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antishurtugal_rebornWarning: These chapters contains misogyny and mention of sexual violence and abuse.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! Last time, Tristan cheated at cards… somehow, hired a sailmaker, and Tyranny got damselled; Krassus began brainwashing Wulfgar; and Faegan tried an explosive experiment. Today, Tristan tries to figure out how to get Tyranny and himself out of the mess they’re in, while we also check in with some of the book’s rare not-horrible characters. Joining us today will be Ash and Irinali!
Chapter Forty-Five
Irinali: Oh, joy. And I don’t even have the comfort of reading about (and mocking) any or all of Newcomb’s wizards today, it seems. Well, best to get this over with, I suppose. We open with Tristan, heart hammering, as he sits next to Ichabod and watches Rolf pull hard on Tyranny’s hair. He can tell she’s in pain, but there’s nothing she and Scars can do. If the three of them were to somehow survive this, it would be completely up to Tristan. Well, in that case you’d best throw yourselves to the Necrophagians now and spare yourselves the trouble, for all the good he’ll be! But of course, he’s the main character and a man, so he gets to be the hero *rolls her eyes, so hard*. We get a brief description of Rolf – he’s tall, muscular, a couple of years older than Tristan, long sandy hair in braids, sleeveless red shirt and brown breeches, black boots and a red sash. He wears a saber at his waist and is covered in scars and tattoos. All told, pretty stereotypical pirate, if I do say so myself.
Well, Rolf calls again for Tyranny’s new boyfriend to come face him; Tristan remembers the piece of scroll in his boot and has an idea (oh, this will no doubt be painful…). He steps forward, and the crowd starts betting on which of them will die, with most of them… betting it will be Rolf? Because of course this stranger who nobody knows anything about will so easily defeat the fearsome pirate king (or possibly they’re betting that Rolf will kill Tristan, which is more likely, but it’s poorly worked if so)! Tristan tells Rolf to let Tyranny go (oh, yes, that’ll show him!) while Rolf (who’s accent apparently marks him as from the Eutracian highlands, just north of Ilenidum) comments that he’d heard about Tristan’s childish lookin’ weapons, oooh, but not how ugly he was. Why, Rolf! If you weren’t an abusive pirate, I’d almost like you!
Gender Wars: 53
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 74
Ash: *flatly* I’m very sorry, but I draw the line at pirates and slavers, much less abusers, thank you. Rolf claims his men also saw Tyranny kissing Tristan, and he wants to know who he is before he has him torn apart. And then he says he and Tyranny have some catchin’ up to do, making it quite clear what he means, and, gah. Tristan, please. Kill him now, so I don’t have to do it later. Tristan decides to pit his plan into motion, loudly declaring that this bitch and that idiot giant of hers are my partners now – charming – and he wants them back. Rolf demands to know what he means, and Tristan says he paid them and they work for him now (technically true, though he hasn’t actually forked over the money yet…). Rolf doesn’t believe him, since he can’t imagine Tyranny would hire her ship out for any price, so Tristan pauses dramatically before declaring one hundred thousand kisa, then telling him that Tyranny keeps the promissory note between her breasts. *stunned* Dark Maiden’s sake, man, are you trying to get her publicly groped? Vyshaan.
But Rolf hauls Tyranny back to her feet and demands to know if it’s true, and thankfully Tyrannt pulls the note out herself and shows him (that could have gone very poorly…). Rolf looks it over, then wants to know what a man of means is doing out here in the middle of the ocean, so Tristan – still being mostly honest – explains that they’ve both lost family to the demonslavers and are looking for them. Even you ought to be able to understand that, you dumb bastard. Now, Tristan, is insulting the man in the middle of his own island really that wise? And indeed, we learn that few people insult Rolf and live to tell about it, and Tristan is left wondering if he’s just killed them all *facepalm*. But Rolf is more interested in where the money is (uh, if Tristan had to write a promissory note, isn’t that a good indication it’s not actually on him?) and here Tristan starts making things up. Rather than admitting he’s a prince, he says the money is buried on the Eutracian coast somewhere only he knows, and Tyranny has seen it, but he moved it again afterwards and she doesn’t know where it is now. He then veers back to the truth, telling Rolf about the screechling attack and how they wouldn’t be here if they didn’t have to be.
Gratuitous Grimdark: 46 (for the not-so-subtle rape threat)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 75
Irinali: And so, Rolf reads the note – This twenty-second day of the Season of New Life, I promise to pay Teresa of the House of Welborne one hundred thousand kisa upon the successful completion of this voyage followed by two signatures, Tyranny’s and Tristan’s false name. Rolf demands to know what’s stopping him from torturing the information out of Tristan (besides torture not actually being good at getting reliable information, you mean?) and Tristan indeed confirms Rolf wouldn’t know if he was telling the truth, and Tristan could end up just leading him on a wild goose chase. Sure, Rolf could kill him afterwards – but that wouldn’t get him the information. However, Tristan promises Rolf that he would be willing to give him the money, in return for repairs and leaving Sanctuary unmolested. He then looks apologetically over at Tyranny before continuing:
I’ll even sweeten the deal by letting you keep the girl… The longer I’m around her, the less she appeals to me anyway. Someone should tell her that she dresses too much like a man. But I find the giant useful. Give him back to me and I’ll be gone. Agree to my terms and you win in every way. I’m gone from here, and the money and the woman are both yours.
