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antishurtugal_rebornThe next chapter returns to Eragon for – oh joy – more pointless traveling! Eragon is currently on a boat – don’t you ever forget!
Well okay, a raft, but damned if I was going to miss the opportunity to make an incredibly dated reference. We’re given the names of his dwarf guards, which range from “faux-Slavic” to “cat walked on the keyboard”. This is pointless because none of these characters will ever be important and indeed will never appear again after a few token scenes.
We also get lots of really choppy description of the rafts and the landscape, and then Eragon and Orik have a conversation during which Orik smokes a pipe because he’s a walking stereotype lifted straight out of Tolkien. Eragon asks the stereotype why Brom joined the Varden, and the stereotype answers that actually Brom helped to found the whole operation and somehow got the Elf Queen and the Dwarf King involved. Eragon has no reaction to this.
Instead we just cut to a while later without notice, and Eragon randomly asks Arya about some lanterns the dwarves are using. There’s absolutely no indication that these are anything other than regular old lamps, but Arya tells him they’re maaagic and of course it’s because of a spell the elves gave to the dwarves. How very magnanimous of them. And of course, the dwarves couldn’t have just figured it out for themselves or anything silly like that.
Eragon asks her to teach him more magic, and she nonsensically replies that it’s not her place to do that. That or she just thinks she’s above all that, which would be in character.
Instead Ergs asks her what Zar’roc’s name means, and the answer is that it means “misery”.
Eragon gets all angsty about it and thinks about how it’s an eeevil sword because it’s been used to kill Riders and has an eeeevil name. Since when was misery “evil”? it’s an emotion. Emotions aren’t Good or Evil. Indeed, it's been repeatedly shown that negative emotions are necessary for good mental health. Eragon openly thinks about how he’d toss it into the river if it weren’t magically supersharp and unbreakable, and I think he’s a spoiled brat. Thank goodness he’ll be replacing the not-good-enough-for-his-Sue-ass sword with a perfect custom job in the next book.
After that, with no transition whatsoever, Eragon goes flying with Saphira and it gets unintentionally erotic again, as we get descriptions of Saphira’s “hard scales” rubbing against Eragon’s thighs. Don’t ask me how that’s happening when she’s supposedly wearing a saddle specifically so her scales don’t rub sexily between his thighs.
OH GOD I'M GETTING FLASHBACKS.
While they’re flying around pointlessly, risking being spotted by enemy scouts might I add, they have an encounter with some tiny dragon-looking beasties who unlike Saphira actually have sensible camouflaged colours. They check Saphira out, and Ergs decides to mind-probe them. This pisses them off, and they start ripping off the (movie) Nazgul by doing a shrieky scream which is supposed to paralyse our hero but doesn’t because Eragon is, like, way cooler than that loser Frodo. Saphira starts fighting back, and Eragon tells her not to kill them. Not because they’re harmless little animals and it would be needlessly cruel, but because “I want the experience”.
Is… is Eragon suggesting that he likes being mind-screamed at? Is that some kink of his we didn’t know about?
Either way she attacks them regardless, and then does some ridiculous thing where she apparently breathes fire on herself. On her own head, specifically. I have no idea how the hell that’s even possible, but apparently it makes her scales do a disco-ball thing like she’s been “lit from within”.
Right, whatever.
The mini dragons fly off, and the two sociopaths laugh about how Eragon almost fell off. Har har. They then fly back gloating over their “victory”, like they just killed some dire rats for the XP. Come on – that was a textbook RPG Random Encounter, including the gloating afterwards.
Eragon meets up with Orik back on the river, and Orik infodumps about the mini dragons and how dangerous they are, while Saphira continues to gloat like the smug narcissist she is. Shut up, Saphira.
Arya says the mini dragons are rare and one of the dwarves bitches about how they steal livestock, and none of this will ever be important because we’ll never see another one and they’ll never even be mentioned again. Thus rendering the entire encounter and dialogue – you guessed it-
Psych!
