simply mentioned as being present. The Urgals are actually doing violence, razing and killing, but the Ra’zac are just there. They aren’t being shown hunting people or eating people or going through their life stages, they just exist. And it’s also interesting to note that the only races actually showing violence are the Urgals and the Killing-Is-Wrong-We-Love-Life elves, who are carrying spears, which are weapons. The humans are building and making stuff and the dwarves are being stereotypical dwarves. And the dragon is a literal interpretation of the ouroboros, which is the snake eating its own tail, symbolizing infinity, the “eternal cyclic renewal” or “a cycle of life, death, and rebirth”. Which is either intentional, considering this story is called a “cycle” - meaning the Riders flourished at one point, Galby killed them, and Eragon brings them back - or unintentional and was just thrown in as a Cool Image and means nothing except pretty gilt. And I suppose a talking point for weirdo like me, trying to figure out all the “what does this mean?” when really it means absolutely nothing and was just out there because it was purty.

So Eragon gets filled with dread because the doors are now in front of him, and he’s thinking about whatever might be beyond the doors. If it’s Galby, then their lives are going to change forever and nothing will ever be the same for anybody. Eragon complains YET AGAIN that he’s not ready (okay, I really do stand corrected. I complain a lot about the inconsistency in this book, but this is a constant. Eragon is constantly complaining about how he “isn’t ready” to face Galby and Saphira is constantly responding to his whining by telling him “when will we ever be ready?” and case in point) Saphira tells him “when will we ever be ready” and Eragon tells us he can feel Saphira’s “nervous anticipation”, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Saphira then says that Galby and Shruikan have to be killed and they’re the only morons who might be able to do just that. Eragon asks what if they can’t, Saphira says then we can’t and whatever will happen will happen. Eragon just nods and tells Saphira he loves her. She replies that she loves him.

Too bad we never got to, y’know, SEE THAT.

Anyway, Eragon steps up and asks what they should do now, and suggests knocking on the door. Arya says well, let’s see if the door’s open first.

Uh, shouldn’t you, I dunno, knock first? Because it’s polite?

I find myself wishing the doors would just fly open and clobber them all in the head, and Galby’s standing there going “oops, thought you were further back”.

Anyway, everyone forms a battle formation, whatever that means, and Arya goes to grasp a door handle. Elva’s next to her because why not. As Arya takes hold of the door handle, a sudden column of shimmering air appear around Furry Rape Elf and each one of his buddies. Eragon shouts, Saphira hisses, and otherwise they don’t do jack shit about it but stand there like bumps on a log. Apparently Arya and Elva do absolutely nothing in the way of reacting because they don’t get anything in the text at this moment. Well, the elves can’t move in the columns, and I’m pretty sure this was ripped from a movie or a show or something, but whatever, and then a door in the wall opens and the elves move toward it like “a procession of statues gliding across ice”. So does that mean they’re just being pulled like on a conveyor belt or are they physically walking? Who knows! Also, I don’t really care. I was never invested in these boobs to begin with and I’m not worried about them now. They aren’t going to die. I figured that out in the first read-through. Anyway, Arya jumps toward them with the Deus ex Spear, attempting to cut the columns of air, but she’s too slow because of course she is, and she can’t catch them.

So Eragon shouts “stop” in the ancient language, which is the simplest spell he can think of in this situation, but the magic surrounding Furry Elf and his buddies is too strong for Eragon to do shit about, so they just la-di-dah into the opening in the wall, and the door slams shut behind them. Eragon gets all afraid because now they don’t have the elves which means... which means absolutely fucking nothing. It’s just the author putting away the toys he doesn’t want to use for the “final battle”. Arya pounds on the door for a while with the spear, and she tries to find the seam between the door and the wall with the spear just as she did with the sally port, but yeah, none of that works. So she turns around and she is pissed, and she demands Umaroth’s help to open the wall. He says nope, Galby’s sure to have put the toys away somewhere unreachable, and trying to find them is going to be a waste of energy and time and put them all in danger. Arya gets angry at this and says that if they don’t go after the elves, then they’re just playing into Galby’s hand, because he wants to divide them and make them weaker, and if they continue without the elves, Galby’s going to defeat them easily.

Umaroth agrees with her and calls her “little one”, but then he trots out the idea that maybe Galby wants them to follow the elves. Maybe he wants them to go after their friends and forget he exists, and therefore run headlong into another trap. Arya continues to argue, asking why Galby would go through so much trouble, because he could’ve captured the Important People just as Furry Elf and the rest got caught, but he didn’t. Umaroth says maybe it’s because he wants them to exhaust their strength before they confront him or before he attempts to break them.