Irinali: …now, we all know Tristan is lying here to manipulate Rolf, but even so, considering the circumstances… if Tyranny wants to castrate him later, I wouldn’t blame her. And indeed we’re told Tyranny glares at him hatefully, genuinely believing she’s been betrayed. What a wonderful plan! Scars, meanwhile, calls Tristan a liar and promises to kill him at the first chance he gets. Hmmm – even if you get out of this, are they ever going to trust you again? Somehow I doubt it – or I would, if Newcomb won’t sweep this under the rug somehow and forget about it. Rolf wants to know what proof he'll have that Tristan is telling the truth; Tristan says he has a map he drew for himself, but keeps part of the key in his head, without which the map is useless. But he’ll tell Rolf, and when Rolf sees it matches up with what’s on the map, he’ll know it’s true. Well, that doesn’t actually prove that the map shows what Tristan says it does, but Rolf doesn’t seem to be the brightest fellow. He asks how Tristan will know he’ll live up to his end, and Tristan says he has no choice. Rolf agrees he doesn’t and ogles Tyranny, fantasizing about what he’ll do with her after he’s disposed of Tristan, then agrees to the deal.
Dastardly Deeds: 120
Gender Wars: 54
Gratuitous Grimdark: 47
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 76
Ash: And so, Tristan whispers the “key” to Rolf, and then takes out the piece of scroll, claiming it’s a map… and as Rolf leans in to look at it, Tristan pulls out the brain hook and bashes Rolf in the face with the pommel, knocking him out. *stunned* That… was not what I was expecting! And congratulations, Tristan, you’re now in the middle of a bar full of murderous pirates and you’ve potentially alienated your only friends! Wonderful plan! Tristan grabs Rolf and holds a knife to his throat, threatening to cut it if anybody moves; one of them asks why he should care (indeed – if Rolf dies, his throne is up for the taking!), and Tristan says he’ll cut them all in on the money, which Rolf wouldn’t have done. And if Tristan kills Rolf, his part of the key dies with him. Ah, questions? One, why should any of the pirates believe you when they just saw you trick Rolf? Two, no, the key doesn’t die with Rolf because you still have it yourself (supposedly). Even if he dies, what’s to stop them from trying to force it out of you? Gah, if you were going to double cross Rolf, why do it here and not wait until you were out of the tavern and somewhere less busy, where he’ll have less support? But the pirates, sigh, back down, and Tristan orders the ones holding Scars to release him too. As soon as Scars is free he takes them both down and takes their weapons, while Tristan tells the pirates to let them go, and that Rolf is coming with him for protection. He’ll give them the map after the ship is repaired.
He tells them Ichabod knows where they’re moored, and once they leave to give them a half day’s head start, or Rolf dies. If they keep to that deal, he’ll set Rolf adrift with the map, and they can do whatever they want with him once they retrieve him. But if they betray him, he’ll kill Rolf and destroy the “map” himself. The pirates fall silent, and finally the prostitute from last time yells that they should accept. What have we got to lose except for these three? …and we just might make a bloomin’ fortune! That sounds like a good bargain where I come from! I say we let them go and see what happens! Tristan thinks she did him some good after all but they need to move fast; he and Scars nod at each other, and then he stuffs the hook and scroll fragment back in his boot and starts hauling Rolf out of the bar. Once they’re outside, Scars tosses Rolf onto a horse (that just… happens to be tied up out there? Why do the pirates have horses? Horses aren’t much good on ships!) while Tristan and Tyranny mount up on two others. As they ride off, Tristan smiles at Tyranny, she smiles hesitantly back (boo!) and as they notice they’re not being followed, the chapter ends.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 80
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 71
MG: And so, it does. This one… oof. Stereotypical pirate stuff continues, Tyranny is grossly objectified by Rolf and (albeit as part of the plan) Tristan and plays no role in her own rescue (even Scars gets more to do!) while Tristan’s plan only works because Rolf is a moron who lets the obviously untrustworthy person get close to him, and then the rest of the patrons just… assume the person they already know is a liar is now telling the truth, for some reason? *shrugs* It all just feels like Newcomb is going through the motions of a pirate plot without realizing how and why some of these things actually fit together, with the result that everyone comes out looking like utter morons. And so, onward!
Chapter Forty-Six
Irinali: The chapter opens with Marcus hiding beside a building in the Plaza of Fallen Heroes and watching that special, incredible hour of metamorphosis, in other words, an extremely pretentious way of saying “twilight.” Apparently, he’s been waiting here for a suitable victim for more than two hours and is getting very hungry – yes, yes, I know that he’s probably waiting for someone to beg, pickpocket or scam from, but it sounds like something rather different, doesn’t it? Apparently, Becca is also hungry, as they ate the last of their food this morning, and is currently staying back at their hideout with the Scroll. The narration goes on to learn that Marcus is indeed looking for someone to pickpocket – he’s decided to sell the Scroll to Worth for the thirteen thousand kisa (so what was the point of all the song and dance otherwise when last we saw him, then? Just to pad things out?) but still needs money to feed himself and his sister before then.
We also learn that from where he’s currently hiding, he’s watching Worth’s storefront – which has a sign identifying itself as selling magical objects and guaranteeing that they’re real (very reassuring!) – and seen several customers leave already looking satisfied with their purchases. He’s apparently also reached out to a couple of other potential buyers, but they rubbed him the wrong way in a way that Worth hasn’t, so he finds himself wary of them. Finally, Marcus spots a well-dressed man leaving a clothing shop and decides he looks like a good candidate for pickpocketing (I remain very confused as to how intact and functioning this city is supposed to be). He can actually see the man counting his money before pocketing it and thinks about how foolish it is to do that (considering what Tammerland has been like the last few times we’ve seen it, I quite agree!). He deliberately walks into the man, jostling him and nearly making him drop his packages, under cover of which he picks his pockets, and then slips into Worth’s store.