And speaking of entirely pointless things, they stop and camp by the side of the river, and we hear about that in great detail.
Camping on riverbanks = bad idea, unless you like getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
Cue another completely useless scene, in which one of the dwarf guards shows off the knuckledusters screwed into his hands. The knucklebones, specifically. I inspected my own hands and knuckles and for the life of me I cannot fathom how you could possibly “[drill] down through the joints” and insert metal sockets without destroying said joints and leaving the victim unable to use their fingers. Indeed the dwarf guy sporting them says it’s a dangerous operation and not many people go in for it because you can lose the use of your hands.
Why the hell would anyone risk it at all? And even if the joints aren’t destroyed, punching with these things means you’re effectively driving the other end of the spike into your own bones every time you hit something. You’d end up with multiple fractures, ffs! And especially if you’re punching hard enough to leave holes in a tree trunk, as this guy does here!
Eragon, continuing to act like a fourteen year old kid playing a video game, immediately thinks that he’d love to have some because then he could go around punching urgals to death.
This is not how a mentally healthy person thinks.
And then the scene just ends, and the dwarf guy will never be seen again. All this scene accomplished was introducing an idea Paolini thought was clever and making Eragon look like a power-hungry piece of shit who subconsciously thinks killing things is something you do for fun.
After that Eragon goes to bed, and for the first time in 139 freaking pages he remembers he has a cousin and decides to scry him. Thankfully, he doesn’t use a teardrop this time.
He sees a vision of Roran looking worried, and then ends the spell without bothering to check up on anyone else. Because if he did he might realise things were going horribly wrong back at the old homestead and then he’d have to go back and help- oh wait this is Eragon, what am I talking about? Eragon never goes rushing off to help other people no matter how dire the circumstances are. Unless the other person is Arya, and then only because he wants to get in her pants.
We then get a ridiculously purple description of Eragon falling asleep which goes on for half a paragraph.
Sometimes, while you’re writing a novel, you’ll come up with a description of something which takes your fancy so much that it doesn’t occur to you to stop and ask yourself whether the thing in question needs to be described at all.
Paolini never does the stopping and asking himself part.
Then Eragon has a Prophetic Dream™. It’s pretty standard – a big battlefield with eagles inexplicably circling overhead. Inexplicable because a) Eagles are not known for gathering in large numbers when there’s a battle, and b) Even if they were, the carrion-eaters don’t show up until afterwards. They don’t have a magical Google Alert set up, Paolini.
Paolini also uses the word “machine”, even though this is a setting that does not have machinery, and then Eragon wakes up.
He goes outside and finds Saphira eating a “furry lump”, which immediately led me to conclude that she’s eating a Tribble. Eragon tells her about the dream, and I have a question – if they’re in each others’ heads 24-7, shouldn’t she know already? Wouldn’t they share dreams?
The two morons decide it must be a Prophetic Dream™ instead of just a, y’know, dream. Strangely enough, when I had that dream about hiking up a mountain in the rain I did not in fact wake up assuming that I would soon be doing some hiking in bad weather.
But never mind about any of that – it’s time for more bad song lyrics! The band of merry morons sails off down the river and one of the random dwarves starts singing a horrible “dwarf” song which is apparently about nothing despite being full of random unrelated references to “honour” and weaponry. Most of it is quite frankly nonsensical. I’ll copy-paste it below in case our resident Paoetry expert toryll feels like taking a hatchet to it (again).
Down the rushing mere-wash
Of Kílf’s welling blood,
We ride the twisting timbers,
For hearth, clan, and honor.
Under the ernes’ sky-vat,
Through the ice-wolves’ forest bowls,
We ride the gory wood,
For iron, gold, and diamond.
Let hand-ringer and bearded gaper fill my grip
And battle-leaf guard my stone
As I leave the halls of my fathers
For the empty land beyond.
Who or what is “erne”? What’s a “battle-leaf” and why would you want it to guard your stone? What stone? Is that supposed to be a euphemism for testicles or something? Gah.