I say it’s because the author is trying to justify putting certain toys back in the toybox and trying to give a sense of tension to a scene that is really just sounding petulant and whiny. Like... we’ve been told the entire four books that Eragon can’t hold a candle to this guy and that’s why he’s getting all this help. And it’s suddenly like the author realized that if Eragon’s got all the Eldunari, eleven elvish spellcasters, Arya with the Deus ex Spear, Saphira, and Elva in his corner, well, Galby may just be defeated before he can get through the Obligatory Evil Villain Monologue.

Anyway, Arya eventually just concedes the point, and drops the whole angry woman thing. She then asks Umaroth what they should do. He says that they should hope Galby won’t kill Furry Elf and the rest of them and they just go on and do their job. Arya gives in, and Eragon says that he can tell she doesn’t like this one bit. Eragon says he can’t blame her for feeling how she feels. He feels the same way.

Or so he says. He didn’t argue with Umaroth about going to find the elves. Arya did. He didn’t jump in the argument to give his two cents. He didn’t defend Arya at all. He stood quiet and just let Mommy and Daddy fight until Daddy told Mommy her place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, getting him a beer when he demands it. It’s only after the argument is settled that we get told Eragon totally feels the same way as Arya. Yeah, totally proof that he loves her. I can feel it.

Well, Eragon then goes and asks Elva why she didn’t sense the trap. He says he thinks he understands why, but he wants her to say so to confirm his suspicion. Elva, of course, says that the trap didn’t hurt them. So Eragon just nods, and that’s the end of that. Arya then goes back to the doors and grasps the handle. Elva joins her and takes hold of the Deus ex Spear.

Leaning away from the door, Arya pulled and pulled, and the massive structure slowly began to swing outward. No one human, Eragon was sure, could have opened it, and even Arya’s strength was barely sufficient.

So why do these doors even exist? If they’re so heavy that even Arya can barely move them, then who the hell opens these doors? Shruikan? Galby, with some Jedi mind trick? This seems so over the top. There’s absolutely no reason for these doors to be so heavy. It makes me wonder if Galby installed them (and if so, why did he bother with the craftsmanship, because two plain doors would be far scarier than this lavish thing) or if the elves did it, and they just used magic to open and close the doors because they’re lazy bastards. It’s too over the top to be believable.

Arya unnecessarily pulls the door all the way to the wall before she lets it go, and then she and Elva retreat and join Eragon in front of Saphira. We’re then told that on the other side of the doors is a huge dark chamber. Eragon can’t be sure of its size because the walls are hidden in shadow. There’s a line of flameless lanterns on poles running straight out from the entrance, lighting up a floor that’s got some pattern to it, while a faint glow comes from above through crystals set int he ceiling. There are now suddenly two rows of these lanterns when before we were only told there was a “line”, and each row now ends five hundred feet away near a dais. On this dais is a throne. On this throne is a figure. A black-clad figure. It’s the only figure in the whole room. And this figure has a lap, and on this lap is a naked sword, which is described as a “long white splinter that seemed to emit a faint glow”.

Why am I imagining Galby got interrupted in the middle of a vape session?

Anyway, the figure suddenly talks, and says that it’s been expecting them. He welcomes them to his home, and welcomes in particular our zeroes. He then says he’s glad to see Arya and drops her lineage and titles, then greets Elva and drops her “Shining Brow” title. He adds in Umaroth, Glaedr, Valdr, and all the rest, and says he’s long thought them all to be dead, and he’s extremely happy to be wrong about that. He welcomes everyone again, and then says they have much to talk about. And thus the chapter ends.

Dun dun dun...!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

ignoresandra

I was never invested in these boobs to begin with

Such willpower. I find it difficult not to be invested in such things.

Umaroth agrees with her and calls her “little one”

Dragons really love to talk down to anyone else in these books, don't they?

it’s suddenly like the author realized that if Eragon’s got all the Eldunari, eleven elvish spellcasters, Arya with the Deus ex Spear, Saphira, and Elva in his corner

Honestly the only way to potentially make Galby threatening at this point is to let Eragon show up with all his shit and take about four seconds to blow through all of it until it's just Eragon & Saphira & Galbatorix & Shruikan.

Like maybe when the guests aren't inclined to be civil, Galbatorix attacks them all with a spell that bypasses their wards because it's targeting something the elves didn't think to guard against and between similar inventive moves defeats all of them without ever engaging in a true contest of strength vs strength. At that point it'd be clear that Eragon's quest to gain strength was always pointless because he didn't become as smart as Galby. This could transition to an epilogue where Eragon is unhappily serving Galbatorix in an Empire ascendant, all traces of the Varden wiped away.