The place was filled with arcane objects, some of which looked very old. Mr. Worth was standing in the back, talking politely to a prosperous-looking man and woman. Marcus walked closer. When Worth saw him his face lit up, and he almost choked on his words.
Ash: …that is both a very dull description (“arcane objects” can mean almost anything! What exactly is Worth selling? How can you tell they’re magic?) and still makes it sound like a peaceful, prosperous city, not one still recovering from being brutally sacked less than a year ago! But Worth shoes his other customers out, draws the window curtains shut, and hurries over to Marcus, excitedly exclaiming he was worried he wouldn’t see him again (he must really want that scroll!). And indeed, Marcus confirms he’ll sell the Scroll, Worth confirms he still wants it, and he says it’ll take three days to get the money together. Marcus, for his part, had wanted to get the deal done tomorrow and is worried that Worth may not really be able to pay or that there might be some other catch. He asks why, and Worth says he’s going to have to sell off his entire current stock to cover the purchase, and even though some of his fellow magic merchants are willing to buy, it will still take three days to cover the transaction. So… does Worth really think that the Scroll is more valuable than literally everything else in his shop, then? That kind of strains credibility, doesn’t it? And I’m not sure why Marcus thought asking Worth point-blank like that was smart – if he’s up to something, surely he’d have a cover story ready to go? Then again, Marcus is a kid, and I was kind of dumb at that age, too.
Well, Marcus thinks it over and decides it makes sense (I don’t think it really does!) and promises to meet Worth in the square with the Scroll in three days.
Place the kisa into bags, and tie the bags to a saddled horse… I’ll be moving fast, so follow my instructions to the letter or the deal is off. My sister will be watching you, so don’t try anything stupid. If I receive the wrong signal from her, I’ll leave with the scroll and you’ll never see me again.
Ash: …I’m starting to think Marcus got his idea of how to conduct this sort of business out of chapbooks. This is much too complicated and seems more focused on trying to sound clever than to actually being clever! But Worth says he understands, and then Marcus literally pulls a knife and tells Worth that if he tries to cheat him, he’ll be sorry. *facepalms* Okay, this kid absolutely has read too many chapbooks. Do you really think Worth is going to be intimidated by you, honestly? Marcus lets himself out, and once he’s hidden himself back in an alley he counts the coins he pocketed – ten kisa, which is apparently enough to keep himself and Becca fed until they sell the Scroll. He immediately heads off to the farmers’ market, hoping he can get some of the sweet cakes Becca likes, and the scene ends.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 82
Irinali: And so we cut back to Worth’s shop as two people come out of the back. The one painted like a harlequin holds his knife to Worth’s face, while the old woman with him is clearly amused by his distress. *rolls he eyes* Oh, no, whoever could this be? Janus compliments Worth on fooling Marcus (I’m not sure how hard it was, if Marcus swallowed that story…) and tells him he might live through this. Worth wonders why they need him at all, and Janus says that Marcus is extremely clever for his age (not as clever as he thinks he is or is trying to be, I would say…) and would surely notice if Janus tried to follow him (to be fair, Janus is rather conspicuous) and if he ran they’d probably never see him again. Better to have him come willingly. Janus says he’s willing to give Worth three days to raise the money he needs (so Worth wasn’t lying about that, then?) since Marcus will probably want to check it before handing over the Scroll (and I suppose Janus isn’t willing to spend his own – or Krassus’ – money on this?). Janus also says that he’ll keep the money when they’re done; Krassus himself is beyond such concerns and might even compliment him on it. *rolls her eyes* Oh, yes, shaking down a scared merchant for money – truly the pinnacle of villainy to which we all aspire! And then Janus grins and declares that once he has the Scroll and the money he’ll kill both the children, because Newcomb has no subtlety whatsoever. Worth wants to know how they found him, since Janus and Grizelda just showed up at his shop yesterday, and Janus just tells him it was with the craft, of course. Worth can only nod in terror as Janus and Grizelda leave, and the chapter ends.
MG: Honestly, this one was short, and felt more like getting the pieces together for Marcus’s subplot while not actually resolving anything, beyond confirming that Janus knows where Marcus is and is planning to steal the Scroll (and I know why he doesn’t want to follow Marcus through the city, but why he didn’t just ambush him here in the shop and then force him to give up the location of the Scroll is a bit beyond me). Otherwise, Janus continues to be pettily evil, and Marcus suffers from the fact that Newcomb is trying to write him as tough and streetwise but his plans mostly come across as overly complex and likely to fail as soon as the adults around him decide to stop playing along. One more chapter for today, as the next one is short as well, so… onward!
Dastardly Deeds: 122
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 85
Chapter Forty-Seven
Ash: And so, we open our final chapter of the day with one of the best characters in these books, who has barely been in this book so far, Geldon, as he stands on the deck of the Minon flagship, Savage Scar (…subtle). He’s watching the sea as the three red moons have just risen, bathing the waves in their glow – huh, that’s an actually striking image! I kind of like it. Geldon thinks about how much his life has changed in the last year and how many troubles he and his friends still have to face in order to have peace. He reaches up to touch his neck, where he once wore the collar that marked him as Succiu’s personal slave, and thinks about how he owes his freedom to Tristan and Wigg and would do anything for them (they don’t deserve it! Especially not Wigg!). We learn that it’s been three weeks since the fleet left Parthalon, carrying as many Minion warriors as they can, and they’ve been fanning out to search for Tristan. However, Geldon knows that they’ve only managed to search a small portion of the Sea of Whispers so far, and he’s worried he’ll never see Tristan again.
