antishurtugal_reborn | The World of the Others Commentary

In which Simon furthers his dislike for humans, the author declares her dislike for humans, Meg the Mary Sue gets to shine her Sueness down on all, and Trigger warning: a woman gets sexually assaulted by Wolf nose at the behest of Simon, who thinks it's perfectly fine for him to have ordered it, and talk about child sexual assault and torture.

So, without further ado, here's chapter fifteen. It's a doozy.

Chapter Fifteen

This chapter starts with Simon whining. What else is new?

On Watersday, Simon put the cash drawer in the register and opened HGR for business. He wasn’t in the best frame of mind to deal with customers, but paperwork wouldn’t have distracted him from thinking about what he was going to do when Meg closed the office for the midday break.

How about taking the day off, Simon? Contrary to popular belief, both owners of the establishment don’t have to be there at the same time every day the shop is open. You can take the day off, especially if you’re not “in the best frame of mind to deal with customers”. But what’s mental health? What’s taking the time to actually deal with your problem instead of pushing it away and pretending it doesn’t exist until it slaps you in the face with a wet cardboard box? Also, Watersday is the equivalent of Saturday. You don’t have to be open on a Saturday, especially when you DON’T NEED TO MAKE MONEY FROM YOUR BUSINESS. You could literally take a mental health day, and if you absolutely need to be open, you could have your employees open the store like any other business, or you have your co-owner open it for you. Seriously, I haven’t seen Simon do anything business or leadership related this entire story, and I’m not counting the whole “he was running the bookstore when Meg first arrived” or “he left to go have an ineffective meeting with other people”, either. All he’s done so far is abuse Meg, abuse Sam, and get violent with other people. Other than being “dominant ‘cause reasons”, what makes him a leader?

The narrator tells us that “yesterday had been sunny” and “the city plows had cleared Lakeside’s main roads as well as the residential streets”. You know, like any normal city on the Eastern Seaboard and some southern states that see snow more often than not do. Simon complains that there a humans out in force today, like the storm on “Windsday”, the equivalent of Wednesday, kept them all inside for a week instead of a couple of days. Or, you know, not at all because any city that experiences snow on a regular basis would have infrastructure available to deal with the snow right away. I know this. I lived in the North for a majority of my life. Unless the snow wasn’t going to let up and thus make conditions extremely dangerous, or a State of Emergency was declared, snow plows and salt trucks were out the moment the first flake hit the pavement, sometimes even before. Anyway, Simon whines that the Courtyard’s parking lot is full, there are people working out at the Courtyard’s gym, including Ruthie, who if you care to remember is Officer Kowalski’s wife. Or wife-to-be. I can’t remember anymore, and honestly it isn’t important. The coffee shop is also full and now that the bookstore is officially open, Simon expects the coffee shop customers to come shop or just use browsing as an excuse to linger so they don’t have to go home.

Cabin fever, humans called it. A phrase that made no sense to the terra indigene. When there was a storm, you slept or stayed quiet somewhere that was dry and warm. When the storm stopped, you went out to hunt and play. There was no need to be frantic about it. Wanting to do one and then the other was wisdom Namid imparted to all her creatures.

Cabin fever usually comes from being locked inside for a week or more, not two days. The world doesn’t stop because of a random snowstorm for two days, especially if the area is used to such snowstorms. Having lived in the north for a majority of my life, where it snowed pretty much all winter, I know for a fact that the towns prepared the roads before the snows hit by salting them or putting chemical on them that prevented black ice and the snows from sticking, and then the crews were out well before dawn plowing and removing snow from roads and parking lots. So the towns never really stopped doing business. Things just got a later start in the day at worst. I can count on one hand how many times I got to stay home from school because the snow was too deep and made it dangerous for the buses. Otherwise I only got a two- or three-hour delay. So this doesn’t make sense to me, unless this city is located in the south (which it’s not) where one little flake of snow shuts everything down. So the fact that the humans in Lakeside, who have lived with snow their entire lives, act like it’s the end of the world if they don’t get out immediately after a snowstorm is just fucking weird and makes it feel like the author has no clue. It just feels like the author is shitting on humans because her shapeshifters are just soooo much better. Kind of like how Paolini shits on humans by saying his elves are Better Than You for being peace-loving, tree-hugging vegans, and murdering humans and helpless birds that they could heal with a single spell is totally fine in their book.

Simon then shits on humans by saying “most of her creatures anyway”, like we humans want to squeeze everything into the same day and get pissed when we can’t. Humans can be frantic about things, just like we can be lazy about things. It’s called “privilege” Simon. That’s the word you’re looking for. You and the rest of the terra indigene live in the lap of luxury, knowing you’re going to get the best of everything and the first of everything, and if you don’t, you’ll kill humans in order to have it. You don’t have to worry about money or bills, or where your next meal is coming from, or if you’ll get evicted from your house because some shifter decided your house was theirs now. So you have the luxury and privilege of taking things slow and being able to hunker down in a storm and then go out to play after the storm is over. Humans don’t have that luxury. Storm or not, people have to work. They have to pay bills. They have to live in fear from you and yours. Humans don’t have luxury or privilege. A part of me wants to give some leniency because Simon never bothered to watch humans or get to know any of them, but I’m really not feeling charitable because Simon keeps his “I’m Better Than You” attitude for the entirety of the series. He doesn’t change. Ever.

Anyway, Simon goes on to say that he doesn’t care what the humans do. They’ll either buy a book or a magazine and they would leave to go to wherever they wanted to go next before going home. You know, Simon, for someone who doesn’t care what humans do, you sure whine about what they’re doing - or not doing - quite a bit. Well, John - you might remember him, he’s another Wolf who has a very sweet disposition, which means that he’s probably not going to survive this series intact - approaches at this point and looks worried. It’s pointed out that John is normally cheerful, so seeing him worried is weird. John greets Simon and then says that he saw Sam at the Wolfgard Complex and wonders is everything okay. Simon says Sam’s just having a playdate with some of the other Wolf kids. John inquires if Sam is furry during this playdate. A lightbulb goes off in Simon’s head and he realizes John’s worrying because everyone has been told Sam shifted from pupper to boy, but nobody’s seen him as a boy. So they won’t be able to identify him in his human skin because they haven’t given him a thorough sniffing. Simon replies:

“Probably,” Simon replied, keeping his voice mild. “He was supposed to stay human for half the morning, but I think he wore out Elliot’s patience by the time they were done with breakfast, and he received permission to shift.” He couldn’t blame Elliot for making that choice. Letting Sam shift back to Wolf was easier than listening to the continual Meg did it this way and Meg doesn’t do that.

You know, you read this paragraph and you think about all the talk about “shifting to human” that happens, and you really start to wonder if the Others aren’t just reverse shapeshifters. They’re touted to be this alien type of creature, something whose true form isn’t readily known, something we should all be afraid of because they lurk in the dark and secret places of the world and they basically own everything, but what they act like is reversed shapeshifters. They’re not born this otherworldly creature who then learns to take on the Wolf form and then learns to take on a human form. They’re born as a wolf (lowercase w) and then they learn to shift to human. Like I said, the comparison with Paolini’s elves is apt, because they are supposed to be better, stronger, faster, whatever than humans, and it’s the same with the Others. The only real difference between the elves and the Others is that the elves basically fucked off to their little corner of the world when life didn’t go their way, while the Others literally rule the world and murder anything they feel like when life doesn’t go their way. Also, I’m not sure how Sam shifting to pup would stop the whole talking about how Meg is so much better than literally everything since he can talk telepathically as well. It’s not like shifting to Wolf makes him shut up.

Simon tells us that Sam uses Meg to measure everything the Wolves are supposed to do or not do. Simon also has some amusement by the fact Sam tried to convince him to let Meg go to puppy school with Sam, because there are things she doesn’t know. Simon then thinks Meg wouldn’t want to know how to kill and eat a bunny, but then stops and considers it, and thinks maybe she would. He can’t picture “Meg pouncing on a bunny and ripping it open with her teeth”, of course, but he decides he might try to picture it harder. John interrupts Simon’s daydreaming to say that there’s a bunch of college chicks next door and asks if Simon wants him to stock up the “quick-buy table” - which I assume is a display table that puts popular books within easy reach - or if he wants John to run security.

Before Simon can reply, he catches the scent of two new arrivals, Wolves both, before he sees them. It’s Nathan in human form and Ferus (or Dead Wolf Walking) in Wolf form. Ferus decides he’s going to be watch Wolf and plants his furry ass in the designated spot for said security, giving him a clear line of sight of the door and the front area of the store. Simon mentions that since he or Vlad are usually in the store, they don’t need more security than one set of very sharp teeth. And apparently it’s Ferus’s turn to be bouncer, so Simon’s confused by why Nathan is with him. Of course, John is completely forgotten by this new arrival. Simon asks Nathan if “Blair [is] expecting trouble” but Nathan shakes his head and says that Henry mentioned there should be a box of books for the library. He exposits for a bit of why Henry isn’t here to get the box himself (Henry wants to hang out in his workshop, if you must know, but yay for padding) so Nathan volunteered himself to get it so he could have first pick of the books. Nathan declares it’ll be “Earthday (read: Sunday) tomorrow” and he wants something quiet to do. John suggests that Nathan could just buy a book and Nathan laughs at him.

Like I said. Luxury and privilege.

Anyway, Simon decides to get as much use out of Nathan as he can, so he tells him to go take a look around the gym and the social center. Check to see who’s using the facilities. He mentions Ruthie, boasts that she’s fucking a police officer, and that she gets special treatment because of that. But not really, because Simon is pretty convinced that, despite Ruthie knowing the rules of her special treatment, she might sneak someone in if she opts to go shopping before she heads home. At least, that’s how it reads, with Simon suggesting “someone [might] try to slip in” if Ruthie opts to go shopping. I’m sure there’s an off-color joke in there about humans being untrustworthy unless they’re the Correct People, but I can’t think of how to word it. Anyway, Nathan agrees to do this, and make sure everyone knows they’re being watched by bloodthirsty monsters who would love nothing more than to feast on their livers. He exposits that Marie is watching from the air, and humans are so stupid that they don’t think about aerial spies. The narrator then jumps in that “most humans” don’t think about how fast an alarm can be sounded across the Courtyard if humans try to start trouble, either.

Nathan leaves and John fucks out of the scene. Simon watches the first customers enter the bookstore from the coffee shop. He also tries not to have a temper tantrum when he spots Asia amongst the crowd. He does say he “doesn’t have the right temper” to deal with Asia’s bullshit today and he really just wants her to buy her shit and get out. Except this is the author’s cue to have Asia lay it on thick with Simon, and then also slut-shame Asia by mentioning Simon smells “another scent on her”. It’s familiar to Simon, but he can’t figure out why it’s familiar. He also says he wants to lean over and give Asia a good sniffing in order to figure it out, but he doesn’t want to do that, because he doesn’t want Asia to think he’s interested in dem tiddies, because apparently interest in dem tiddies means you want to have sex with the person who owns dem tiddies. Since - HAH - Simon “isn’t interested in breasts or sex” (but he’s not gay! or asexual. because LGBTQ+ doesn’t exist in this world, until they do for inclusivity points, but turn out to be just stereotypical caricatures) he decides he’ll figure out a different way to get the information he wants.

So he calls for Ferus and orders him to sniff Asia.

In order to distract Asia from incoming sniffers, Simon asks Asia what she wants. Asia leans on the counter so she can show off dem tiddies Totally-Not-Gay Simon is Not Interested In, and asks if Simon has “something in mind”. Meaning sex. And then this happens:

She let out a very satisfying squeal and almost leaped high enough to land on the counter when Ferus shoved his muzzle between her legs.