Eragon goes and asks Arya about the dream, and she tells him that when he dreamed about her being emo in prison during the last book it was because her “spirit was searching for help”.
If elves are atheists, why does she think she has a “spirit” in the first place?
Ergs asks why him specifically and Arya says it’s because she carried Saphira around for fifteen years and they got used to each other. Then why didn’t Saphira hatch for her?
Moving on, Arya tells him she can talk to him perfectly clearly, from anywhere. Naturally this is bullshit and will never be mentioned again. She adds that premonitions have been known to happen, and especially among magic users. Thank goodness for once we don’t get another “OMG NO-ONE HAS EVER DONE THIS BEFORE UR SO SPECIAL AND YEUNIKE!!!1” moment.
Eragon asks if what he saw has to come to pass, and then starts wangsting about free will vs fate. Arya replies with a story about an elf who had a premonition that he was going to accidentally kill his son, but who stopped it from happening by committing suicide, thereby proving that the future isn’t set in stone. Ooorrr maybe the guy was just nuts. She adds that the only way Eragon could make absolutely certain that it won’t happen is to also do himself in.
Please, Eragon, be my guest. No really – I’ve got a razor blade right here.
Eragon gets weirded out, as you would expect anyone to in his place, and decides that the best he can do is enjoy himself in the present and “live as honourably as possible”.
Eragon? Honourable? Hahahahahnofuckoff. This is the guy who treats war deaths like RPG kills, places himself as judge jury and executioner over a guy he personally dislikes, murders a probable teenager in cold blood, lies to his friends and family constantly, usually to cover his ass, quietly condones his side’s blatant war crimes… the list goes on. Eragon is not an honourable person – not even by the standards this stupid series keeps trying to peddle.
Eragon then asks if it’s possible to scry a memory, since after all that’s something he’s seen before. Arya says no because reasons and that when a few elves tried it on they died for their trouble. She adds that scrying the past would be “of limited use”, because she’s a fucking idiot who doesn’t realise that in fact scrying the past would be massively, massively useful. You could use it to prove someone innocent of a crime, for one thing, and historians would be all over it.
Arya then blah-blahs about where premonitions might come from, and there’s still no indication as to why they’re so certain Eragon’s random dream was a premonition in the first place, rather than, say, a manifestation of his fear that he’ll have to fight in more battles, which is more than likely.
She adds that there’s a lot of “avenues” of magic that haven’t been explored yet, presumably because the elves are too fucking lazy to bother, and then strolls off, ending the chapter.
Well that was an utter waste of time. And Arya continues to end conversations by rudely walking away without so much as an “excuse me”. Because she’s a bitch.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-28 10:03 am (UTC)And, personally, damning about this is that this trait is never brought up from brising onward. Sure it's cliche but at least Orik had something unique. And I another gripe on this with orrin.
And about that hammer necklace from the curch spork. I think only the elves know about containing magic in jewels, which is a plot hole with the magic lamp, as oromis told him about it. Which makes the elves bigger assholes for not sharing with their allies.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-28 10:16 am (UTC)Way back in the day someone made the observation that when Tolkien wrote about characters drinking beer and smoking pipes, it was because that was what he did in real life with his buddies. But when Paolini wrote about beer and pipes, it was because Tolkien wrote about it. Nothing to do with his personal experiences whatsoever. Which is why I'm calling this a stereotype. Like Brom, Orik smokes a pipe because that's what Tolkien's wizard and dwarf characters did. And as you say, it never comes up again as with Orrin's cute quirk of being a science geek.
You could well be right. The elves certainly do have a long history of hoarding knowledge like the selfish, elitist jerks they are.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-28 04:32 pm (UTC)Their was an old interview in which Paolini was asked about this, and he had to give a lengthy explanation with the excuse that Arya was just being glib.
