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antishurtugal_rebornA: Well, here we are. The beginning of a spork both anticipated and dreaded. For anyone new to the comm, I’m Anya, semi-scholarly snarker and author of the long-running deconstruction-reconstruction fic Consequence. I am also, as anyone around here already knows, a big fan of Murtagh the character, so my fellow mods and I have decided that I’ll be taking the lead on the sporking of the book where Paolini does everything in his power to fuck him up.
Speaking of my fellow mods, they’re here to delve into this with me. Epistler, Torylltales, say hello to the readers!
TT: Atra mor'ranr lifa unin hjarta onr. That’s Paolini’s ‘Ancient Language’ for “may peace live in your heart”. If what I’ve seen in previews and my own skimming is any indication, we’re all going to need a lot of peace in our hearts to get through this without damaging something.
E: I promised we’d be back and now the time has come. Chinook and I are, ironically, in a similar position to Murtagh and Thorn: on the run and hoping to avoid being found by Eragon and Saphira since we absconded from their godawful “Academy”. No doubt Nasidiot’s goons are after us too, and I don’t like to think of what they might do to us if they catch us. But we’re more than happy to be here, albeit via magic mirror. Soon revenge will be ours. As for the stranger who helped us escape… but I’m getting ahead of myself.
A: If you’re not sure what’s happening there, you can go check out Epistler’s sporking of the Eragon guide book.
With all that done, let’s delve into the prologue of Murtagh. Or rather, as Paolini has decided to call it, the “argument.” Do you think that’s better or worse than calling it a preface?
TT: He should have called it Apology. Yes, that’s a double entendre.
E: He owes an awful lot of people an apology, one which will not be forthcoming.
A: Heh. I’m personally in the camp of it being just about on the same level, because “arguments” actually are a thing in literature. An argument in literature is essentially a thesis statement, a brief summary that precedes a work. It was pretty common in the Renaissance and was mostly used for poems.
E: I have a degree in Literature and I’ve still never heard of this. Being obscure does not make you clever, Chris.
A: Indeed it does not, especially given that this “argument” is more of an introduction or prologue. Most of it is focused on providing background and recapping, in the most general possible terms, the events of the Inheritance Cycle. There’s only one line that could count as an “argument” in the literary sense, and it’s pretty weak. But for now, let’s take things as they come.
Since the argument is pretty short, I see no reason not to go through it paragraph by paragraph with full quotes. Let’s see how Paolini begins this foray back into his first literary universe.
Behold, the land of Alagaësia, vast and verdant, full of mystery. Here stand mountains that scrape the stars, forests as fathomless as an ocean, deserts scorched to barrenness, and more besides. Throughout, one will find divers peoples and creatures, from hardy humans to long-lived elves to deep-dwelling dwarves to war-wedded Urgals. And above all else, dragons—bright and brilliant and terrifying in their ancient glory.
E: They’re so bright and brilliant and terrifying that they do absolutely fuck all! Chinook says she finds this bit patronising and offensive.
A: There are parts of this that might not bother me so much if they were coming from any other writer. The alliteration, for example. I like alliteration most of the time, but Paolini really seems to be going a bit overboard with it, and because it’s him and he’s done so much already to exhaust my supply of goodwill, I can’t help but be annoyed. There is one thing, however, that would annoy me no matter who did it, and that’s “divers”. That’s not a typo, and it’s not even incorrect provided you’re a bit liberal with the interpretation. “Divers” as an adjective is its own right meaning “multiple and different,” though semantically it’s a bit more heavy on the number and light on the variety than “diverse”. I’m not even going to quibble with the fact that it’s archaic as all hell. I’m going to quibble with it being used in a context where “diverse” would also make sense. Most modern readers are not familiar with “divers”, so when they see it in a context where “diverse” would also make sense, they’re just going to assume it’s a typo. That’s not a very good foot to get off on in your prologue.
TT: For me personally, the word divers in this context heavily calls back to Terry Pratchett, specifically the Wyrd Sisters book:
‘Divers alarums and excursions', she read, uncertainly. 'That means lots of terrible happenings, said Magrat. 'You always put that in plays.'
‘Alarums and what?', said Nanny Ogg, who hadn't been listening.
‘Excursions', said Magrat patiently.
‘Oh.' Nanny Ogg brightened a bit. 'The seaside would be nice,' she said.
‘Oh do shut up, Gytha,' said Granny Weatherwax. 'They're not for you. They're only for divers, like it says. Probably so they can recover from all them alarums.’