Or so he says. He didn’t argue with Umaroth about going to find the elves. Arya did. He didn’t jump in the argument to give his two cents. He didn’t defend Arya at all. He stood quiet and just let Mommy and Daddy fight until Daddy told Mommy her place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, getting him a beer when he demands it. It’s only after the argument is settled that we get told Eragon totally feels the same way as Arya. Yeah, totally proof that he loves her. I can feel it.

Of course he loves her. Loving someone means not respecting their competency or point of view and not supporting their interests or helping them protect their friends, after all. Oh wait love is the opposite of that? Well damn. Looks like Eragon really doesn't love her.

He welcomes them to his home, and welcomes in particular our zeroes.

Galbatorix comes across as a polite old man welcoming expected houseguests. Such evil.

From:

cmdrnemo

Okay, this architecture is stupid.

So, I'm going to disagree with you on the placement of a throne room. This is the room that a noble would hold court in. Which is to say actually a court. Where anyone could meet them and petition for whatever, and from which seat they would interact with their population. It would be front and center and the first room you see on entry. It would also be where everyone was invited for dinner and large parties. So easy access to that room on entering the castle makes a lot of sense.

But... Those traps are idiotic. Galby has now placed a crapload of hair trigger murder machines between the kitchen and the dining room in his own house. I can't imagine how annoying that would be every time you wanted a sandwich.

As for that group of 20 wizards. I have to admit, no sympathy at all. They stood in their own death trap. That is just the worst OSHA violation imaginable. And not a hard hat or a set of proper boots between them.

From:

ultimate_cheetah

Honestly, it might be Galby. The doors are huge because he can use magic to get through, and the Urgals are violent because of his experiences with them. Each race may be depicted as he sees them, which explains why the Ra'zac aren't being all evil, and why the elves have swords.

Why am I imagining Galby got interrupted in the middle of a vape session?

"Fuck, AGAIN!!!" When are these Angvard-dammed idiots going to stop bursting into my throne room, Shruikie?!"

He welcomes everyone again, and then says they have much to talk about. And thus the chapter ends.

Imagine how cool this chapter would've been if the hall was empty. The characters would've walked down the hall with an overwhelming sense of dread, and then suddenly the elves are kidnapped, and they have to face Galby alone. That would've made the elves' kidnapping much more effective and made Galby much more consistent with how he wants to keep Saphira alive.

Edited Date: 2022-04-26 02:31 am (UTC)

From:

mara_dienne459

I don't fault Eragon for killing the 20 spellcasters, as they are literally trying to kill him, and will stop at nothing to do so. And it is a battle, no matter how much we may feel that the battle is unnecessary.

If you look at the wording of the text, after the spellcasters show up, Eragon just feels a stabbing pain in his mind and then the 20 people start chanting. Other than Eragon describing this “stabbing pain” in his head, literally nothing else happens. The 20 spellcasters aren’t attacking with magic. They aren’t even trying to strip him of his own protections. The spellcasters are so ineffective they might as well not be doing anything. Moreover, nobody else does anything save for Elva and Eragon, who uses the trap to kill the spellcasters. And the pain that Eragon is feeling isn’t so much that he can’t do anything or that he feels like he can’t defend himself. It’s literally that he doesn’t defend himself except for raising his mental shields and that’s it. It’s Saphira who attacks, and her attack does nothing. Instead of him attacking back with magic or trying to convince the spell casters to leave them alone or literally any other way, he chooses to kill them in the most violent way possible. Even if they were standing in the trap of their own accord, Eragon didn’t have to use that trap to kill them.

Worse, if you think about it real hard, the fact that the elf chick Yaela gets caught in the trap and survives only because of her FUCKING WARDS makes you wonder why these 20 spellcasters didn’t have any FUCKING WARDS on them, especially if you assume they work in direct contact with Galby, what with being in the castle and all.

From:

ultimate_cheetah

Instead of him attacking back with magic or trying to convince the spell casters to leave them alone or literally any other way, he chooses to kill them in the most violent way possible. Even if they were standing in the trap of their own accord, Eragon didn’t have to use that trap to kill them.

What about their chanting? Isn't that them building up to a bigger spell, like those spellcasters summoning a Shade in Brisingr?

And when people are trying to attack you, like the spellcasters, and they're literally chanting and focused on killing you, it's sort of a human response for killing them as quickly as possible. I mean, the trap was there, and their wards protected them against everything else. (Though why not the trap I don't know).