When I first read this passage, I gave it a pass because Ferus is a non-human and doesn’t really have to follow the unspoken human rules about getting a good whiff of scent. This is also dog behavior. Dogs and cats stick their noses in each other’s butts to get a scent of who they’re dealing with and a whole bunch of other information besides. So, pass, right? But then reading this again, you realize that these Wolves can switch to a human form, so they would’ve had to learn a certain etiquette when dealing with human women and sniffing them. So you realize that what Ferus is doing is pretty much sexual assault. Even the wording suggests it’s an assault because he “shoved” his nose directly in her crotch. The Others have lived among humans for long enough to know that you don’t do that. You have a nose that is ten times more sensitive than a human nose to identify scents, so you don’t have to shove your nose into a woman’s vajayjay to find out who she’s been hanging around with. But as I read further, I realized that it’s because it’s Asia. It’s the villain. That’s why she gets treated like this. It’s because she’s eeeeeevvvvviiiilllll. If Asia were actually a nice person and not a Scary Sue, I bet you this wouldn’t have happened. Because it doesn’t with anyone else. There’s even a comment made later by one of the policemen that the Others can smell everything you did last night, including who you did, but doesn’t mention any Wolf sticking their nose in his crotch. This is sexual assault written as a joke, and based on everything I’ve seen so far about sexual assault in this book it’s very much NOT FUNNY. It’s especially not funny when you realize that Simon just asked Ferus to sniff her to find out who she was “rubbing against”, and did not specify raping her with his nose. Ferus chose to do it that way. All because Asia is typecast as a villain, so she is treated like shit.

Ferus reports that he smells Darrell on Asia’s coat but “not in her sex place”. Because apparently calling it a vagina is beneath him. And the author. I think this is supposed to be a joke, but it’s not funny at all. It’s humiliating. It gets even worse when Ferus sneezes and retreats to his corner. Asia, understandably, freaks the fuck out, and demands to know what that assault was all about. Simon fetches his glasses and replies that it was “curiosity” and jokes that at least Ferus didn’t bite her. He shows teeth and raises his voice to bring even more attention to Asia, declaring that there’s a lot of people in the store today and does Asia need help finding something. Asia basically looks so furious that she wants to murder Simon in that moment, and Simon jokes that at least he doesn’t have trouble imagining Asia ripping out a bunny’s throat with her teeth.

Because Asia is the villain, which is why her sexual assault and humiliation has been treated like a joke. Well, I’m not fucking laughing.

Asia at least manages to maintain her dignity. She snaps that she doesn’t want anything from Simon and she leaves. Simon tells the reader:

He hoped that was true. He hoped she’d have sex with Darrell and stop sniffing around him.

Other than their interaction at the beginning of the book where Simon tells us Asia wants to do the do with him, there is little to no actual interaction where Asia actively tries to get Simon to sleep with her. Every interaction they have is either him threatening her or her screaming at him or just being in the general vicinity of him and he is threatening toward her. We’re supposed to see Simon as a hero, but he’s nothing but a big bully. He didn’t have to have Ferus sniff her. He could’ve just asked her and she probably would’ve told him. Asia also hasn’t been around him in weeks, ever since she last yelled at him and then brought Meg hot chocolate where she then caught a glimpse of Sam all harnessed up. In fact, other than for this scene to take place, there’s literally no reason for Asia to be in the bookstore at all, because the last time we saw her, she was dropping Darrell off at work and then she drove away. Simon is literally picking on Asia because he doesn’t like her and he’s in a bad mood, so he’s taking it out on her because she’s coded “bad guy” in this story. Other than to torture her, there’s no reason for Simon to be a dick toward Asia. And look at that language he uses - he’s basically saying he hopes she gets laid so she stops bothering him. This is the same asshole who opened up his place of business this morning knowing he was in a bad mood. This is the same asshole who likes controlling what Meg can and can’t do, who she can and can’t see. We’re supposed to be on Simon’s side, but all I see is a major dickhead who likes to be mean to people, especially when it’s his fault for a majority of the situations where he gets pissed off.

Simon realizes the bunch of college chicks are standing nearby, mouths agape, watching everything that just happened. He addresses them to ask if they’re interested in buying books, and the girls are quick to say yes, they are, and they bravely run away. Simon listens to John talking to the girls, but he can’t make out what’s being said. Just the tone, and we don’t get any indication about what that is. Then this happens:

The girls had gotten what they came for. They would buy a few books as payment for being able to relate to their friends that they had seen, for real, a Wolf sniff a woman’s crotch in public.

Oh, really? Is that like getting dinner and a show? I could easily tell you that if I had been there, I would be like “WTF” and certainly would not buy a book for the “privilege” of seeing a Wolf sexually assault a woman. I would be calling the police, except for the fact that “human law does not apply” in the Courtyard. So the Others can sexually assault women all day long by sniffing their vajayjays, but the police can’t do shit about it. This paragraph is also extremely condescending in the fact that humans are going to snap up books just because some Wolf shoved his nose where his nose wasn’t welcome, and then go tell their friends what they all saw. Most humans see stuff like that done by shop owners, they leave and never come back. The fact that the Others aren’t experiencing consequences like customers just leaving and never returning when a human is dismembered or outright killed for stealing, or when a woman is basically assaulted by a Wolf sticking his nose in her no-no square when he was obviously not invited to do so by the woman who owns said no-no square, just screams Mary Sue. This world is supposed to mirror the real world we live in, but it doesn’t. Not totally. Businesses now that experience events that this bookstore seems to experience tend to go out of business because people don’t want to be killed or assaulted just for shopping there. This is disgusting and I hate it.

Simon sighs and whips out a convenient stack of book orders from beneath the counter. Apparently they don’t keep them filed away somewhere safe. He whines that he used to be bored out of his gourd. Now he’s bothered by too much shit.

Despite her blatant efforts to flirt with him, Asia was rubbing against Darrell, a human who worked at the consulate. Elliot had voiced no complaints about the man, which meant Darrell was a good worker, but he wasn’t the kind of male Simon would have expected Asia to run after. He seemed too ordinary for a female who wanted to walk on the wild side.

Maybe she wanted to see what it would be like to fuck a Wolf, but since you weren’t giving her the time of day, she decided to forget it and get her attention from someone who would give it to her? Or, maybe, Darrell is a freak in the sheets but a gentleman on the streets. You don’t know! You don’t know this person beyond the fact he works for your father. You’ve never gotten to know him, never bothered to talk to him, so all you’re doing is assuming things based on everything someone else has told you. Maybe Asia’s attracted to men who are as vanilla as possible in public because she knows how freaky they are in private. You. Don’t. Know. Moreover, this makes it sound like Simon’s jealous. He’s jealous that Asia is no longer paying attention to him and is interested in another man. This is the same kind of behavior that he showed with Sam and Meg. He was jealous of Sam getting to spend all his time with Meg and Meg treated Simon like her scary boss. We’re supposed to look at Simon as the selfless hero, the aggrandized leader trying to figure out how to protect someone who’s become close to him (even though she hasn’t) while also trying to protect everything else important to him. Instead, he’s coming off as a jealous womanizer who wants all the attention but only when he wants it, and a violent person who is willing to hurt a child to make sure that child obeys him. He’s not a hero. He’s a bully.

Simon growled in frustration. He was missing something. He didn’t think like a human, so he was missing something.

Or you're missing nothing at all, and she’s just becoming a more mature woman who is looking for someone who fulfills something more for her than just a trip down Wham Bam Lane. I love how this essentially is the author going “She’s the bad guy! She’s the bad guy!” to us, too. Simon is all upset that he can’t figure out Asia because she’s human, and all but beating us in the face with the “she’s eeeeevvvviiiilll” herring. Our hands are being held by the line “he was missing something”. Because there’s literally no reason for Simon to be having these thoughts. So what if Asia has Darrell’s scent on her? She’s not fucking him (yet). Maybe she was just being nice and offered him a ride since his car was snowed in, or maybe he invited her out on a date, or maybe they just happened to bump into each other and talked on the street a bit. For a character who’s not supposed to be this suspicious of Asia (or really, not suspicious at all, despite the fact she’s publicly declared you her enemy) he’s awfully suspicious of Asia. And it’s simply because of two reasons - 1) she’s not sniffing around him anymore for teh sexxors; and 2) he’s jealous because she’s talking to someone Simon considers “not her type” when he doesn’t even know what her type is. Also because the author is trying to show us that Simon doesn’t trust her without screaming from the rooftops that he’s figuring out Asia’s the bad guy. Other than that, there’s no reason for Simon to be thinking like this. He should be feeling relieved that she’s sniffing around one of her own kind and not him.

Simon then whines that he can’t ask some random human why Asia’s interest in Darrell bothers him because he doesn’t trust humans. Because we have to hold on to the fact Asia is eeeeeeeviiiiilll just a little longer so the author can whip that particular carpet out from under out feet to yell “Surprise!” in our faces. Except you’d have to have the observation skills of a turnip to not have figured out Asia’s the bad guy by this point. Mm. Maybe that’s an insult to turnips. Anyway, now we have a line break and a perspective shift, and we’re with Asia. Who is having a temper tantrum because Simon isn’t playing the flirting game with her anymore. In fact she claims he treats her “like a rattlesnake he wanted to stomp under his boot”. Then she whines that Simon began being mean to her about the same time Meg showed up.

Asia then whines that Simon couldn’t possibly be fucking Meg because Meg is soooo ugly! Of course, Asia then tells us that Darrell told her Simon hasn’t had sex with a female (because Simon is gay, clearly, so we had to point out that Simon hasn’t had sex with a female) since Simon’s sister got fridged. Asia shows a modicum of maturity by saying that Simon’s refusal to do the do with her now makes more sense. But that maturity is quick and fleeting because she quickly goes back to whining that Simon brought the kind of attention to her that could ruin her career. Which - I can’t believe I’m going to say this - I don’t think Simon did bring attention to her that could ruin her career. I think Asia is just being paranoid. Nobody is going to realize that Asia is playing spy for rich assholes with illusions of grandeur just because Simon doesn’t want to deal with her and has his buddies sexually assault her. Asia continues whining, saying she doesn’t want to “settle” for Darrell because Meg is “screwing up her chances” of getting to do the horizontal tango with Simon.

And I can’t believe I’m going to say this (again) but Meg isn’t screwing up your chances Asia. You are screwing up your chances. You laid it on too thick and you became annoying. Instead of just taking it slow and trying to be friends with Simon before jumping the shark, you went full tilt and now he hates you.

Asia now reaches her car and sees White Van. This makes her smile. Another line break and perspective shift, and we’re with Meg. She’s staring at the empty dog bed but forces herself to look away and focuses on sorting the mail. Because Meg, despite having the title of liaison (which, if you care to remember, the dictionary definition says is “a person acting as a connector or link for communication or cooperation which facilitates a close working relationship between people or organizations”, which is what Meg is decidedly not doing), is just glorified mail person. She whines that she’s already had to resort a couple of stacks because she fucked up and put someone else’s mail in another pile. She continues to whine, saying her buddy Sam needs to be among his own kind, both of the furry persuasion and in age. She also claims she’s “happy to work alone without interruptions” but that’s a big fat lie. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think Meg was pining for her boyfriend the way she’s carrying on about how much she misses Sam and how much she feels “their - his! - absence” despite knowing Sam for like a week.

And if you thought I screwed up that typing, no, that’s how it is in the book. Because Meg meant to say “their”, meaning Simon and Sam, then corrected herself to mean only Sam. Because, out of fucking nowhere, Meg misses Simon, the guy who’s abused her, threatened her, scared her, made her cry, forced her to do things she didn’t want to do, forced her to obey him when she didn’t want to, and otherwise made her feel like she was unwelcome. Like Simon starting to have feelings of romance for Meg, Meg is supposed to have feelings of romance for Simon, but it all comes out of nowhere and really feels like the author is taking two Barbie dolls and forcing them to kiss so she can declare “You’re married now!” Yeah, it’s that abrupt and out of fucking nowhere.

Anyway, Meg tells herself to pay attention because the ponies are on their way and she needs to give them shit to do or else. She continues to whine about how silent it is, so much so that even the radio can’t cover it up, and we’re abruptly shunted back to Simon, who keeps staring at the clock and tries not to visit violence on Vlad, because the vampire is apparently late. Vlad wants to know if there’s something wrong but Simon says no. There’s just something he needs to do. Vlad wonders if the humans are buying books or just loitering so they don’t have to go into the cold. Simon says it’s both and sales have been awesome. Redshirt Heather apparently begged to sell books that Simon hates having in the store because “[they] give humans too many wrong ideas”. Vlad is amused by this and elaborates that these books Simon refuses to sell happen to be romance kissy sexy books where the furry doesn’t eat the chick after they get done fucking.

“After Asia and I snapped at each other this morning, and Ferus shoved his nose into her privates, we sold out all the Wolf-as-lover books. If you drink one of the customers pale, we should sell out the stack of vampire-as-lover stories.”