Geldon confirms that they passed through the Necrophagians’ territory a few days ago, and the Minions were forced to carry out a battle to the death among themselves in order to generate the forty fresh corpses needed as an offering. *she shudders* That… is rather horrible, and though we’re told Traax made sure to give the dead an honorable mourning period, it’s hard to avoid the thought that these forty people had to be brutally killed by their own comrades for Tristan’s sake. Geldon remembers feeling horrified as the Necrophagians consumed the bodies and vanished, and is left wondering just who and what they really are and why they guard this particular section of the sea.
MG: Which is going to be answered before the series is through, actually! And considering this question has been asked since the first book, I think Newcomb actually laid the groundwork for a somewhat successful mystery for once.
Ash: …I never knew he had it in him! Geldon notices Traax coming up behind him and then spots the circling shadows of a squad of returning Minion warriors. He thinks they look forlorn and assumes this means they’ve been unsuccessful (they could just be tired…) as they land before Traax to make their report.
Gratuitous Grimdark: 49
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 72
Irinali: The lead officer snaps his booted heels together and salutes - mmm, I can certainly appreciate that kind of discipline! – and reports that they searched two ships, but neither were slavers and neither had Tristan aboard. Which just compels one to wonder how many ships there are on this sea, when it can’t be crossed by most people, and most people are ignorant of any other countries to visit! We’re reminded that Traax and Tristan fought together against Nicholas’s hatchlings, and also that Tristan is Traax’s sworn liege, and therefore Traax feels compelled to do everything in his power to find him (that Traax has more chemistry with Tristan than any of Tristan’s actual love-interests, alas, goes unnoticed). There’s apparently one more squad out searching, but the newly returned officer advises against sending out any more right now, as there are apparently thick clouds moving in that will make things difficult. Traax dismisses him, then rather needlessly tells Geldon that the search is going poorly (I’d have never guessed!) and the wizards won’t be pleased (they can live with it). Geldon thinks they’re now just two days from the Eutracian coast, and the further west they get the less likely he thinks it is they’ll find Tristan (what, have the just been searching in a straight line?) but he’s unwilling to give up.
The final Minion squad soon returns, and Geldon notes that this group looks more animated – almost happy, even! Their leader, K’Jarr (so, we have Minions named Kluge, Traax, K’Jarr, and Ox – do we have any actual idea what their naming conventions entail, or is it, as is most likely with Newcomb, entirely random?) approaches and Traax asks if he has news. As it happens, K’Jarr has no news of Tristan… but he has found a patch of fog that stays perfectly, unnaturally still and doesn’t move no matter how the wind blows it, and a number of ships are coming and going within it. K’Jarr didn’t get close enough to tell, but he thought they looked like warships and that they were preparing for something. This doesn’t mean anything to Geldon, but he’s sure magic must be involved, and something must be afoot here (I mean… obviously?). Traax agrees and asks if Geldon thinks the wizards will mind if they investigate (if you think you’ll find Tristan there, then investigating would be literally following your orders, so…). Geldon isn’t sure, but he thinks they should and tells K’Jarr to give the helmsman directions towards the fog bank. K’Jarr guesses they can be there by dawn if the wind holds, and after he heads off, Traax opines that tomorrow should be interesting (more interesting than this, one can only hope…). Geldon agrees, and the chapter comes to a close as the narration notes that neither of them knows just how right they’ll be.
MG: This last chapter was, again, mostly setup mixed with recapping what Geldon’s been up to since we’ve last seen him (and it’s really amazing how little he’s been in this book so far!). And, alas, it cuts off before anything too interesting happens, though the Minions are now headed towards Sanctuary. Still, I’ll take “needless exposition and setup Newcomb” over “gratuitously gross, edgy and misogynist Newcomb,” so this chapter could’ve been far worse. Overall, while these chapters had some forward plot movement, especially with Tristan but to a lesser extent with Marcus and Geldon, it’s still hard to shake the feeling that because of the way we keep jumping between all these different plots threads, they’re all moving at a snails’ pace individually, and that the whole story could have been woven together much more artfully than it actually is. Though at least things that actually matter are, finally, starting to happen. Anyway, next time we’ll be checking back in with Wulfgar, Tristan, and the wizards, and finally start getting a sense of just what effect Krassus’ work is going to be having on Wulfgar, so… prepare to rage. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 172
Contrivances and Coincidences: 45
Dastardly Deeds: 122
Exposition Intrusion: 198 (giving a couple of points here for Geldon’s recapping)
Gender Wars: 54
Gratuitous Grimdark: 49
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 85
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 72
Retcons and Revelations: 25
I’m also currently reading the Star Wars Expanded Universe comic series Dark Empire on my journal; check it out if you’re interested! Updates Tuesday and Thursday.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! Last time, Tristan cheated at cards… somehow, hired a sailmaker, and Tyranny got damselled; Krassus began brainwashing Wulfgar; and Faegan tried an explosive experiment. Today, Tristan tries to figure out how to get Tyranny and himself out of the mess they’re in, while we also check in with some of the book’s rare not-horrible characters. Joining us today will be Ash and Irinali!
Chapter Forty-Five
Irinali: Oh, joy. And I don’t even have the comfort of reading about (and mocking) any or all of Newcomb’s wizards today, it seems. Well, best to get this over with, I suppose. We open with Tristan, heart hammering, as he sits next to Ichabod and watches Rolf pull hard on Tyranny’s hair. He can tell she’s in pain, but there’s nothing she and Scars can do. If the three of them were to somehow survive this, it would be completely up to Tristan. Well, in that case you’d best throw yourselves to the Necrophagians now and spare yourselves the trouble, for all the good he’ll be! But of course, he’s the main character and a man, so he gets to be the hero *rolls her eyes, so hard*. We get a brief description of Rolf – he’s tall, muscular, a couple of years older than Tristan, long sandy hair in braids, sleeveless red shirt and brown breeches, black boots and a red sash. He wears a saber at his waist and is covered in scars and tattoos. All told, pretty stereotypical pirate, if I do say so myself.