Honestly, since the spellcasters were chanting to an even bigger spell, Eragon's actions, minus the context of whether this battle is good or necessary, were justified.

Worse, if you think about it real hard, the fact that the elf chick Yaela gets caught in the trap and survives only because of her FUCKING WARDS makes you wonder why these 20 spellcasters didn’t have any FUCKING WARDS on them, especially if you assume they work in direct contact with Galby, what with being in the castle and all.

At the very least, there should've been some delay. And it's interesting that Yaela's spent most of her life with wards. It gives a look into elf culture, where they teach their children to cast wards on themselves, or cast wards on them, at an early age.

From:

mara_dienne459

What about their chanting? Isn't that them building up to a bigger spell, like those spellcasters summoning a Shade in Brisingr?

Honestly, the text never gives any indication as to exactly what they're chanting. For all we know, they're summoning Cthulu or they're repeating Grandma's cranberry chutney recipe. The only indication we have of an attack, according to the text, is Eragon feeling a "stabbing pain" in his mind. It should be noted, too, that there's never any indication as to where this "stabbing pain" came from. It could be the spellcasters, it could be Eragon having an aneurysm, or it could be Galby himself attempting to break Eragon's mind from afar. Eragon never considers where the attack comes from. But after that mental attack happens, Eragon doesn't bother to do anything except raise some mental shields and then ask Elva, who's the only one actively doing anything about at least one of the spellcasters, if the spellcasters are standing over the trap. After that, he simply activates it and murders them.

This is the same person who, in Book Two at the Battle of Feinster, decided he wanted to try to convince the front gate guards to surrender and lay down their arms before he killed them.

I could understand if there was some indication that there was an active attack on him, rather than just the token line of something stabbing into his mind, for Eragon to so callously murder these people, but there's not. Eragon doesn't even attempt to ask for a surrender or try to convince these people to leave. They don't even get to deliver the "we must stop you or die" line. They just show up and then they're taken out.

I will agree with you that the action, disregarding the text and the implications therein, was justifiable under the circumstances. I just wish the circumstances were such that Eragon didn't look like a freaking sociopathic murderer for doing what he did. I wish that there had been some indication, some pressing need, that caused Eragon to decide this was the only way to deal with the situation, and as disgusting as it was, as horrifying as it was, he still felt something for doing it. Regret. Self-recrimination. Something. Instead, he just blows it off and forgets about it.

From:

ultimate_cheetah

Honestly, the text never gives any indication as to exactly what they're chanting. For all we know, they're summoning Cthulu or they're repeating Grandma's cranberry chutney recipe. The only indication we have of an attack, according to the text, is Eragon feeling a "stabbing pain" in his mind. It should be noted, too, that there's never any indication as to where this "stabbing pain" came from. It could be the spellcasters, it could be Eragon having an aneurysm, or it could be Galby himself attempting to break Eragon's mind from afar

It's implied that they're chanting something dangerous, as there's no reason for them to be chanting anything else. Also, considering that the pain came almost after the time the spellcasters came, Eragon's justified in thinking that this was a result of their attack.

This is the same person who, in Book Two at the Battle of Feinster, decided he wanted to try to convince the front gate guards to surrender and lay down their arms before he killed them.

Oh, I see. I'd understand why he'd be more cautious in this situation, though. These people are more dangerous than the guards, as they have magic. Trying to convince them to stop could waste precious seconds and give them time to finish their spell, which would probably be devastating.

I could understand if there was some indication that there was an active attack on him, rather than just the token line of something stabbing into his mind, for Eragon to so callously murder these people, but there's not.

The whole danger was mostly implied, I think. Also, the use of the trap isn't that bad, in my opinon. It probably killed them quickly because of shock. It just "looks" violent. A dagger in the stomach looks cleaner, but would be less merciful. Sort of like how lethal injection takes longer than the guillotine, but people like it because it isn't as visceral.

...he still felt something for doing it. Regret. Self-recrimination. Something. Instead, he just blows it off and forgets about it.

I feel like Paolini could've gotten away with Eragon's killings if either he felt guilt, like you said, or the tone was lighter, because in pulby novels and movies, killings aren't treated really heavily.

From:

ultimate_cheetah

Honestly, the text never gives any indication as to exactly what they're chanting. For all we know, they're summoning Cthulu or they're repeating Grandma's cranberry chutney recipe.

I think it's pretty heavily implied that the chanting is an attack.

With the chanting building up to something and the pain, I think the attack is going to happen if Eragon doesn't stop it.

Also, even though the trap looks violent, it is probably a quick way to kill them, and more merciful than stabbing them.

From:

epistler

The suddenness of it shocked Eragon. He averted his eyes from the shambles before them. What a horrible way to die.