This still doesn’t make any fucking sense to me. Why would you suddenly sell out of books just because a Wolf shoved his nose into a girl’s private place? Other than authorial fiat, of course. This is just like everyone thinking the Cullens are the greatest things since sliced bread even though they are holier than thou, over-rich snobby psychos. There’s absolutely no reason this should be happening. The bookstore should be constantly in the red, and yet it always seems to be making money because the author characterizes the humans as idiots. This isn’t even on the same level as “but I can change him, Mama!” This is on an “all humans are stupid” level. Of course, maybe I’m not the same kind of human that’s in story. Because if I saw that happen, I would leave without buying anything and then tell everyone I knew not to shop there because women are victimized there. Women are assaulted there. Because that’s what happened. And then here Simon is also making a joke of it, suggesting that they will make more sales if Vlad pulls a Dracula. Do you know how disgusting that is? None of this makes sense to me. Humans aren’t this stupid, and yet every time some shit like this happens, it’s like the Twilight/Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon that struck the world when those books first came out. Every. Time. It’s extremely stupid.

Vlad complains that Redshirt Heather “should know better”. Simon then helpfully explains to us why Heather should know better:

Simon slipped past Vlad and said nothing. There would be a spike in the number of girls who went out for a walk in the woods and were never heard from again. There always were when stories came out portraying the terra indigene as furry humans who just wanted to be loved.

Again, WHY. Why is this a thing? Why do people read those books (which are works of FICTION) and then go out to the woods looking for something with big, nasty teeth to give cuddles? Just get a goddamned dog or cat! At least they won’t eat you soon as look at you! This story is really portraying humans as fucking lunatics who have no brains at all. That they don’t think. They don’t act like normal human beings. I’m sorry, but after reading my fantasy stories, I’m not going to go out looking for dragons or go hunting for Gale of Waterdeep or Asterion or Daddy Halsin because they don’t fucking exist. You’re (The Author) is suggesting that these human girls read these kissy books and immediately go “but I’m different! I can change him, Mama!” and run off into the nearest forest to find themselves a furry boyfriend to love and to hold and call baby, or whatever the fuck. Then they just disappear. They get turned into Sunday breakfast. THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. It doesn’t! This is just the author shitting on humans because humans suck. And also! What’s to stop a relationship between a Wolf or Bear or whatever other four-legged furry and a human from working? Other than the intense distrust and dislike and the fact that the Others look at humans like their food, of course. Why can’t some normal girl make friends like Snow White with the forest animals? Why do they always have to be “special”? It’s like the author is sending a message of “humans are stupid, they deserve to die, but not those who are super special awesome because they’re worth something”. I am really starting to hate stories that put super special awesome people who are just actually super-powered assholes on pedestals and treat everyone who’s normal as shit on their shoes.

Most of the terra indigene didn’t want to love humans; they wanted to eat them. Why did humans have such a hard time understanding that?

BECAUSE YOUR AUTHOR MAKES HUMANS STUPID. Seriously! That’s why! There’s absolutely no reason for human beings who have grown up watching their own kind be dismembered, murdered, eaten and NOTHING BEING DONE ABOUT IT to even think about going to look for a lover that is also a man-eating shape-shifter! No normal, sane, human being would ever do that! These people have grown up being oppressed by the Others. They have to live where the Others tell them, work where the Others tell them, have what materials the Others say they can have, and live in general fear of being wiped off the face of the map if the Others decide the humans are too troublesome to deal with. Humans should be living in constant fear of the Others. There are stories and legends that are told among humans about places that have been erased and everybody knows they’re true because the maps of the world show it. People know that the Others want to eat them! And yet they still shop at their stores, still frequent those places of business because why?! Who the fuck knows! I mean, the author deliberately puts in information about human girls reading BOOKS OF FICTION AND THEN GOING OUT TO THE WOODS TO GET SOME FURRY NOOKIE WHEN THEY KNOW THAT THEY’RE JUST GOING TO BECOME LUNCH IF THEY DO THAT. It doesn’t make any sense! And in the words of Judge Judy, if it doesn’t make sense it, isn’t true.

Vlad asks if Simon’s going to come back and Simon tells him maybe before privately telling the reader his return is dependent upon how Meg reacts seeing him all furry. Line break, perspective shift, and we’re back with the Most Important Sue In The Universe. Meg apparently has completely forgotten all about her loneliness and missing Sam because she’s all excited about the prospects of new library books and movies and her do-nothing day tomorrow. She also is very excited about grocery shopping and possibly ordering a pizza for dinner. She harps on the fact that there’s lots of things she can do on the morrow, and because she’s harping on it so much, I need to give this warning - please put on your seatbelts and hardhats and keep all limbs within the tram car please. Forced Dramah is about to enter the station. All hands to stations, this is not a drill. Ahem. So Meg turns off the radio and hears something in the back room. She calls out to see if it’s Merri Lee, then explains to us that though Meg had been visiting the coffee shop to get her lunch the past couple of days, Tess may have sent Merri Lee over today instead. Then she immediately calls out for Julia. But it’s not Julia. I’m sure many of you have guessed already what our intruder is, but Meg has to point out to us that it’s definitely not “a human or a Hawk”.

Did you guess? Did you? It’s not that hard, considering the author was slapping us in the face with a wet pool noodle going “Did you see what I did? Did you see? Surprised ya, huh?” for the previous bit of this chapter.

It’s a Wolf. Dun dun duuuuuuuunnn!

I know. Shocker. Anyway, the narrator or Meg - it doesn’t matter which - decides to fellate the romanticized image of a shapeshifter a bit, calling the Wolf a “terrible kind of beauty” and it makes the actual wolf look like a mangy cur in comparison. It’s “big and muscled”, as you would expect such large predatory animals to be, and it’s coat is “dark”, “shot with lighter grey hairs”. Meg then tells us that the Wolf seems “less substantial” when he moves, and she struggles to actually see him. Except she gave us a pretty damn accurate description before telling us this, so I’m pretty sure the author is just trying to fan herself with how clever she is. Meg then wonders if people “thought they were hallucinating” right before the giant meat-eater sunk its teeth into their throat. Then Meg realizes that the Wolf’s eyes “[hold] a feral intelligence and an annoyed frustration she recognized”. Conveniently, I add, because heaven forbid the one of the two star-crossed lovers doesn’t recognize the other in bestial form.

What was that movie where the heroine trades herself to save her father, gets Stockholm Syndrome and then marries the guy she traded herself to? It’s right on the tip of my tongue... Anyway, the similarity is not lost on me.

Anyway, Meg calls Simon “Mr. Wolfgard” which gets him to cock his head, so she says his government name, and he grins at her. He graciously gives her “points” for recognizing him. You know, like any normal human being can do to a variety of animals because animals aren’t identical. You can have two black wolves but they will behave in two different ways or they’ll have individual markings to tell them apart. I have two tabby cats that look exactly like each other, but I can tell them apart instantly. It’s the same for people who work with wolves in the wild and in sanctuaries. They can tell them apart instantly. Anyway. After Simon gets done patronizing her, which Meg doesn’t fully comprehend, she starts staring at Simon and going “Sam’s going to look like that when he grows up”, which now that I’m reading this again really gives me creepy feelings that Meg is not interested in Simon and more interested in Sam, but is willing to wait until he’s an adult (and yes, I’m soooo reading deeper into that than I need to, and it’s also not true because Meg and Simon are going to be thrown together like two Barbie dolls being forced to kiss) and Meg just says “wow”. No inflection, no gaspy breathy sounds, no speech tag of her being amazed or wondrous or shocked or anything. Just... wow. Like that orange cat who got told he was adopted.

Well, Simon’s all happy happy about this so he decides he’s going to explore Meg’s space for a while. Meg lets him get by and he takes a sniff at her, which she has to point out would have probably been far more thorough if she had opted to stay still. Nice to see Simon’s not done violating women yet. Meg continues to back up and watches Simon inspect Sam’s dog bed before he heads into the back room. A point is made of Meg feeling Simon’s wolfy shoulder brush her waist. Which means Simon’s shoulder reaches approximately two to three feet from his paws to his shoulder.

Meg is noted to be approximately 5 feet tall, give or take. Simon’s shoulder reaches her waist, which is 26 inches from her feet to waist. Which means Simon’s shoulder is also 26 inches.

Fun fact? Most wolves are between 26 inches and 32 inches tall at the shoulder when they are on all fours. Which is the same height as an adult human. The largest direwolves stood around 3.4 - 3.8 feet at the shoulders.

So what I’m saying is, Simon is the same size as a REGULAR OLD TIMBER WOLF. He is not monstrous. He is not direwolf size. He is the SAME SIZE AS A REGULAR WOLF you might find in Yellowstone. This entire time, the novel (and the author) has been implying that these wolves are the size of small ponies. The size of the wolves in the Twilight movies. But no. They aren’t monsters. They’re normal. The only difference is is that they can turn human. So yet another point for the idea that these are just Better Than You humans capable of turning into animals and not the other way around.

Also, another interesting fact - according to the author herself, Simon is supposed to be a red wolf. Which means he’s about 4 foot long from nose to tail and weighs about 45-80 pounds in wolf form. Those dimensions do not invoke the kind of fear the author is hoping they would. We have had people be pissing their pants scared of a creature that is the same size and weight as a fucking German Shepherd. Would you be scared of that? Seriously? And remember when Simon was belittling women for reading “kissy books” and then going out to the forest to make the whoopie with a furry who’d sooner eat her? They’re seeing a normal-sized wolf that’s about the size of a dog and they want to make friends with it. They aren’t going out looking for a creature the size of a horse and trying to make sweet sweet love to it, which would probably change quite a few attitudes if that was the case. Also, it makes Simon one of the smaller wolves that exist. A full grown timber wolf can weigh 100 pounds. Therefore, a timber wolf could kick Simon’s ass.

But like I said. The author has been trying to portray her shapechangers as monstrous pony-sized creatures that everyone is terrified of and don’t want to piss off. But in reality, nobody should be afraid of them because they’re the same size as the golden retriever that shows up in a later book. Exactly how does that invoke the utter terror these humans are supposed to be feeling every time they encounter someone like Simon? My guess is all the humans in this story have been lobotomized by the author to be as stupid as possible, but the Queen Sue Meg has not been lobotomized, and she spends an entire paragraph gushing over Simon’s “strength” and his “teeth” (because that’s apparently all she’s noticed, which is not actually a good thing) and she starts fanning herself with her speshulness, stating that of course they waited for her to get comfortable living around them before Simon chose to show her his final form. She claims that having Sam chase her down was scary enough and he’s a baby. Can you imagine being chased by pack of full-grown Wolves?

...That are the size of your average wolf? Sure, it’d be scary, but wolves aren’t known for attacking people for the sake of attacking people. I’d be more scared of a pack of direwolves or wolves the size of a horse chasing me down.

Anyway, Meg now chooses to show her Mary Sue Privilege:

People who entered the Courtyard without an invitation were just plain crazy! Wolves were big and scary and so fluffy, how could anyone resist hugging one just to feel all that fur?

Easy. Remember that it wants to feast on your insides. Seriously, this doesn’t make any sense to me. Simon is easily the size of a dire wolf (or at least the size of a pony) and he has sharp teeth and the muscle and speed to take you down if you tried to run. People don’t go out to Yellowstone now to hug the wolves to feel their fluffy fur (and I’m not sure wolf fur is as fluffy and soft as mink or that faux fur that I constantly compare to my one cat because she is as soft as featherdown) even if they do go out and act like idiots trying to get pictures of the bison and then complain the bison charged them. I can forgive Meg’s stupid remark about hugging a Wolf because she only saw pictures and heard stories, and didn’t actively grow up with watching a loved one or friend be eviscerated by a pack of Wolves. But what I can’t forgive is why she gets to make this remark, and that is because she is a Sue, and because she’s friends with Simon, so she gets to cuddle him and pet him and snuggle with him, and that’s all okay. But if she were anyone else, she’d be dead for even considering a snuggle session with a Wolf. Worse, though, is that Sam is just a miniature version of Simon. His fur feels the same. She has already hugged and snuggled a Wolf, but because Sam is a puppy and Simon is not, she starts getting sappy about hugging him. I’m really starting to hate Meg.

Of course, now you have to ignore the whole “Simon is the size of a direwolf” part of that commentary, because in writing this up, we did the math and Simon is just your average red wolf. Not very scary at all. Not even one of the biggest wolves on campus, either. A timber wolf outclasses Simon the red wolf. I just hate it when the author makes us believe one thing, and then says something they probably didn’t intend on saying in the narrative that just blows the belief out of the water.