I found the interview. Had to use the Way back Machine.
https://web.archive.org/web/20170619174643/http://www.shurtugal.com/interviews/monthly-qas-with-christopher-paolini/qa-with-christopher-paolini-august-2009/
no subject
Date: 2019-02-28 05:25 pm (UTC)Was there any particular reason he was being secretive about the color of Galbatroix's original dragon? And did the color of a rider's magic matter at all?
His answers sometimes leave me with more questions than answers. I'd almost preferred if he answered "No comment". Even if that answer leaves a nagging annoyance in the back of my head.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-02 12:16 am (UTC)It sounds to me like somebody (ie Paolini) is unfamiliar with certain basic biological concepts. Such as the fact that carbon-based life forms are made of the same "stuff" and generally share a good chunk of the same DNA no matter how different they look.
No and no. Dragon colours don't have an impact on anything - it's all just set dressing. The only explanation I can come up with as to why he doesn't want to tell us what colour "Jarnunvosk" was is that he couldn't be bothered to put any thought into it and didn't feel like committing to an answer. He does that a lot in interviews. If that weren't the case, he wouldn't come off like he was prevaricating all the damn time.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-28 06:35 pm (UTC)The existence of proto-dragons could have been used as a segway to go into the history of dragons and elves. This could have provided an avenue for Saphira to develop. We also could have learned how the dragon riders came to be at this point, instead of having an entire chapter dedicated to exposition. We also could have developed dwarven culture a bit.
Unfortunately, just because it wasn't preordained didn't mean it was sure to be worthwhile.
And as this chapter stands it is completely worthless. Nothing is learned. No one develops. The supposed development of dwarvish culture is incomprehensible and bad. Writing songs requires skill and work at the craft, like anything else. Paolini doesn't have that.
Which brings me to the core problem with this book. Paolini is trying to write a great novel. Not a good novel. He isn't interested in telling a good story. Rather, having struck it rich with Eragon, he is now trying to make Eldest even better. And in the process is taking on an incredible burden, when his time would be best spent working on the basics.
Rip this chapter out. Throw it in a fire. Toast some marshmallows.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-28 08:42 pm (UTC)Paolini tried to get clever with kennnings, despite the fact that (a) he seems to have little idea how they work, (b) this is very much not Old England, and (c) this is the only poem in Paolini's unfortunately extensive collection that features kenning prominently, which means that kenning is probably not a common technique in dwarfish poetry writing.
Plus, his kennings just plain don't make sense. Sky vat? Forest bowls? Hand ringer?
"Bearded gaper" is obviously an axe, of a very particular style and design used by a very particular group of people at a very particular time in our world's history...
"Battle leaf" could refer to a leaf-shaped shield, but it's really not clear. Kennings are meant to be unambiguous and meaningful, but Paolini throws them together like he's playing mad libs with a magnetic poetry set.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-01 11:12 am (UTC)The elf song which shows up later has the same problem, which I'll go into more detail about when we get to it, but the short version is that it keeps flipping between "call to battle", the coming of a new rider, Arya's capture, and describing how pretty the forest is. There's just no focus.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-01 12:25 pm (UTC)Removing the "poetic" metaphors and bizarre kenning, the poem reads as so:
Down a fast flowing river
full of water
we ride in a boat
for family and duty
under the (sky?),
Through the (????)
we ride the boat
in search of riches.
Give me my (hammer?) and axe!
And my (groin protector???),
I'm leaving home
Into the world outside.
Looking at it like this, you can see it's just too repetitive. Stanza 1: [Location. Description of the boat. Vague motivation for being on the boat.] Stanza 2: [Location. Different description of the boat. A slightly different vague motivation for being on the boat. Expression of desire to hold weapons. Vaguely xenophobic explanation of what the concept of "travel" entails.]
There's no narrative progression either within the individual stanzas, or across both stanzas. The second stanza does not add any new information except maybe the clarification at the end that they are indeed travelling away from their starting location. The 'story" doesn't progress, and themes, metaphors etc. aren't expanded upon or explored.