A: I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where he first read it.
TT: I would argue that it’s also used incorrectly in Paolini’s sentence. The specific definition is “an unspecified number more than one”, NOT an archaic way of spelling “diverse” with essentially the same meaning, the way Paolini’s used it here. “Divers people” means “more than one person”, not “a diverse range of different groups of people”. If I were editing, I’d tell him to add the final e.
A: As would I. Even if his intent was the meaning of “divers”, the context makes it ambiguous enough that people are definitely going to parse it as “diverse”.
E: Once again we are reminded of the famous Mark Twain quote. “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
TT: Last point, the peoples of Alagaesia are hardly “an undefined number greater than one”. Assuming the use of “peoples” to mean racial or political groups, there isn’t an undefined number. There’s eight. Counting Surdan humans, nomadic humans, and settled Broddring humans as separate groups, but not counting Ra’zac or spirits. Counting all the humans as one racial group, there are five groups of people. Five is hardly divers.
A: Five? I would count six: humans, elves, dwarves, Urgals, dragons, and werecats. It’s interesting, by the way, that Paolini doesn’t include werecats here, considering they’re going to appear somewhat prominently in this book.
For the past century, King Galbatorix reigned as tyrant over most of the human-settled lands and was a terror to the other races as well. By his will, the dragons were broken, and their numbers much reduced until only few remained.
TT: A tyrant who maintained safe trading roads, a standing army patrolling trade routes between cities, religious artistic and intellectual freedom, and basically left everyone alone to live their lives while he brooded in his melodramatic cave-castle.
E: Chinook says that’s not at all what happened, and she’s quite irate about it. When was he “a terror to the other races”, exactly? No, killing elves and dwarves during the war doesn’t count. They were attacking him. After which he left them to their own devices. I absolutely refuse point-blank to believe that he somehow didn’t know where Ellesmera was.
A: Paolini would have us believe that Galbatorix was anti-intellectual-freedom and burned books and such, but we never actually see that happening. We just get told that he censored stuff, and the people who say he censored stuff are largely his in-universe political opponents, who probably aren’t the most reliable of sources. Regardless of how you interpret that, though, all the other points stand, especially the “basically leaving everyone alone” point. Hell, Surda managed to secede from his Empire! The only time Galbatorix leaves Uru’baen in the course of the Inheritance Cycle (offscreen, I might add) is to punish Marcus Tábor, the governor of Dras-Leona, for abuse of power.
Those brave folk who opposed Galbatorix fled into the hinterlands, where they came to call themselves the Varden. There they dwelt, with little hope for victory, until the dragon Saphira hatched for the human Eragon.
A: “Hatched for” is a very setting-specific phrasing. Given that this book is supposed to be accessible to new readers, I would suggest changing it to something like “the dragon Saphira chose the human Eragon to be her Rider.” New readers still won’t know the full implications of that, but it’s a lot easier to parse. Not to mention it just sounds more grand, and we all know how Paolini loves to sound grand.
E: “Hatched for” is also still really demeaning to Saphira. When you were born, were you “born for” a third party’s benefit? Unless you’re one of those organ donor babies or a royal heir, I doubt it. When Chinook hatched I made a point of not touching her until we’d gotten to know each other, and even then I let her initiate it.
Together—and under the wise leadership of the Lady Nasuada—they marched against Galbatorix’s empire.
A: I really hate that em-dash parenthetical. Setting aside the content, here’s my line-edit:
Together, under the leadership of the Lady Nasuada, they marched against Galbatorix’s empire.
A: THERE, I FiXED IT. Seriously, though, doesn’t it flow so much better without the em-dashes? What are his editors even doing? And yes, like Fractal Noise, this book had multiple editors.
E: MULTIPLE EDITORS? What the actual bleeding hell? How were none of them checking for basic continuity? Whoever they are, they should be sacked and blacklisted from the industry because that level of incompetence is absolutely inexcusable. Also I like that you removed the highly inaccurate “wise” while you were at it. Wise. Right. Now there’s a laugh.
A: Honestly, I didn’t even notice I’d removed that until you pointed it out.
Now the king is slain, and the war to overthrow him is ended, and the land entered a state of renewal.
A: The abuse of tenses here is physically painful to me.
TT: It gives me a tension headache.
Yet even in this peace, shadows stir, and there are whispers of strange happenings about the edges of Alagaësia, and of these, one man seeks to know the truth…
A: That’s the line I referred to earlier, the one that could be considered a proper argument in the literary sense.