Anyway, Meg tells herself to ignore the fluffy fur and focus on the part about Simon being “big and scary”. Scary, yes. Big, not so much. Not in the way I imagined, because now I can’t see him as anything other than an 80 pound doggo. Then, hark! What beyond the yonder door does she hear? So she runs to the back room and finds Simon being the nosy bastard he is. He’s opened all the cupboards and found Sam’s cookies, and he’s happily eating them all. Meg yells at him to stop and rushes over to scream at him that he’ll “set a bad example for Sam” before grabbing the box and basically playing tug-of-war with an 80 pound wolf. Meg claims Simon “weighs twice as much” as she does - which he doesn’t, as that would mean Meg weighs 40 pounds, which we know she doesn’t, based on her height and how much care has gone into her both from her former owners and her new friends - and so she loses the tug of war on the box because Simon just has more feet and “experience”.

Or maybe it’s just because the box is made of cardboard and isn’t meant to be used as a tug of war toy. Simon abandons the box in favor of the cookies that are now spilled all over the floor and Meg screams at him not to eat off the floor before shoving him away from the cookies, which makes him growl at her. They spend some time staring at each other, with him displaying his teeth, and Meg realizes she done fucked up because it has probably been years since someone dared to try to take anything away from the leader. So she steps back and tries to replace Simon with Sam because it’s easier (and safer) dealing with Sam. Basically, Meg just remembered Simon is her boss and can toss her out on her ass if he wanted to, so she ultimately gives up and scolds him about eating the cookies and he has to tell Sam why there’s no snacks. Then she leaves and goes back to the front room, whereupon we’re told her legs are shaking, despite the fact she showed no fear that entire time. She whines that she’s being an “annoying female” and maybe Simon will be too stuffed with cookies to want to eat her. At this point, she reveals her clipboard and waits for more mail to show up.

Line break, and we get our new perspective with Henry. He’s coming out of his workroom, and explains to us that the “wood had stopped speaking to him” so he decided to go to something else for a while. How convenient. He runs down his to-do list for us, it’s not important, and notes the Crows sitting on the wall. They’re “uneasy and silent”, so Henry asks what’s going on. He’s told that there’s a stranger inside Meg’s office with a box, and he’s talking with her. Henry reacts like this:

Nothing unusual about that. Now that they finally had a decent Liaison, they were getting more deliveries.

I’m not sure how having a “decent Liaison” equals “getting more deliveries”. The deliveries would come regardless because someone placed an order, and the driver has to get the product from point A to point B. Now, I could understand the Others not getting their mail (because, seriously, all the Liaison is is a glorified mailperson) because - as exampled in the actual text - all they do is sort the mail, receive the mail, deliver the mail, and that’s it because they “encouraged” the previous Liaisons to basically stay in the office and not do anything. So of course the Liaisons they had before Meg sucked. They weren’t allowed to do their jobs, so why bother actually working if you can just sit there and get paid? I mean, your bosses literally told you not to do your job. But then Meg the Sue shows up, and she gets to do literally everything because reasons. It’s not like she earned their trust, or proved herself, or whatever. Everything was literally handed to her for the asking, apropos of nothing. The previous Liaisons could have been good too, but they were never given the chance, because both the author and the Others hamstrung them all so the position could be available for Meg to waltz into.

Henry takes a deep breath and immediately goes into Angry Bear mode because he smells a scent that he recognizes. The idiot who tried to kidnap Meg in the first place is back and - dun dun duuuuunnn! - is in the office with her. He asks the Crows where Simon is, and is told that Simon’s in the office with Meg. He tells the Crows to stay quiet and he then opens the workroom door so he can hide his boots and socks. Not sure why he just doesn’t strip down naked, but I guess he doesn’t want his dangly bits exposed, because he starts talking about a condition called “between” and how it’s “not encouraged in Courtyards”. This state apparently is where the shifter is not quite animal and not quite human and this form apparently scares humans and makes them afraid, as if being stared down by a giant bear or wolf or Elemental with an itchy trigger finger isn’t just as pants-shittingly terrifying. Of course, despite this being verboten, Henry doesn’t give a shit and proceeds to change what he needs to change. Which is basically his feet and hands. So now he has bear paws.

Henry scrambles over his fence via convenient snow ramp and goes up to the bad guy’s van to study it for a moment. Then he reaches the passenger door and takes a gander at Meg. She’s talking to the bad guy but she doesn’t look like she wants to. Henry, however, definitely wants to. However, instead of storming the office and being all badass, Henry just... does nothing, and the scene switches back to Simon. Who is chasing cookies. Like he’s a child. He gloats about how Meg “wasn’t upset” seeing him in his true form and how awesome she had been, being just soooo brave to push him away from food and playing with him. Simon apparently has never played with a human before, to which I say DUH because you’re just as racist against humans as humans are to the Others, and you would prefer to eat the human more than make friends with a human. Simon points out that chasing a human you intended to eat didn’t count as play.

Again. Duh.

Simon then begins to wonder if Meg ever plays “tug” with Sam. Or throw? He disparages Meg by saying she’s definitely not strong enough to throw anything some kind of distance, but he could still have fun. Suddenly Simon likes his nephew again and isn’t jealous of him anymore, because he states that “the three of them” could play. He continues wasting my time until... suddenly he raises his head and is ready to attack, but he doesn’t know why. Then he takes a whiff of the air and suddenly knows why he wants to rip out throats and feast on innards. Meg is afraid. We jump perspective again back to Meg, who tells us her skin is doing its prickling thing, and it’s everything she can do not to whip out her razor and start slashing away. Yeah, not addicted to cutting my left foot. This feeling apparently started the moment the obvious bad guy stepped into her office and she just knows everything about this guy is not right, but he hasn’t done anything yet.

Hit us with the fish just a little harder, author. I don’t think we’ve got it yet.

Of course, instead of calling for help or telling the guy she’ll be right back and escape out the back door, Meg continues to stand at the counter while the guy makes conversation with her. He states that it’s probably very lonely, working here all by herself, to which Meg says oh no, there are people coming and going all the time. She privately tells the reader that there are the Crows, too, and they keep track of people. Hint hint. At this point, Meg looks at the back of the guy’s van but can’t see any information, and she questions the delivery service. Continuing to stand there like the idiot she is, she turns her attention to the guy and describes him as “big, rough-looking” and with “no name stitched on the shirt pocket”. He’s got no other identification either. At this point, she complains there’s no company identification on the package label, then tells us the box is big enough she can see the label but not really read it. She snottily complains that this is “another black mark” against this guy that he doesn’t “think to tilt it for her” so she can read it with zero effort on her part. Babe, delivery drivers don’t tilt boxes so you can read the labels. They prefer to put the things on the counter and then get the fuck out because they have other things to deliver. You are not special, no matter how much your author tries to tell me you are. Meg then asks the driver who sent the package, but he just shrugs and says he doesn’t know.

At this point, Meg is one step away from becoming hysterical, and instead of removing herself from the situation like any woman with two brain cells to rub together would do, she whines that the information of the sender should be on the guy’s paperwork. To lean even further into HEY! PAY ATTENTION, THIS IS THE BAD GUY! Meg whines that there’s a look in the guy’s eyes that reminds her of the Walking Names when one of the girls decided to ask a random question that had nothing to do with the lesson at hand. She demands to know who it’s for, to which the guy replies it’s for one of the Others, who cares? Meg says there’s “something ugly” in the guy’s voice now, but ironically he’s more scary when he’s trying to be friendly, because the ugliness is still there in his voice. The guy explains he had a couple “rough” stops earlier and had to deal with complaints he can’t do anything about. Meg understands, though she tells the reader the guy deserves the complaints. To which I say, fuck you, Meg. You can be perfectly nice, polite, and kind to customers but they still want to scream and curse at you, because that makes them feel better than actually getting their problem solved. And a lot of the time, you as the lowly employee CANNOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM because the problem is more than just replacing an item or giving them their money back.

Meg then decides to be stupid, because nothing is happening at this point and we need the DRAMAH. Instead of picking up the phone and calling for someone to come assist her, or calling for Simon who’s still in the back, Meg decides to reach over the counter for the box herself. Despite having told us for the last handful of paragraphs how much this guy makes her extremely uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to be anywhere near him. Oh, and her reasoning is that if she can read the label, she can figure out where it’s supposed to go, but if she can’t read it, she’ll just refuse the delivery and leave a note for Vlad and Simon in case someone is actually expecting said package. And because the author thinks she’s clever and we wouldn’t be expecting such a move, the guy lashes out and clamps a hand on Meg’s wrist.

Yeah. Didn’t see that coming, she said as sarcastically as possible. I’ve only watched Meg whine and complain for the last few paragraphs, and before that saw Henry get mad and saw Simon get mad, but neither did anything... so yeah. Not buying this as “coincidence”. I’m buying it as “everyone’s stupid”.

Anyway, the guy asks Meg to go with him, and gives the Bad Guy smile when Meg can’t get her wrist out of his grip. He continues to say that they’ll go grab lunch and “get acquainted”. Meg, obviously, says no and demands to be released. The bad guy taunts her and asks if she’s gonna “bite [his] hand off”, and because the author thinks she’s still quite clever, this is the moment Simon bursts out of the back and tries to rip the guy’s face off. But he just misses. Conveniently. At this point, the guy lets Meg go and runs away, calling her a bitch and that he was just asking her out for lunch and she didn’t have to “sic [her] fucking dog” on him. Simon snarls as savagely as he can so the guy runs away to his van, getting in so violently that the driver’s side tires actually lift off the pavement. Is that even a thing outside of movies? Doesn’t matter. It’s actually a subtle hint that Henry is hiding in the van. Meg doesn’t have time to worry about any of that, because Simon is hurrying her into the sorting room. At that point, Simon changes from Wolf to human, but he’s not completely human before he grabs Meg and starts sniffing her. He’s very angry, furious, but Meg still just calls all of this a “chilling heat” because apparently being grabbed by a pissed off half-furry man isn’t scary. It only gets scary when he starts physically assaulting her, demanding to know “where is it”, and puts his nose to her waist and hips.

At this point, Meg screams and starts trying to push him away, but has the wherewithal to marvel at how “disturbed” she is by the sensation of fur on a human chest. Apparently she’s never seen or felt chest hair. It’s not as soft as fur, but still. Anyway, Simon demands to know where her cut is, because he’s absolutely convinced that she cut herself, despite the fact he can’t smell blood, and Meg fights him to get away from him, saying she didn’t cut and to let her go and then... she pulls away hard enough that Simon conveniently rips the sleeve off her sweater and conveniently exposes the upper part of her left arm, which Simon decides to stare at for a while. Meg says again that she didn’t cut, points out she’s “trying not to cry”, and explains that she was with Simon the whole time before trying to deal with the delivery guy. Simon argues that Meg knew the guy was bad - which makes what she did even more stupid - and Meg retorts it wasn’t because she cut herself, not because of a prophecy. She asks if he heard her talking a vision, but Simon says she doesn’t have to say the words out loud. At this point, Meg shows her stupid again by complaining she doesn’t understand why Simon’s so angry about her cutting. It’s her choice, after all. Right? Right? Uh-huh, you keep telling yourself that, boo. Now Meg’s single brain cell fires off and she realizes that Simon just doesn’t understand anything about her kind, and she assumes that, by the way he’s staring at her scars, he realizes they’re not “right”.

So now Meg pauses the action so she can explain her story, starting with how “most people only hear about the euphoria” that the girls feel from a cut. Simon cocks his head so she knows he’s listening, and Meg continues:

“And there is euphoria. There is ecstasy that is similar to prolonged sexual pleasure. But first, Mr. Wolfgard, there is pain. When the skin is first cut, in those moments before the prophet begins to speak, there is a lot of pain.”