Not only is he cruel, but he's cowardly as well. In fact you know what this reminds me of? That bit in The Green Mile where the vile Percy deliberately sabotages an execution, but then turns away in horror when the poor bastard goes up in flames. One of the other guards who knows what he did furiously grabs him and FORCES him to watch, because he made this nightmare happen and has no right to avert his eyes from the consequences of his actions.

You did this to them, Eragon. Grow a fucking spine and own up to it. And this is the same guy who in a couple of chapters uses EMPATHY to kill the villain?! Because he's just so goddamn EMPATHETIC? For fuck's sake!

From:

ignoresandra

Not only is he cruel, but he's cowardly as well. In fact you know what this reminds me of?

I could see this sequence working if the 20 magicians were powerful and dangerous and had killed several of the elven spellcasters and truly hurt Eragon/Saphira/Arya already. That would change the context of the scene from "sadistic character sadistically hurts a lot of people and refuses to face what he's done" to "in desperate times, we use desperate measures".

Changing the context of the scene in this way would also make it inappropriate to use as build-up for Galbatorix, though. Although the scene is already inappropriate for that purpose.

That bit in The Green Mile where the vile Percy deliberately sabotages an execution

This made me look up a synopsis of that movie. The themes it plays with are fascinating. I doubt I'll watch it, but thanks for pointing me towards something I would never have encountered otherwise.

From:

epistler

That would change the context of the scene from "sadistic character sadistically hurts a lot of people and refuses to face what he's done" to "in desperate times, we use desperate measures".

Indeed. Paolini keeps pretending his heroes are in a desperate situation which forces them to resort to extreme measures AND IT'S ALL MEAN OLE GALBY'S FAULT! but he never bothers to back that up with any real evidence that's ever shown on screen, other than periodically claiming that they're outnumbered and short on food. His favoured characters are waaaay too overpowered for that bullshit to hold any water.

And anyway, Eragon has already been repeatedly shown to be someone who actively enjoys killing and terrorising people.

Changing the context of the scene in this way would also make it inappropriate to use as build-up for Galbatorix, though. Although the scene is already inappropriate for that purpose.

It could have been used to show that Galby is a heartless tyrant who doesn't care how many people he sacrifices in order to win. Instead, it shows the opposite.

This made me look up a synopsis of that movie. The themes it plays with are fascinating. I doubt I'll watch it, but thanks for pointing me towards something I would never have encountered otherwise.

If the movie isn't your cup of tea, the book is also very good.

From:

ignoresandra

Paolini keeps pretending his heroes are in a desperate situation which forces them to resort to extreme measures AND IT'S ALL MEAN OLE GALBY'S FAULT!

Even if you are in a desperate situation and must use extreme measures to survive, it was still your hand on the button. A hero, someone empathetic and caring, would wrestle with that and would probably find the argument that "It's all the villain's fault for putting me in this situation" to be lacking. I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with the idea I'd arranged for twenty people to be cut in half even if the only reason I did so is they were trying to kill me and I had no way to escape or fight them off some other way.

In Gawain and the Green Knight the titular Gawain survives his quest because of his honorable action through the course of the story even when that honorable action damages his reputation in front of onlookers. The only time he does something dishonorable, he does so out of fear for his own life - and while his motivation saves his life his action still results in receiving an injury. We're fundamentally social creatures. Doing something cruel marks us.

Instead, it shows the opposite.

Truth.

From:

epistler

Even if you are in a desperate situation and must use extreme measures to survive, it was still your hand on the button. A hero, someone empathetic and caring, would wrestle with that and would probably find the argument that "It's all the villain's fault for putting me in this situation" to be lacking.

Indeed. The way Paolini's "heroes" always resort to deflection and blame-laying so everything is always Galby's fault and never theirs makes them come across as extremely childish, not to mention incredibly pathetic. They don't have the maturity or the strength of character to take responsibility for their own choices and actions, and the consequences of them. They never look out over a battlefield full of corpses and think "I did that; those people died because of me". Instead it's always "Oh woe look what that awful Galby made me do!"

In Gawain and the Green Knight the titular Gawain survives his quest because of his honorable action through the course of the story even when that honorable action damages his reputation in front of onlookers.

I love that story! It shows what an honourable guy he is that he insists on keeping his word even when faced with a constant string of temptations along the way. Indeed he's prepared to DIE rather than break his word and therefore besmirch his honour as a knight. When he does falter, it's completely understandable.

Doing something cruel marks us.

Or at least it does with an emotionally healthy human being, and I think we all know these jerks are anything but.

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