Well, Rolf calls again for Tyranny’s new boyfriend to come face him; Tristan remembers the piece of scroll in his boot and has an idea (oh, this will no doubt be painful…). He steps forward, and the crowd starts betting on which of them will die, with most of them… betting it will be Rolf? Because of course this stranger who nobody knows anything about will so easily defeat the fearsome pirate king (or possibly they’re betting that Rolf will kill Tristan, which is more likely, but it’s poorly worked if so)! Tristan tells Rolf to let Tyranny go (oh, yes, that’ll show him!) while Rolf (who’s accent apparently marks him as from the Eutracian highlands, just north of Ilenidum) comments that he’d heard about Tristan’s childish lookin’ weapons, oooh, but not how ugly he was. Why, Rolf! If you weren’t an abusive pirate, I’d almost like you!
Gender Wars: 53
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 74
Ash: *flatly* I’m very sorry, but I draw the line at pirates and slavers, much less abusers, thank you. Rolf claims his men also saw Tyranny kissing Tristan, and he wants to know who he is before he has him torn apart. And then he says he and Tyranny have some catchin’ up to do, making it quite clear what he means, and, gah. Tristan, please. Kill him now, so I don’t have to do it later. Tristan decides to pit his plan into motion, loudly declaring that this bitch and that idiot giant of hers are my partners now – charming – and he wants them back. Rolf demands to know what he means, and Tristan says he paid them and they work for him now (technically true, though he hasn’t actually forked over the money yet…). Rolf doesn’t believe him, since he can’t imagine Tyranny would hire her ship out for any price, so Tristan pauses dramatically before declaring one hundred thousand kisa, then telling him that Tyranny keeps the promissory note between her breasts. *stunned* Dark Maiden’s sake, man, are you trying to get her publicly groped? Vyshaan.
But Rolf hauls Tyranny back to her feet and demands to know if it’s true, and thankfully Tyrannt pulls the note out herself and shows him (that could have gone very poorly…). Rolf looks it over, then wants to know what a man of means is doing out here in the middle of the ocean, so Tristan – still being mostly honest – explains that they’ve both lost family to the demonslavers and are looking for them. Even you ought to be able to understand that, you dumb bastard. Now, Tristan, is insulting the man in the middle of his own island really that wise? And indeed, we learn that few people insult Rolf and live to tell about it, and Tristan is left wondering if he’s just killed them all *facepalm*. But Rolf is more interested in where the money is (uh, if Tristan had to write a promissory note, isn’t that a good indication it’s not actually on him?) and here Tristan starts making things up. Rather than admitting he’s a prince, he says the money is buried on the Eutracian coast somewhere only he knows, and Tyranny has seen it, but he moved it again afterwards and she doesn’t know where it is now. He then veers back to the truth, telling Rolf about the screechling attack and how they wouldn’t be here if they didn’t have to be.
Gratuitous Grimdark: 46 (for the not-so-subtle rape threat)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 75
Irinali: And so, Rolf reads the note – This twenty-second day of the Season of New Life, I promise to pay Teresa of the House of Welborne one hundred thousand kisa upon the successful completion of this voyage followed by two signatures, Tyranny’s and Tristan’s false name. Rolf demands to know what’s stopping him from torturing the information out of Tristan (besides torture not actually being good at getting reliable information, you mean?) and Tristan indeed confirms Rolf wouldn’t know if he was telling the truth, and Tristan could end up just leading him on a wild goose chase. Sure, Rolf could kill him afterwards – but that wouldn’t get him the information. However, Tristan promises Rolf that he would be willing to give him the money, in return for repairs and leaving Sanctuary unmolested. He then looks apologetically over at Tyranny before continuing:
I’ll even sweeten the deal by letting you keep the girl… The longer I’m around her, the less she appeals to me anyway. Someone should tell her that she dresses too much like a man. But I find the giant useful. Give him back to me and I’ll be gone. Agree to my terms and you win in every way. I’m gone from here, and the money and the woman are both yours.
Irinali: …now, we all know Tristan is lying here to manipulate Rolf, but even so, considering the circumstances… if Tyranny wants to castrate him later, I wouldn’t blame her. And indeed we’re told Tyranny glares at him hatefully, genuinely believing she’s been betrayed. What a wonderful plan! Scars, meanwhile, calls Tristan a liar and promises to kill him at the first chance he gets. Hmmm – even if you get out of this, are they ever going to trust you again? Somehow I doubt it – or I would, if Newcomb won’t sweep this under the rug somehow and forget about it. Rolf wants to know what proof he'll have that Tristan is telling the truth; Tristan says he has a map he drew for himself, but keeps part of the key in his head, without which the map is useless. But he’ll tell Rolf, and when Rolf sees it matches up with what’s on the map, he’ll know it’s true. Well, that doesn’t actually prove that the map shows what Tristan says it does, but Rolf doesn’t seem to be the brightest fellow. He asks how Tristan will know he’ll live up to his end, and Tristan says he has no choice. Rolf agrees he doesn’t and ogles Tyranny, fantasizing about what he’ll do with her after he’s disposed of Tristan, then agrees to the deal.