Which, you would think, would drive the girls to cut less not more. The sexual high aside, if the first experience is pain, that tends to drive people to not do the activity that causes them pain. It drives them to avoid that experience. Like, this isn’t the same but, but if you went on a roller coaster and you got deathly terrified from the feeling of nearly falling out of the cart (even though you had restraints on) would you really go on any more roller coasters? Or if you were deathly afraid of being hurt, would you do anything to hurt yourself? This feels like a quick backtrack in response to people saying how much this author glorifies cutting, how all you feel is the ecstasy of sex after a cut, and therefore you want to do it more often because it’s akin to having sex and having the best orgasm of your life. So the girls want to repeat that, over and over again. That’s why they cut. Except if they feel nothing but immense pain first, as Meg here is describing, then why would they want to continue to cut, super special amazeballs orgasm notwithstanding? It doesn’t make any sense that the cassandra sangue would willingly submit to the knife. If anything, I would think she would try to avoid using the knife as much as possible. The orgasm just seems to be a poor reward for her enduring intense pain first.

Simon clearly doesn’t like this idea, which Meg says she can tell because his eyes are flickering red, but she’s not about to stop now:

“Do you know how a girl like me is punished?” She raised her right hand and traced the diagonal scars on her left arm. “She is strapped to the chair, as always. Then she is gagged. And then the Controller sits in his chair while one of the Walking Names takes the razor and slices across old visions, old prophecies, and makes something terrible and new. All those images jumbled together with no reference point, no anchor. And because she is gagged, the girl can’t speak. The words need to be heard, Mr. Wolfgard. When a prophecy isn’t spoken, isn’t shared, there is no euphoria. There is only pain.”

You’re still not doing yourself any favors here, Author. I’m still convinced that the best orgasm anyone has ever experienced is not worth the extreme pain a cassandra sangue has to suffer. I’m convinced that the girls are being tortured by being forced to endure these cuts, and that the cutting was never the intended use. The cuts were only for dire emergencies. Otherwise, the girls could use other methods to tell fortunes, like reading tea leaves, using cards, drawing, whatever. The fact that the girls are punished by being gagged and then cut over old scars means that this is torture meant to make them heel. It’s meant to make them compliant. This isn’t about the pleasure that the girls get being so addicting, not if they’re experiencing intense pain first. Remember, the sexual high comes after the intense pain, when the girl is in the throes of her visions and can’t really experience anything because she’s caught up in her prophecy. I never did understand how the girl could talk prophecy while also having an orgasm. It doesn’t make sense to me. So how does she get addicted to the cutting in order to constantly feel the sexual high, knowing she has to go through pain the equivalent of being eaten alive by cow ants? You would think that she would never want to be cut again because the pain is just that intense. The promise of pleasure afterwards would be no reward at all. Moreover, what Meg here is suggesting is that if the girl doesn’t speak, if she keeps it in, then all she feels is pain. There is no pleasure. So why would a girl want to cut after being punished like this? The reward isn’t worth the pain. Not in my opinion, anyway.

Simon steps closer to her, still staring at her arm, and he raises his hand. Which is still half-transformed into a Wolf paw with Wolf claws. He doesn’t touch her skin, of course, and reminds us that it’s just so “fragile”. He asks why they punished her, and then he interrupts Meg’s response to tell the reader that he can see that she was punished a number of times, describes the crosshatch of scars on her arm, and then explains to us that what she saw from that punishment could’ve driven her insane but instead, they conveniently showed her how to escape. Now Meg explains that she lied, and that’s why she was punished. She further elaborates that there was a “very bad man” who happened to be a “favorite client” of her owner. This very bad man did very bad things to little girls. This is also a theme in this author’s books. Older men doing things to little girls. Anyway, Meg explains that the guy traveled a lot for work and had found two girls he rather liked, but they lived in different cities. He had gotten a previous prophecy that told him he could take one of the girls without anyone noticing, whereas if he took the other, he’d be caught and he’d be killed. So he paid for another prophecy that would tell him which girl he could get away with. Simon points out Meg gave the guy the wrong information, which led him to the wrong choice.

She nodded. “Before he could hurt the girl, the police found him and caught him—and killed him.” She tried to cover the scars with her hand, but there were too many of them. “The Controller received a lot of money from this client, so he was very angry when the man died. I was strapped to the chair and punished several times because the client died.” She swallowed a feeling of sickness. “The pain is terrible. I have no images that could convey to you how terrible it is. So I wouldn’t have cut myself and kept silent, Mr. Wolfgard. Not without a good reason.”

This whole exchange bothers me because Meg was saying, at the beginning of this book, that the girls who struggled against being put in a chair deserved to be raped because their struggles aroused the male Walking Names that were handling them. She blamed the girls, saying that if they had just been passive, if they had just let themselves be strapped down, they wouldn’t have been raped. She was victim blaming. And sure, you can argue that there was nothing she could do about it because she was as much a prisoner as they were, and she didn’t want to be punished for rebelling, but Meg also didn’t do anything to help the girls after their trauma, or try to subtlety teach them to be passive. She didn’t stop blaming them. Yet here, she’s acting all heroic for the fact that she gave a pedophile the wrong images and caused his death. That she saved future little girls from being hurt by this man. Notice, though, how she doesn’t talk about what happened to the little girl. She just says “before he could hurt the girl”. We don’t know if he’d already taken the girl and that’s what led the cops to him, or if he had yet to take the girl. We don’t know what happened to this child, and nobody asks. I also have to wonder why and how Meg knows this. She shouldn’t have any reason to know that the guy was caught and killed, unless she was told why she was being punished. I also don’t understand why she was punished, unless it was to make the Controller seem evil. Sure, the guy paid for a prophecy that would tell him which girl to take and let him get off without a hair out of place, but Meg could have given him that prophecy and he fucked up and got himself killed for it.

But of course not, for Meg is the Sue and she is not wrong, and therefore poor wittle baby needs to be punished to show she’s not a perfect Sue. Even though she is.

The thing is, it falls flat in my opinion, because Meg has shown that she doesn’t care about anyone but herself. She blames the girls who fight for their own sexual assaults. She says the men who assault the girls “can’t help it” because it’s the girls who arouse them and so of course they’re just going to relieve themselves because they need the relief and it’s the girls’ faults. Also, prophecies aren’t set in stone. You get told what’s going to happen, and it’s up to you to interpret that and take actions so it doesn’t happen. If Laius, King of Thebes, had just outright killed Oedipus instead of leaving him on the hill to die, Laius would likely still be alive. But he didn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to kill his son, so he just left him in the wild where he was found. So Laius died and the prophecy came true. Even if Meg had given the guy the “right” vision, and he took the “right” girl, what if he made a wrong decision and still got killed? Would Meg still have punished then? It also doesn’t make much sense for Meg to choose to rebel like this because she grew up in an environment where she would have been conditioned to always give the right prophecy and fear being punished. She only started “misbehaving” when Jean showed up, and this little aside doesn’t seem to mention Jean at all. Other than Meg wanting to protect some random little girl she didn’t even know, there’s absolutely no reason for Meg to do this.

And that’s another thing, too. Why didn’t Meg bother to rebel before Jean showed up? And notice how she doesn’t mention Jean at all in this little story. It would make more sense if she had met Jean before this, who inspired her to try and change herself and her first attempt to “make up” for victim blaming was to try and save a little girl from a pedophile. But this comes out of left field for everything we’ve learned about Meg’s past life so far. She doesn’t try to protect anyone, blaming them for what happened to them, but then she suddenly is willing to put herself in danger to protect some girl she doesn’t even know. It doesn’t make sense from a psychological standpoint, especially if she knows what punishment would await her and how painful it is. Most people try to avoid the things that bring them intense pain, especially the things that are bodily harm.

Meg tells us that her explanation seems to make Simon “look less angry” but she doesn’t think he’s convinced that she didn’t cut. Indeed, Simon presses her, asking if she didn’t actually cut herself, how did she know the bad guy was, well, bad. At this point, Meg herself gets angry, and says that she pays attention and the guy didn’t behave like everyone else she’s dealt with, and then she decides that the feeling of the prickling of her skin bothers her so much that she needs to tell someone about it. So she tells Simon, and explains that the prickling started as soon as the guy walked into the office. Simon questions her about the “prickling”, but Meg can’t really explain it more than that it bothers the fuck out of her and she only used to feel the prickling just before she was cut. Now, though, she feels it all the damn time and all she wants to do is cut until she can’t feel it anymore.

Yeah. I can see why people thought this was glorifying cutting, because there are people who actually do this in the real world. It’s more often psychosis and hallucinations - or suicidal ideation - but I don’t see much of a difference considering the subject matter.

Anyway, at this point, Simon just says maybe it’s Meg’s instincts waking up. Maybe it’s natural, and the way a blood prophet’s body warns her that something’s wrong. He explains that if he hears rattling while walking a game trail, he doesn’t have to get bitten to confirm there’s “a snake” there. ...Yeah, a “rattling” would be just “a snake”. That would be a “rattlesnake” and one bite from them would kill your ass dead, Simon. Because I don’t think there’s such thing as anti-venom in this world. That would require actual science being performed, and we don’t see much of that. Moving on, Meg has a lightbulb moment because she hadn’t considered that maybe, just maybe, now that she was living in the wild, her instincts were waking up. Simon presses her on the instincts thing, and Meg breaks this moment to tell us that Simon’s almost back to human. Almost, because Simon’s ears are still Wolfy and she can’t concentrate on answering him because his ears are distracting her too much. She also says that there’s “something about the way he looked at her” that tells her he wants to test the validity of her instincts. Trust but verify is a good policy. However, this sounds like Simon doesn’t believe her and he’s trying to get her to explain herself like she’s a naughty child. It’s also padding, because if the package truly was what Meg’s about to suggest that it is, it should’ve happened by now. But that would mean consequences and Sues don’t do consequences.

So Meg now explains to Simon that all the delivery vehicles have their company name printed on the side or back or both and they park just so to give her the best view of the names. Because the delivery drivers are just that considerate. I’ve never seen a delivery driver park just so the person can see the name of the delivery truck, because all the delivery trucks are recognizable by color and logo. Of course, this is the real world, where we have UPS, Fed Ex, Amazon, DHL, among others, all their vehicles are instantly recognizable from the moment they pull up anywhere, and for the most part, they don’t park where anyone can see the name if it’s printed on the truck. So this is just weird to me, and just screams “SUE!!” really loud, because it’s all just so convenient for Meg. Anyway, Meg continues to talk, saying the guys have their names printed on their shirts or a badge with their picture (both of which are true, but not always necessarily), and that basically the dudes want Meg to know who they are and where they work. Bad Guy McGee didn’t have any of that shit, and his truck had no name, and the license plate was blocked by snow so she couldn’t read it. Now she gets to the package - she also starts getting hysterical - saying that Bad Guy McGee couldn’t tell her the name of the company who sent it, couldn’t tell her who the package was for, the label wasn’t right, the writing was bad, and finally she declares that “no company who did business with the Courtyard would have sent a package like that”. Dramatic pause, and Meg repeats what she just said. Simon immediately leaps to the same conclusion at the same time Meg does.

I found the source of the ticking! It’s a pipe bomb!

At this point, Simon leaps the counter, grabs the box, runs outside and immediately vaporizes as the bomb goes off because it was jiggled just enough it mixed the chemical trigger. No, I’m just kidding, because that would’ve actually been exciting, and also because if this package had been a bomb, it should have gone off already because the only reason to send a bomb to the office of the girl you’re trying to kidnap is to distract everyone from her abduction and buy you time to get away. Since none of that happened, any excitement that could be had is squarely ignored in favor of Dramah Llama because nothing is still happening. But Simon does make it outside and hurls the box like a quarterback trying to get rid of the ball before he gets sacked. The box flies to the public street and lands there. Again, missed opportunity for a big boom, because the box just sits there and does nothing once it comes to a complete stop. It does, however, make pedestrians jump back in surprise and drivers honking their horns and swerving as they see the box coming into their path... despite the text blatantly saying the box slides to a halt on the sidewalk and almost tips into the street. So nowhere near where any car would be driving unless these people make a habit of driving on a sidewalk.

Which, considering how stupid humans are made to be in this story, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Anyway, people then catch sight of Simon and start screaming bloody murder. They also stop to stare while doing so, apparently, because the text then says that those who didn’t stop to scream turn to run away. Even more apparently decide playing Frogger is preferable to being on the same side of the street as Simon and dodge into traffic, narrowly escaping becoming roadkill. Suddenly the consulate door flies open and Elliot magically appears - looking pale, it’s noted, though I don’t exactly know why, I’d more expect him to be furious considering - and screams at Simon that he’s “between” forms. Simon doesn’t give a shit and throws back his head and howls what he calls “a Song of Battle”.