Not to toot my own horn, but back in 2009 I composed this (intentionally) ridiculously over-the-top passage as a direct reaction-slash-parody to Paolini's try-hard smugness:
Often he from rushing rivers stole
Red snapping-fish with gaping sharp-toothed jaws;
which rivers flowed from distant mountain peaks -
those watchful guards, those solemn priests - and went,
by wending hermit's way, heedlessly and eagerly
To sea.
If we remove the poetic elements in the same way as above, we get:
Often he caught red fish from the rapid river
That came from the mountains
Looming in the distance
And then flowed towards the ocean.
The difference, I feel, is that I don't repeat myself, or explain anything that doesn't need to be explained, and there is a progression in the narrative -- we actually go somewhere with it, even if it is tangent to what you might expect the focus to be. It's not just describing the same thing in slightly different ways, but building up a picture of the scene by progressive detail adding, and giving a sense of narrative by "following" the river from source to ocean. And giving a hint about the narrator's worldview in the way the mountains are described and the river is personified. Without just throwing in random proper nouns like that's supposed to be meaningful for the actual real-world audience reading it.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-04 11:55 am (UTC)We're on a boat
The water is fast
Flowing north
Through the plains
From the mountains
To the sea.
And then Eragon and the elves are like "but... that's not poetry?"
"Yes it is, you ignorant elfcentric idiots, it's Dwarven poetry."
no subject
Date: 2019-03-04 11:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-05 12:15 am (UTC)Nice shade of green.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-05 12:26 am (UTC)‘Oh dear. Won’t that be rather messy?’
no subject
Date: 2019-03-06 03:11 am (UTC)The water is fast.
(We're on a boat)
Flowing north
(We're on boat)
Through the plains
Take a good hard look because were on a motherfucking boat!
no subject
Date: 2019-03-06 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-01 09:36 am (UTC)... Taking this further in the vein of "I'm re-writing this", I'd have Saphira turn around and say "well, they can shove off, we're at WAR here, and if they don't like it, they can answer to me."
Whether Arya does so, believing kick-starting Erg's training as an ad-hoc teacher would help in the long run, and risking her heavily experienced position as diplomat, would be weighed up in her head off-screen. Either way, I'd have Oromis agree with Arya teaching on the road, and, if she did teach him, request that she kept her position.
... Sorry for the rambling. I got a bit rambly, didn't, I?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-04 11:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-01 08:41 pm (UTC)The sword itself tempts man to violence. It is a weapon conceived and constructed for one purpose alone: to kill. Spears are derived from hunting weapons, axes from tools, daggers from knives and all can be used for that purpose, however less effective they might be than purpose built equivalents. But swords? They were, from the first, made for the sole purpose of killing. Carrying one around on your hip signals this. It says that you are not just prepared for and capable of violence, but that you expect it and are unafraid to resort to it first. And, carrying a sword means that you will be tempted to use it for its intended purpose.
Yet the sword cannot - must not - be the first recourse, though it need always remain as an option of last resort. And so we name our blades as a warning. Eragon, the founder of our order, named his sword Tyrfing. In the Ancient Language it means something like "burns like resinous pine" - the human tongue is a rather clunky thing - and was intended as a reminder to him that, though the flame of war can burn bright and hot, it burns quick and leaves naught but ashes in the end. Thus we name our swords in a similar manner so as to remind ourselves of the consequences of drawing them.
- An Introduction to the Riders for Humans Book IV, Chapter XVII, Paragraph I-II
no subject
Date: 2019-03-10 02:09 am (UTC)I could easily see a good man naming his sword misery. If you use a sword for its intended purpose that's all it will cause.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-11 09:07 am (UTC)Ha! That's a great name!
Precisely. Even "Brisingr" could work in this sense. Fire can be a symbol of all consuming destruction, and it's also a prominent form of destruction in war. Naming a sword "Fire" would be a good reminder of the consequences of drawing the sword in anger.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-23 03:36 pm (UTC)First broken image:
Second broken image:
An "erne" is an eagle, most specfically a white-tailed eagle.