Dastardly Deeds: 120
Gender Wars: 54
Gratuitous Grimdark: 47
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 76
Ash: And so, Tristan whispers the “key” to Rolf, and then takes out the piece of scroll, claiming it’s a map… and as Rolf leans in to look at it, Tristan pulls out the brain hook and bashes Rolf in the face with the pommel, knocking him out. *stunned* That… was not what I was expecting! And congratulations, Tristan, you’re now in the middle of a bar full of murderous pirates and you’ve potentially alienated your only friends! Wonderful plan! Tristan grabs Rolf and holds a knife to his throat, threatening to cut it if anybody moves; one of them asks why he should care (indeed – if Rolf dies, his throne is up for the taking!), and Tristan says he’ll cut them all in on the money, which Rolf wouldn’t have done. And if Tristan kills Rolf, his part of the key dies with him. Ah, questions? One, why should any of the pirates believe you when they just saw you trick Rolf? Two, no, the key doesn’t die with Rolf because you still have it yourself (supposedly). Even if he dies, what’s to stop them from trying to force it out of you? Gah, if you were going to double cross Rolf, why do it here and not wait until you were out of the tavern and somewhere less busy, where he’ll have less support? But the pirates, sigh, back down, and Tristan orders the ones holding Scars to release him too. As soon as Scars is free he takes them both down and takes their weapons, while Tristan tells the pirates to let them go, and that Rolf is coming with him for protection. He’ll give them the map after the ship is repaired.
He tells them Ichabod knows where they’re moored, and once they leave to give them a half day’s head start, or Rolf dies. If they keep to that deal, he’ll set Rolf adrift with the map, and they can do whatever they want with him once they retrieve him. But if they betray him, he’ll kill Rolf and destroy the “map” himself. The pirates fall silent, and finally the prostitute from last time yells that they should accept. What have we got to lose except for these three? …and we just might make a bloomin’ fortune! That sounds like a good bargain where I come from! I say we let them go and see what happens! Tristan thinks she did him some good after all but they need to move fast; he and Scars nod at each other, and then he stuffs the hook and scroll fragment back in his boot and starts hauling Rolf out of the bar. Once they’re outside, Scars tosses Rolf onto a horse (that just… happens to be tied up out there? Why do the pirates have horses? Horses aren’t much good on ships!) while Tristan and Tyranny mount up on two others. As they ride off, Tristan smiles at Tyranny, she smiles hesitantly back (boo!) and as they notice they’re not being followed, the chapter ends.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 80
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 71
MG: And so, it does. This one… oof. Stereotypical pirate stuff continues, Tyranny is grossly objectified by Rolf and (albeit as part of the plan) Tristan and plays no role in her own rescue (even Scars gets more to do!) while Tristan’s plan only works because Rolf is a moron who lets the obviously untrustworthy person get close to him, and then the rest of the patrons just… assume the person they already know is a liar is now telling the truth, for some reason? *shrugs* It all just feels like Newcomb is going through the motions of a pirate plot without realizing how and why some of these things actually fit together, with the result that everyone comes out looking like utter morons. And so, onward!
Chapter Forty-Six
Irinali: The chapter opens with Marcus hiding beside a building in the Plaza of Fallen Heroes and watching that special, incredible hour of metamorphosis, in other words, an extremely pretentious way of saying “twilight.” Apparently, he’s been waiting here for a suitable victim for more than two hours and is getting very hungry – yes, yes, I know that he’s probably waiting for someone to beg, pickpocket or scam from, but it sounds like something rather different, doesn’t it? Apparently, Becca is also hungry, as they ate the last of their food this morning, and is currently staying back at their hideout with the Scroll. The narration goes on to learn that Marcus is indeed looking for someone to pickpocket – he’s decided to sell the Scroll to Worth for the thirteen thousand kisa (so what was the point of all the song and dance otherwise when last we saw him, then? Just to pad things out?) but still needs money to feed himself and his sister before then.
We also learn that from where he’s currently hiding, he’s watching Worth’s storefront – which has a sign identifying itself as selling magical objects and guaranteeing that they’re real (very reassuring!) – and seen several customers leave already looking satisfied with their purchases. He’s apparently also reached out to a couple of other potential buyers, but they rubbed him the wrong way in a way that Worth hasn’t, so he finds himself wary of them. Finally, Marcus spots a well-dressed man leaving a clothing shop and decides he looks like a good candidate for pickpocketing (I remain very confused as to how intact and functioning this city is supposed to be). He can actually see the man counting his money before pocketing it and thinks about how foolish it is to do that (considering what Tammerland has been like the last few times we’ve seen it, I quite agree!). He deliberately walks into the man, jostling him and nearly making him drop his packages, under cover of which he picks his pockets, and then slips into Worth’s store.
The place was filled with arcane objects, some of which looked very old. Mr. Worth was standing in the back, talking politely to a prosperous-looking man and woman. Marcus walked closer. When Worth saw him his face lit up, and he almost choked on his words.
Ash: …that is both a very dull description (“arcane objects” can mean almost anything! What exactly is Worth selling? How can you tell they’re magic?) and still makes it sound like a peaceful, prosperous city, not one still recovering from being brutally sacked less than a year ago! But Worth shoes his other customers out, draws the window curtains shut, and hurries over to Marcus, excitedly exclaiming he was worried he wouldn’t see him again (he must really want that scroll!). And indeed, Marcus confirms he’ll sell the Scroll, Worth confirms he still wants it, and he says it’ll take three days to get the money together. Marcus, for his part, had wanted to get the deal done tomorrow and is worried that Worth may not really be able to pay or that there might be some other catch. He asks why, and Worth says he’s going to have to sell off his entire current stock to cover the purchase, and even though some of his fellow magic merchants are willing to buy, it will still take three days to cover the transaction. So… does Worth really think that the Scroll is more valuable than literally everything else in his shop, then? That kind of strains credibility, doesn’t it? And I’m not sure why Marcus thought asking Worth point-blank like that was smart – if he’s up to something, surely he’d have a cover story ready to go? Then again, Marcus is a kid, and I was kind of dumb at that age, too.