Whatever that means, considering wolves don’t have such a thing in real life. They howl to call their pack and to tell others who aren’t in their pack “this is ours go away”.

Anyway, this “Song of Battle” gets the Crows to take flight and start yapping. Simon howls again and more howls answer him from all over the place and then more Crows show up, along with Hawks and some Owls, who apparently all just act as messengers, letting everyone know it’s time to get out their knuckledusters. But nothing happens. Everyone just keeps making a bunch of noise rather than, you know, actually showing up ready to brawl. At this point, Simon gets Elliot screaming his name through the telepathic link all terra indigene apparently have, and Simon just snaps at him to go call the popo, especially Monty, and get tell him to get his ass here ASAP. Elliot doesn’t respond except to disappear into the consulate. Only then does Simon say he needs to get control over himself and get out of sight so he can shift from one form or another. We still don’t know what “between forms” means at this point because nobody’s explained it to us. It does get explained later, but just think Wolfman from any horror movie. This explanation, however, is put off in favor of letting Simon complain that he wants to be all furry except everyone - including Meg - needs him to be human right now. I don’t know why, as nobody would expect the guy WHO’S SUPPOSED TO LEAD THEM INTO BATTLE to be all soft and squishy right now. He handwaves an explanation to us, citing that he needs to find out what happened to the van and the bad guy, both of whom have completely vanished out of the ether without anyone noticing.

Because Simon conveniently hustled Meg into the sorting room, if you care to remember, so she didn’t get to see shit. And since the story was being told by her limited perspective, since she didn’t see it, we didn’t see it. Of course, Simon mentioned nothing about it when he stepped outside to throw the box away, so you would expect to find the van still there and/or the guy trying to drive away as fast as he could. But no.

Well, Simon notices Bear tracks and contacts Henry, who basically tells him to fuck off, he’s got this, deal with the human chick, and Simon says okay like the good little boy he is because he doesn’t want to fight with the “angry Grizzly”. Simon heads back for the door of the mail office, but catches sight of Vlad standing in the access way that leads to the Market Square and the rest of the place, so he changes direction to intercept the vampire and also head around the back of the building. Vlad immediately asks what happened and explains everything he did, which was basically put everyone in the bookstore on lockdown and set Ferus into attack mode if anyone tries to leave. Oh, and Tess made everyone lockdown as well. Simon whines that “a monkey touched Meg”, then clarifies that the guy actually tried to “take” her. Vlad asks if Meg’s hurt, but Simon doesn’t answer him. Instead, Simon thinks to himself that he doesn’t think Meg’s hurt - at least not physically, but mentally is a different question. but like most hack authors, mental trauma is either not existent or treated like a joke a good night’s sleep can cure - but before anyone else sees Meg “something” needs to be done. Instead of giving Vlad a straight answer to the question he asked, Simon instead ignores the question and says that Vlad needs to wait and then tells him to tell Tess to come join them. Why Simon couldn’t do this himself, I don’t know. He also says the police are on the way.

Vlad reminds Simon that “human law doesn’t apply here” and Simon says he knows that, but they’re going to let the police come and deal with this shit anyway. At this point, Simon returns to the office through the back door and stops. Meg’s still in the sorting room, we’re reminded, and Simon tells is that “in a few more minutes” it’s going to get very, very busy. This segues into Simon “hop[ing]” that the “girls at the lake” will be satisfied with a report from Jester. Because Simon’s a coward and doesn’t want to confront them himself, which he should because he’s the leader. And now, conveniently, the telepathy isn’t a thing, I guess. At this point, Simon finally shifts all the way to human, and whines about how “human wasn’t as useful as Wolf”. Because Simon’s a spoiled brat. Of course, he’s not fully human, as we find out in the next line, because he apparently has a ruff of fur across his shoulders that goes down his back and chest and his canine teeth are still Wolf-size rather than human. Oh well, Simon decides, it’ll be fine. And... apparently he’s been naked this entire time because now we get told he’s pulling on his pants and sweater that he had apparently been wearing when he first arrived in the office.

Which means he snuck in without Meg’s knowledge, stripped without her knowledge, and then shifted into his furry form without her knowledge. Then that whole scene of “Simon, is that you?” happened, before all of this other hullabaloo. And during the hullabaloo, Simon was bare-ass naked standing out on the street after throwing the package and howling, then stood there yelling at his father bare-ass naked to call the cops. And nobody was going to mention that? That Simon was bare-ass naked? No? We’re just going to complain he was “between forms”? I feel like there are priorities here and they need to be sorted out.

Well, once he’s dressed, he goes to a bin kept in the back room and pulls out a sweatshirt he conveniently keeps there and joins Meg, who’s leaning against the counter and apparently hasn’t done much since Simon flipped out. She asks if the package was a bomb, and Simon replies that he doesn’t know, the police are going to take care of it. He holds out the sweatshirt at this point, and tells her that there are going to be a lot of people running around and the police will want to talk to her. Simon mentions to the reader that Meg looks pale and that he doesn’t like that. He tells her that if she puts the sweatshirt on, nobody will see her scars. So she does, and then this happens:

The sweatshirt was big on her and she looked ridiculous. He liked it. And he liked that she was wearing something that carried his scent.

Because Simon is a fucking creep. He’s barely known Meg for two months, three at best, and he’s already fantasizing about her. Dude, did you not listen to Meg when she was telling you all the horror she had to deal with when she was imprisoned? You can infer that you’ve never seen a blood prophet in the wild because they’re forcibly bred in captivity. You can infer by Meg’s scars on her flesh that she’s been tortured, so you can safely assume that maybe she’s been tortured in other ways, and you should find out before you start thinking about her and you doing the horizontal tango. It doesn’t happen, of course, and they don’t actually kiss until the end of the series, but still. Simon is literally thinking Meg belongs to him in a sexual way, and he doesn’t even know her. He still has never gotten to know her, except by contrived moments where Meg is forced to tell him about her past. She knows fuck all about Simon, too. She knows he’s a Wolf, he’s her boss, Sam’s his nephew, Elliot’s his dad, and his sister is dead. She doesn’t know anything any his likes or dislikes, or what he likes to do in his free time. Similarly, Simon only knows what he sees Meg do and what she tells him. He doesn’t know what she likes, what she doesn’t like, what her dreams are (and, granted, she doesn’t even know herself because she’s been in a compound all her life and was never allowed to think about that stuff, but still, she’s been free for at least two months at this point and still hasn’t really tried to live because her own visions told her she was going to die here. she hasn’t even bothered attempting to try and change that) or if she really likes likes him. He’s also not asking. He gave her this shirt for her own modesty, but he turns it possessive because now that she’s wearing something with his smell on it, he’s claiming her as belonging to him. At least, that’s what I get out of that language.

Simon then tells Meg to “stay here” and he’ll be back shortly. Meg tells him she’s cold and she wants to make FUCKING TEA. Simon graciously gives his permission for her to do that, so long as she stays in the building. Simon then takes Meg’s sweater and the sleeve he tore off her turtleneck and leaves. Waiting for him outside are Vlad, Nyx, and Tess. Simon immediately tells them Meg’s “fine” and Tess stares at the clothing in Simon’s hands and begs to differ. Simon snarls at her, and that’s the end of that potentially interesting argument. Nyx now asks why the guy tried to snatch Meg and Simon tells her Henry’s on the case. Then the Crows start making a lot of noise at the same time Simon hears sirens, and Jake reports that there are lots of “monkeys” - because we’re still racist against humans even though we’re claiming to like some humans - and he recognizes a few people but not all. Simon says the police are here, so Vlad says he might as well let the prisoners in the bookstore out because they’re not really going to leave since there’s so much excitement going on now. Tess now demands that Simon give her the clothing items so she can send Merri Lee on a shopping trip. In response, Simon does this:

His hands fisted in the material that held Meg’s scent. “Merri Lee doesn’t need this one to fetch another sweater.”

She would if she was to find an exact replacement, color and feel and material. She won’t know what exact sweater to replace if she doesn’t have anything for reference. Simon just doesn’t want to give it up because it smells like Meg. If that’s not creepy possessive, I don’t know what is. It’s completely ruined, but Simon doesn’t want to give it up because it smells like Meg. It’s creepy.

Tess just stares at him before she fucks off back to her coffee shop. At this point, Nyx also fucks out of the scene by turning to smoke below the waist so we can get the author fanning herself with how awesome her vampires are and shit on humans some more. Apparently, the vampire aren’t concerned with being seen “between forms” as much as other shifters are. Probably because humans are too stupid to recognize the danger of “half-human half-smoke creature”. Vlad then says he’ll go deal with the store and Simon says he’ll go deal with the popo, and Vlad reminds Simon that Monty isn’t an idiot and since Simon opened the door, Monty will walk right in. He’ll also ask questions. Simon agrees with this, but mentions he hopes Monty’s smart enough to stop asking questions.

Scene shift, and we’re with Monty’s perspective now. He’s having a mild heart attack and he claims he can’t forget the story of the Drowned City. You know, the city that was completely destroyed because human justice wasn’t good enough for the Others, so they did some wild west-type justice and killed every boy who was the same age as the three who actually contemplated the crime, and killed a whole bunch of other innocent people as well? Yeah, that story. We’re reminded that there’s a possible bomb delivered to the glorified post office, and Monty wonders if it’s an attack against the Others or is it against Meg, but either way it doesn’t matter, because it could mean the punishment of all for the actions of one. We’re now informed that there are police cars blocking the intersection to redirect traffic away from the Courtyard. The bomb squad has shown up, as they do for a bomb threat, and there’s a fire truck and an ambulance. There’s another handful of police cars parked on Main Street. As Monty and Kowalski arrive, Monty spots Debany and MacDonald. Cops, cops everywhere, but not a single one actually doing their job. Because they’re too scared to enter the Courtyard, it seems. Kowalski wonders what the hell is going on. Monty says they’re going to find out and he gets out of the car. He orders Debany and MacDonald to go around talking to the people in charge of the bookstore and coffee shop. You know, the whole getting information shtick. Oh, and also confirm that all human employees and customers are accounted for, too. He silently adds “and unharmed” and tells us that he doesn’t need to add that part to his orders. Apparently, it’s implied.

At this point, Monty goes up to the barricade erected by the bomb squad and greets someone named “Louis.” Louis turns out to be the bomb squad’s commander, and he comes over to hang out with Monty and Kowalski. He tells us that the box was not a bomb, but a box filled with rags and a telephone book so it had weight. He’s going to take it in and give it to the forensics guys. They might find something. We’re then yanked away from this conversation to the narrator can tell us Crows are showing up. A lot of them. Louis stares at them and says there’s probably plenty of “witnesses” that could tell Monty what happened but he doesn’t think any of them will. Monty thinks to himself “depends on how I ask the questions” then says that he appreciates Louis responding so fast. Louis says sure, and takes a look around. Monty does the same, seeing Hawks in the sky and hearing Wolves howling from deeper within the Courtyard. At this point, Louis wishes Monty good luck and he leaves the scene. Monty takes a deep breath and calls over the officers who were the first responders, giving them the task of going across the street to the businesses opposite the Courtyard and ask questions of people in the establishments. Then Monty goes into the Courtyard itself and tells Kowalski to go investigate the consulate, so Kowalski splits off. Month then goes to the glorified post office, pointedly not looking at any of the Crows or the “woman in the black dress” standing next to the building. Meg shows up at this point, and Monty makes a point of noting that she’s wearing a grey sweatshirt that’s far too big for her. And then this happens:

“Are you all right, Ms. Corbyn?” Monty asked quietly. That’s as far as he got before Simon Wolfgard appeared in the Private doorway. He would have preferred talking to her alone. He still had a question about that bruise on her face, and a woman wouldn’t usually ask for help with the abuser listening to every word.