E: One, did we seriously have to go with the “But ONE MAN…” cliche which even action movie trailers have long since dropped for being far too cheesy, and two, WHAT ABOUT THORN? This makes it sound like Murtagh’s completely on his own (which he might as well be given how utterly pointless Thorn is rendered). The book hasn’t even started yet and Thorn is already being treated as completely superfluous.
A: That’s not the end, though. Before we move on to the first chapter, we have to get through… a poem.
TT: Worse, a Paoem.
A: Yeah. Brace yourselves, folks.
E: Christ, what did I do to deserve this? *pause* Oh, right. That thing. *hangs head in shame* Do your worst.
To hold the center amid a storm,
To cleave or cling or seize the standard?
‘Tis a question troubles even
The broadest mind. A stand of aspen
Grows as tall and strong as the lonely
Oak. Honor demands, duty compels,
And love cajoles, but the self insists.
—Quandaries 14-20
Atten the Red
A: The first few lines of this are… better than usual? The alliteration lends it a bit of poetic flair that a lot of Paolini’s past poetry distinctly lacked. Unfortunately, it still falls apart pretty quickly. I think all of that enjambment may be intended to emphasize the confusion sparked by the “quandary” in question, but it doesn’t really work, because the surrounding text is basically an Ice Cream Koan word salad that doesn’t really tie into an identifiable point.
TT: What is it even about? Part of the poem seems to be about being true to your convictions, but the second half seems to be talking about the power of friendship. It doesn’t really have a clear message or theme. It was clearly inspired by Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” soliloquy, but lacks clear message and direction. The 9-7-9-9-9-9 metre is a lot more consistent than Paolini’s previous poems, credit to Chris for learning how to count syllables, but it’s not really consistent in the syllable stress patterns:
-/-/-/-/-
- -/-/-/-
-/-/-/-/-
/-/-/- -/-
//- -//- -/
-/-/- -/-/
Some of the lines are sort-of iambic, one of the lines is almost trochaic, but none of it is consistent enough to really fit a good rhythm. It is a huge improvement over the Woolly Goat song, in that it can actually be set to music, with some finangling, but it’s still not what I’d call good enough to be featured in the prologue of an epic fantasy novel. It’s no “All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter” (Tolkien).
E: Great, and now he’s going down the road of including extracts from imaginary in-universe books; something I’ve always found obnoxious. Also I really wish he’d get over this obsession with “the centre will hold”.
TT: Look out for Chapter 1: Maddentide, coming soon courtesy of the wonderful ignoresandra.
A: I very much look forward to reading her thoughts. Until then, my fellow Anti-Shirts, namárië!
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Date: 2023-11-28 10:07 am (UTC)Well, her scales haven't changed much but her horns have definitely grown longer and heavier and her teeth are a lot sharper. I didn't mention it before, but her wing membranes have this really beautiful pearly sheen to them. She's so big now! I've actually drawn a picture of us, which I'll be including in my first solo chapter spork.
There's way too much ruminating in this thing, as well as way too many dream sequences.
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Date: 2023-11-28 10:40 pm (UTC)Well, her scales haven't changed much but her horns have definitely grown longer and heavier and her teeth are a lot sharper. I didn't mention it before, but her wing membranes have this really beautiful pearly sheen to them. She's so big now! I've actually drawn a picture of us, which I'll be including in my first solo chapter spork.
That sounds so beautiful! I can't wait to see you two. Good luck battling the most fearsome foe of all - Paolini books.
My dragon has decided to call themself Trout. Because they like to catch and eat Trout. I asked if they were sure they didn't want a more dignified name, and they growled at me and proceeded to catch and eat... a salmon.
There's way too much ruminating in this thing, as well as way too many dream sequences.
I liked them when they provided a flashback (which should have been in Eldest, to break up the monotony of the training, but the knockoff Lovecraft vibes got old fast.
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Date: 2023-11-29 01:05 am (UTC)We've got this genuinely mysterious creepy cult in a genuinely mysterious new setting and yet somehow it's completely boring.
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Date: 2023-11-29 05:10 am (UTC)More of the same tiptoeing around something fascinating and ruining it with bombastic and wholly unnecessary "plot points?"
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Date: 2023-11-29 09:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 03:14 am (UTC)Lovecraft was actually scary, and played with the unknown and the uncomprehensible. This monster is literally just a giant wingless dragon. You can defeat it with enough firepower. How do you defeat something that exists in different reality from your own?
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Date: 2023-12-06 03:50 am (UTC)