Well, Marcus thinks it over and decides it makes sense (I don’t think it really does!) and promises to meet Worth in the square with the Scroll in three days.
Place the kisa into bags, and tie the bags to a saddled horse… I’ll be moving fast, so follow my instructions to the letter or the deal is off. My sister will be watching you, so don’t try anything stupid. If I receive the wrong signal from her, I’ll leave with the scroll and you’ll never see me again.
Ash: …I’m starting to think Marcus got his idea of how to conduct this sort of business out of chapbooks. This is much too complicated and seems more focused on trying to sound clever than to actually being clever! But Worth says he understands, and then Marcus literally pulls a knife and tells Worth that if he tries to cheat him, he’ll be sorry. *facepalms* Okay, this kid absolutely has read too many chapbooks. Do you really think Worth is going to be intimidated by you, honestly? Marcus lets himself out, and once he’s hidden himself back in an alley he counts the coins he pocketed – ten kisa, which is apparently enough to keep himself and Becca fed until they sell the Scroll. He immediately heads off to the farmers’ market, hoping he can get some of the sweet cakes Becca likes, and the scene ends.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 82
Irinali: And so we cut back to Worth’s shop as two people come out of the back. The one painted like a harlequin holds his knife to Worth’s face, while the old woman with him is clearly amused by his distress. *rolls he eyes* Oh, no, whoever could this be? Janus compliments Worth on fooling Marcus (I’m not sure how hard it was, if Marcus swallowed that story…) and tells him he might live through this. Worth wonders why they need him at all, and Janus says that Marcus is extremely clever for his age (not as clever as he thinks he is or is trying to be, I would say…) and would surely notice if Janus tried to follow him (to be fair, Janus is rather conspicuous) and if he ran they’d probably never see him again. Better to have him come willingly. Janus says he’s willing to give Worth three days to raise the money he needs (so Worth wasn’t lying about that, then?) since Marcus will probably want to check it before handing over the Scroll (and I suppose Janus isn’t willing to spend his own – or Krassus’ – money on this?). Janus also says that he’ll keep the money when they’re done; Krassus himself is beyond such concerns and might even compliment him on it. *rolls her eyes* Oh, yes, shaking down a scared merchant for money – truly the pinnacle of villainy to which we all aspire! And then Janus grins and declares that once he has the Scroll and the money he’ll kill both the children, because Newcomb has no subtlety whatsoever. Worth wants to know how they found him, since Janus and Grizelda just showed up at his shop yesterday, and Janus just tells him it was with the craft, of course. Worth can only nod in terror as Janus and Grizelda leave, and the chapter ends.
MG: Honestly, this one was short, and felt more like getting the pieces together for Marcus’s subplot while not actually resolving anything, beyond confirming that Janus knows where Marcus is and is planning to steal the Scroll (and I know why he doesn’t want to follow Marcus through the city, but why he didn’t just ambush him here in the shop and then force him to give up the location of the Scroll is a bit beyond me). Otherwise, Janus continues to be pettily evil, and Marcus suffers from the fact that Newcomb is trying to write him as tough and streetwise but his plans mostly come across as overly complex and likely to fail as soon as the adults around him decide to stop playing along. One more chapter for today, as the next one is short as well, so… onward!
Dastardly Deeds: 122
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 85
Chapter Forty-Seven
Ash: And so, we open our final chapter of the day with one of the best characters in these books, who has barely been in this book so far, Geldon, as he stands on the deck of the Minon flagship, Savage Scar (…subtle). He’s watching the sea as the three red moons have just risen, bathing the waves in their glow – huh, that’s an actually striking image! I kind of like it. Geldon thinks about how much his life has changed in the last year and how many troubles he and his friends still have to face in order to have peace. He reaches up to touch his neck, where he once wore the collar that marked him as Succiu’s personal slave, and thinks about how he owes his freedom to Tristan and Wigg and would do anything for them (they don’t deserve it! Especially not Wigg!). We learn that it’s been three weeks since the fleet left Parthalon, carrying as many Minion warriors as they can, and they’ve been fanning out to search for Tristan. However, Geldon knows that they’ve only managed to search a small portion of the Sea of Whispers so far, and he’s worried he’ll never see Tristan again.
Geldon confirms that they passed through the Necrophagians’ territory a few days ago, and the Minions were forced to carry out a battle to the death among themselves in order to generate the forty fresh corpses needed as an offering. *she shudders* That… is rather horrible, and though we’re told Traax made sure to give the dead an honorable mourning period, it’s hard to avoid the thought that these forty people had to be brutally killed by their own comrades for Tristan’s sake. Geldon remembers feeling horrified as the Necrophagians consumed the bodies and vanished, and is left wondering just who and what they really are and why they guard this particular section of the sea.
MG: Which is going to be answered before the series is through, actually! And considering this question has been asked since the first book, I think Newcomb actually laid the groundwork for a somewhat successful mystery for once.
Ash: …I never knew he had it in him! Geldon notices Traax coming up behind him and then spots the circling shadows of a squad of returning Minion warriors. He thinks they look forlorn and assumes this means they’ve been unsuccessful (they could just be tired…) as they land before Traax to make their report.