It really bothers me that Monty’s first reaction to the bruise on Meg’s face is that someone hit her and she’s being abused. And that he assumes that Simon is the one abusing her. Never mind the fact that if Simon wanted to hurt her, he’d just eat her and hide her body and scratch his head and wonder where she went if someone asked. Usually when I see someone with a bruise on their face, I wonder how they got that, but I don’t pry because it’s none of my business, unless I know the person very well. Like my sister, or my mother, or my cousin. Most of the time, it’s because they fell or because they got hit in the face with a ball (my cousin plays a lot of sports) or because a door hit them in the face while they were removing it so they could paint it. True story, that one. My mother was renovating her house and took a door off one hinge, then went to take it off the other, but wasn’t fast enough to catch it before it fell and got it good in the cheek with the doorknob. What I’m trying to say is, bruises happen, and it’s not because someone is being abused. Plus, the Others have no reason to abuse the humans that work for them. They’ll just eat them if they’re too annoying. The only reason Elliot slapped Meg was for forced drama, and if he slapped her hard enough to leave a bruise, I’m surprised he didn’t cut her, considering how fragile her skin seems to be. But only when the plot demands it, I guess. But I’m also not surprised that Monty is trying to white knight Meg here, because he sees her as weak and helpless and a little wimmins that’s in need of protection. Remember, he also thought that Simon was demanding sex from her when he first saw Sam. Who in their right mind has those kinds of thoughts, especially a police officer? Especially one who’s made it to the rank of Lieutenant? You don’t get there without having skills and qualifications, and so far all I’ve seen of Monty’s “skills and qualifications” is his ability to assume things wrongly about people. And whine.

No, he reminded himself. Wolfgard didn’t put that bruise on her.

And you know this how? You literally just got done claiming Simon was Meg’s abuser last paragraph. Nobody told you who put that bruise on her face, and just because Simon said “I said so” about Meg not getting any more bruises doesn’t mean he didn’t put that one on her first. This is such a 180 from the immediate last paragraph that I’ve got whiplash. Notice too that Monty doesn’t wonder who did put that bruise on her face. He just says “Simon didn’t do it” and that’s the end of that. This entire time, Monty has been worrying about Meg’s safety and right now he’s just like “I can’t talk to Meg about what I want because her abuser is standing right there but oh wait he’s not the one who bruised her face”. Like WTF. The more I read this critically the less sense any of this makes.

Meg says she’s shaken up but she’s fine. Monty just stares at her and ultimately decides she’s telling the truth, more or less, so he just pulls out a notebook and pen and tells the reader he’ll just ask anyone else to come to the station to make a statement, but not Meg. Oh, no. Not Meg. Mostly because she won’t come and even if she did, Monty’s a big fat coward and doesn’t want to face the guard that would come with her. So he asks Meg what happened, and she says:

She told him about the white van and all the details that weren’t there and should have been. She pushed up one sleeve and showed him the dark bruise on her wrist where the man had grabbed her, and then told him how the man had run back to the van when Simon appeared.

Again, that is a fast-acting bruise. I know Meg’s skin is supposed to be “sensitive” (whatever the fuck that means) but this is ridiculous. For a bruise to show up that fast that dark would mean that Meg would have to have a blood disorder like hemophilia or some kind of other medical issue. And again, if blood-letting is what causes the visions, why isn’t she in the throes of a vision right now? Because the scarring and cutting has literally nothing to do with the visions being released. The visions can be released by using cards, tea leaves, drawing, etc. yet somehow it’s the cutting? That doesn’t make any sense. Not unless the visions are in the blood and not the skin. And I’ve already gone into how fast bruises actually appear, and if that guy grabbed her wrist hard enough to bruise it like it’s being described, then he should’ve had the strength to just bodily haul her over the counter, throw her over his shoulder and skedaddle. But of course not, because that would’ve been too exciting, I guess.

However, Meg can’t tell him where the guy and his van went, because she didn’t see it disappear. She was in the back when it did. Monty points out to the reader that Meg doesn’t mention it directly, but it’s pretty much implied that she was “helped” into the back “precisely so she couldn’t see where the van went”. Monty looks at Simon, and whatever he sees on Simon’s face makes him think twice about asking more about the van. So instead, Monty decides to take another risk and ask Meg if she needs any medical assistance. He asks if she has “any other bruises besides the one on [her] wrist” and pointedly looks at her face while he asks the question. He keeps yapping until Simon starts growling and Meg says she’s fine, if a little stiff, and Monty just has to accept her word for it. She finally asks Monty if he’s done because she’d like to sit down, and Monty says yeah, he’s done, thanks for the info, but then notices something in Meg’s face. So he asks “anything else?” and Monty makes a point of saying his question wasn’t meant to ruffle fur, but Simon becomes very attentive toward Meg and moves to block the doorway. Whether that means he intends to keep Meg from escaping, which is terrifying, or something else, it’s still creepy as fuck. Simon also addresses Meg and asks her if there’s anything else, and she throws a dramatic sigh and says “it’s nothing.” Stupid, under the circumstances. So the males wait, and Meg finally says she’s craving pizza and before all of the hub-bub happened, she was going to call and order one. Now it’s so hard for her to think about anything else, because all she wants is pizza. If you’re thinking this response is weird, you’re not the only one:

Hardly the expected response from someone who had just escaped an attempted abduction. Then again, the mind protected itself in all kinds of ways—including becoming focused on a treat—and maybe this was a typical way cassandra sangue reacted to frightening experiences.

Oh, please. Meg hasn’t acted afraid this entire time. She was combative toward the guy trying to abduct her. She didn’t get truly scared, like she should have, because this attempt means her Controller knows where she is and he can access her at any time while she’s in this office. Meg hasn’t been scared this entire time, despite the earlier incident where she went and slept in the Liaison’s Office after this guy nearly broke into the efficiency apartment and she screamed her head off for Henry. After that, despite having the vision of the snowmobiles - not that anyone knows that fact, of course, nor do they bother to try and figure out what the machines are that Meg told them about - and despite working in an office that sees high traffic, Meg has shown no fear that she might be abducted. Meg hasn’t acted anything like anybody who’s been in captivity all their lives, is only now learning about the world around them, and is afraid that she might be grabbed and taken back at any point. This incident is quickly forgotten by her as well, and she suffers no trauma from it. No nightmares, no fear that she can be so easily accessed. She doesn’t become suspicious of every new face she sees that makes deliveries. Instead, she acts perfectly fine, like this was just a normal interaction with her, or like she just faced down a Karen and won. It doesn’t make any sense psychologically.

Also, can I just point out that Mr. Kidnapper has been watching Meg for weeks and still pulled this stunt? He’s watched her for at least two or three months. He’s seen how the deliverymen pull into the parking lot, seen how their uniforms are, seen how they do things. Maybe he hasn’t seen her write names down or whatever, but he’s seen exactly how things are done. You can’t tell me that he’s just That Stupid (capital letters intended) to believe that he can walk right in, snatch her, and disappear before anyone notices? But then you also see what this scene is meant to be. Everything up until this point has been so boring. It’s literally just been Meg going about her day, Simon pissing and moaning that life isn’t fair, and everyone else generally going “we need to protect Meg because reasons”. Literally nothing has happened to advance the plot. That “sickness” that got introduced back in the beginning? Forgotten. The fact that Meg’s former owner wants her back? Ignored. The fact that the town’s mayor is whining about the thief still not having been caught? Also ignored. NOTHING EXCITING HAS HAPPENED. Even Meg’s vision of the snowstorm and the humans sneaking in under the cover of snow has been forgotten. They haven’t even prepared for that, by the way. They haven’t asked any of the police officers they trust what possible machine makes the noise Meg heard. They have ample forewarning but they don’t do anything. And then this scene happens. Throwing in some drama and reminding everyone, including the reader, that Meg is still vulnerable. That her owner wants her back. The only bad part about this is that it goes right back to being boring and slogging through until the end.

Simon seems shocked that Meg’s hungry and relaxes, and Meg nods and says “they deliver” so hopefully. Monty thinks “not today” and suggests that he could place the order for her and send a car to pick it up. Meg starts to protest this, but Monty stops her by lifting a hand - like she’s a fucking child - and adds that he’ll order extra for the squad, because “even policemen need to eat.” Yeah, great use of police resources there. Can you scream Sue any louder? Anyway, Simon’s amused by this, which makes Monty wonder why, and they discuss pizza toppings for a second before Simon lets Meg leave the room. Now alone, Simon says Monty’s kind for the whole pizza thing, and Monty says he’s here to help. When Simon doesn’t seem to want to engage further, Monty makes to leave, but not before suggesting that there might be a dropped wallet or driver’s license the police could use to find the guy’s house and do some investigating, see if the guy’s working “for someone or with someone”. Monty then says he really doesn’t “want the Others looking at every human as a potential threat” to their Queen Sue, but Meg might not be safe yet. Simon eventually agrees, and if they find something, Monty will know. It’s about all Monty’s going to get as a concession, so he leaves. He meets up with Kowalski and asks what Kowalski found out. Kowalski says that nobody knew about any trouble until Simon started howling and “after that, everyone went nuts”, he says. Monty suggests “nuts” means “ready for a fight” and Kowalski agrees.

Monty now steps onto the street and notes the bomb squad is gone, along with the fire truck, ambulance, and half the black and whites. The intersection’s still blocked, so there’s no traffic around the Courtyard’s front door. However, there’s a shiny black car and a guy leaning against it, which is new. It’s Captain Burke. So Monty heads over toward him, and as he does, he sees the guys he sent to question the patrons of the businesses across the street. So he stops and waits for them, and questions them. Officer Hilborn, a non-entity who gets a name, states that nobody saw nothin’. But, ironically, everyone saw the “wolf man”. Monty is like “Wolf man?” and Hilborn explains that it was a half-wolf half-man situation, but I notice he doesn’t point out Simon’s bits were hanging out, too. Well, apparently everyone who saw this sight thought it was a gimmick for a movie or someone being a dumbass, but then when the police showed up, people realized it was real and they started freaking the fuck out. Monty makes a snide comment about how the scenes in horror stories and movies have to come from somewhere to himself, then says out loud “nobody saw a white van leave?” Nope, of course not, that would be too interesting. Instead, everyone saw a naked furry wolf-headed man screaming his head off, which apparently is so scary it’s the scariest thing everyone’s ever seen. Then the narrator (who’s Monty at this point) says:

Too much fear makes people stupid.

Well, that’s a nasty thing to say. Fear is our survival mechanism. It heightens our senses so we can be ready to fight, flight, or freeze, depending on the situation. Sure, fear can bring on stupid decisions - just look at any horror movie, and you can see loads of stupid decisions made because of fear (and because it wouldn’t be a horror movie if people acted logically and there wasn’t any super gory random deaths) - but also fear can be used to save lives, because you’re going to react faster to the situation that you would if you didn’t have a fear reaction. At the same time, look at the situation. Nobody knew anything wrong was happening until Simon ran out all wolf-man-like and started howling in the middle of the street. At that point, everyone else started making noise, so the humans started rubber-necking to see what was going on, and saw Simon standing there in all his furry glory screaming his head off. Nobody was going to pay attention to much else after that. It’s extremely hilarious that this world has internet but no cell phones and no social media. If this happened in the actual real world, everyone would be whipping out their cell phones to take videos and pictures of Simon the Wolfman and those pictures would be everywhere. The police could then use those pictures as eyewitnesses and see if any picture caught the mysterious white van.

Because of course it’s a mysterious white van. It probably has no rear or side windows either, like the infamous serial murderer/kidnapper/pedo-van.

But of course, we have none of that in this world. And even humans are disparaging humans. I mean, Monty saw a young girl become a young Wolf become a young girl, and said young girl was crouched over the dead, partially-eaten body of her kidnapper. He should be terribly aware of how scary the Others are, and that of course everyone would be focused on the strange horrifying creature that’s a mix of Wolf and human rather than anything else. I bet Monty’s vision narrowed to her bloody teeth and the dead body she was chowing down on and not much else. I doubt he saw what color and style of clothes she was wearing, if she was wearing any clothes of course, what color her eyes were, what color her hair was, or how tall she was. Worse, as a police officer, Monty should know that eyewitnesses are the worst at eyewitnessing. Seriously, they are. You can have five people witness the same event and each one is going to tell you something different. So the fact that everyone only saw Simon wolfed out is actually pretty good, all things considered. Beyond that, he should also know that the Others wouldn’t let a threat to Meg walk away, and Monty’s line about the whole driver’s license or wallet being dropped in the snow told me as a reader that he knows the Others have both the van and the suspect and therefore all of this was worthless. He didn’t have to ask his officers if anyone saw the van drive away because he knows that it didn’t.

I’m starting to wonder if this author has the same problem as Paolini, in that she doesn’t go back and read what she previously wrote so that things are copacetic paragraph to paragraph. Because this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and it won’t be the last.

Monty slides a glance at Burke, who’s busy watching the Crows, and mentions that Burke is a patient man but he won’t be patient for long. Still, he can dawdle just a bit longer to hear Debany and MacDonald’s report before he has to give his own. He orders Hilborn to write up his report and Hilborn replies that he doesn’t know what good it will do. Everyone agreed on seeing a naked wolfman and not much else. Monty says “understood” and dismisses him. Then he turns to Debany and MacDonald, who also have a whole lot of nothing to report. Nobody knew anything was happening until Tess locked the front door and dashed out the back, leaving a guard and Merri Lee to deal with the customers. Pretty much the same thing happened at the bookstore. MacDonald also tells Kowalski that his fiancé Ruth was present, and explains that apparently since Ruth has a pass allowing her to shop on Courtyard property, she can be tagged as a temporary employee. Then it becomes “maybe she just volunteered to help”, because it’s not very clear.

Author, please stop infodumping where it isn’t needed. We don’t need to know why Ruth was there, only that she was, and she was helping.

And she was “helping” by explaining to a Crow why it’s important people are given correct change, even if it means giving up shiny coins. Then we get scene whiplash because directly after this, Debany and MacDonald are sent on the pizza run and Monty sends Kowalski to the bookstore to have a look around, which we all know is actually Monty telling Kowalski to go check on his woman. After that, Monty heads over to Burke. Burke asks about the blockade and if it’s still necessary, and Monty says no, he doesn’t think so. There won’t be more trouble “today”, with “today” being the key word. Burke complains that it seems like someone’s still whispering sweet nothings into the governor’s ear and he’s leaning on the mayor to find the stolen goods. Is it connected, Burke asks. Monty says yes. Burke says he thinks it is, too, and then asks Monty what happened. So Monty tells him about the pedo-van and the fake deliveryman and the wolf-man. At the mention of Not-Teen Wolf, Burke pales, so Monty asks if Burke has seen something like that before. Burke says he has, when he worked in a village in the middle of “wild country” when he was a wee baby police officer. He explains that the Others who live in such places either can’t shift all the way or they just don’t want to, so if you went out to visit their settlements, you were going to see things. And to sprinkle in a little racism, apparently all the “blends” were “the stuff of nightmares”.

Because nothing can be cute, I guess. But then we have the concept of girls and women being stupid and going out to these places to find creatures like this in this book, too. I guess we all can’t be monster fuckers.

Anyway, Burke asks if Monty thinks the driver and van left the Courtyard, to which Monty says a resounding no, but he also is hoping Simon will do them the kindness of handing over the guy’s wallet. Burke tells Monty that’ll do, pig, that’ll do, keep the peace, and gets in his car and drives off. The watch Crows fly off at this point as well. Monty gets into his car and waits for Kowalski, and while he does, he takes out an envelope from his pocket and stares at it. We’re now reminded Monty has an ex and a daughter, and apparently this is a card his daughter made for him and made her mother send. This whole little scene is pointless, and really only serves to remind us that Monty has a single reason to keep the peace. It’s his daughter, if you haven’t figured that out.

And this chapter is still going, and now we have another perspective jump. We’re back with Asia, who’s picking a lock on an apartment and slipping inside when she’s successful. She gets delusional about her future TV series again, it’s not important, and she isn’t important, though she thinks she is, and she tells us that she parked on a side street when she got back to the Courtyard. She says she wanted to be around when Simon realized Meg was missing... but instead found the police crawling all over the place, talk about someone trying to do something stupid at the Liaison’s Office, and something about a box or a van or whatever. Then she thinks this:

Everyone who had a mobile phone was chattering nonsense, but it was enough to tell her that White Van had failed big-time.

Wait, what? So they do have cell phones? So why wasn’t anybody taking pictures of Simon?! Or are that the kind of cellphones that are the first generation giant ass boxes that you had to pull the antenna out of? Or are these the flip phones that were good only for talking and not much else? Clearly these aren’t smart phones and clearly not everyone and their second cousin has one. Just as clearly, there’s no Facebook, no Twitter/X, no Snapchat, no TikTok, no Instagram. Otherwise Simon’s half-human half-Wolf ass would be plastered over the internet plus that trash magazine you find at checkout counters, the one that claims somebody’s wife had an alien baby with Sasquatch. I get that this book was published in 2013, but we had all that stuff plus iPhones and Androids, so there’s no reason why people who had cell phones wouldn’t be using them to take pictures of the wolf-man hybrid. This doesn’t make sense in the same context that people would frequent stores where people are dismembered or eaten or sexually assaulted and give those stores their money by buying romance books or horror books or whatever else. People whip out their phones to film every little thing nowadays, so you can’t tell me that humans with cellphones in this world don’t do that either. It doesn’t make sense.

The idiot not only bungled the snatch; he got caught. She wasn’t worried about him coming back here and finding her searching his apartment. Even if he managed to get out of the Courtyard, he was gone, gone, gone. But she had left a couple of printed notes under the van’s windshield wiper, providing information about Meg’s routine. A pro would have disposed of the notes.

Which begs the question of why he didn’t do everything right. If he was truly a pro and not a bumbling thug (and let’s face it, he was a bumbling thug because if he was a pro, he would’ve gotten Meg out of there without a noise or anyone noticing and she’d be gone, and that would be too exciting, because then Simon would have to decide if risking the Courtyard was worth going to war to get Meg back, even if the chase ended up being stopped before she was whisked back to the compound. It would still be more exciting than what actually happens.) he would have observed how all the other drivers acted around Meg and he would have done the same. He probably could have even started a rapport with her like Harry, doing a legitimate job to build trust and then ask her out, and when she agreed, kidnap her then. The whole reason this went south the way it did was because the author gave the kidnapper the Idiot Ball and he did things the most stupidest way possible because it was easier and required less danger to her perfect Sue. The fact that Asia provided that information to him makes this even more obviously stupid and lazy. It also makes me wonder why the Controller trusted this guy to keep going after his first failed attempt at snatching Meg. I guess everyone has stock in Idiot Ball, LLC.

Asia claims a “pro wouldn’t have gotten caught”. Ignoring the fact that pros actually do get caught, mostly because they make a bad decision or they do something stupid. Anyway, Asia claims that she followed White Van guy one night as “research”, but really it was to find out where he lived. She didn’t get much from her backers for that bit of info, but she ultimately decided for herself that it would come in handy if she needed to use the cops for her dirty work. But no need for that, since the guy basically committed suicide. The only question is how much he tells the Others before they rip his throat out. Thus, Asia broke into the guy’s apartment so she can make sure someone can’t find anything that links her to the bad guy. Except for the whole leaving her scent behind in the apartment, of course, but no Other works for the police, so moot point. Unsurprisingly, she finds nothing but dirty magazines under the mattress. Still, she flips through them, making the comment she hopes the pages aren’t “stuck together”, if you know what I mean, and she just happens to find a slip of paper with a phone number on it between such pages. It’s not local and Asia decides the number might be worth a shot.

Asia pocketed the slip of paper, put the magazines back under the mattress, and left the apartment.

And was quickly arrested for the breaking and entering because the apartment building’s manager saw her in the hallway CCTV and wondered why this random woman was picking the lock on the door and called the police. Seriously, this whole scene is so contrived and could have easily been removed without it changing anything about the story, except for Asia finding the phone number. The fact that she bothers to even look under the mattress is extremely strange, because what reason does she have to look there and not in drawers or in closets or literally anywhere else a professional criminal might hide incriminating information? And why would she bother to look through the magazines, because I bet you they’re Playboy magazines, which is why she rolled her eyes. This whole scene just smells of a pointed plot set up, and by that I mean it was specifically was written to Asia would find this slip of paper. Because we can’t have anything exciting happen to start raising the stakes and prove to the Others just how reachable Meg really is.

Another perspective shift, and we’re back with Meg and Co. Meg has her pizza and Simon feels better after seeing Meg chow down. She’s not hurt, which he can tell because she’s “eating with such obvious pleasure”. I mean, maybe she’s coping while her brain tries to figure out her trauma. Ahahahahahahaha! Who am I kidding? There’s no such thing as trauma in this story! Of course, everything is quantified by what makes Simon happy, not Meg, and as such, because Meg is happy, Simon is happy. If Meg is calm, Simon is calm. If Simon is pissed, Meg is distressed, but what Meg wants doesn’t matter because it’s all about Simon. This is an unhealthy relationship, and nobody seems to see that. Anyway, apparently Meg being happy also means she’s “willing to share food”, instead of, you know, just being nice and sharing so everyone feels included, and this means that Meg tore the top off the pizza box, put two slices on top of it, and took it outside for the Crows. Simon makes her put it in the office’s backyard because he doesn’t want humans seeing big avians with fingers growing out of their wings, but him standing fully naked in all his furry-manly glory is just fine. Also that will never be mentioned again.

Well, while the Crows are busy eating their pizza, Simon decides to eat his and watch the street. He tells us that Merri Lee had brought new clothes for Meg and “persuaded” her to go see the resident masseuse, so Meg’s not in the office at the moment. She’s being “pampered”. So it’s Simon who locks up the office, and when he does, he finds Blair waiting for him. Blair mentions Henry is “very angry” (and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry!) and that Henry “shifted” and wants to play lone bear for a while. Simon asks if Henry reported anything before he decided to isolate himself and Blair says:

“Someone hired the intruder to take Meg away from us. They gave him a number to call but nothing else. He also said someone left him messages, telling him where Meg lived and when she was in the office. He didn’t know who was helping him.”

That’s… that’s it? That’s what Asia did? She just left him notes about where Meg lived and what time she was in the office? Are you fucking serious?! EVERYBODY KNOWS WHERE MEG LIVES AND WHAT TIME SHE’LL BE IN THE OFFICE! She will literally be in the office DURING OFFICE HOURS. You can just look on the door for that information! As for where she lives, it’s in the Courtyard! And everybody knows going in there is suicide! In fact, there are less painful ways to kill yourself than breaking into the Courtyard and kidnapping somebody! This is so, so painfully stupid. Are you kidding me? Now I can tell that the author is just getting lazy. And I’ve discovered that a lot of authors who make big bucks and have lots of books under their belts start getting lazy about their writing. They start taking easy and convoluted ways out, which gives birth to the Sue. Up until this point, Asia has proven herself conniving and extremely intelligent and manipulative. But this is her way of “helping”? Are you serious? Leaving notes about Meg’s whereabouts on a windshield is like taking the guy’s hand and pointing at the door and saying “there she is!” I was thinking that Asia was being helpful by telling him to dress as a deliveryman, how the delivery people do things, something to help his cover and getting Meg out. But no. This was her help. Literal public knowledge. When you have to hamstring your bad guys so that your good guys don’t have to work hard, you have a problem.

Simon says the person helping Bad Guy “knows where Meg lives”, which currently is quite a short list, but Simon can’t put two and two together just yet nor investigate anything, because that would change the story and the author’s “clever surprise” at the end of the book. Simon declares that someone will now babysit Meg from this point forward, and they will be in her presence at all times she’s in the office. Blair hesitates, but Simon mentions he showed up all furry in front of her and she wasn’t afraid. Blair agrees and then mentions that Boone wants to know if he can put up “the sign” so everyone knows there’s “special meat”. Human meat, if you care to remember what “special meat” means. Simon almost immediately agrees but then thinks about the police and how they’re going to be annoying for a while. He also remembers the incident that happened when Meg asked Boone for a special treat for Sam and he thinks about “the Ruthie” who shops in their shops. He points out that eventually both women will see the sign and they’ll just have to “accept what it meant” - no, they don’t have to accept what it means. understanding and accepting are two different things - but right now it would be “too obvious” where the meat’s from. So ultimately says no, no sign, but pass the word that there’s stuff if people want it, and by the way, offer blood to the king of the vampires. Blair replies that’s already done. Simon goes yes, of course the leader of the vampires would want blood from the bastard “who tried to take Meg, who touched Meg”, because everyone is obsessed with Meg for no fucking reason, and his monologue gets interrupted by Blair asking if Simon wants any human jerky.

We’re reminded for the umpteenth time that Simon isn’t, and never will be, human, and “proves” it by saying he wants “the heart”. He’ll come get it later. Once Meg’s asleep, of course. I don’t know why that matters, because she would never know if he got it before she fell asleep or not, but like I said earlier, Simon is obsessed with Meg for no fucking reason, so I have no doubt he’s going to pull an Edward Cullen and watch Meg sleep.

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Where the Heart of Anti-Shurtugal Rises Again.

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