Gratuitous Grimdark: 49
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 72
Irinali: The lead officer snaps his booted heels together and salutes - mmm, I can certainly appreciate that kind of discipline! – and reports that they searched two ships, but neither were slavers and neither had Tristan aboard. Which just compels one to wonder how many ships there are on this sea, when it can’t be crossed by most people, and most people are ignorant of any other countries to visit! We’re reminded that Traax and Tristan fought together against Nicholas’s hatchlings, and also that Tristan is Traax’s sworn liege, and therefore Traax feels compelled to do everything in his power to find him (that Traax has more chemistry with Tristan than any of Tristan’s actual love-interests, alas, goes unnoticed). There’s apparently one more squad out searching, but the newly returned officer advises against sending out any more right now, as there are apparently thick clouds moving in that will make things difficult. Traax dismisses him, then rather needlessly tells Geldon that the search is going poorly (I’d have never guessed!) and the wizards won’t be pleased (they can live with it). Geldon thinks they’re now just two days from the Eutracian coast, and the further west they get the less likely he thinks it is they’ll find Tristan (what, have the just been searching in a straight line?) but he’s unwilling to give up.
The final Minion squad soon returns, and Geldon notes that this group looks more animated – almost happy, even! Their leader, K’Jarr (so, we have Minions named Kluge, Traax, K’Jarr, and Ox – do we have any actual idea what their naming conventions entail, or is it, as is most likely with Newcomb, entirely random?) approaches and Traax asks if he has news. As it happens, K’Jarr has no news of Tristan… but he has found a patch of fog that stays perfectly, unnaturally still and doesn’t move no matter how the wind blows it, and a number of ships are coming and going within it. K’Jarr didn’t get close enough to tell, but he thought they looked like warships and that they were preparing for something. This doesn’t mean anything to Geldon, but he’s sure magic must be involved, and something must be afoot here (I mean… obviously?). Traax agrees and asks if Geldon thinks the wizards will mind if they investigate (if you think you’ll find Tristan there, then investigating would be literally following your orders, so…). Geldon isn’t sure, but he thinks they should and tells K’Jarr to give the helmsman directions towards the fog bank. K’Jarr guesses they can be there by dawn if the wind holds, and after he heads off, Traax opines that tomorrow should be interesting (more interesting than this, one can only hope…). Geldon agrees, and the chapter comes to a close as the narration notes that neither of them knows just how right they’ll be.
MG: This last chapter was, again, mostly setup mixed with recapping what Geldon’s been up to since we’ve last seen him (and it’s really amazing how little he’s been in this book so far!). And, alas, it cuts off before anything too interesting happens, though the Minions are now headed towards Sanctuary. Still, I’ll take “needless exposition and setup Newcomb” over “gratuitously gross, edgy and misogynist Newcomb,” so this chapter could’ve been far worse. Overall, while these chapters had some forward plot movement, especially with Tristan but to a lesser extent with Marcus and Geldon, it’s still hard to shake the feeling that because of the way we keep jumping between all these different plots threads, they’re all moving at a snails’ pace individually, and that the whole story could have been woven together much more artfully than it actually is. Though at least things that actually matter are, finally, starting to happen. Anyway, next time we’ll be checking back in with Wulfgar, Tristan, and the wizards, and finally start getting a sense of just what effect Krassus’ work is going to be having on Wulfgar, so… prepare to rage. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 172
Contrivances and Coincidences: 45
Dastardly Deeds: 122
Exposition Intrusion: 198 (giving a couple of points here for Geldon’s recapping)
Gender Wars: 54
Gratuitous Grimdark: 49
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 85
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 72
Retcons and Revelations: 25
I’m also currently reading the Star Wars Expanded Universe comic series Dark Empire on my journal; check it out if you’re interested! Updates Tuesday and Thursday.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-08 07:04 am (UTC)You know - the only guy who matters!
Personally I'm just picturing the guy off the Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum label. But then I 'ave got a wicked thirst.
Excellent. Keep it coming, Cap'n Morgan. And he's right; Triscuit is an ugly fuck with an ugly heart.
Why? So the idiot has an excuse to recite all his cool titles and shit?
While we're sort of on the subject, I really don't know why Triscuit just HAD to be a prince because it's really not doing him and the series in general any favours.
Was that a head-hop on top of everything else?
Because this is crap fantasy, horses = cars and you can find them randomly parked outside pretty much any building, ready to go.
This kid knows they're arcane... how, exactly?
And what on earth is he going to do with the damn thing once he's bankrupted himself buying it?
I'm worried we WILL see him again.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-08 10:18 pm (UTC)But of course - he's the main character, why should anyone else get to do anything, even when they're more qualified! /s
While we're sort of on the subject, I really don't know why Triscuit just HAD to be a prince because it's really not doing him and the series in general any favours.
Yeah, I mentioned back in my final thoughts on Fifth Sorceress that the story probably would've been better if he was just a wizard's son; frankly, from what we see, Eutracia didn't even need to be a monarchy at all, it would've made more sense if it was a magocracy openly ruled by the Directorate (since they seem to run everything anyway).
Was that a head-hop on top of everything else?
No, he rambled about it out loud. We skimmed over it because it was gross and gratuitous.
This kid knows they're arcane... how, exactly?
This is why actually describing the objects in question would've helped!
And what on earth is he going to do with the damn thing once he's bankrupted himself buying it?
I mean, I would've assumed it was just part of delaying Marcus to set up Janus's trap, but based on the conversation with Janus, nope, he really is intending to clear out his whole stock just so he can raise enough money to by the Scroll! Just... why.
I'm worried we WILL see him again.
Alas, you would be right - we'll see him again next time.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-09 06:34 am (UTC)That would make too much sense. Can't have that!
Oh god that's WORSE.
What, put in any effort describing stuff that isn't gore and rape? Pfft, like whatever dudette.
Because fuck you, that's why! (I'm in one of my moods today, apparently).
nnuuuuuuuu